Jurassic World (2015)
June 11, 2015 7:12 PM - Subscribe

Twenty-two years after the events of Jurassic Park (1993), Isla Nublar now features a fully functioning dinosaur theme park, Jurassic World, as originally envisioned by John Hammond. After 10 years of operation and visitor rates declining, in order to fulfill a corporate mandate, a new attraction is created to re-spark visitor's interest, which backfires horribly.
posted by leotrotsky (118 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
THIS MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME OH MY GOD. I can die happy now.
posted by phunniemee at 8:58 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


If anyone is on the fence about seeing this because you expect it to be terrible, I will tell you that it was way, way, way better than I expected it to be, and the awesome parts were totally super awesome, and the movie is absolutely worth seeing, and Chris Pratt has a knife tantalizingly strapped to his butt for like the entire movie.

You will not regret seeing it.
posted by phunniemee at 9:01 PM on June 11, 2015 [8 favorites]


It was worse than I thought it would be. I knew going into it that it would be a dumb-fun-popcorn-summer-type blockbuster, but I wasn't expecting the tired gender cliches, product placement (Coke! Mercedes!), and straight up absurd plot points.

Shout out to Chris Pratt's biceps, though. He was fun to watch.

SPOILERS BELOW

Also, why was the worst death of the film Claire's assistant? That felt needlessly cruel and slightly misogynistic.
posted by too bad you're not me at 10:52 PM on June 11, 2015 [10 favorites]


It wasn't brilliant, but it was a heck of a lot of fun.

I really left the lack of practical effects, though, especially in the beginning, with the egg hatching, and then with the dying dinosaur. In the original, yeah, you knew it was a latex puppet raptor coming out of that egg, but you still felt it. And this, nope. Nothing. And the scene with Alan Grant and the sick triceratops - again, you felt it, and it was amazing, and all you felt here was Chris Pratt holding a green box.

But there was plenty of RAPTOR SQUAD, which is really what I went for. Chris and his girls and a motorcycle - that's all I wanted out of this movie, and I got a good few minutes of it. Aw yeah.

I also really liked the ankylosaurus fight, because I always loved ankylosaurus, and I loved seeing how they moved and how they fought.

But the thing that got me the most was the petting zoo, especially after the aviary was broken into. I kept on going "But the baby triceratops are okay, right? They're okay? They lose their saddles and go off and do triceratop things? THEY'RE GOING TO BE OKAY, RIGHT?"

(I did not go and immediately hug my Kota. But she is definitely getting some attention the next time I'm in the hackspace.)
posted by Katemonkey at 1:12 AM on June 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


again, you felt it, and it was amazing, and all you felt here was Chris Pratt holding a green box.

True, but you can't go into a fourth movie and expect it to have any of the heart of the original. In terms of Jurassic Park sequels, this was pretty fantastic.


I actually loved the blatant commercialism in the movie simply because it was so terrible. Just like at a real theme park. There was a Starbucks, a Margaritaville, the Samsung Innovation Center, there was even a fucking Pandora! And the movie opens with whatsherface giving a tour to some suits, and a little later we find out it'll be Verizon Wireless Presents The Indominus Rex, to much disheartened eyerolling from the guy from New Girl. The commercialism is horrible and blatant and cringey, just like real life.
posted by phunniemee at 6:26 AM on June 12, 2015 [19 favorites]


For anyone wondering, the big bad in the book The Lost World had chameleon-like cloaking ability, so that wasn't 100% out of left field.
posted by phunniemee at 6:27 AM on June 12, 2015


The original Jurassic Park is one of my all-time favorite movies. Jurassic World was good, quite well done for an action movie, but all the same it was still a conventional action movie, in many of the ways that JP was not, which is a big part of why I love JP.

Oh, yes, JW had totally awesome effects and wonderful action scenes. And if you're going to have an action hero, then by all means I more than approve of Chris Pratt in that role. But it's still a conventional hero role, he has a complicated past with the female lead, they get together in the end. And Claire doesn't seem particularly notable as a female action lead, a seemingly-competent-corporate-executive who goes into damsel-in-distress mode when things go wrong. Towards the end of the movie she gets out of that mode and does some useful things, but I figure for the 2010s that's kind of par for the course in action movies; modern audiences wouldn't accept a female lead who's 100% damsel-in-distress.

Contrast Drs. Grant and Sadler in JP. Sam Neill as Grant is decidedly not a conventional action hero, and Sadler, played by Laura Dern, is as much an expert in her field and as much of a hero as Grant. Sadler explicitly calls out Hammond on his sexism at one point. This in a movie that came out 22 years before JW. And there's no romantic plot in JP, nor does the movie need one. The closest we get is Malcolm's interest in Sadler; and that when Malcolm asks Grant about it, Grant implies that he and Sadler are together, but it's clear form the movie that that's not the case, Grant just lets Malcolm think it is because he finds Malcolm abrasive. In contrast, JW's romantic plot seems cliched.

I find the children more interesting in JP as well. Both movies involve two children, so it's natural to draw a comparison there, and I find the ones in JP more well-rounded and interesting characters (also note in JP, one of them a girl, shown to be quite competent in her own area of interest). The boys in JW were more formulaic. In fact, I find the main characters in JP overall to be interesting and engaging. Hammond in particular is interesting as something of a tragic figure, motivated not by money or power, but by a desire to bring wonder and joy to the world, only to see his dream go badly awry. There's really no comparable character in JW. The characters in JW are more thinly drawn and seem like the usual action movie characters I've seen a hundred times before. Pratt fills the action hero role better than many others who have taken it on, but he's still a conventional hero.

And the more interesting characters in JP allow for more quiet, character-building interludes between the action scenes than in JW. Or maybe it's the other way around: because JP has more quiet interludes, the characters are more well-rounded. Either way, JP is a better movie for it. I think it's The Lost World where Malcolm says something along the lines of "it's all 'ooh' and 'ahh' at first, then there's a lot of running and screaming," which has always seemed to me a tidy little summary of all the movies in the series. JW had a lot more running and screaming, and a lot less ooh and ahh, which I missed. (I think the repeated theme in JW of the park needing to always add newer, faster, scarier dinosaurs — "more teeth" — to keep the public engaged is also a meta-commentary on what the audience expects of the movies in the series.)

Don't get me wrong, I like JW a lot as an action movie. It was a lot of fun, better than most action movies. I liked that it rewards fans of the original JP with its many callbacks to the first movie. But ultimately it stays within the confines of its genre. JP went well beyond a mere action movie.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:28 AM on June 12, 2015 [19 favorites]


and Sadler, played by Laura Dern, is as much an expert in her field and as much of a hero as Grant. Sadler explicitly calls out Hammond on his sexism at one point.

It's actually Sattler but YES SHE IS SO AWESOME. I've been waiting for this movie for so long, and I maybe went a little crazy this week in pre-JW hype, but I was putting stuff on facebook pretty much all day every day about JP stuff. And how completely badass Ellie Sattler is.

The specific line you're referring to is after Samuel L. "hold on to your butts" Jackson leaves to go throw the main power switch conveniently located in another building across a big stretch of murder field. Sattler decides he's been gone too long, that something must have gone wrong, and starts prepping to go get the job done. (Her decision, her call, her taking 100% of the action and initiative.) Then Hammond is all "it really should be me because I'm a and you're a" and she just rolls her eyes and says, "look, we can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back," and plops a walkie talkie in his hands while he just gapes there stupidly. It's a great scene and she's such a great character.

She has a few other wonderful moments, like actually wanting to figure out why the triceratops is sick, and totally calling Hammond & co out on decorating with poisonous plants just because they look pretty. And of course the classic "dinosaur eats man...woman inherits the earth" line. She doesn't shy away from anything, she's thoughtful and smart and insightful, and she always jumps in to protect other people. And the movie just lets her do it without ever implying BUT GIRL OMG. Laura Dern's Sattler actually comes off way better imo than book Sattler. It's been a while since I read JP, but Crichton has a lousy habit of describing every one of his main female characters as "almost pretty, if not for her masculine features" and regularly referring to them being "surprisingly strong" for how petite they are or whatever. Nothing about Sattler was surprising, she just was completely awesome.

Jurassic Park came out when I was 8 and was my favorite movie, and Ellie was my favorite character by far. I completely idolized her. I used to consciously try to take my sunglasses off in the "holy crap a dinosaur" way she does in the jeep and every time I flipped a switch I thought of her in the electrical shed. She was so cool and I wanted to be her. It's really, really nice getting to look back on the character I loved so much as a kid and realizing that she was actually completely awesome and totally worthy of all the adoration I heaped on her.

