Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PROJECTED MAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 1
Rewatch! A scientist invents a teleporter and tests it on himself. He doesn't turn into a fly or get stuck halfway out a wall, which I understand are the usual fates for those who tamper in physical law, but instead becomes a mutated monster with a deadly touch. He could have just gotten up to get the remote control like a normal person, but oh well! Lembach is staying! Pearl & henchpeople & the SOL end up in present day Earth, above an ominously familiar castle. Oh no, Lembach is going! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TIME CHASERS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 21
Re-rewatch! A guy invents a time machine using a small airplane and an 8-bit computer, but sells the tech to EvilCo. Good job! It's quaint that the movie believes a person working on his own without vast resources could invent something that a huge corporate behemoth couldn't. The roman times subplot is over on the SOL, this and the next episode are just sort of "in space" before we reach Castle Forrester in Season 9. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SPACE MUTINY Rewatch Season 8, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Slab Bulkhead! Fridge Largemeat! Punt Speedchunk! Butch Deadlift! Bold Bigflank! Splint Chesthair! Flint Ironstag! Bolt Vanderhuge! Thick McRunfast! Blast Hardcheese! Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 19
Rewatch! Preposterous robots from space attack the Earth, and only Space Chief and some kids can save us. Uses stock footage of aerial bombardment of Japan to represent the attack. Prince of Space was the light-side of Japanese filmmaking in Season 8. This one is the dark side. It's a difficult film to make it through. I think it should be noted that some people think Mike and the bots' commentary on Japan crosses the line of acceptability in this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL DOLL Rewatch Season 8, Ep 18
Rewatch! Dr. Vorelli is a real piece of work. He's a sinister hypnotist who performs on stage in front of audiences, but seems to hate it. He hates puppets but has one in his act. But it turns out the puppet is actually a person who's mind he's put into a ventriloquist dummy somehow. He taunts him mercilessly for some reason, dangling hopes of forbidden ham before him. It's not clear why. I guess evil is its own reward? On and about the SOL, Pearl and company are still in Roman times, looking for Bobo. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 17
Re-rewatch! Monsters created by radiation lumber ashore to attack the population of old teenagers. Their savior? As always, the magic metal: SODIUM. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PRINCE OF SPACE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 16
Re-rewatch! We've come back around again to Prince of Space, constructed out of two episodes of the old Japanese TV show Planet Prince. Our only hope against the birdish-men of planet Krankor, and their dastardly Phantom, is Prince of Space! Who works as a bootblack in a Japanese city! Unlike Underdog, he doesn't need to swallow a Proton Energy Pill, but just put on his costume and exclaim "Your weapons are useless!" It's a fan favorite episode. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AGENT FOR H.A.R.M. Rewatch Season 8, Ep 15
Rewatch! A spy tries to stop the release of a dangerous flesh-eating bacterium. I don't think this was intended to be a spoof, although the title makes it seem like it must be one. This is the episode where Mike is taken to Space Court for blowing up all those planets. Notably, Patrick Brantseg takes over performing the big purple robot with this episode. It's also the first episode Mike directed! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RIDING WITH DEATH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! A guy can turn invisible and kind of is a spy, and gets involved in two episodic adventures, as a truck driver and a race pit crewman. Another guy known as "Buffalo Bill" helps both times. This movie is made from two installments of the 70s TV show Gemini Man, which only got a pilot and 11 episodes, and of those only five were aired. The second episode in the movie is among the unaired ones. If someone knows the whereabouts of Robert Denby please inform Ben Murphy's nebulously-defined government agency immediately. BTW, Ben Murphy, the lead in this movie, is still alive as of this writing at the age of 80. Congrats to him! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: JACK FROST Rewatch Season 8, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! In the colder reaches of the north live Russian Cinderella figure Nastinka, complete with cruel godmother and step-sister, and the oafish Ivanushka. They have various folklorical adventures like encountering bandits, being forced to do all the house chores, meeting Father Mushroom, getting turned into a bear and back, meeting Father Frost, outwitting Baba Yaga, being turned into ice and back, and eventually getting married. Fairy tale life is certainly eventful. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR Rewatch Season 8, Ep 11
