FanFare

Workaholic Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) wants to make things up to his son, Jamie (Mannequin Skywalker), and wife, Liz (Rita Wilson). He promises to get Jamie the hottest toy of the season, Turbo-Man -- even though it's Christmas Eve and the toy is practically sold out. As Langston hunts down the elusive gift, he runs into mailman Myron (Sinbad), another father on the same quest. With the clock winding down, Langston's moral code is tested as he starts to learn the real meaning of Christmas. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Dec 14, 2022 - 14 comments

Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) is now all grown up and must deal with Christmas and all that comes with it... as a dad. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Dec 14, 2022 - 4 comments

A newly engaged, spoiled hotel heiress (Lindsay Lohan) gets into a skiing accident, suffers from total amnesia and finds herself in the care of a handsome, blue-collar lodge owner and his precocious daughter in the days leading up to Christmas. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 18, 2022 - 13 comments

Luke Skywalker and Han Solo battle evil Imperial forces to help Chewbacca reach his imperiled family on the Wookiee planet - in time for Life Day, their most important day of the year! A variety show, powered by cocaine, disowned by George Lucas, and enshrined in our hearts forever. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 26 comments

An orthodox Jewish blaxploitation hero (Adam Goldberg) saves Hanukkah from the clutches of Santa Claus' evil son (Andy Dick). [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 5 comments

Martian ruler Kimar (Leonard Hicks) is upset that the children of Mars are lazy and under the influence of too much pop culture from Earth. They are obsessed with the planet's television programs and don't want to do much of anything. In an attempt to get the kids peppy again, Kimar orders the kidnapping of Santa Claus (John Call), hoping that the jolly old toymaker will know how to cheer the children up again. But two Earth children are also nabbed, and this complicates things for Kimar. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 8 comments

Frequently cited as "The Worst Christmas Movie Ever Made." A boy is given a ring by an old witch, he uses the ring to bring upon a magic Christmas that grants him 3 wishes. He uses/abuses them for, among other things, god-like power, and to make Santa Claus his prisoner and slave. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 1 comment

A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty, aka Grizzly Adams), can save them. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 3 comments

Merlin the magician helps Santa (José Elías Moreno) save children tempted by the devil to be naughty. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 17, 2022 - 4 comments