Anyway, I completely agree with you that relative to JP, the characters in JW were all pretty boring and one dimensional, and the Claire character (running around in high heels the entire damn movie) was just totally lousy from a yay ladies of Jurassic Park perspective. Jurassic World isn't a movie about people, though. It's a movie about dinosaurs being scary and cool and on that point it did pretty ok.
posted by phunniemee at 7:57 AM on June 12, 2015 [27 favorites]


Verizon Wireless Presents The Indominus Rex

One's a Rapacious Predator devouring everything in its path, leaving behind a trail of suffering and torment

...and the other's a Dinosaur.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:58 AM on June 12, 2015 [13 favorites]


I've been using Chris Pratt's Raptor Army as a team name at trivia nights, etc for several months now so I was super pleased when we got to see Vincent D'Onofrio come in pretty early to talk the practical application of raptors in the actual army.

I also really enjoyed the conspiracy backplot that was going on with Henry Wu and InGen, because that sounds like a huge amount of fun. The implication that Wu created the Indominus Rex (i.e. let's take all the most murdery parts from other dinosaurs and make a new dinosaur and also give it camoflauge ) not for crowd appeasement but for military use opens up all kinds of new doors for people to get eaten in new and increasingly ridiculous ways in future sequels, and I would watch the hell out of all of them.
posted by phunniemee at 8:06 AM on June 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


Laura Dern's Sattler actually comes off way better imo than book Sattler. It's been a while since I read JP...

As long as we're going down that road — and hopefully this isn't too much of a derail from discussion of JW — I also thought that Lex in the movie was much better than Lex in the book. It's been a while since I read the book as well, but IIRC, book-Tim is about the same age as movie-Tim, but in the book Lex is his younger sister, maybe five or six. And in the book Tim gets both the dinosaur geek role and the computer "hacker" role. Leaving Lex to be just a whiny obnoxious brat, even before they all start getting chased by dinosaurs. By the time I was a third of the way through the book I found myself rooting for the dinosaurs to eat Lex. Needless to say I liked movie-Lex much much better.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:21 AM on June 12, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh god, book Lex is just awful. Book Lex is essentially the little kid in Jurassic World except with somehow even more crying.
posted by phunniemee at 8:32 AM on June 12, 2015


JP definitely had a better script in a lot of ways, for reasons that DevilsAdvocate and phunniemee point out above. Even though Chris Pratt's character (Owen Grady; it says something about the script that none of the character names stuck with me--"Owen Grady" sounds like someone who would be the first one eaten by the monster in one of Stephen King's lesser books) is mostly OK, I was left with a sneaking suspicion that he was meant to evoke Chris Kyle, and I was distracted by how much was cribbed from Aliens and Predator, especially the former when there are not one but two scenes in which the platoon of gun-toting security guards/mercs suddenly realize that they're way up Shit Creek sans paddle. (I will admit that they did a nice twist on the POV shots/biometrics flatlining when they gave the raptors headcams; there was one fleeting glimpse of a merc screaming from the POV of a raptor--you can't tell exactly what the raptor is doing below the camera's field of vision, but you can certainly guess. But, then again, that just reinforces how derivative of Aliens' scene of the lieutenant looking on in horror from his camera-feed video bank as his squad is torn apart this is.) Plus, of course, Vincent D'Onofrio (again, can't remember the character's name--can't even remember it being mentioned on screen) playing the role of Paul Reiser's Burke, only of course less oily and more menacing. And, on a minor note, casually throwing in projective holography as if it weren't that big of a thing was pretty distracting to me; I kept wondering if their last-minute rescue would involve being beamed up to a space station.

Which is not to say that I didn't like it, mind you. Yeah, shitloads of product placement, but at least they lampshaded a lot of it. In fact, for all of the tone-deafness regarding gender issues in the film, there were other trenchant critiques embedded: D'Onofrio's character pointing out that the exploitation of the dinos for military purposes wasn't some nefarious plot of his, but the ultimate endgame all along, and including a line or two about how the park's new owner made his money; said park owner not just being stupid WRT that and a few other things, but being so caught up in his own dream of being a badass combat chopper pilot that he fucked up the one decent chance they had of stopping Indominus before shit really got out of control; B.D. Wong's Dr. Henry Wu (the only returning character from the previous films) being almost contemptuous when he's telling the owner that he got exactly what he asked for. It ties in neatly with the theme of people demanding bigger and better thrills, and not being careful what they wish for. And speaking of whom, I was intrigued by Dr. Wu taking off with whatever ultra-secret project material that was suggested was much, much worse than even the havoc that was erupting on the island at that moment. My guess is that the next movie (and you know there will be one) will involve something like this.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:33 AM on June 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


So I want to know, what was everyone's favorite JP callback?

I was super psyched to know that Dr. Wu was returning for the movie, so I loved that (especially since he became jaded and evil and drunk with power which are, like, all the best qualities in a next movie's supervillain), but he wasn't my favorite.

For me, it had to be the banner on the floor of the old visitor's center. That was just so cool. I think I may have started clapping in the theater when that came on screen.

Hon. mention to Mr. DNA.
posted by phunniemee at 8:52 AM on June 12, 2015 [10 favorites]


Also, too, one advantage IMO that JW has over JP is the lack of Michael Crichton. Even before he descended into climate-change denialism, Crichton had that insufferable know-it-all-ness that a lot of doctors get WRT stuff that's way out of their bailiwick, and using Dr. Malcolm as the resident infodumper for the stuff that Crichton had read about chaos theory came off as clunky even then.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:04 AM on June 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Jurassic World was good, quite well done for an action movie, but all the same it was still a conventional action movie, in many of the ways that JP was not, which is a big part of why I love JP.

I hear this and agree that it's not the same. But more specifically, I felt like, more than Jurassic Park, World was much more a conventional disaster movie in the classic Irwin Allen blockbuster sense. And that's pretty great to me because I love well-done (or even just competently done) disaster movies. There's:

* all the boring set-up with various side characters having emotional arcs that we don't really spend enough time with to care but are so generic that you don't need to do so except most of the boring set-up happens at a fully functioning dinosaur theme park
* similarly, the tacked on love story is tacked on but since everything else is so generic, it works enough if you just roll with it
* it has an "all star but not quite" cast in that almost every speaking part more than 2 lines is somebody who you recognize from some place else but not a movie like this
* Chris Pratt is basically both the Paul Newman and Steve McQueen roles in The Towering Inferno with enough charisma and hotness to pull off both -- except he's not talking about cutting corners on electrical wiring, he's complaining about the treatment of and creation of genetically modified dinosaur clones
* a clueless rich guy who is not bad but just wants to make the world happier but not really worrying about the consequences (chaotic good)
* the actual bad guys are representatives of the Man (lawful evil) who can't see the Truth or blinded by thinking they are doing things for the greater good (neutral evil); they have hidden agendas whose subterfuge will totally fuck things up even worse than they already are at various key moments, and be killed by it.

Please note: I am a member of phunniemee's aforementioned "Chris Pratt's Raptor Army" and we did see the movie together as part of MetaFilter meet-up so all my opinions have certainly been shaped in part by exposure to her boundless enthusiasm.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:16 AM on June 12, 2015 [10 favorites]


So I want to know, what was everyone's favorite JP callback?

Oh, there were so many, it's hard to pick one. As you mention, the banner at the old visitor center. Mr. DNA. The night vision goggles. But my personal top pick might be the dilophosaurus hologram used to stall the raptor.

Also, not exactly a callback, but I love how Claire ripping into Computer Guy for his Jurassic Park t-shirt, saying it's in poor taste, clues the audience in to the fact that "Jurassic World" was likely a rebranding done largely to distance themselves from the Jurassic Park fiasco, without that being explicitly spelled out.

When we first see the old-school T. rex coming out of its paddock, was that actual footage spliced in from JP? I felt its exact look, its motion, its gait, even the background was more familiar than just what new effects designed to look like the old T. rex would be (and which we get with later shots of the T. rex during its fight).
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:25 AM on June 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


When we first see the old-school T. rex coming out of its paddock, was that actual footage spliced in from JP? I felt its exact look, its motion, its gait, even the background was more familiar than just what new effects designed to look like the old T. rex would be (and which we get with later shots of the T. rex during its fight).