Re-rewatch! The evil organization of this movie raises dumb clones of important people, like senators, to serve as sources of spare body parts. It was the kind of movie premise that seemed plausible in 1979, I guess. What happens when the senator gets voted out? Costs a lot of money to keep a clone in feed when it might not even be needed. In subplot news, Pearl and minions babysit a trio of god children. Previously, and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Rewatch Season 8, Ep 10
It's a re-rewatch of savings at Menards! A terrible person finds the egg of a space-spider, and finds out it's full of diamond-like crystals. Also, he's awful to his wife, he's one of the more loatheable characters in MST history. The spider eventually kills the guy and goes on to terrorize the town. Packers win the Super Bowl, whooo! It's a fun episode. In subplot news, it's pod people time. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 8, Ep 9
Rewatch! Not as terrible a movie as usually featured on the show, this has Michael Landon as the titular preadult dogboy. Much later, he'd return to the role, in a way, in the Highway to Heaven episode I Was a Middle-Aged Werewolf. In continuity, Pearl, Bobo and new accompanier Brain Guy are on "camping world." Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SHE-CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 8
Rewatch! Because in the 50s even our creatures had to be obviously gendered. A lady is hypnotized and, as all hypnotized people do, summons a lobster woman. It's the last episode on Observer World before Mike destroys it. Oops! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE UNDEAD Rewatch Season 8, Ep 6
Rewatch! We've seen a lot of silly depictions of hypnosis, but in this one a couple of people use it to go back in time. A lady is regressed to a past life where she was falsely accused of witchcraft. The hypnotist goes back too (he had a past life that knew her?) to try to change events. Getting mixed up in things is a real witch, a gravedigger with a whimsical (if gross) lyrical sense, and Satan himself. In the "story arc," we're on Observer world still. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000 Rewatch Season 8, Ep 7
Rewatch! Scientists invent a time machine. Lady comes from the future, where apparently most people are sterile, in order to take fertile men back with her. If there's anything these movies have taught me, it's that the future causes impotency. But she kills a nurse in order to take her place, because the future causes psychopathy too. In the show's "plot," we're still in Observer world. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 5
Rewatch! Oh this one's rich. Buried in a box somewhere in the old west is an Evil Head. A psychically sensitive young woman finds it and immediately becomes its mind-controlled minion, and about 50% sluttier because we all know Evil Heads yearn to possess young women so that they can get it on by proxy. Eventually it manipulates the other people on the dude ranch (they have about 100 head of dude) to uncover the rest of its body and reunite the two, which seal together making it whole sure why not. Sadly, it then is knocked over and re-croaks, this time permanently, about 20 seconds later. So much for the power of evil. In the words of Paul Chaplin: "Alternate title: The Thing That Died." In the subplot, it's Observer Time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY MANTIS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 4
Rewatch! A big frozen bug from prehistory is thawed out and begins eating people. They swat it with a jet plane. This is the last episode with Deep Ape, and begins the "chase" subplot that lasts most of the rest of the season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MOLE PEOPLE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 3
Rewatch! Albinos oppress humanoid creatures beneath the surface of the Earth, and the situation is remedied by white guys from the surface. Warning: contains The Load. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LEECH WOMAN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 2
Rewatch! A married couple h-a-t-e each other, but the guy's hate diminishes when he discovers he can make his wife young again with special magic neck juice supplied by an African lady. They go to Africa to get more and, well, things deteriorate. Concerning the show's "story arc," the SOL is still in orbit above Deep Ape. There's only four Deep Ape episodes and this is the second one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 1
Rewatch! The creature from the Black Lagoon is put in a marine park for people to gawk at, until he escapes and causes immense danger. Great job, guys! And hey, it's Clint Eastwood's first movie! As for the show, it's been a few months and a different channel in real time, and 500 years in narrative time. The SOL is now orbiting a planet of apes, although Pearl is also there, and she's continuing the experiment for some reason. Also, Crow's different. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LASERBLAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! A kid living out in the desert gets a ray gun that also turns him green, and he takes out his frustrations in an orgy of laser violence against innocent Star Wars signs, until goofy lizard aliens stop him. It's the last episode of the Comedy Central era of the show. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ESCAPE 2000 Rewatch Season 7, Ep 5
Rewatch! An evil construction company is ruthless in its dealings with people hanging onto their residences. Is actually the sequel to the movie 1990: The Bronx Warriors. There was a time when the premises of movies like this seemed a lot more laughable than they do now. Do we really know Amazon wouldn't resort to measures like this if they really wanted a new warehouse? Anyway, this is the next-to-last Comedy Central episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Next week is Turkey Day! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 4
Rewatch! One of MST3K's Double Adjective Man movies, the others being The Amazing Colossal Man, Teenage Cave Man and Amazing Transparent Man. (There's also Indestructable Man, The Brute Man, The Projected Man and, of course, The Pumaman.) An astronaut returns to Earth and is affected by something that makes him kill people, kind of like a slightly more competent Monster A-Go-Go. In the host segments, Crow shepherds his movie Earth Vs. Soup to completion and through focus groups, a sequence inspired in no small part by Best Brains' experiences in getting MST3K The Movie made. Previously.
Re-rewatch! In a fantasy realm there is this guy called Deathstalker, and he's kind of a hero? Previous movies make him seem a lot more unclothed and morally questionable, whereas here he's just a smug jerk with a sword. Anyway, here he enlists the aid of undead warriors against the villainous sorcerer "Troxartus" or something. Great riffing in this one. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRUTE MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 2
Rewatch! Rondo Hatton is The Creeper, a deformed killer who wants to do something good, and so steals money to help a blind girl, but ends up killing people anyway. Hatton had acromegaly from chemical warfare suffered in World War I, which he managed to use to establish a career in Hollywood as "The Creeper" in a series of movies, but also killed him shortly after The Brute Man was made. Tragedy surrounds us. But there's also a short promising all the wonder and joy and relief from suffering that the future surely has in store for us: The Chicken of Tomorrow! Oh? Oh. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 1
Rewatch! A dead astronaut comes back down to Earth, not-dead but infested by aliens who plan to use his body as a spearhead to invade Earth. Is it just me or is that a weird plan? Also with a short, Once Upon A Honeymoon, which naturally has to do with telephones. We re-enter the series after The Movie, without Frank and now with new regular Pearl Forrester. It's the beginning of Season 7, only six episodes long and the last hurrah of the show on Comedy Central. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAMSON VS THE VAMPIRE WOMEN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 24
Rewatch! One of the most improbable movie crime fighters of all time is Samson, a.k.a. El Santo the luchador, who here tangles with the undead and the forces of evil. It's "TV's" Frank Conniff's last episode until his guest appearance in Season 10, the last episode of Season 6, and the last episode before Pearl Forrester becomes a regular Mad. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 23
Rewatch! A mad MAD I SAY scientist makes a criminal invisible, great idea, and said crook wants to use his new amazing transparentness for crookly purposes. With short The Days Of Our Years, in which the pastor of a church laments that machines keep inflicting grevious harm on his parishioners. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ANGELS REVENGE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 22
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to the seventies, where a bunch of women in sheer garments could single-handedly take on militias and drug dealers and the only casualty they suffer would be their teenage girl member, and who would just be knocked out, not die or anything. A large amount of low-level star power in this one, including the likes of Jim Backus, Alan Hale Jr. and Pat Buttram. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 21
Rewatch! Flag on the moon. How'd it get there? It's the last of the three Coleman Francis movies, every one of them a vision into the dark heart of humankind, but this one also has Tor Johnson! Francis himself doesn't act in it, but he does narrate the entire movie. Come for the musings on technology ("Push a button. Things happen. A man becomes a monster."), stay to feed soda pop to the hungry pigs. Good freaking luck. A lot of your enjoyment of this episode comes from your investment in the MST3K premise. If you sit in front of the screen with your arms folded and say, "I'm here TV. Entertain me!", you will DIE. But if you want to see just how bad a movie can be, and a person trapped in space make fun of it with his automated mocking machines, this is some fine viewin'.Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DANGER! DEATH RAY Rewatch Season 6, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Swave spy-guy Bart Fargo (Bart Fargo Bart Fargo) hunts people who've kidnapped the inventor of a death ray in an episode whose stature has grown over the years. Ding! Ba-dup-ba-dup-ba-da-dah da dah. Previously and again. With this, we have ten Comedy Central episodes left.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RED ZONE CUBA Rewatch Season 6, Ep 19
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to Cuba, for the middle section of the movie that takes place there! Our protagonists are criminal at best, murderous at worst. Written, directed and starring Coleman Francis, whose vision of bleak despair and dark ennui practically sloughs off the screen. With great riffing, but a terrible movie, this is one of those episodes that really puts the show's premise, watching a bad movie but having what fun you can with it, to the ever loving test. There is a short beforehand, Platform Posture and Appearance. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT Rewatch Season 6, Ep 18
Rewatch! A smart high school student makes terrible decisions, decides to help crooks steal "a million bucks!" out of a safe, and causes the death of several people. Roger Corman executive produces. This episode also has the short titled Out Of This World, which obviously given the name is about a bread delivery man being tempted to slack off at his job. His work ethic is the subject of a bet between an angel and a devil, as written of in the book of Sara Lee. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON Rewatch Season 6, Ep 17
Rewatch! One of the four Russo-Finnish movies MST has done, and the third and last of the three Aleksandr Ptushko films. Actually a pretty great movie, with high production values, but also some very strange goings on. Kind of an underrated episode if you ask me. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RACKET GIRLS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 16
Rewatch! Girls wrestle and wrestle and wrestle and wrestle. There's a plot about money laundering. But mostly, girls wrestle. It's pretty skeevy. Since the last time we did this movie, I've learned that it's actually kind of the second in a trilogy, of a set of movies connected by having the character of Umberto Scalli, played by Timothy Farrell. The lady wrestlers are played by real lady wrestlers. Has the short Are You Ready For Marriage, containing 100% more BOING than the standard short! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KITTEN WITH A WHIP Rewatch Season 6, Ep 15
Rewatch! A straight-laced political candidate gets mixed up with a troubled young lady, who threatens to make him look bad if he doesn't acquiesce to her whims. Oh, won't anyone think of the problems of the rich and powerful? Kevin Murphy dresses as a cat in a host segment, so there is that. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL Rewatch Season 6, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! (wait, really?) A fairly bog-standard pilot for a TV show from 1970, about the people and events at a major airport. This one did make it to series, but with an almost entirely different cast. File this under Seventies-tastic. This is the third time MST Club has done this one, since it somehow made it into the best-of poll we did a few years back. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SINISTER URGE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 13
Rewatch! Ed Wood is the only one who can teach us about the dangers, the EVILS of pornography. Because Ed Wood is so pure and noble in that regard. Also there's a short, Keeping Clean and Neat, to teach kids about hygiene, so gather 'round kids, rather 'round the laptop! Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE STARFIGHTERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 12
Re-rewatch! Soar along at Mach 2 in one of the most notoriously dangerous aircraft ever made! Basically a promotional piece for the US Air Force and the F-104 Starfighter jet, we follow the brain-killing career of a bright young pilot tragically burdened with the fate of being played by Bob Dornan, as he fights his Congressman father's rather reasonable wishes that he be transferred to a job where he doesn't put his life on the line frequently through the act of just flying an airplane. Come for the copious in-flight refueling, stay for the poopie suit party! A difficult movie, but great to watch subjected to the attentions of a spaceborne guy and his automated mocking devices. Previously and again. Also, this movie has an entire post on the blue about it.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LAST OF THE WILD HORSES Rewatch Season 6, Ep 11
Rewatch! A cowboy is framed for murder, although judging by most westerns, everyone is killing everyone else constantly, so why would anyone ever have to be framed for it? This was MST3K's final Robert Lippert-produced movie, and last Albert Glasser-scored one. This is also the episode where mirror-universe Dr. F and Frank riff the film for the first segment. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE VIOLENT YEARS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 10
Rewatch! Some young women go on a rampage directed by Ed Wood. There's also a short, Young Man's Fancy, about a girl with "squishy" feelings making a dinner, but is actually about how great General Electric appliances are. This is the episode with the "Turn you crank to Frank!" radio station jokes, which were a riff on Minneapolis country station WBOB, their slogan: "Turn your knob to BOB!" A fun episode in general. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SKYDIVERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 9
Re-rewatch! Coleman Francis wrote and directed three movies and MST3K did them all. It's telling that he made three films that he poured his sweat and soul into--and that all three are barely watchable, and among the worst of all movies. Bring lots of coffee! Also has the short Why Study Industrial Arts, so also bring along lots of fresh sawdust. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD Rewatch Season 6, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! This episode is more popular than I suspected, partly on the strength, perhaps, of its short, A Day at the Fair. The movie itself is a spy-themed made-for-TV thing, made by Quinn Martin, originally intended as an NBC series pilot. The plot has to do with a couple of people trying to protect a deadly gas that can kill people on contact, which is indeed pretty deadly. It sounds impossible to work with. The host segments spotlight MST3K's least-considered regular character: Magic Voice. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOODLUST! Rewatch Season 6, Ep 7
Rewatch! In which we find out, for a hunter, the most thrilling prey of all is Mike Brady (Robert Reed). Also has the short Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm! Also, the first episode with Pearl Forrester, long before the became an official Mad! And the fiddle player in the square dance scene, off-screen, is reputed to be Maria Bamford! There, I think that's all the interesting points. Riff away. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CREEPING TERROR Rewatch Season 6, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! Time to watch a carpet eat half a small town again! The great thing about this movie is nothing. The great thing about this episode is that the movie is so goofy and nonsensical that it's watchable on its own just to try to figure out whatever the hell is coming next. The riffs add onto that. This is unquestionably in the worst-of-the-worst pile, a bona-fide cinematic un-chievement. Previously and again.
Rewatch! No one named Colossus is in this movie, instead it has
My Cheesesteak Maciste, beating people up as he is wont to do. One of the less popular pepla the MST crew did, perhaps because it doesn't have captive women or moon men in the title. This is the one with Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter, and the song regarding same. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! A relatively recent movie, but extra disjointed, with no less than two unexplained prologues before the real story. Ultimately a Magic Lady brings a buff young man back to life to avenge his death and bring justice to a crooked cop played by Adam West. It does contain "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead on its soundtrack, but it's also heavily edited for television. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEAD TALK BACK Rewatch Season 6, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! It's the third time we've shown this manifestly absurd film, about a parapsychologist with a Kermit-the-Frog voice who assumes that he has gravitas, and everyone else in the movie seems to believe it too. He lives in the basement of a boarding house with a collection of pseudo-supernatural trinkets, where he awaits the call of Law Enforcement when they need his, um, special talents. Sadly a lot of the movie is talking. Comes with a short, The Selling Wizard, in which a narrator and a mute pizza dominatrix jointly attempt to sell the audience on commercial freezer units. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION U.S.A. Rewatch Season 6, Ep 2
Rewatch! One of a long line of propagandist movies intended to rile up the public against the USSR. It's easy to get this one mixed up with Rocket Attack USA, made under a similar zeitgeist. That was a Joel episode with spies going to the USSR and failing to stop a missile attack against New York City, a lady spy seducing a Russian general for secrets, and a blind man walking during an immanent nuclear attack telling the camera, "Help me!" This is a Mike episode where a two-bit hypnotist zaps a bar full of people into experiencing a vivid hallucination of a Soviet military attack on their city. (Hypnosis was another overblown fear at the time, but didn't have as much of a concerted push to make people afraid of it.) With the short A Date With Your Family, starring Hugh Beaumont, it's a very fifties worldview on display. Previously.