"Beyond the earth... beyond the moon... beyond your wildest imagination!" It's the future in space, and there's a plague, and important drugs are being brought from a distant planet, and Jack Palance is trying to take over the universe, and there's a teleporting robot, and some kids in one scene. I couldn't make heads or tails of this one folks. There's a plot synopsis on Wikipedia, read that. It's another movie that tried to cash in on Star Wars' gigantic success. It's not nearly as campy as Starcrash, but that makes it very bland as a film. Even with Jack Palance as the villain, he's simply not in enough scenes to make it memorable. Other than sharing some character names and being set in the future, this movie has almost nothing to do with H.G. Wells' novel. Premiered October 7, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST Rewatch Season 10, Ep 7
Rewatch! Yet another guy named Paul turns into a monster in this movie; it's the fourth such movie in MST's history! The others are The Crawling Hand, The Projected Man and Werewolf. Note that Cry Wilderness is not included, the Paul in that movie is just friends with a monster. Anyway, the episode is not on many best-of lists, but it's generally fondly remembered. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FUTURE WAR Rewatch Season 10, Ep 4
Rewatch! A guy from the future travels back in time, but is chased by Robert Z'Dar. As Crow says, in the movie, it's not the future, and there's no war. There is a nun! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SPACE CHILDREN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 6
Rewatch! A benevolent blob from outer space gives Earth kids unearthly powers in order to prevent war. It contains Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan! Has the short Century 21 Calling, which is set at the Chicago World's Fair and tries to get us excited about the future of landline phones. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PHANTOM PLANET Rewatch Season 9, Ep 2
Rewatch! An astronaut ends up on a distant asteroid and is shrunk down to the size of its inhabitants, joins their society, but then it's all destroyed. So uplifting! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PROJECTED MAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 1
Rewatch! A scientist invents a teleporter and tests it on himself. He doesn't turn into a fly or get stuck halfway out a wall, which I understand are the usual fates for those who tamper in physical law, but instead becomes a mutated monster with a deadly touch. He could have just gotten up to get the remote control like a normal person, but oh well! Lembach is staying! Pearl & henchpeople & the SOL end up in present day Earth, above an ominously familiar castle. Oh no, Lembach is going! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK Rewatch Season 8, Ep 22
Re-rewatch! A supremely goofy movie that doesn't make much sense, with an excellent actor (Raul Julia), some sub-Doctor Who special effects, and great riffing combine to make a classic episode! It's the last episode of Season 8. Technically Pearl is still chasing the SOL but that's kind of forgotten to make room for one of the best sequences of host segments the show ever did, where Pearl creates a completely spurious public television telethon. And don't forget: get your monkeys, instantly, at Instant Monkeys Online! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TIME CHASERS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 21
Re-rewatch! A guy invents a time machine using a small airplane and an 8-bit computer, but sells the tech to EvilCo. Good job! It's quaint that the movie believes a person working on his own without vast resources could invent something that a huge corporate behemoth couldn't. The roman times subplot is over on the SOL, this and the next episode are just sort of "in space" before we reach Castle Forrester in Season 9. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SPACE MUTINY Rewatch Season 8, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Slab Bulkhead! Fridge Largemeat! Punt Speedchunk! Butch Deadlift! Bold Bigflank! Splint Chesthair! Flint Ironstag! Bolt Vanderhuge! Thick McRunfast! Blast Hardcheese! Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 19
Rewatch! Preposterous robots from space attack the Earth, and only Space Chief and some kids can save us. Uses stock footage of aerial bombardment of Japan to represent the attack. Prince of Space was the light-side of Japanese filmmaking in Season 8. This one is the dark side. It's a difficult film to make it through. I think it should be noted that some people think Mike and the bots' commentary on Japan crosses the line of acceptability in this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 17
Re-rewatch! Monsters created by radiation lumber ashore to attack the population of old teenagers. Their savior? As always, the magic metal: SODIUM. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR Rewatch Season 8, Ep 11
Re-rewatch! The evil organization of this movie raises dumb clones of important people, like senators, to serve as sources of spare body parts. It was the kind of movie premise that seemed plausible in 1979, I guess. What happens when the senator gets voted out? Costs a lot of money to keep a clone in feed when it might not even be needed. In subplot news, Pearl and minions babysit a trio of god children. Previously, and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 8, Ep 9
Rewatch! Not as terrible a movie as usually featured on the show, this has Michael Landon as the titular preadult dogboy. Much later, he'd return to the role, in a way, in the Highway to Heaven episode I Was a Middle-Aged Werewolf. In continuity, Pearl, Bobo and new accompanier Brain Guy are on "camping world." Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SHE-CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 8