I'm planning to go see it again next week and I'll make sure to watch for that more carefully.

It seemed to me like the t-rex moved slower in JW than in JP. JP t-rex was pretty speedy. JW t-rex seemed more lumbering. I watched a few Jurassic Park making-of and behind-the-scenes videos this week in prep, and one of the common complaints from paleontologists (backin 1993) was that the movie t-rex moved too fast, so I wondered if making the t-rex in JW move slower was intentional. Not that this is a movie that went for realism.

Oh, related, I loved the lampshading line from Wu to the owner guy explaining how the dinosaurs were toyed with to look like the dinosaurs we expect them to look like, to answer the no feathers/realism aspect.
posted by phunniemee at 9:41 AM on June 12, 2015 [8 favorites]


My favourite barely-seen callback?

Nerdy ops guy has an Ian Malcolm book on his console. Jeff Goldblum in a black shirt and leather pants is out-of-focus scenery in a lot of scenes.
posted by Katemonkey at 11:22 AM on June 12, 2015 [10 favorites]


Any report on exactly how much Lauren Lapkus is actually in the movie?
posted by kittensofthenight at 11:34 AM on June 12, 2015


Enough that you remember she's in the movie. She's in all the control room scenes being the person who repeats what important people say and she's got one little scene that's pretty amusing.
posted by phunniemee at 11:42 AM on June 12, 2015


Awesome, I'm in.

Thanks for yr enthusiasm phunniemee, now I'm getting excited to see it this afternoon.

I was worried after the AV Club kinda panned it.
posted by kittensofthenight at 11:49 AM on June 12, 2015


Maybe the AV Club is unaware that there are dinosaurs? Who eat people? And it's awesome? I don't understand.
posted by phunniemee at 11:59 AM on June 12, 2015 [10 favorites]


Honestly, my favorite surprise (other than the old banner on the floor) was Lauren Lupkus and Jake Johnson showing up when I didn't know that either of them were in it .
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:17 PM on June 12, 2015


I can understand where the abclub is coming from. I enjoyed the hell out of the movie, but it really doubled down on the silly escalations at the end, to the point it was completely ridiculous.

Great fun, but... Silly.
posted by coriolisdave at 2:18 PM on June 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, WRT JP, I remember enjoying the movie a lot, but thinking, "these characters are all kind of cardboard, let me read the book and see what they're REALLY like." Then being disappointed to find they're even more one-dimensional in the book.
posted by rikschell at 2:28 PM on June 12, 2015


So many migrant workers died making all those bling exhibit arenas. Also, why didn't we get to see some underwater carnage at the end? I wanted to be in some 3d Indominus blood clouding up the Mosasaurus tank.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:57 PM on June 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Mr DNA!

I liked it but did not love it. It was difficult at times to overlook the gender stuff (especially the heels, jesus) and the product placements (though Jake Johnson's Lowery had a good line or two about that), but then there was raptor clicker training and I don't know, I guess that's all I need in a movie.

The tyres on that JP Jeep should've been completely flat and dry rotted to the point of worthlessness, though.
posted by minsies at 9:15 AM on June 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


And that night vision headset powering right up was also a pretty big middle finger to the audience.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:31 AM on June 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


In The Lost World (book) the group comes upon a power shed at Site B where all the electrical components are made out of gold to resist corrosion, so all the computers, etc boot right up despite the years of wet and jungle growth around them.

I know that doesn't explain magically unflat tires or a set of night vision goggles, but I was kind of hoping it would be the case in JW and we'd get "this is a unix system, I know this" 2.0.
posted by phunniemee at 9:51 AM on June 13, 2015


I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by supermedusa at 11:20 AM on June 13, 2015


Honestly, my favorite surprise (other than the old banner on the floor) was Lauren Lupkus and Jake Johnson showing up when I didn't know that either of them were in it

My biggest surprise was learning after two hours and change that Jake Johnson is not David Krumholtz.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:27 PM on June 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


The movie really won me over when they came upon the original visitor's center. Also are pterosaur murder flocks just a daily annoyance in the rest of the world now that they've broken containment? I like to think so.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:01 PM on June 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


SPOILERS



At the end, when Beth asks Owen what they should do now, I was hoping Owen would tell her that they should all get lawyers. That company is going to get sued into another dimension.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 11:17 PM on June 13, 2015 [9 favorites]


Also, maybe some of the characters should have learned a thing or two about locking doors. That would have gone a long way towards not getting eaten.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 11:18 PM on June 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


I was of two minds about it: it was very well-executed, blandly-scripted movie product with a bunch of winning performances.

Chris Pratt has top billing, but the starring role belongs to the new Giant Dinosaur. And the movie, like the dinosaur, the movie is a hodge-podge of little bits of other things the creators thought might be cool, with little regard of how it all might work together.

Jurassic World
comprises, of course, huge amounts of Jurassic Park: not just the setting and backstory, of course, but the numerous meta- references (was there a movie before JP which showed you a gift shop full of retail merchandise that was also available at your local Toys 'R Us?). In both JP and JW, half the dialogue could have been taken verbatim from production meetings -- here we have Claire telling us that Indominus Rex's name was chosen because when you are creating a new dinosaur, it helps to have a name that four-year-olds can say, Lowery kvetching that the original Jurassic park did need hybrid dinosaurs to be exciting, and the repeated assertions that audiences don't find mere dinosaurs exciting any more.

Of course, the helpless commander watching the POV of his troops and their flatlining lifesigns is borrowed from Aliens, Bryce Dallas "I'm not Jessica Chastain" Howard's character seems to be every eighties movie's corporate ice queen with unfortunate Reagan-era gender politics to match, and of course, King Kong leaves its giant non-opposable thumb prints all over every movie where giant animals are put to commercial exhibition.

The weirdest bit of borrowing from other movies is what is associated with straight-to-video sequels where one minor character is retained to give things a continuity. BD Wong is a fine actor, but it is puzzling to see his one scene in a movie that came out 22 years ago be the connective tissue to the rest of the franchise. I think he has about eight lines in Jurassic Park; I would be surprised if he has much more than that here. It is a shame to see him become Nedry Jr.

I am certain the scene of the raptor pausing to investigate the dilophosaurus is a slight variation of something I have seen before -- fleeing protagonists activate an image of a creature to distract a pursuing creature -- but I cannot place it and TVTropes is drawing a blank for me.

JW scoured its source material so thoroughly that there seem to be references to the deep cuts of some of them: the moment where a mighty taloned foot lands in view with a mighty crash (only to be a close-up of a pigeon or something) seems to evoke a discarded opening for Alien: Resurrection, and the infamous teaser for the 1998 Godzilla gets echoed twice, once with the trailer-friendly shot of Mosasaurus gulping down a great white shark in a single bite and an aside with the Chekhov's Gun T. Rex crashing through a spinosaurus skeleton (that'd be your Jaws and The Lost World digs, respectively).
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:46 AM on June 14, 2015 [4 favorites]


I am certain the scene of the raptor pausing to investigate the dilophosaurus is a slight variation of something I have seen before -- fleeing protagonists activate an image of a creature to distract a pursuing creature

Star Trek First Context where the TNG doctor deploys the emergency medical hologram (ie the doctor off the Star Trek Voyager series) to distract and delay the Borg when they break into the sickbay?
posted by biffa at 11:28 AM on June 14, 2015 [7 favorites]


I am starting to think that I have to limit my intake of these movies -- where spectacle is the thing you go for -- because I am starting to become a giant asshole after the fact.

I do have some issues because, using a wheelchair, going to the movies is like, now you've stood all day let's stand some more, and so now with movies I have this attitude that is hard to shake, which is, I'm not extremely comfortable so my mind doesn't drift off to whatever if the movie bores me; I just start getting angry at the boredom of the movie.

The dinosaurs were very cool to look at. But it felt like a cobbled together series of set pieces /giant fish thing (good)/ wooden characters, wooden dialogue, giant plot holes, references back to previous movies and then/ indomitable almost eats children (yay except he doesn't actually eat them) and then this completely nonsensical *owen is the alpha raptor* *oh except they almost eat him when he falls in the pit* *oh now they are hunting the other thing and ignoring the humans* *now they are completely unfuckingly unbelievably communicating with the giant things and now the tides are turned*

So I went last night and then afterwards the thirteen year old boy I was with was all excited and exclaiming how it was better than Mad Max: Fury Road and I'm like *YOU ARE WRONG. MAD MAX: FURY ROAD WAS THE BEST MOVIE AND JW WAS 80% STUPID AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA* and the car goes silent.

