Last Man on Earth: She Drives Me Crazy
March 29, 2015 9:45 PM - Season 1, Episode 7 - Subscribe

Phil is not getting over his sex shutout any time soon, y'all. Also, that song is playing over and over again.

This one starts out with the song and Phil's dream life in which he bangs Melissa. ARGHHHHHHHHHH. Then he wakes up (alone) to hear that song playing. Hey, wait, what? Phil goes back to his dream and Todd threesomes in. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Phil is shitting in the pool again when Carol (with her nose plugged) yells at him that it reeks and to stop that. Carol poops in "various mid-range hotels," incidentally. Carol slept through that song due to her sleep apnea machine. That still works? "Maybe Melissa and Todd were having a little jamba jamba," she says.

Phil goes over to Todd to ask what was going on. Do you really want to know, Phil? Todd says nothing is going on. But bro to bro...last two bros....yeah, they had sex. And now that song is their sex song! Todd's never had a sex song before! He can't stop giggling! Melissa comes over to retrive Todd for a....thing....a project he already started on.... Phil faceplants in the margarita pool and screams. The audience wishes they could do the same.

At dinner with the T-rex head, Carol only wants to talk about the poop pool or Melissa doin' it with Todd. Carol points out that since Phil is the president of the United States, he can do something about it. So Phil starts a Town Hall meeting for their forming community, with a Grievance Board. Todd keeps getting pinched by Melissa during this. The theoretical example Phil gives is whether or not to ban ice cream (Does ice cream still exist here? Hasn't it all melted?), and then he gets to the rigid sex restrictions so they can be "family friendly." This doesn't go well. Everyone votes that Phil should clean out his toilet pool. "How's that for rocking the boat?" Melissa says, and leaves.

Phil cleans his pool. Phil must have no nose, incidentally. I don't want to watch this. He falls in. Phil cries. Melissa approaches. She wants to talk. "Mind if I change into something that has a little less poo on it?" She apologizes for the sex song and says she was being insensitive, given his feelings. Phil continues to act like he meant that for Carol--she tells him to drop the act and be a real person. Phil cannot focus on anything beyond how much he wanted to bang Melissa. If Todd wasn't here... but Todd is here. Uh-oh, I think Phil's going to murder Todd.

Okay, he doesn't kill him, he just ditches him by the side of the road, drives away, and then pulls over and screams and honks his horn. Todd just stands there and waits patiently for Phil to back up again. Phil goes back and forth and back and forth and back and forth a LOT. Eventually he picks Todd back up again and Todd is all, this is your thinking place? Yeah, this is it. They head home.

Phil apologizes. Todd is all, what for? Just trust me, I'm sorry. Todd says he was thinking at the think spot that Phil is really nice. UM, WHAT? Todd, you are not only the nicest man on earth, you are a freaking saint. Or totally naive. Or both.

Phil goes back to pool cleaning. Later, he pulls out Carol's nose plugs and proves he cleaned the pool. "Look at you, you little pool cleaner, you. You must be pooped!" He's also gotten a Porta Potty. There is a Porta Potty song.

Okay, seriously, I am thisclose to saying "fuck this shit, I'm out." We'll see how I feel in a half hour.
posted by jenfullmoon 1 user marked this as a favorite
« Older The Good Wife: Undisclosed Rec...   |  Last Man on Earth: Mooovin' In... Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments