The Bachelorette: Week 2

May 29, 2017 9:33 PM - Season 13, Episode 2

Love & Basketball. Suggested drinking games: Spot the Doll. Spot the Bromantic Looks. Spot The Number of Times Rachel Is Sick Of Someone's Shit But Is Too Gracious To Say So.

SUMMARY (spoilers)
In this shockingly progressive episode, men are forced to do competitive housework. Surprising no one, they mostly suck (save poor Kenny, who realizes too late that for The Bachelorette only speed is appreciated, not quality). Diapers are pooped in. Whabooms are Whaboomed. Football is played in heels and a really pretty dress. AJ is featured more than some of The Bachelor Boys and appears to be providing some poor assistant-to-assistant producer with at least one part of the job to enjoy. Shocking revelations are had, none more shocking than the The Bachelor Boys's discovery that endlessly repeating chest-and-arms day is not a good substitute for actually playing sportsballs. Oh, also DeMario got kicked off midway through the episode because he had a girlfriend on the side that he ditched to be on the show? At the end of the episode, a producer is left wetting their pants with excitement because they have fed DeMario enough alcohol to successfully convince him that pleading his case to Rachel is a good idea, and pumped up enough testosterone and alcohol boredom into The House to prompt The Remaining Boys to confront him like a bunch of exceptionally well-dressed cavemen.

And lest you think I forget, the #1 Date Is Had because Rachel took Copper on the date with her and Peter and they went to Barkfest and this is officially the BEST SHOW?!

Ongoing Themes:

• Doppelganger Dolls are more interesting than contestants
• Can Anybody Tell Those White Boys Apart?
• Sound engineers fail to remove the horrible wet noises that occur when mics are to close to mouths sucking on one another
• Many of The Boys are actually Trash Boys What Should Be In The Trash
• Rachel is a national treasure and so far the only person good enough for her on this whole damn show is Copper The Fluffiest TV Dog

Next Week:
Every time they prompt a fight, a producer gets their wings

posted by Anonymous (19 comments total)

Also: DeMario! You did not pull that shit with a white girl! You did not!
posted by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on May 29, 2017

My grandmother, with whom I watched this episode, was VERY upset that they let Copper splash around in the kiddie pool and get his cast wet.

Lucas on Whaboom!: "It's not an act! It's just something I turn on and off when I want to!" (paraphrased)
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 1:20 AM on May 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

This is hands down the best bach/ette summary ever written. Haha.

So much tonsil hockey going on already. I'm squicked by the making out with some guy and then 15 minutes later making out with someone else.

Can't wait to hear what DeMario has to say. He was so busted. Loved how his very first instinct was to lie. "Who is this???" as if he had never laid eyes on that woman before. What a shit.

I dislike how the new thing seems to be ending an episode without showing the rose ceremony. I think maybe they started doing that on Nick's season.

The wahboom guy is repulsive. I did get a kick out off the end though, seeing as how he had gotten at least one other guy to wahboom the wahbooms with him, and that everyone else was laughing. Except Blake.
posted by the webmistress at 1:41 AM on May 30, 2017

Rachel is everything. I can't even pretend I like this show only as trash anymore because I just truly truly love her so much and want to watch her go on dates and sort through the chaff. Among other things, how great was it that she basically said all the dudes on the first group date were boring/duds? yesss cut em all #bringbackblakek

I really like Kenny but he probably won't make it to the end.
0 dates, 0 screen time for Anthony this week - hope that doesn't mean he's going home!

Dean is cute I guess but reminds me of all the other boring white boys that have somehow made it to the final four in previous seasons (Marcus, Drew, etc.). I think Rachel is too mature, self-confident/self-aware, and interesting for him to be an actual contender on this season though.

Usually I think the Bachelorette on the whole is weaker than the Bachelor (pet theory: female contestants are more interesting to watch than male ones) but that was a _great_ episode of television.
posted by likeatoaster at 7:35 AM on May 30, 2017 [3 favorites]

My grandmother, with whom I watched this episode, was VERY upset that they let Copper splash around in the kiddie pool and get his cast wet. = AGREED! I was super confused by this! I was asking, why are they taking this dog to a pool party if he's in a cast?

Loved how his very first instinct was to lie. "Who is this???" as if he had never laid eyes on that woman before. = totally ridiculous! Is that something a normal person says when they're meeting someone they don't know? Lies lies lies. I cheered when she told him to "get the f$ out". Also when Chris Harrison showed up at the school and she just walked away from him and went into the bathroom, leaving him standing there all alone.

I thought Dean was super cute but I agree he's probably filler for now. Tired of Whaboom, he needs to gooooooo.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:49 AM on May 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

Rachel is amazing. She has so much poise and is so funny. I would love to be friends with her.
posted by the webmistress at 8:40 AM on May 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

I just rewatched the date with Peter. He's really growing on me. I like the way he's always licking his lips, like a nervous pup;) I may have a bit of a crush. I can see why Rachel is a self-professed "smitten kitten".
posted by the webmistress at 12:06 PM on May 30, 2017

Is that something a normal person says when they're meeting someone they don't know?