So, I need to limit my intake of these big dumb shows. I really don't why I descend into this cloud of irritability and needing point out every plot hole and BY THE WAY WHAT ABOUT THIS OTHER STUPID THING AND IF BY IMPLICATION YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE STUPIDITY THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU.

I mean, it's a good thing I'm in therapy, but I don't think that another x years on the couch is going to make me a better movie goer. I was this way with Interstellar, Prometheus, and God knows what else. Afterwards I'm just this black cloud shitting on other people's fun.

So uh don't go if you have that mindset, I guess.
posted by angrycat at 1:22 PM on June 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


Just back, and it was glorious.

JW is a very self-aware great big sloppy love-in and callout to the original JP. I got a strong vibe that in this sequel to the movie (not the book) the other sequels never happened, which is just fine. Wu continued his work, Hammond found someone who could be trusted to carry out his vision a little more responsibly, InGen never got liquidated, and the park is not only open, it's been open since 1995. There's no sense of wonder because, in this world, simply having dinosaurs running around is no longer sense of wonder material.

JW knows it's ridiculous and winks at its own ridiculousness in nearly every scene. Owen is so badass even the other characters remark on it on-screen. Aunt Claire morphs from bean counting lawyer aunt to Lara Croft in about an hour, heels and all. (Yes Claire's heels are ridiculous. The show knows the heels are ridiculous, which is why Owen says so on screen. Is Claire turning into Indiana Jones with those heels any more ridiculous than an island of theme-park dinosaurs though? Really?) And of course the plot is driven by ridiculous coincidences and miraculously starting 20-year-old cars.

The reason for making another movie is obvious enough; the tech for putting dinos on the big screen is better now than it's ever been. but it's like they knew they couldn't improve on the original story, so rather than do a reboot and pretend JP never happened they just lampshaded the entire movie and asked us to laugh with them instead of at them for not being Laura Dern and Sam Neill. Worked for me.
posted by Bringer Tom at 1:46 PM on June 14, 2015 [6 favorites]


They really need more Verizon cell towers on that island. Also, don't clone meat eating dinos.

Some company will make a fortune selling heels you can wear in the jungle.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:32 PM on June 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


The raptors and the Indominus rex *purr* to each other when they are communicating. Like cats, as in the movie's mouse/cat metaphor. So silly. Giggled maniacally throughout most of it. Very clever using our own nostalgia of the old movies, subverting our feelings about the raptors. Completely ridiculous, and completely fun.
posted by typewriter at 3:37 PM on June 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


HOW DOES THIS PARK KEEP GETTING INSURANCE???
posted by Jacqueline at 3:50 PM on June 14, 2015 [12 favorites]


Via money from those high heels a woman can wear anywhere!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:53 PM on June 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


It's basically an alternate reality where Action Park is the norm. I mean, those gyrocar hamster balls having independent control and not automatically returning to base when there is an alarm? Pure indemnity chaos in this universe.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:34 PM on June 14, 2015 [9 favorites]


Obviously the hamster balls have to force their riders to go home after some kind of time limit to make the car available for more riders. I chalked the movie behavior up to another software glitch, one which would be a perfect shout-out to JP, that the hamster balls didn't react as expected in the extreme edge case of a general park shutdown, and instead of returning home reverted to full indefinite manual control. Which could, in some situations, be the preferred behavior.
posted by Bringer Tom at 5:37 PM on June 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


This movie is a Samsung-branded pile of trash, but man did I have fun watching it. I wish I'd had some drinks first.

The biggest compliment I can pay it is that Giacchino's score, while incorporating some of Williams' iconic bits doesn't lean too heavily on them. The rest of the movie leans on a mishmash of the first movie, Aliens, and a few unused ideas from the books, which is fine. It's competently executed, which already kind of makes it better than Lost World or JP3.

"Can you hear yourself when you talk?" says Chris Pratt to Vincent D'Onofrio, but also what I was thinking every time ANYONE spoke. I'd bet the dinosaurs lines are dumb too if we could understand them.

My only complaint in terms of things that prevented enjoyment was the death of... Did we ever even learn the assistant's name? Her character arc was "on her cellphone" all the way to "gratuitously dino-murdered," and that particular dinomurder seemed a bit much.

Anyway, yeah, fun movie but dumber than a brontosaurus.
posted by sparkletone at 6:12 PM on June 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I found overall the movie had good parts but liking it boils down to whether nostalgia, Chris Pratt looking handsome, and cool CGI dinosaurs!!!!!1! are enough to carry it for you, because it's also got a plot entirely fueled by Checkov's dinos and explain-as-you go handwavey rules. In fact, the quest for nostalgia really hurt it for me, because they barely tried to explain things like how kids just fixed a 20+ year old car in an hour, tops, or why the T-Rex and Raptors are cool and the Indominus and Raptors are cool but the Indominus and T-Rex aren't cool, even though the Indominus has both Raptor and T-Rex DNA. I didn't have a bad time, but I think the weaker Marvel entries are on a similar level, and seeing enough of them has inured me to these kinds of faults.

I'd like more substance and less spectacle, and a rewind to 1993's JP on the gender representation, but I did really like the guy running away from the pterodactyls with a margarita in each hand.
posted by JauntyFedora at 6:22 PM on June 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Was the doomed assistant the only one with an iPhone? Guess I could torrent a cam pirate soon enough if I cared to scan for details.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:34 PM on June 14, 2015


I wish I'd had some drinks first.

I have just the theatre for you to see it in.
posted by Bringer Tom at 6:58 PM on June 14, 2015


Oh, the doomed assistant was named Zara. She was British.
posted by Bringer Tom at 7:07 PM on June 14, 2015


The only part of the movie where I spontaneously gasped and cheered was when the dinosaurs flew down and started picking out screaming tourists out of the crowd. "EAT THE RICH!" I shouted until my teenage children shushed me.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:54 PM on June 14, 2015 [13 favorites]


Of all of the unbelievable things packed into that movie, up there right at the top was the older of the two really boring white kids figuring out how to get a car working that had been sitting there inert for two decades. Like, what kind of super awesome gasoline did they outfit those jeeps with back in the 1990s that still works after twenty some years? Even if it would be possible to jump start the thing in the first place, that is.

The 'remember when we helped grandpa fix his Impala' line made it worse for me because I would have preferred to have believed the Jeep started through some Super Magickal Alien Intervention, or maybe The Ghost of Dennis Nedry animated the motors to atone for his being a wanker in the original movie.

Also, as soon as I left the theatre I ran right out and bought a Mercedes.
posted by MoonOrb at 10:24 PM on June 14, 2015 [10 favorites]


I have just the theatre for you to see it in.

Yeah. They have that kind of thing here. The theater I was at even has a bar in it, but oof, the prices.
posted by sparkletone at 1:35 AM on June 15, 2015


Man this was such a dumb movie.

It took Chris Pratt, America's most-loved action star, and made him into a sexist jerk. Meanwhile Bryce Dallas Howard learns...how to be a mom, I guess? Why does she like him? Because he's an alpha male? I don't mind if characters are thin, but I do mind when they're thin and regressive.

Jurassic World is the most unrealistic theme park ever created. Kids riding on baby dinosaurs? Safari 'balls' that you control? I get that a huge plot point of the series is that they don't really believe in 'safety', per se, but this is ridiculous.

There are no circumstances under which they would build a new park, and leave the old park to rot. None. It would be an attraction itself. Throw up a plaque with names on it, maybe a few explanations of how the old park works, bam.

The military applications of dinosaurs is the most eye-rolling villain idea in a long time. Yes, animals on the battlefield. It's why we still use elephants! What's most frustrating is that they didn't need it. They kept showing sidelong glances at what looked like a weather radar, with a storm approaching. Full park + natural disaster would have been a fantastic film.

I think the idea that dinosaurs have to be constantly upgraded to keep the public interested is really dumb too, but I think that's more about making sequel movies than making dinosaurs.
posted by graventy at 5:04 AM on June 15, 2015 [8 favorites]


So what you're saying is that this movie about living dinosaurs in the modern era was unrealistic on many levels. Huh.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:12 AM on June 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


Unrealistic in ways it didn't have to be, yes.

