Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: U.S. PRIMARIES AND CAUCUSES

May 26, 2016 2:18 AM - Season 3, Episode 13

This week....

• Protests rock Venezuela as their economy continues to deteriorate due to low oil prices.
• Canada Prime Ministar Justin Trudeau hits a very minor scandal, "Elbowgate," due to his pushing his way through a crowd of people in the House of Commons.
• And Now: John McLaughlin Angrily Introduces Discussion Topics.
• Main story: Primaries and Caucuses, the means by which the Democratic and Republican candidates get chosen, which is far from proportional to public will.
• And Now: Increasingly Weird Bell Ringers at the New York Stock Exchange
• Chechnya leader Ramzan Kadyrov, widely considered to be a brutal strongman and who idolizes Putin, has completely lost his cat. LWT launches a campaign to find Kadyrov's cat before anyone suffers for it. Follow-up on Huffington Post.

Venezuela: "AKA North South America"
Canada: "What you'd get if America and Britain had a baby they abandoned in the snow"
Donald Trump: "America's walking, talking brush fire."
Hillary Clinton: "The woman who exhibits either too much, or too little, of every human quality depending on who you ask."
Chechnya: "That place that, when it shows up in text at the beginning of an action movie scene, promises that shit is about to go down."
Kadyrov: "Like a can of Monster energy drink come to life."

The messages to send to Kadyrov on Twitter or Instagram, at @rkadyrov: "I have seen your cat", "I have not seen your cat", or, if you're not sure, a photo with the words "Is this your cat?"

BTW, who else is surprised that not only is McLaughlin still alive, but still has his PBS show? YOUR ANSWER, MORTON KONDRACKE!

Last Week Tonight is off for a week. Bye-bye!

posted by JHarris (8 comments total)

Is this a post where I would need a tinfoil virtual reality helmet to understand ?
posted by y2karl at 5:24 AM on May 26, 2016

I guess Oliver has some big fans over at the RNC.

NYT: Reeling From 2016 Chaos, G.O.P. Mulls Overhaul of Primaries
posted by paper chromatographologist at 5:48 AM on May 26, 2016

Wow, Kadyrov's Instagram reply is amazing:

Recently my “tiger cat” has left the house. It happens in spring from time to time. He also needs to meet with friends, mingle and share news. By cat rumors he has in our district a familiar she-cat with which he’s going to start a family. I’m sure that after spring affairs, the cat will return to native walls. Perhaps, he'll bring his sweet love with him. I got used to share with my friends in Instagram with all news, including cat issues. And this time I didn't want to leave as a secret the cat's adventures. I receive lots of photos. Some people say that they saw the cat in Vladivostok, Japan, Iceland, New Zealand, and even in the Oval Office of the White House! I am grateful to all, but this is NOT my cat. It became known that even the American TV channel “HBO” joined to search. The anchorman comedian - John Oliver asks millions of viewers to look for a cat. I knew long ago that in the USA unevenly breathe to my younger friends. One day horses aren't allowed to jump, the other - a cat is a real star of a show. Oliver laments a fact that we put on t-shirts with a photo of the President of Russia - Vladimir Putin. Yes, millions of people rejoice t-shirts with the image of the national leader. For this purpose, there is a good motivation. Vladimir Vladimirovich is a wise, courageous, resolute Head, who managed to withstand unfriendly campaign, which is conducted by the USA and its assistants. Thanks to Putin, we have crushed terrorists among whom there were also citizens of the USA, and European citizens. The country directed by Obama under the guise of peacekeeping operations spark new wars and bloody internal conflicts, in which die millions of people. Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Syria... That's why there is nothing surprising that Oliver also got a wish to appear publicly in a T-shirt with an image of Putin, but not Obama. #Kadyrov #Russia #Chechnya #USA #HBO #Oliver #findkadyrovscat #Ihavenotseenyourcat #IHAVESEENYOURCAT

Was that last hashtag a threat? "I HAVE SEEN YOUR CAT. I HAVE SEEN YOU. I KNOW WHERE YOUR CAT IS NOW. I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW. #STAYVIGILANT"
posted by filthy light thief at 7:08 AM on May 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

("One day horses aren't allowed to jump" will be my post-hardcore band name)
posted by filthy light thief at 7:08 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

British Milhouse.
posted by Justinian at 8:30 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

YOUR ANSWER, MORTON KONDRACKE!

My very first thought when I saw that segment was What number am I thinking of!
posted by hobgadling at 8:52 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

oh my god that clip!

and now I'm sad that 2 out of 5 of those people are no longer with us
posted by numaner at 12:56 PM on May 26, 2016

How Is This Not A Thing? (Web Exclusive) (they are off this week)
posted by Gary at 11:38 PM on May 29, 2016 [1 favorite]