Rewatch! Because in the 50s even our creatures had to be obviously gendered. A lady is hypnotized and, as all hypnotized people do, summons a lobster woman. It's the last episode on Observer World before Mike destroys it. Oops! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000 Rewatch Season 8, Ep 7
Rewatch! Scientists invent a time machine. Lady comes from the future, where apparently most people are sterile, in order to take fertile men back with her. If there's anything these movies have taught me, it's that the future causes impotency. But she kills a nurse in order to take her place, because the future causes psychopathy too. In the show's "plot," we're still in Observer world. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MOLE PEOPLE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 3
Rewatch! Albinos oppress humanoid creatures beneath the surface of the Earth, and the situation is remedied by white guys from the surface. Warning: contains The Load. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LASERBLAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! A kid living out in the desert gets a ray gun that also turns him green, and he takes out his frustrations in an orgy of laser violence against innocent Star Wars signs, until goofy lizard aliens stop him. It's the last episode of the Comedy Central era of the show. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 4
Rewatch! One of MST3K's Double Adjective Man movies, the others being The Amazing Colossal Man, Teenage Cave Man and Amazing Transparent Man. (There's also Indestructable Man, The Brute Man, The Projected Man and, of course, The Pumaman.) An astronaut returns to Earth and is affected by something that makes him kill people, kind of like a slightly more competent Monster A-Go-Go. In the host segments, Crow shepherds his movie Earth Vs. Soup to completion and through focus groups, a sequence inspired in no small part by Best Brains' experiences in getting MST3K The Movie made. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 1
Rewatch! A dead astronaut comes back down to Earth, not-dead but infested by aliens who plan to use his body as a spearhead to invade Earth. Is it just me or is that a weird plan? Also with a short, Once Upon A Honeymoon, which naturally has to do with telephones. We re-enter the series after The Movie, without Frank and now with new regular Pearl Forrester. It's the beginning of Season 7, only six episodes long and the last hurrah of the show on Comedy Central. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CREEPING TERROR Rewatch Season 6, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! Time to watch a carpet eat half a small town again! The great thing about this movie is nothing. The great thing about this episode is that the movie is so goofy and nonsensical that it's watchable on its own just to try to figure out whatever the hell is coming next. The riffs add onto that. This is unquestionably in the worst-of-the-worst pile, a bona-fide cinematic un-chievement. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 TO THE MOON Rewatch Season 5, Ep 24
Rewatch! At least I think it is, this is one of those movies it's easy to forget exists for some reason. This is another of those movies where half of the time amounts to: "Gee whiz! Space!" There's a lot of preparing and rocketry and interviews with intrepid scientists and getting ready to let's all go to space. With cats. Then we get to space and meet aliens. Who want our cats. The short, however, is Design for Dreaming, and it's terrific, just completely crazy, bonkers, nutso, a highlight of the show's entire run. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE ATOMIC BRAIN Rewatch Season 5, Ep 18
Rewatch! An old rich lady decides to use her considerable resources, including her own mad scientist and a nuclear reactor in her basement (wow, really?), to have her brain swapped into the body of one of three younger women. The eventual result? Let's just say she better hope she can develop a taste for Meow Mix. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BEGINNING OF THE END Rewatch Season 5, Ep 17
Rewatch! On of the more entertaining of the episodes featuring the 50s monster attack genre of movie. Huge grasshoppers attack (a postcard of) Chicago while the army is helpless against the giant insect menace. Directed by Bert I. Gordon, Mr. BIG himself. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 5, Ep 13
Rewatch! A brilliant scientist is thought of as "mad," and only because he saves his girlfriend's severed head when she is killed in a car crash, then keeps it alive by setting it in Neck Juice (TM), allowing her to befriend the terrible monster he keeps in his basement while he goes out trying to murder women to provide her with a donor body. But really, is that "mad?" Okay. Yeah, on further reflection I guess it is. Oh, and he has an assistant with his own weird issues. This is Mike Nelson's first episode as host of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS Rewatch Season 4, Ep 20
Rewatch! EHT! NAMUH! SROTACILPUD! Richard Kiel is an evil space guy who is making duplicates of world leaders in preparation to take over the world. His character here is pretty evil, but Kiel himself was a real sweetheart. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES Rewatch Season 4, Ep 18
As the repeated "THE" in the title should warn you, this is an exceptionally bad movie, perhaps one of the worst. The premise is, aliens are attacking and the only ones who know are the local teens, who take it upon themselves to destroy the sinister threat from outer space by turning on their cars' high beams. There's a subplot(?) about a couple of army guys watching things via surveillance, and another concerning a pair of roommates. This is the episode that gave us the line, "You see folks, they just didn't care." Previously. BTW, tonight is MST Club's Halloween show!
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FIRE MAIDENS FROM OUTER SPACE Rewatch Season 4, Ep 16
Rewatch! Astronauts land on a planet of lonely women, refugees from Atlantis. They have a problem with a monster, but the manly explorers from Earth take care of it. This is the episode with "Timmy," an evil alien Crow who causes problems during host segments. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MANHUNT IN SPACE Rewatch Season 4, Ep 13
Rewatch! Another repackaging of TV shows as a "movie," but this time of the old space craze adventure show Rocky Jones, Space Ranger. It doesn't hold up too well. As a short, we have an episode from what may be the first season of the soap opera General Hospital. I think this episode is kind of a sleeper, personally. It's not the last Rocky Jones compilation movie MST would do. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE INDESTRUCTABLE MAN Rewatch Season 4, Ep 9
Rewatch! Consider the vast field of scientific endeavor, viewed through the eyes of a B movie screen writer, or those of a blockbuster screenwriter for that matter. If you don't understand it, you figure, no one else does either. In this way, such things as electricity, radiation, DNA, evolution, robotics and anything else dealing with computers are used as stand-ins for whatever effect the writer wants, regardless of how possible it may be in actual life. That's how Lon Chaney Jr's character is brought back to life by electricity in this movie. This episode also contains the second episode of the short Undersea Kingdom, which would be the last episode of it, and the last theater serial, MST would do. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BEING FROM ANOTHER PLANET Rewatch Season 4, Ep 5
Rewatch! This episode is something of a sleeper, its subject is a Film Ventures International film (so, weird, irrelevant opening and closing sequences) in which it turns out an alien is buried in a mummy's tomb that causes people to rot when it touches them, and the alien is trying to get back its magic space jewel that someone stole from it. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE Rewatch Season 4, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! Say it with me now: When we get back to our home planet the high council may well sentence you to TORCHAA! It's tough being a space teenager. The astro-acne. The jet-fueled mood swings. Discovering your sexual and species identity. Bullshit restrictions from your culture's high rullng overuberpatriarch. And not agreeing with your expeditions genocidal mission to wipe out the population of a planet (Earth) because you need land to graze your giant food lobsters. Previously one and two
Mystery Science Theater 3000: POD PEOPLE Rewatch Season 3, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! Four different subplots kind of meander into orbit with each other in this dubbed French/Spanish movie. Movie A: poachers in the woods encounter and break the eggs of an unworldly creature. Movie B: singers on a trip in the woods have a deadly run-in with that creature. Movie C: a lonely young boy befriends another creature of the same species. Movie D: the boy's father noisily conflicts with the lead singer from Movie B. It's another episode from a time in the show's history when almost every episode became a classic. But as for the movie itself... (O.K. sign) It stinks! It's as disjointed as it was because originally it was supposed to just be a horror movie, but then when ET came out a hasty story adjustment was made to try to get some of those cute alien movie dollars. Previously and also previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER Season 2, Ep 13
Rewatch! On Sunday: Godzilla has to share screen time in this one with terrorists and natives and Mothra. Compared to the excellent and bonkers Godzilla vs Megalon this one's so-so, I think at least. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GODZILLA VS. MEGALON Rewatch Season 2, Ep 12
Rewatch! On Thursday (today!): A truly crazy movie, the underground kingdom of "Seatopia?" Which is run by... Dorf? is upset at nuclear tests, so calls upon their giant monster Megalon to attack the surface world. They also target a couple of... scientists? Who make... water toys? For a... kid? That they raise? I mean that's great sure, but it's not really defined what's going on. And a humidifier? hangs from the ceiling by a chain? in their... lab? Anyway they make the robot Jet Jaguar who goes and gets Godzilla so they can have a fite that's the real movie. It's batshit crazy, but a great episode! Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS Rewatch Season 2, Ep 11