I did really enjoy the fact that Verizon Wireless featured heavily and there wasn't a single phone call that had good reception. That was realistic.
posted by graventy at 5:53 AM on June 15, 2015 [23 favorites]


Put real people in the unrealistic universe. So you have magical dinosaurs and you have two kids who don't really have magical Jeep saving powers and they get eaten.

And you can have a romantic thing going on that is not just like *huh they must have had fantastic sex that one time because otherwise ???*

Also the lady getting the t-rex didn't make me go lady you are doing a brave thing it made me go lady you should have been eaten in two seconds and what caused you to go crazy?

I am torn because I feel like I am shitting on people's enjoyment, but it's like gah it could be so much better why Hollywood why?
posted by angrycat at 9:12 AM on June 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


Also everybody applauded when the movie was over which made my gut clench with the lack of understanding of the applause. I love to applaud things. I love to love things. I have watched Alien and John Carpenter's The Thing like 2000 times. So I would love to applaud. I do not know why I am this growling weird old lady in the corner as people are clapping.
posted by angrycat at 9:15 AM on June 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


Also, I'm extremely disappointed that when the velociraptor stuck its head in the truck it didn't try to grab the steering wheel and drive. Even better would have been in they managed to fly that helicopter.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:27 AM on June 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


I do not know why I am this growling weird old lady in the corner as people are clapping.

It's ok not to like things. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I don't like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Everybody seems to like that movie. I can't stand it. I don't like that movie and that's ok. (Personally I thought it could use a few more velociraptors but hey, maybe that's why they don't me direct movies.)
posted by phunniemee at 9:30 AM on June 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


Velciraptors and cake make anything better!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:35 AM on June 15, 2015


Velociraptor Kane
Velociblanca
Raging Velociraptor
Gone with the Velociraptor
It's a Wonderful Velociraptor
E.V. The Extra Velociraptor
Mr Velociraptor Goes to Washington
The Velociraptor of Oz
The Shawshank Velociraptor
The Lord of the Velociraptors: Two Velociraptors
A Velociraptor Named Desire
12 Angry Velociraptors

Hmm, I see what you mean.
posted by phunniemee at 9:43 AM on June 15, 2015 [11 favorites]


I think this movie broke my record for 'number of times in a movie I realized I'd been sitting with my mouth agape for the past 15 seconds'. I really enjoyed it as a big dumb summer action movie, but acknowledge a lot of the nit picking as reasonable.

Also I'm usually not one to complain about the formulaicness of big dumb summer action movies, but I laughed that we got a preview for the new Terminator, in which Arnold plays the past villain now fighting against the new villain, who is also basically a better version of himself. Then the climax of Jurassic World is that they use the T-rex to fight the Indominus Rex.
posted by DynamiteToast at 10:00 AM on June 15, 2015 [5 favorites]


I do not know why I am this growling weird old lady in the corner as people are clapping.

Maybe you need a snack and a nap.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:04 AM on June 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


The audience also applauded when I went (which was admittedly only because the garage door repairman finished early and I fecked off work for the afternoon), which was also baffling. And scrubbing through the illegal rewatch, it's...not really worth looking at more than once (if that).
posted by Burhanistan at 10:10 AM on June 15, 2015


Then the climax of Jurassic World is that they use the T-rex to fight the Indominus Rex.

I actually think this works wonderfully, because it is both a call-back to Jurassic Park, and also a doubling down on the theme of both movies. To wit: mankind is playing with powers that it cannot possibly hope to control.

Jurassic Park ends with the heroes having made some smart decisions in the moment, but ultimately about to finally die to the main villains (the Velociraptors). Suddenly, the T-Rex lumbers in from out-of-frame and starts a fight that gives the heroes a chance to escape.

Jurassic World ends with the heroes having made some smart decisions in the moment, but ultimately about to finally die to the main villain (the Indominus Rex). Suddenly, the T-Rex is brought in to start a distraction, and that fight ends with the Mosasaur fulfilling the "death comes from off-camera" role.

What we see, at the end of it, is that none of the plans and none of the guns that the humans brought to bear were actually going to win it for them. It was only through luck that they stayed alive. Chris Pratt's character carries a gun the whole movie, but mirroring the game warden from first movie, it never really amounts to much in the face of the forces of nature he's been pitted against.
posted by tocts at 10:47 AM on June 15, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh right, I completely agree. I just wouldn't be surprised if the people who wrote/worked on JW watching it in theaters got annoyed at all by the Terminator preview possibly stealing their thunder a bit.
posted by DynamiteToast at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2015


I wholeheartedly agree that velociraptors would have improved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's probably also the case that Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry would have improved Jurassic World.
posted by MoonOrb at 11:09 AM on June 15, 2015


There was that whole CGI dinosaur seqeunce in Eternal Sunshine that you probably already had erased.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:27 AM on June 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


BTW I was looking for something I dropped so I missed this bit -- is it implied that the mom and dad were non-divorcing as a result of the disaster? Or is it strongly hinted at? My fellow movie-goers thought so.

Which could be a call back to Sam Neil seemingly ready to impregnate Laura Dern at the end of the first one, so that's something, I guess.
posted by angrycat at 4:42 PM on June 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


the Terminator preview possibly stealing their thunder a bit.

I hardly even noticed the Terminator preview because I saw the trailer for The Martian and was too busy making a mental note to myself that I needed to read that book, stat, which I then came home and did. I read a new book because of JW, so hey!
posted by phunniemee at 4:47 PM on June 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


It seemed to me like the t-rex moved slower in JW than in JP. JP t-rex was pretty speedy. JW t-rex seemed more lumbering. I watched a few Jurassic Park making-of and behind-the-scenes videos this week in prep, and one of the common complaints from paleontologists (backin 1993) was that the movie t-rex moved too fast, so I wondered if making the t-rex in JW move slower was intentional.

Aww, the poor guy's 20 years older than he used to be! Cut him some slack!


BTW I was looking for something I dropped so I missed this bit -- is it implied that the mom and dad were non-divorcing as a result of the disaster? Or is it strongly hinted at? My fellow movie-goers thought so.

I think the standard rule cited on AskMe is that if your kids are nearly eaten by dinosaurs, you have to put the divorce off at least six months?


I found the movie to be fun (mostly the CGI dinosaurs and the Jurassic Park callbacks), but yeah, the female characters were pretty bad. Can we get Michelle Rodriguez being a badass in JW2?
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 5:00 PM on June 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


Aww, the poor guy's 20 years older than he used to be! Cut him some slack!

She's a girl. All of the dinos are girls. So yeah, that observation about the female characters...
posted by Bringer Tom at 5:35 PM on June 15, 2015 [5 favorites]


She's a girl. All of the dinos are girls. So yeah, that observation about the female characters...

Thought #1: Well, oops...

Thought #2: Does that mean the part where the Indominus Rex and the velociraptors are communicating counts towards the Bechdel test?

Thought #3: The spellcheck in the Chrome browser thinks "velociraptors" should be "velocipedes".
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 7:22 PM on June 15, 2015 [2 favorites]


Does that mean the part where the Indominus Rex and the velociraptors are communicating counts towards the Bechdel test?

No, because they're talking about a man.
posted by Bringer Tom at 7:23 PM on June 15, 2015 [29 favorites]


because I saw the trailer for The Martian and was too busy making a mental note to myself that I needed to read that book

Saw The Martian premiere at my showing too. Looks like it's going to be awesome. Relevant XKCD.
posted by Bringer Tom at 7:27 PM on June 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


The trailer for The Martian was in front of my showing as well. I read the novel when it first came out and found it high-concept hokum, fitfully entertaining, trumpeting its technobabble while being right about its science maybe one time in three, and so very clearly intended to be a movie that it might as well have begun:
FADE IN

EXT:MARS ARES 3 LANDING SITE -- DAY
In other words, I think there is a fair-to-middling chance that Andy Weir is Michael Crichton doing an Andy Kaufman reveal.

