Empire: Be True
October 22, 2015 7:00 AM - Season 2, Episode 5 - Subscribe
Lyon Dynasty folks are the targets of various crimes, including theft and kidnapping. Laura is not interested in getting down with Hakeem. Jamal has relationship drama. Andre gets baptized. Lucious continues to be on the Flashback Train To Hell. Cookie is fine for now, thank you.
Team Lucious: It's all good for Lucious, as that corpse and its "suicide" (har) just ruined the whole case and Roxanne Ford has taken a "leave of absence." So much for her being a fierce scary badass. Lucious has also signed Freda Gatz to Gutter Life (the old/new label) and put Andre in as president of it. I'm not at all impressed by Freda's voice and daddy issues, but Lucious sure is. He cites them as a reason to go to Andre's baptism when he previously refused to go (thou shalt not have any other gods besides me, sayeth the devil, har har), but then he has flashbacks to his mother trying to drown him in a bathtub and walks out of the church. I...kinda can't blame him for that bit.
Lucious has also hired Tricky as the new Vernon to do his dirty work, like get someone (Andre declines, so some random thugs are gotten) to steal the Lyon Dynasty Music Collection. However, that doesn't go well.
Team Andre (Rhonda doesn't get a lot to do this week beyond go to church and not get laid): Good news: Andre's back at Empire and the president of a label! (Even though he hates the sound of it.) And he wants to get baptized, but the reverend requires him to confess his sins and then invite family. Those that he confesses to (i.e. the dudes in the family, Cookie declines to hear any of it, and rightly so) are not thrilled, but then again, everyone shows up anyway. Though Lucious takes a little powder towards the end. Oh yeah, and Andre tells off Thirsty for asking him to steal LD's tunes.
Andre does tell Lucious he nearly offed himself in the studio, but Lucious is all, there is no god, just man up. Oh yeah, and when Andre hugs his dad and says he loves him, Lucious says, "I know you do." THAT IS FUCKING COLD. If anyone ever does Lucious in, I think Andre's gonna be the most justified suspect.
Team Cookie: Cookie's hiring a new concert promoter, Mr. Delgado, who says he's the only one who will stick around. This is because Lyon Dynasty is being targeted for various things, such as Tiana getting mugged in the building and having her purse sorted through in a shitty online video. If you suspect Cookie will eventually boink Mr. Delgado, you are probably right. The two of them also foil Tricky's thugs who try to steal their tunes. Yes, they're both packing.
Is Porsha fired? She should be, but somehow the girl brings in a dog NAMED WHOOPTY WOO, SWEAR TO GOD and now she's on probation.
Cookie attempts to ask Lucious about killing Bunkie, which ends with Lucious sayin "No, I did not kill Vernon." So there you go.
Team Vernon: Nobody wants his ashes, but Cookie ends up with them anyway.
Team Anika: Not even in this episode, which is probably all for the best. Tricky notes that "Anita Calhoun" never did work for Lyon Dynasty, right? But that's about it.
Team Jamal: Jamal is now working with Ne-Yo, which I deeply enjoy during this episode. Jamal is flip-flopping on whether or not to bring his boyfriend on tour--he decided yes, then Lucious said no, then Jamal said no, then got offended that Jamal wants to cheat...wah wah wah. Ne-Yo advises him to bring the dude--and really, do you want to take romantic advice from Lucious of all people? No, you do not.
That damn creepy artist is still around being creepy and pretty much announces himself as being into polyamory and why would gays want to deal with the hetero institution of marriage. The artist attempts to go down on Jamal while they are in a house of mirrors(!) and Jamal brutally says NO to that as Michael walks in...so why the fuck does Michael let the same skeeze give him a blow job at a party later?! Jamal threatens to throw the dude off a building, but it's Becky who punches the creep in the face on his way out. GO BECKY.
Despite his misgivings about church and wondering if the reverend hates him, Jamal comes to church anyway.
Team Hakeem: Hakeem comes up on new girl Laura from behind and asks her, "you feeling me?" She is, and girl is NOT DOWN WITH THAT. She says she's not one of those girls, causing those girls nearest to her to be all, "She talking about us?" "Sounded like it."
Hakeem continues to use some brains in this episode, pointing out to Confessionandre that his little stunt at Ghetto Ass last season could have gotten Jamal killed. But he forgives Andre anyway. He also nicely apologizes to Laura (though he does stalk her down the street a bit) and gets out of his car and offers her his car and driver to go wherever, he'll catch a cab. He respects her for not getting down like that and not caring about money or fame so much as making people happy.
This would all be great for Hakeem had he not been straight up abducted in the park while running at the end of the episode. Shiiiiiit.
How long does the World Series go?
Quote Corner!
* "Andre, nice to see you without a shovel." -Tricky
* "He's like that with all the girls." -Tiana to Laura about Hakeem
* "If snitches don't kill themselves, somebody else will." -Cookie
* "Ready to get Gutter with us?" --Becky.
