Glee: We Built This Glee Club
March 13, 2015 10:20 PM - Season 6, Episode 11 - Subscribe

It's time for sectionals! And the same old shenanigans that happen every sectionals! Though this year's do involve more animals and cannon fodder, so there's that.

Two plots tonight: (a) what will Rachel do next (I don't care, I'm sure she'll succeed either way) and (b) who will win sectionals and SAVE THE ENTIRE ARTS PROGRAM?

As for Rachel: Jesse St. James is in town again and reveals that he got cast in the same show she did and wouldn't it be awesome for them to star together? Yes, yes it would. They sing "Listen To Your Heart" and it is just beautiful. Those two obviously enjoy singing together so dang much in and out of character, it is adorable. Kurt muses that most people don't get to go back to the same crossroads one year later and choose again. So Rachel chooses NYADA. Whatever. I kinda feel sad for Jesse though, but they do kiss again, so there's that.

On to the New Dalton Directions: Spencer and Roderick can't dance, and Spencer sprains his ankle. Whatever will they do? A cortisone shot? This problem is rapidly drowned out in a HAIL OF FUCKING BOMBS (glitter, piano, and car) AND FOOD POISONING (in the water supply) that Sue delivers to all of McKinley. Why doesn't anyone arrest this woman? Why is she not in jail? Dear Ryan Murphy, I like Jane Lynch and all but this character NEEDS TO GO TO JAIL. It could be a spinoff, like "Orange Is The New American Horror Story." Will's brutal retaliation is to shave Sue's head, but she likes being Lex Luthor for five minutes before getting new hair. Will, you are sad. Sue also drags in Vocal Adrenaline to watch old footage of Nazis in the locker room, which really pisses Beiste off. FINALLY SOMEONE KICKS HER THE HELL OUT OF SCHOOL for that one.

And now we're at sectionals, with the usual panel of judges being completely random unsuitable unhappy people who hate singing, and Rod Remington. (I don't mind him as a judge, actually, he seems semi-appropriate.) Oh, except one of the judges is a dog this year. Why does Ryan Murphy think this is funny? Also unfunny at this point: this year's third school does vocational ornithology or something and they are called the Falconers and sing "Broken Wings" with birds.

If we had the ability to take a poll here, I'd take a poll right now of which third school was the most fucking insane of all of them: the reform school, the deaf school (actually, that one was pretty cool), the elderly, or the birds.

Vocal Adrenaline, Sue Sylvester-style, involves breakaway costumes that go from fancy to SWEATSUITS. Oh, Sue. Rachel watches this and gasps like they flashed actual crotch or something. I'm pretty sure they didn't. There are also bouncy legs (is this what happened to Artie's Rewalk?) and YES, PEOPLE WERE FIRED OUT OF CANNONS.

New Directions is slightly less insane. Their "Take Me To Church" is quite lovely when led by Roderick--also, watching this with closed captioning finally pointed out to me how bizarre the plot of this song is. But "Chandelier" with (a) Spencer swinging on one, looking like shiny pointy bits are going up his crotch* and (b) Myron in a nude bodysuit running through the audience and humping a judge's chair? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NO. Look, I love the Nude Erections as much as the other last standing Glee dorks, but if I were one of the judges I would have voted no on that alone even if the singing was lovely. And hoo boy, did they have an incest twins moment on the stage that makes me wonder if those actors are dating IRL or something.

* okay, technically this does solve the "not dancing with crutches" problem, but then there he is in the next song attempting to dance while on crutches.

Judge's meeting! Let's quote Donna the judge:
"These groups cannot be worse than the last time."
"You gonna point a cannon at me? Hell no. And what is up with this bird school?"
In order to vote, Rod scours the depths of his soul. I'm sure it's a short trip.

Oh, look, it's Scarlet Fever Guy, dressed as a waffle for no good reason whatsoever. How art the peon fallen.

So this is the one time when New Directions might just lose, seeing as one way or another there are not enough episodes for them to even take the road to regionals this year. Which means that SUE LOST. MUAHAHAHAHAH HATE LOCKER THAT. Sue later tries to retcon it all as a giant scheme to destroy Vocal Adrenaline from the inside so that New Directions wins, but fuck you, Sue, because "Why did you want the glee club to spend an entire day projectile-vomiting?"

In other news, the 2-hour finale appears to be a giant clip show.

Well, that was a middle-ish episode...singing's lovely, but could have used a lot less tween boy humping.
posted by jenfullmoon (4 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Y'know, that description might actually make me watch Glee again.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:06 PM on March 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

Watching the newbies perform makes me think of what seasons 4 and 5 could have been. They're interesting (or, at the very least, aren't copies of the old New Directions), sing well, and have some group chemistry. But I'm almost glad this truncated season doesn't give the writers enough time to go in depth on these new characters, because that always leads to storylines with actual moving moments undermined when they end in ridiculousness and/or offensiveness.

Looking back on the series as it nears its end, I find myself thinking about what could have been for every season, and how disappointed I am that Glee squandered so much potential.

Anyway, Sue finally shooting someone out of a cannon is an excellent callback.
posted by rebooter at 11:05 PM on March 14, 2015 [2 favorites]

"Come Sail Away" made me think of Christopher Cross's "Sailing" and then made me sad that they never did a Yacht Rock themed episode...

Alternatively, an very special episode exploring the works of Randy Newman.
posted by drezdn at 11:31 AM on March 15, 2015

What I wanted to happen in that scene where Sue tries to claim she did it all to HELP the New Directions:

Sue, "What, no 'thank you'?"

Mr. Shue: "Actually, Sue, I'm wearing a wire. And seeing as you just confessed to several major felonies, arguably including attempted murder, I'm just happy knowing you're about to go to prison for the rest of your life."

(Cue uniformed cops arresting Sue and dragging her off to rot in a padded cell.)
posted by dnash at 11:17 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]

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