Last Man on Earth: No Bull
December 6, 2015 8:20 PM - Season 2, Episode 8 - Subscribe

Somehow the COW got pregnant, and Phil2 continues to have his issues.

"But you did the right thing by getting drunk enough for me to put you into the stocks." Tandy shows off what he did to Phil2 to the group, except he claims Phil2 did it himself. "So we're using these things on a weekly basis now," Melissa says.

Meanwhile, the cow is mooing and everyone else goes off to see... THE COW HAD A CALF?! What the heck is this? Is this a Jesus calf? No, remember how the cow used to run off until we put the collar on her? She must have found a bull! Let's go look for it! Todd will collect the cow urine for that! Phil2 manages to convince Tandy to let him out of the stocks so he can look for the bull, but instead says he's heading off to Canada the second he gets out. Tandy is all, you're leaving the family, and Phil says he doesn't have a family and didn't Tandy learn anything from the virus?.

Todd walks in on Gail making out with her CPR dummy. Later she confesses to him that she does other things with it. Life is a big bunch of nothing without a partner, she says. Todd sympathizes and says he doesn't know if he even has Melissa or not.

"Carol, did you put unsweetened lemonade in here?"
"That's what I thought." Guess what Tandy drank. Can we get more conscious of labeling things as urine? Anyway, the bull hunt pretty much evaporates once Tandy breaks the news that Phil2 left.

Todd and Melissa break up, and then he tells Gail about it. She offers him a drink, talks about how she and Gordon used to fight, Todd cries, they hug, and ... they make out. I am in favor of this because man, Melissa is such a sourpuss.

At dinner, Tandy gives everyone stones to presumably throw at each other and gives a "Tandy talk" about remember how sad and pointless life was when we were all alone? I almost had to go back to that, but I got a second chance. He starts pointing out reasons people could throw rocks at each other ("Bacon. Teen pregnancy." "I'm 25!") and oh yeah, Gail barfed in the humidor and we know it's her because it was tortilla chips and chardonnay. Melissa says, could you clean that up? Gail is all, this is coming from the girl who never does the dishes? "Whatever. I throw them out the window, who cares?" She shoots back at Gail, "You're drunk by 10 a.m." "How dare you. I wake up at 11." Everyone fights, stomps out, and leaves.

The next day, everyone is sitting on the couches ignoring each other when suddenly a bull walks into the house. Tandy looks at the now-labeled cow urine. Then EVERYONE HAS A TRANQ GUN, busts it out, and shoots the bull. Phil2 walks in, he found the bull after all. Is the bull okay? Too many everyone's having BBQ tonight. Also, Phil2 needs help getting back into the stocks.

Oh yeah, I forgot about Phil's brother Mike in space with his one worm, bouncing the laser pointer off the Taj Mahal. He begs for a response, only hears the echo of his own message, and starts smashing shit in the space station. Which is a horribly terrible idea, dude (must be in the gene pool). And the point of this was.....????

Quote Corner:
"Kinky patinkie!" -Carol
"That's the ripping. Lucky duck!" -Carol continues on the pregnancy hell train.
"Finding this bull is our giant leap for mankind." -Tandy
"It's our where's the beef? Literally." -Tandy
posted by jenfullmoon (1 comment total)
Me: Gotta imagine, in a world where you can pick up anything you want, Gail could find a better sex toy than a CPR dummy.

Wife: Yeah, those things aren't very anatomically correct when it comes to that.

Me: (slow turning of the head, long stare)
posted by nubs at 8:54 AM on December 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

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