Last Man on Earth: The Dunk The Skunk
March 23, 2015 9:16 AM - Season 1, Episode 5 - Subscribe
Phil tries to wheedle his wife and Melissa into letting him have sex with Melissa. Meanwhile, another dude is speeding his way towards Tucson.
The episode starts out with Melissa and Carol being BFF's because they have no choice, and Carol telling the lovely story of how Phil said he wouldn't bang her if she was the last woman on Earth. Two days later, he changed his tune! Melissa praises Phil for sticking to his marriage and cheaters can go to hell. AWKWARD.
Phil goes down to O'Rozco's to talk about how the male balls should be impregnating each other. For the good of humanity. "I gotta play this real careful. Nothing crazy." So he goes to Melissa's and hedges the hell around this conversation, mentioning Rosa Parks and wearing white after Labor Day as a fudgey way of discussing if she's open to change. Later he goes to Carol and starts crying and bringing up the subject of impregnating Melissa.
"Do you want our babies to have sex with each other?"
"I'm going to have to have sex with Melissa!"
Such crocodile tears.
"Our babies need other babies to have sex with. That's just parenting 101."
This totally neglects mentioning that the kids are going to have to have sex with their half-siblings instead of their full on siblings, but whatever, PHIL'S GOTS TO GET LAID WITH THE LAST HOTTIE ON EARTH, DAMMIT. He then blows his argument by claiming Melissa is all for it and is horny, which leads to Carol and Melissa having an offscreen fight I would have liked to have seen and everyone being mad at him for demanding sex and ruining their friendship.
Note that Phil and Carol are wearing red, white, and blue at the same time today. Interesting.
To make it up to the girls, Phil sets up a "Dunk the Skunk" dunk tank party in which they can get their righteous vengeance upon him. Phil only ends up dunking himself accidentally a lot while yelling, "You can't stay mad at me forever, I'm the last man on Earth!" *cough* Neither lady is interested in dunking the skunk and would rather read by flashback or knit a scarf (in Tucson?).
Eventually Melissa goes over to Carol's and tells her, "Carol, the only thing I"m horny for is your friendship" and "The last two women on Earth can't be fighting." They eventually negotiate (again, off screen) and concur that yes, Phil will need to impregnate Melissa too. They lay out rules--only three days a month, three boinkings a day, no touching after impregnation. Fine, fine!
Carol brings gorap (not gorp) to keep Phil's energy up, and he claims he'll just punch in and punch out. He's also washed his genitals (OH GOD HELP ME, I WANNA BARF JUST THINKING OF THIS) and shaved his chest...and lit up a fancy bed and gotten a guitar and chocolates and fireworks so he can nail Melissa. She is unappreciative.
However, SOMEONE is appreciative of those fireworks...that guy driving in sunglasses at night (seriously, the man cannot possibly see in this world doing that) finally sees where he's supposed to be going. He arrives to break up the potential sexing. He's a nice fat guy named Todd.
*sigh* God, Phil's awful. The ladies are good in this episode and I appreciate their fighting for their friendship and making negotiations in this situation. But Phil....UGH. He washed his genitals for her and had such a nice sex time served up for Melissa...like she's not going to mention that to Carol or anything? Ugh.
The episode starts out with Melissa and Carol being BFF's because they have no choice, and Carol telling the lovely story of how Phil said he wouldn't bang her if she was the last woman on Earth. Two days later, he changed his tune! Melissa praises Phil for sticking to his marriage and cheaters can go to hell. AWKWARD.
Phil goes down to O'Rozco's to talk about how the male balls should be impregnating each other. For the good of humanity. "I gotta play this real careful. Nothing crazy." So he goes to Melissa's and hedges the hell around this conversation, mentioning Rosa Parks and wearing white after Labor Day as a fudgey way of discussing if she's open to change. Later he goes to Carol and starts crying and bringing up the subject of impregnating Melissa.
"Do you want our babies to have sex with each other?"