He was just hilariously bad at lying about that. The worst poker face--he had a good beat or two of the "oh fuck what's she doing here oh fuck" terror on his face before trying to pull the ol' "WhooOOoooOOoo is thiiiiis?"

Also, he spent my last ounce of credulity when he started calling her crazy. "She's crazy" is the red flag for "I'm totally guilty of everything she's saying and probably worse."
posted by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on May 30, 2017

I think the Bachelorette on the whole is weaker than the Bachelor (pet theory: men are stupid).
posted by kevinbelt at 3:15 PM on May 30, 2017

Favorite part of the episode: when the second group date card is read and everybody realizes they're playing basketball. All the black guys get excited, and the camera dies a close up on Dean, who is soooo obviously thinking: "You know, because black people like basketball."
posted by kevinbelt at 7:03 PM on May 30, 2017

I dislike how the new thing seems to be ending an episode without showing the rose ceremony. I think maybe they started doing that on Nick's season.

I think they really started doing that hardcore during Chris Soules' season. I hated it then, and I hate it now.

Rachel, on the other hand, is amazing and I love her. Her date with Peter and their conversation were one of the few one-on-ones (especially this early) that I was genuinely interested in.
posted by pitrified at 8:31 PM on May 30, 2017

Okay, I don't watch reality shows generally (my secondhand embarrassment reaction is too stressful) but I saw a clip somewhere with Rachel Lindsay and she is MAXIMUM GREAT, and now I'm invested.

I thought I'd ease in with some recaps first though, so are there any places you guys would recommend as having great/amusing recaps? So far, I've read the Vulture and Variety ones. Whither the good stuff? Any good Tumblrs, perhaps?
posted by pseudonymph at 10:16 PM on May 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you're up for a podcast, pseudonymph, Rose Buddies is great.
posted by minsies at 6:45 AM on May 31, 2017 [5 favorites]

EW used to have a good recap, but I haven't read it in a while. The Ringer's recap is the only one I read regularly.
posted by kevinbelt at 7:19 AM on May 31, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm extremely here for a McElroy podcast, I didn't know that one existed.

Thanks guys!
posted by pseudonymph at 4:50 AM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Watching the guys jump around excited for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was cute. You used to have to do terrible, embarrassing things on Bachelor shows. Now you're meeting your childhood idols (girls last season got to meet the Backstreet Boys, which would have made me so excited).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:35 AM on June 1, 2017

Another one bites the dust... Inside Bachelorette Contestant Lee Garrett's Alleged Racist Tweets
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:11 AM on June 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Just got around to finally watching this episode. It was a good one. Love the post schroedinger!

First of all, this woman is the real fucking deal. It's about damn time we get to watch a refreshingly intelligent, fully-formed human being navigate these crazy waters. This is gonna be good.

Ashton Kutcher's brilliant get-the-fuck-out-of-here reaction to Whaboom asking him to "Whaboom!" was everything I ever wanted it to be and more. He really couldn't have been a more perfect representative of the TV audience's exhaustion at having to watch this clown keep performing his tired act. Just go away already, please. I really do loathe the producers for these joke casting picks. And as someone mentioned last thread he's a shoe-in for BiP just because of his nonsense. Not liking this trend at all.

Every season I find myself eyerolling in some of these early one-on-ones when they start laying it on too thick. Like, can't the professions of wanting to comfort and protect her and blah blah blah wait until down the road a little, perhaps after she learns your last name? It's just never felt genuine to me; rather like a box to check off on the list of Things You Should Say. I liked Dean because he kept it light and fun, and I'm glad she gave him the group date rose.

Thumbs Up: Diggy (I have a thing for men with specs), Dean, Peter (despite his face having only one expression it's a damn cute one and he was so good with Copper and seems like a good guy), Will, Kenny, Blake E. (who I've determined was only cast to be Whaboom's nemesis).

Thumbs Down: DeMario (that "Who is this?!?!" was rather hilarious), Whaboom, Josiah (see above too-early declarations of knight-in-shining-armor-ness), Lee (I caught that story about his racist tweets earlier today - what an asshole), Bryan (who continues to lead the competition for Worst Kisser this season).

Finally, I'd just like to brag a little that so far I'm winning in this ABC metafilter fantasy league. I am winning, right? This is like golf, yes? Lowest score wins? ;)
posted by bologna on wry at 9:43 PM on June 1, 2017 [4 favorites]

My grandmother, with whom I watched this episode, was VERY upset that they let Copper splash around in the kiddie pool and get his cast wet.

I recently rewatched that date and wanted to let everyone concerned know that Copper's cast was bagged. It's blue on the tarmac but covered in something black at the dog party. We may all rest easy. This show ay give Rachel racists and self-promoting idiots, but they do take care of her dog.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 7:33 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]