* "Your house ain't clean if your closets are dirty." -Reverend
* "My family don't go to church unless somebody's in the casket." -Andre
* "Relationships are the death of creativity." -the pretentious artist
* Also notable: Michael doesn't know what heteronormativity is and Jamal defines it as "who's the man and who's the woman?" "He's adorable," sez the artist at that.
* "The streets are watching, Cookie, and they're counting your money." -Delgado.
* "Speaking of confessions...I'm not wearing any underwear." --Rhonda
* "This must be really liberating for you, Lucious, having no damn morals." -Cookie.
* "And here I thought we made nice digging in the dirt." --Thirsty to a ticked Andre
* "You going on tour with Ne-Yo? Jesus do love you, I don't care what the Bible says." -Becky
* "I don't know why I let you up in here. Don't slash any more of my artwork." --Jamal to Hakeem
* "I won't ever push up on you again. I swear!" -Hakeem to Laura. HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA LAST? I say two episodes and that's because he'll be out of commission for at least one of 'em.
* "We've both done horrible things. But we are good people. You wouldn't be here trying to make it right if you weren't. God knows your heart. Now keep your mouth shut. I don't need to know what you did and neither does anyone else." --Cookie to Andre.
* "We support each other, even if we don't believe in each other." -Jamal
* "That devil walk in here, this whole place catch fire....Mention the devil's name and he will walk right in." --Cookie on Lucious at church.
* "God help us all." -Jamal on Lucious at church.
* "I think I seen some angels running for cover." -Hakeem, same subject
* "And for your information, I don't ever, ever quit." -Lucious
Fashion Corner: Loving Cookie's multicolored skirt and jacket this week. Not loving Lucious in old man cardigans. Hakeem cleans up nicely in a suit.
Team Lucious: It's all good for Lucious, as that corpse and its "suicide" (har) just ruined the whole case and Roxanne Ford has taken a "leave of absence." So much for her being a fierce scary badass. Lucious has also signed Freda Gatz to Gutter Life (the old/new label) and put Andre in as president of it. I'm not at all impressed by Freda's voice and daddy issues, but Lucious sure is. He cites them as a reason to go to Andre's baptism when he previously refused to go (thou shalt not have any other gods besides me, sayeth the devil, har har), but then he has flashbacks to his mother trying to drown him in a bathtub and walks out of the church. I...kinda can't blame him for that bit.
Lucious has also hired Tricky as the new Vernon to do his dirty work, like get someone (Andre declines, so some random thugs are gotten) to steal the Lyon Dynasty Music Collection. However, that doesn't go well.
Team Andre (Rhonda doesn't get a lot to do this week beyond go to church and not get laid): Good news: Andre's back at Empire and the president of a label! (Even though he hates the sound of it.) And he wants to get baptized, but the reverend requires him to confess his sins and then invite family. Those that he confesses to (i.e. the dudes in the family, Cookie declines to hear any of it, and rightly so) are not thrilled, but then again, everyone shows up anyway. Though Lucious takes a little powder towards the end. Oh yeah, and Andre tells off Thirsty for asking him to steal LD's tunes.
Andre does tell Lucious he nearly offed himself in the studio, but Lucious is all, there is no god, just man up. Oh yeah, and when Andre hugs his dad and says he loves him, Lucious says, "I know you do." THAT IS FUCKING COLD. If anyone ever does Lucious in, I think Andre's gonna be the most justified suspect.
Team Cookie: Cookie's hiring a new concert promoter, Mr. Delgado, who says he's the only one who will stick around. This is because Lyon Dynasty is being targeted for various things, such as Tiana getting mugged in the building and having her purse sorted through in a shitty online video. If you suspect Cookie will eventually boink Mr. Delgado, you are probably right. The two of them also foil Tricky's thugs who try to steal their tunes. Yes, they're both packing.
Is Porsha fired? She should be, but somehow the girl brings in a dog NAMED WHOOPTY WOO, SWEAR TO GOD and now she's on probation.
Cookie attempts to ask Lucious about killing Bunkie, which ends with Lucious sayin "No, I did not kill Vernon." So there you go.
Team Vernon: Nobody wants his ashes, but Cookie ends up with them anyway.
Team Anika: Not even in this episode, which is probably all for the best. Tricky notes that "Anita Calhoun" never did work for Lyon Dynasty, right? But that's about it.
Team Jamal: Jamal is now working with Ne-Yo, which I deeply enjoy during this episode. Jamal is flip-flopping on whether or not to bring his boyfriend on tour--he decided yes, then Lucious said no, then Jamal said no, then got offended that Jamal wants to cheat...wah wah wah. Ne-Yo advises him to bring the dude--and really, do you want to take romantic advice from Lucious of all people? No, you do not.