"I'm going to have to have sex with Melissa!"
Such crocodile tears.
"Our babies need other babies to have sex with. That's just parenting 101."
This totally neglects mentioning that the kids are going to have to have sex with their half-siblings instead of their full on siblings, but whatever, PHIL'S GOTS TO GET LAID WITH THE LAST HOTTIE ON EARTH, DAMMIT. He then blows his argument by claiming Melissa is all for it and is horny, which leads to Carol and Melissa having an offscreen fight I would have liked to have seen and everyone being mad at him for demanding sex and ruining their friendship.
Note that Phil and Carol are wearing red, white, and blue at the same time today. Interesting.
To make it up to the girls, Phil sets up a "Dunk the Skunk" dunk tank party in which they can get their righteous vengeance upon him. Phil only ends up dunking himself accidentally a lot while yelling, "You can't stay mad at me forever, I'm the last man on Earth!" *cough* Neither lady is interested in dunking the skunk and would rather read by flashback or knit a scarf (in Tucson?).
Eventually Melissa goes over to Carol's and tells her, "Carol, the only thing I"m horny for is your friendship" and "The last two women on Earth can't be fighting." They eventually negotiate (again, off screen) and concur that yes, Phil will need to impregnate Melissa too. They lay out rules--only three days a month, three boinkings a day, no touching after impregnation. Fine, fine!
Carol brings gorap (not gorp) to keep Phil's energy up, and he claims he'll just punch in and punch out. He's also washed his genitals (OH GOD HELP ME, I WANNA BARF JUST THINKING OF THIS) and shaved his chest...and lit up a fancy bed and gotten a guitar and chocolates and fireworks so he can nail Melissa. She is unappreciative.
However, SOMEONE is appreciative of those fireworks...that guy driving in sunglasses at night (seriously, the man cannot possibly see in this world doing that) finally sees where he's supposed to be going. He arrives to break up the potential sexing. He's a nice fat guy named Todd.
*sigh* God, Phil's awful. The ladies are good in this episode and I appreciate their fighting for their friendship and making negotiations in this situation. But Phil....UGH. He washed his genitals for her and had such a nice sex time served up for Melissa...like she's not going to mention that to Carol or anything? Ugh.
The only way this episode was redeemed was that it was followed by the next.
This pairing of episodes every few episodes is odd - was there some reason the prior two episodes weren't paired? I didn't watch these on TV, so I'm oblivious to the actual show schedules.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:20 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
This pairing of episodes every few episodes is odd - was there some reason the prior two episodes weren't paired? I didn't watch these on TV, so I'm oblivious to the actual show schedules.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:20 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Aside from premieres I thought shows paired up episodes to when there are cancellation concerns. But anyway, same old same old.
posted by cashman at 10:57 AM on March 23, 2015
posted by cashman at 10:57 AM on March 23, 2015
This pairing of episodes every few episodes is odd - was there some reason the prior two episodes weren't paired?
Because if they hadn't paired up this one with the next, I wouldn't have bothered watching the next one because Phil has just been too much of an asshole and the idea of a guy who wears sunglasses when there is literally no one left to impress and is named Todd of all fucking things being redemptive makes no sense.
posted by Etrigan at 11:58 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because if they hadn't paired up this one with the next, I wouldn't have bothered watching the next one because Phil has just been too much of an asshole and the idea of a guy who wears sunglasses when there is literally no one left to impress and is named Todd of all fucking things being redemptive makes no sense.
posted by Etrigan at 11:58 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
So is this show just going to be a terrible person doing terrible things they ought to be embarrassed by thing now?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:28 PM on March 23, 2015
posted by DirtyOldTown at 2:28 PM on March 23, 2015
I almost quit this series with his fake crying. I'm painwatching it now.
posted by Catblack at 3:04 PM on March 23, 2015
posted by Catblack at 3:04 PM on March 23, 2015
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posted by mochapickle at 9:35 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]