The book wasn't great, and I gave it away a day after finishing it, but the Aquaman line did make me laugh out loud.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:10 PM on June 15, 2015


I don't understand the love. This was boring sexist claptrap and two hours of my life I'll never ever get back. It takes quite some effort to make Chris Pratt so uncharismatic but by golly they did it. My head hurts from rolling my eyes. I think my taste must be somewhat out of sync with this site generally... not the first time I've had the complete opposite reaction to a large majority of people here.
posted by prettypretty at 8:04 AM on June 16, 2015 [6 favorites]


No, you're fine. There was a lot of paint by numbers and boring tropes in the movie. But the dinos make up for a lot. Maybe I'm ok with it because a buddy and I were cracking jokes about stuff. The crowds stampending as the birds attacked did look like one of those all you can eat buffets!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:23 AM on June 16, 2015 [4 favorites]


I got a preview for a movie named Max about a dog (tagline: Best Friend. Hero. Marine.) and it looked terrible and it made me cry SO MUCH and it was making me angry. Also, I agree with prettypretty about how terrible all the non-dinosaur parts of JW were and Brandon Blatcher about how the dinosaur fights almost made up for it.
posted by amarynth at 1:11 PM on June 16, 2015


I didn't hate JW because my expectations were super super low and while it was still worse than I thought it was going to be I was entertained the whole time and felt a pleasant sense of nostalgia about the original JP which I recall being a complete and total awesome blockbuster popcorn movie experience, one that I can't remember if I've had since, come to think of it.
posted by MoonOrb at 2:08 PM on June 16, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh good. Thought i was going crazy there for a sec. Final dinosaur fight was cool, though, I'll give you that.
posted by prettypretty at 3:11 PM on June 16, 2015


Why does she like him?

Did you see those guns? Or dat ass? Or the eyes or basically anything else about him? He didn't even need to do anything.

I totally get the letdown in gender roles from the first movie. That said--it was Claire who thought to go get the T-Rex, not Biceps McHotterson. And that I'll Be Manly And Stay Behind moment "um, I have a boyfriend." Perfect. Gross that, yeah, dude expects to kiss the girl because she's, uh, there. Absolutely perfect rejoinder; maybe just maybe maybe a couple guys somewhere will see that and go "Oh hey waitasec, we're at work maybe I should be professional right now."

On to the rest...

I LOVED. THIS. MOVIE. Warts and all. (I loved JP warts and all even that ugh T-Rex attack and the giant wall continuity error arrrrgh 22 years later and it still drives me mental). I felt like the huge product placement stuff was deliberate commentary. I mean, there was going to be placement anyway--how else do movies of that size get funding--so may as well go all-out and use it to say something.

I want a hamster ball.

Dr Wu in the helicopter couldn't have telegraphed SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL more if they'd had it in flashing lights.

The one thing though. The thing that made me aaaaaaaaaaargh: "The next ferry will arrive in 45 minutes." Cut. EVERYONE IS GONE. Evacuating 20K guests and however many staff takes a little while, eh? D'Onofrio's character said cruise ships would be there in the morning to evac--the AWESOME DINOFIGHT took place at night.

Like, seriously, a 30 second montage of people boarding ships or someone saying "Did we get everyone?" or something. All you need. Instead major plot hole of everyone simply vanishing from the resort. Ugh.

That and like, okay raptors are badass and door-openy and razor claws and Indominus was what, twenty times their size? It was like sending four gerbils to take down a German Shepherd.

Other than that, I'm with phunniemee. It's a movie predicated on the idea that we can get enough intact dino-DNA to rebuild dinosaurs and make a theme park out of the whole deal. A leetle suspension of disbelief is called for.

Oh, and I took his "I'm the alpha" thing as brotastic posturing. He wants to think he's the alpha--that first scene in the pit (and, hello, no way is that pit big enough for four vicious apex predators) showed him conclusively that he wasn't.

And the only callbacks that I didn't see were Lex and her abject terror while holding up the spoon in the dining room, and slamming a door shut behind a raptor. Everything else, every two minutes I was like oh hey, flashback.

Think I'm gonna have to go see this again stoned out of my mind so I can just enjoy and not think about it. angrycat you are welcome to join! (the theatre I saw it in is one of those newfangled VIP dealies with the big seats and looked like it was expressly set up to accommodate people in wheelchairs, not just shoehorn in as an afterthought.)

And you can have a romantic thing going on that is not just like *huh they must have had fantastic sex that one time because otherwise ???

The thing is, so very many relationships start on the basis of--in their case--one good date and some mindblowing sex. Six weeks later is when people go "oh wait, you're a boring cardboard cutout of a person who happens to be oodles of fun naked."

Jurassic World is the most unrealistic theme park ever created. Kids riding on baby dinosaurs?

You are eight years old (which seems to be approximately prime Dino=Awesome age). Someone lets you know you can ride a Triceratops. Your parent(s) are going to hear nothing but "OMG OMG WANNA RIDE A DINOSAUR" from dawn to dusk.

Also, I feel like that was an amazing comment on Malcolm's diatribe over lunch in JP. You've made it and sold it and branded it and put it on a lunchbox. Total lack of understanding of what you're doing; they're just animals, let's make a petting zoo. Seems to be a pretty trenchant comment on the Western propensity towards commoditization, frankly. Perhaps if they'd had a bit of a lab sequence about creating dino-pets it would have been too much on the nose?

I think the idea that dinosaurs have to be constantly upgraded to keep the public interested is really dumb too, but I think that's more about making sequel movies than making dinosaurs.

Nah. That's about everything humans do. If we're going to keep doing the same thing (movies, books, TV shows, nachos, socks) they eventually have to go MOAR EXTREME to recapture an audience that's gotten used to the same old thing.

and also a doubling down on the theme of both movies. To wit: mankind is playing with powers that it cannot possibly hope to control

THIS. This is the theme of both Jurassic movies that have been made. You are spinning plates and they have their own minds ps the plates bite.

Also not hunting for the quote inthread--I don't think that Sattler and Grant weren't obviously together in JP. I have always thought that they were very very very obviously Together, as a partnership of absolute equals. Which is why Grant is like "well, yeah" when Malcolm does his thing, and doesn't say anything else--Sattler is her own person and can do what she likes in accordance with her own values.

And writing all this I'm realizing that if I ever have a daughter I'm going to show her JP as often as possible and keep pointing out Sattler and saying "fuck what anyone else says, you can be her in anything you choose to do."

It takes quite some effort to make Chris Pratt so uncharismatic

we saw totally different movies because he'd be charismatic reading a dishwasher repair manual

Our previews were: Ted 2 (fuck off and die), the Mars thing (yes), Minions (OH HELL TO THE FUCK YES), and Joseph Dreamboat-Levitt shirtless in.. something?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:33 PM on June 16, 2015 [10 favorites]


Like, seriously, a 30 second montage of people boarding ships or someone saying "Did we get everyone?" or something. All you need. Instead major plot hole of everyone simply vanishing from the resort. Ugh.

Hmm, even that would be pushing the boundaries of believability. My parents can't be the only people in the world who would pick the middle of a dinosaur-attack evacuation to stop for a good ol' squabble right when they were blocking a dozen other people's way...

Oh, and when the raptors and the Indominus Rex were first communicating, why did they start with bullets? Was the guy with the grenade launcher busy checking Facebook or something? I really feel like if you have a grenade launcher you start with the grenade launcher.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 10:36 PM on June 16, 2015 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: If you have a grenade launcher you start with the grenade launcher
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:42 PM on June 16, 2015 [11 favorites]


am certain the scene of the raptor pausing to investigate the dilophosaurus is a slight variation of something I have seen before -- fleeing protagonists activate an image of a creature to distract a pursuing creature -- but I cannot place it and TVTropes is drawing a blank for me.

Belatedly, in Jason X, they try to stop Space Jason by plunging him into a holographic Camp Crystal Lake where two nubile teenagers pull their shirts off and cry out "We love premarital sex," and then climb into sleeping bags.

Jason just uses one of the sleeping bags to beat the other sleeping bag, and then continues on his murderous mission, causing the person responsible for the hologram to say "Man, he's really good."

I don't know if that was the scene you meant, but I wanted to mention it because it is evidence of my theory that Jason X is a beautiful masterpiece.
posted by maxsparber at 9:16 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Jurassic Park: come for the dinosaurs, stay for the legitimately interesting characters and unexpected moments of awe, fun, and warmth.

Jurassic World: come for the dinosaurs, stay for the dinosaurs. And the JP throwbacks and like that one funny non-kiss scene.

First things first, I loved the dinosaurs. They were AWESOME. Well animated and enjoyable, and I like the new chompy pteranodons, and OMG I will pay someone a lot of dollars to let me into a baby dinosaur petting zoo RIGHT NOW. And honestly, loving the dinosaurs in this movie feels like it should be enough to make me want to see it again. But it's not.