That damn creepy artist is still around being creepy and pretty much announces himself as being into polyamory and why would gays want to deal with the hetero institution of marriage. The artist attempts to go down on Jamal while they are in a house of mirrors(!) and Jamal brutally says NO to that as Michael walks in...so why the fuck does Michael let the same skeeze give him a blow job at a party later?! Jamal threatens to throw the dude off a building, but it's Becky who punches the creep in the face on his way out. GO BECKY.
Despite his misgivings about church and wondering if the reverend hates him, Jamal comes to church anyway.
Team Hakeem: Hakeem comes up on new girl Laura from behind and asks her, "you feeling me?" She is, and girl is NOT DOWN WITH THAT. She says she's not one of those girls, causing those girls nearest to her to be all, "She talking about us?" "Sounded like it."
Hakeem continues to use some brains in this episode, pointing out to Confessionandre that his little stunt at Ghetto Ass last season could have gotten Jamal killed. But he forgives Andre anyway. He also nicely apologizes to Laura (though he does stalk her down the street a bit) and gets out of his car and offers her his car and driver to go wherever, he'll catch a cab. He respects her for not getting down like that and not caring about money or fame so much as making people happy.
This would all be great for Hakeem had he not been straight up abducted in the park while running at the end of the episode. Shiiiiiit.
How long does the World Series go?
Quote Corner!
* "Andre, nice to see you without a shovel." -Tricky
* "He's like that with all the girls." -Tiana to Laura about Hakeem
* "If snitches don't kill themselves, somebody else will." -Cookie
* "Ready to get Gutter with us?" --Becky.
* "Your house ain't clean if your closets are dirty." -Reverend
* "My family don't go to church unless somebody's in the casket." -Andre
* "Relationships are the death of creativity." -the pretentious artist
* Also notable: Michael doesn't know what heteronormativity is and Jamal defines it as "who's the man and who's the woman?" "He's adorable," sez the artist at that.
* "The streets are watching, Cookie, and they're counting your money." -Delgado.
* "Speaking of confessions...I'm not wearing any underwear." --Rhonda
* "This must be really liberating for you, Lucious, having no damn morals." -Cookie.
* "And here I thought we made nice digging in the dirt." --Thirsty to a ticked Andre
* "You going on tour with Ne-Yo? Jesus do love you, I don't care what the Bible says." -Becky
* "I don't know why I let you up in here. Don't slash any more of my artwork." --Jamal to Hakeem
* "I won't ever push up on you again. I swear!" -Hakeem to Laura. HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA LAST? I say two episodes and that's because he'll be out of commission for at least one of 'em.
* "We've both done horrible things. But we are good people. You wouldn't be here trying to make it right if you weren't. God knows your heart. Now keep your mouth shut. I don't need to know what you did and neither does anyone else." --Cookie to Andre.
* "We support each other, even if we don't believe in each other." -Jamal
* "That devil walk in here, this whole place catch fire....Mention the devil's name and he will walk right in." --Cookie on Lucious at church.
* "God help us all." -Jamal on Lucious at church.
* "I think I seen some angels running for cover." -Hakeem, same subject
* "And for your information, I don't ever, ever quit." -Lucious
Fashion Corner: Loving Cookie's multicolored skirt and jacket this week. Not loving Lucious in old man cardigans. Hakeem cleans up nicely in a suit.
(Also also, your Empire writeups are my favorites, jenfullmoon. Thank you.)
posted by mon-ma-tron at 5:47 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mon-ma-tron at 5:47 PM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have to agree. I have three must-reads when it comes to episode post-mortems of my beloved, insane show: TLo, Gabby Sidibe (Becky) at EW.com, and Jenfullmoon. You rock at this.
Also, my own little Cookie, who is almost as fabulous and definitely as much trouble as her namesake, but in a kitten way and with a lower fashion budget--although as a tuxie she does sport some hot white go-go boots--came over to lick my face while I was writing this. I take that as a signal of her agreement.
posted by Superplin at 8:25 PM on October 22, 2015
Also, my own little Cookie, who is almost as fabulous and definitely as much trouble as her namesake, but in a kitten way and with a lower fashion budget--although as a tuxie she does sport some hot white go-go boots--came over to lick my face while I was writing this. I take that as a signal of her agreement.
posted by Superplin at 8:25 PM on October 22, 2015
:) Thank you! :)
Oh, hey, related note: I Dressed Like Cookie For A Week.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, hey, related note: I Dressed Like Cookie For A Week.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have to agree. I have three must-reads when it comes to episode post-mortems of my beloved, insane show: TLo, Gabby Sidibe (Becky) at EW.com, and Jenfullmoon. You rock at this.
Ali Barthwell for Vulture this season is my pick.
posted by atoxyl at 1:21 PM on October 26, 2015
Ali Barthwell for Vulture this season is my pick.
posted by atoxyl at 1:21 PM on October 26, 2015
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Also Becky punching Artiste was straight up aweomesauce.
posted by mon-ma-tron at 5:45 PM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]