In short, the characters were thin, cardboard cutouts. Which would have been alright except that JP did it much better two decades ago, and these cardboard cutouts were super sexist and distracting. I was so annoyed on Claire's behalf at the disrespect and sexism shown to her by her male colleagues and subordinates at work. (Seriously, we're supposed to believe that Owen is ex-military but whose response to the head of park ops asking him to do a job is to hit on her? And she does not call Owen out on this, but later reinforces him for it? Bullshit.) And god, the shade thrown Claire's way by her own damn sister for not having kids! First the movie shames her for having an intense job (managing a park with a multi-hundred-million dollar budget) and just not being able to take time off to hang out with her nephews, even though she clearly has put someone in charge of helping them and has set aside time to hang out with them despite having a busy weekend forced on her. And the way that she is generally ineffective (tee hee, let me tie my shirt, now I am ready for wilderness) and how she is slammed by the teenage boys (we just watched you straight up save Owen and shoot a pteranodon but can we stay with Owen?).

As an aside I got SUPER excited when Owen started using clickers but then was immediately disappointed by the lack of actual clicker training (i.e., click = reinforcement, not "I'm clicking so you pay attention to me"). They couldn't have just chatted with an animal trainer for like 10 minutes about how to do this? Grar. I was very amused by the park's comparison to SeaWorld, with the Mosasaur's "splash zone."

In conclusion I want the next movie (with Henry Wu as villain, naturally) to skip the militarization thing and focus instead entirely on Blackfish-y type "free the dinosaurs" people and Owen-type "no these genetically-modified dinosaurs were bred in isolation and captivity that is a very stupid idea" people.
posted by nicodine at 9:39 AM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


But, then again, that just reinforces how derivative of Aliens' scene of the lieutenant looking on in horror from his camera-feed video bank as his squad is torn apart this is.

Adding to this -- though AFAIK this goes back to the first movie -- a sound that's awful lot like a xenomorph scream is part of a raptor scream. It's like a regular xenomorph is screaming at you with a bass xenomorph for accompaniment.

I don't know if that was the scene you meant, but I wanted to mention it because it is evidence of my theory that Jason X is a beautiful masterpiece.

I have a PhD in Political Science and I assure you in my professional capacity as a Scientist that this is no mere theory but Certified and Proven Fact.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:29 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also it is a crying shame that the military dino conspiracy stuff didn't feature a conversation with someone whose nametag read WEYLAND or the computer "blueprint" of the dino-soldier didn't say CHIEF DESIGNER: W. YUTANI or even have MODEL LV-426.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:32 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


And then the dinosaurs ate the terrible parents and the dickhead brother, the younger brother was adopted by Owen, and Claire (after she got bored with shagging Owen) went on to travel the world and build a business empire and yield to no one's pressure to have kids.
posted by Pallas Athena at 3:28 AM on June 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Jurassic Park ends with the heroes having made some smart decisions in the moment, but ultimately about to finally die to the main villains (the Velociraptors). Suddenly, the T-Rex lumbers in from out-of-frame and starts a fight that gives the heroes a chance to escape.

In fairness, this is pretty much the plot of every Michael Crichton book ever. Small group of people get involved with technology which is beyond their control, they get isolated from the rest of humanity, things go wrong, a few people die, most of the main characters end up surviving not so much because they did anything right but just out of dumb luck.

BTW I was looking for something I dropped so I missed this bit -- is it implied that the mom and dad were non-divorcing as a result of the disaster? Or is it strongly hinted at?

I thought that was deliberately left open-ended, probably because they kind of wrote themselves into a corner with that one. Having the parents get back together in this era would be unrealistic; the children having been in mortal danger is unlikely to resolve whatever underlying issues the parents have with their marriage. (Even in 1993's Mrs. Doubtfire, the happy ending is not that Daniel and Miranda get back together, it's that they reach a mutual respect and work out a more even custody arrangement.) OTOH, making it clear that they were still divorcing would be a downer ending. So the writers couldn't resolve that either way.

But then it occurred to me that the kids in JW are bland and I really don't care whether the parents got back together or not.

Which could be a call back to Sam Neil seemingly ready to impregnate Laura Dern at the end of the first one

Huh? I didn't get this at all from JP. Am I missing some implied sarcasm here?
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:48 AM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Eh well hyperbole, I guess. Sam Neil hates kids at the beginning and then, through many travails, he ends up liking them.

Okay, about that Aliens callback:

The scene in Aliens (with all the screens) is scary as hell. We have connected emotionally with the sarge or whatever his title was in that scene where Sigourney is all "where do you want it" plus he was like the head of the spear in terms of the idea that the Marines could blow shit up and save the day.

Plus you had Hicks and Velasquez trapped in there, shooting live rounds that could blow up everything, and you see that happening through their screens.

When the captain's screen goes dark, there's then the new lieutenant freaking out and then Sigourney is a mother fucking bad ass for the first time in the movie and it is glorious.

In JW, a bunch of faceless marines or whatever are killed. These are not anybody the audience has connected with. Why should we care? Because Vincent D'Onofrio is upset?

AND BY THE WAY speaking of bad-assery, the idea that the female lead's heroism is leading the t-rex to fight the indomwhatever with a flare? That is bad-assery? It's more like she's high on coke, in terms of the solidity of that plan.

I mean, Ripley had that fucking huge ass marine car, so, you know, she had a plan of sorts.
posted by angrycat at 10:31 AM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Does that mean the part where the Indominus Rex and the velociraptors are communicating counts towards the Bechdel test?

While I was watching them chattering I was so annoyed that there weren't subtitles.

I'm curious to see where they'll go with the sequels since it's unlikely that the theme park can open again. Wonder how the producers will avoid going down the same roads as The Lost World and Jurassic Park III. Dinosaurs in space?
posted by fuse theorem at 12:18 PM on June 19, 2015


Dinosaurs in space?

That would be stupid. They need to go college first and learn aeronautics and piloting planes before pulling the space shuttles out of mothballs and launching towards the Moon to fight the Decepticons.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:21 PM on June 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


the sarge or whatever his title

If the Colonial Marines use real-Marines ranks, Apone is a gunnery sergeant.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:11 PM on June 19, 2015


I'm curious to see where they'll go with the sequels since it's unlikely that the theme park can open again. Wonder how the producers will avoid going down the same roads as The Lost World and Jurassic Park III. Dinosaurs in space?

They pretty much have to, they've escalated their titles too far too fast going from Park to World.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:44 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Jurassicstan.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:08 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


D'Onofrio's character said cruise ships would be there in the morning to evac--the AWESOME DINOFIGHT took place at night.

I don't know the exact phrasing but D'Onofrio's line about the cruise ships the next morning was not about evacuation, but getting back to normal. It was him being boastful that his plan would work. Like, "This plan is fucking solid, everything in the park will be back to normal in an hour and the tourists showing up tomorrow morning will have no idea how crazy things were today." And then later he got eaten.

I liked this movie overall. The CGI effects are better, and the practical effects are just as good. They still should have used more of the practicals though, the opening egg hatch being a good example. Everything else is not as good as the original, but I mean come on that's really not a fair bar to set that movie is so so great. The younger kid was exceptionally annoying and lacking depth, and I think supposed to be on the Autism spectrum but they didn't want to say that?

I liked the straightforward line, "You're boyfriend's a badass" and was honestly expecting a followup after Claire gets the T. Rex where the kid says "You're a badass" to his aunt. I thought she was a proper action badass and deserved that simple credit too. Not that it would make this movie as progressive as the last one, but I really thought something like that line was coming and then it never did.

Here's my weird question for this movie: Was BD Wong wearing some kind of weird underwear/codpiece? In every shot where you could see his full person he had oddly visible bunching going on down there, both in front and back. I have no idea why that stuck out to me, but every time he was on screen that's all I could notice.
posted by dogwalker at 8:11 PM on June 19, 2015


Eh well hyperbole, I guess. Sam Neil hates kids at the beginning and then, through many travails, he ends up liking them.

This should have been carried through so that while Neill was working it out Laura Dern's character arc was figuring out from the dinosaur that she could impregnate herself without the need for male intervention.
posted by biffa at 4:50 AM on June 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


#prattkeeping is a thing now. And I completely approve.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 6:35 AM on June 20, 2015 [2 favorites]


The otters one is especially good. The pigs (?) one actually looks scarier than the velociraptors.
posted by biffa at 6:43 AM on June 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


Boars? A pig one is near the beginning and doesn't look that bad.
posted by stoneegg21 at 6:33 PM on June 20, 2015


Just saw this tonight! I loved it. Dinosaurs! Chris Pratt! Mortal peril! I really don't need anything more than this to enjoy a summer blockbuster, especially one with so many callbacks to the first movie, which I love more than life.

I don't have much to add that others haven't said better. But I did want to note that this:

Which could be a call back to Sam Neil seemingly ready to impregnate Laura Dern at the end of the first one

... is a not at all unrealistic character arc for the original film. In fact, after seeing that movie, I too would have happily signed up to impregnate Laura Dern. If I were not, you know, female.

But you never know, right? LIFE FINDS A WAY!
posted by kythuen at 8:11 PM on June 27, 2015 [1 favorite]


I just came back from seeing JW for the second time, and this time I paid closer attention to a few of the questions brought up above:

1. When we first see the old-school T. rex coming out of its paddock, was that actual footage spliced in from JP?

No, I'm about 96% sure it was all brand new.

2. Was BD Wong wearing some kind of weird underwear/codpiece?

Thank you for making me fixedly stare at BD Wong's crotch. I noticed, during my intense staring, that when the camera shifts to Irfan Khan in that scene it catches him glancing down at BD's crotch area several times, too. My theory is that this is simply the fault of the costumers not knowing how to dress a short man with a booty. I once dated a short, bootylicious man, and this is how all of his slim-fit slacks looked.


Another observation is that there are at least two sightings of Ian Malcolm's God Creates Dinosaurs book. One is sitting on the New Girl guy's desk. The other is being read by Zara on the monorail. Yay!
posted by phunniemee at 6:49 PM on June 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oh, and then after the movie we went to grab food, and when we walked into the place we caught the end of the Lost World playing on the TV. Immediately after the Lost World? Jurassic Park III. It's like they knew we were coming.
posted by phunniemee at 6:50 PM on June 28, 2015


I saw this over the weekend and was initially traumatized/exhausted from spending an evening clenching my jaw (as I get older, I have less and less tolerance for high-stress moments where kids might die). But I can't stop thinking about it? And I want to go see it again, alone, so I can really soak it all in? So I think it was effective in going to some dark place that I wouldn't mind revisiting after all.

Also spent the rest of the weekend arguing with my partner that the genetically modified dinosaurs were, in fact, the most realistic elements of the movie. That was all that seemed reasonable to me. Everything else demanded more and more extreme suspension of disbelief--the stiletto heels (keep her in dress shoes if they must, but couldn't they give her a wedge?!), the dialogue, the refugee camp, the cancellation (postponement, really) of the divorce, the little brother's emotional swings...everything in the human dimension is completely ridiculous. But dinosaur-wise, it all checks out with me.
posted by witchen at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2015


Does that mean the part where the Indominus Rex and the velociraptors are communicating counts towards the Bechdel test?

No, but Claire calling out Karen for using their mom's lines does.
posted by radwolf76 at 6:55 PM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have many thoughts about this film:

1. NEEDS MOAR FEATHERS

2. This whole movie is due to Chris Pratt (sure, his character has a name. Technically) failing as an animal keeper. The cage beeps "no heat signal" for all of thirty seconds, and you're ready to climb in the cage to look around pointlessly? No! No! You don't do that! You stay in the observation booth!

3. Who is responsible for staffing in this theme park? You have THE ONLY DINOSAURS IN THE PLANET at the most EXCLUSIVE AND AMAZING park, and those are the ride attendants / security guards you end up with? Oh no. The whole park staff should be nothing but one Chris Pratt after another: the best of the frikken best.

4. SERIOUSLY, where are the feathers? You have this constant need to impress visitors with new things, and feathers never crosses your mind? WAY safer than hybrid monsters.

5. It nearly broke my heart when the velociraptors died, saving Chris Pratt. They deserved better. :-(

6. I really want the next movie to be Chris Pratt, Jeff Goldblum, and a bunch of velociraptors traveling around together, and... I don't know, fight dinosaur crime or something.
posted by meese at 10:38 PM on July 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


They explicitly addressed the feather thing. There's a line about them trying it and going back because the feathers freaked people out and they liked the ~classic~ look better.

Following on from that, juicing things up by adding something no one likes is... Nonsensical even by this movie's standards.

The movie's got a load of problems but they did at least address that particular nerd complaint.
posted by sparkletone at 10:50 PM on July 14, 2015


I'm not complaining about the lack of feathers as some form of inaccuracy. I'm just pining for them. Pining! Clearly something is wrong with whatever opinion polling they're doing, because feathers are awesome.
posted by meese at 10:14 AM on July 15, 2015


Just saw this with my son. I'm tending toward phunniemee in that I thought it was a fun bunch of noise and 'splosions.

When Zara picked up the Angsty Teen and the Young One, I turned to Jack and said "Can those older two get eaten first?" Gads, so annoying, but of course; they're self-absorbed teens, they're supposed to be annoying. I did think her death was a bit drawn-out, but the fact that it was so long and outrageous made me think that when the monosaurus[?] fell back in and caused the big wave, Zara would be deposited at their feet by the wave. "Wow, that was something! We better find Claire!" Nope. So such luck.

Then. They follow the raptors to the Big Bad, who they know they have to kill. Hey, there he is, standing still. Put an RPG into his head and we'll go have some burgers. No, instead let's watch the five of them catch up a bit before we dispatch them. Let them say their goodbyes. What could go wrong?
posted by chazlarson at 8:18 PM on July 20, 2015


I did really like the guy running away from the pterodactyls with a margarita in each hand.
According to IMDB, that's Jimmy Buffett.
posted by chazlarson at 8:46 PM on July 20, 2015 [4 favorites]


According to IMDB, that's Jimmy Buffett.

Just last night I made a silly sporcle quiz that is just slightly relevant.
posted by phunniemee at 9:02 PM on July 20, 2015


What an expensive B-Movie! But fun, in a B movie way. Seriously some parts could've been straight out of 1956 (homage I guess, Claire gets into a few Faye Wray poses with the T-Rex) Noted that it's by the writers of the Planet a of the Apes reboot movies ..which are all ...fine. They're fine, with clever touches. They're clearly aware of thier genre and history.

Thoughts

-Pratt is wasted, he looked like he was trying not to laugh the entire movie. Any squarejaw could've done that part.

-Vince D'F really aged well into that burly frame didn't he? Score one for actors better looking near 60 then 20.

- BD Wong's SINISTER TURTLENECK

- Raptors don't make sense but I don't care? I wanted more Leader Of the Raptor Pack! That's so bonkers you shod have more of it

-also wanted more of the park's facilities and attractions, it seemed like we where in the jungle way too easily.

-Techie Crew kinda stole every scene they where in.

- man the CGI in this movie was kinda? Bad? Not great. Although the lighting was weirdly Douglas Sirk in points.

It was fun, I enjoyed the entire 4.99 I spent to watch it on my TV. Could've been funnier, maybe Grey would've been better played by a girl? But in Jurassic Park tradition I was not annoyed by th kids. Better than 2, not as goofy fun as 3. Better than expected.
posted by The Whelk at 1:13 AM on November 8, 2015


This is the kind of movie that makes me eternally grateful for my local library, because I didn't have to spend a penny to watch this garbage. Nonsensical plot, terrible one-liners, no sense of physical presence on the dinos, ridiculously over-the-top manufactured killer lizard because each sequel has to have an antagonist even more big and bad than the previous. Somehow they even managed to dampen Chris Pratt's charm which I had previously thought impossible.

It's strange that they had this much time to figure out what made Jurassic Park such a killer movie from top to bottom and then threw it all away, turned towards the sequels, and said, "Now that's what I want!"
posted by komara at 8:23 AM on April 22, 2016 [2 favorites]


After hearing so many good things, I was very disappointed that after the first hour this turned into a horror movie rather than the action-adventure I thought I was watching.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:38 PM on May 12, 2016


First comment in this thread in over a year coming in hot with a cold, cold take: this shit is bad. komara nails it: crap dialogue, rubbish CGI, tissue-thin plot.... Usually these are the ingredients for a romp of a B movie, but this left me bored and restless. JP is great fun, and has aged well in most respects: this film should know better (especially in the sexism dept., it's just some outrageous nonsense) and still manages to massively disappoint.

Did they ever make more? If so I hadn't noticed.
posted by Chichibio at 4:22 PM on June 27


Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will be crashing into your common sense in about a year!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:11 AM on June 28


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