Rewatch! There are few MST movies that are as full of ridiculous crap as this one, it's kind of amazing. On Earth a space message is recovered from Venus to which scientists affix the catchy name the "cosmic document." They don't know what it says yet, but they decide to bring it along with them on a trip to its home planet to meet its makers. Along the way we meet a team of people with the huge letter 'A' on their uniforms, an international team of weirdos, a chess playing robot that can't handle losing, a vaguely oppressive sleep computer, the oppressive crib mobile of Venus, a flood of killer goop and alien architecture straight out of Dr. Seuss. In the end the cosmic document gets decoded and turns out to be plans to destroy the world, so, that's nice. Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ROCKETSHIP X-M Rewatch Season 2, Ep 1
Rewatch! Operator error sends the Earth's first ship to the moon, 828 thousand miles away, instead to Mars, which is at best 33.9 million miles away and usually much further. That's some error; some scientists would give multiple limbs to be able to make errors like that. It's the first episode of Season Two, considered the point where Mystery Science Theater 3000 started to become really good, although the movie here is kind of dull. Next time.... Previously. Remember: for the time being we're also doing Sunday shows, so if you want to watch this one you'll want to show up tonight. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MOON ZERO TWO Rewatch Season 1, Ep 11
Rewatch! On Thursday [4/16]: It's class warfare on the moon! A working-day moon savager is hired by rich-guy "Hundred Percent" Hubbard to help them crash a meteor made of gemstone on the moon. Problem is, the plot on which they crash is already claimed by a miner, Wild West style. Nefarious schemes are afoot up there in no-atmosphere zero-G. An okay movie made ridiculous by things like scantily-clad moon dancers and a board game called (groan) "Moonopoly." It's still Season One, but the riffing has improved a lot by this point. Three more episodes until Season Two! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ROBOT HOLOCAUST Rewatch Season 1, Ep 10
Rewatch! One of the best season one episodes, and at the time/for a while the newest movie MST had done (the turnaround time was but three years), a bunch of people in goofy costumes traipse around a city park somewhere on a journey to the power station ruled by the eeevil Dark One and his second-in-command Valeria, who speaks her Rs as Ws like Elmer Fudd and the Homestar Runner. An amazingly silly movie, released directly to VHS. Previously. This episode will be a Sunday show. MST Club news inside-- [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PROJECT MOONBASE Rewatch Season 1, Ep 9
Rewatch! Poor Commander Brietis has the misfortune to be a women space officer in a man's (specifically, Robert Heinlein's) world. Her peers all casually call her "Bright Eyes," and her commanding officer actually threatens to spank her at one point. But in the end she and a fellow astronaut get stranded together on the moon, and Madame President (whose existence I guess was supposed to make up for how badly Brietis is treated) demands that they be married to avoid a scandal, which they agree to because they're sweet on each other. A disheartening movie, which make wisecracks from an orbiting human and his automated mocking machines all the more welcome. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SLIME PEOPLE Rewatch Season 1, Ep 8
Rewatch! It's like a zombie movie but not, and from before that became a genre! You might consider it ahead of its time, or you might consider that zombie movies were never all that to begin with. It's another first season episode, when the guys and robots were still finding their feet and/or hoverskirts. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ROBOT MONSTER Rewatch Season 1, Ep 7
Rewatch! We're baaaack.... A alien invader (guy in a gorilla suit with a fishbowl on his head) called Ro-Man destroys everyone on Earth except for a family that lives in walking distance of his cave (which has a bubble machine in front of it). The family tries to thwart Ro-Man's attempt to wipe them out, until Ro-Man gets a crush on the family's teenage daughter. At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? In the end it's all a dream had by a comic-addled young boy. Up until this point MST had shown bad movies, but this was the first truly transcendent example they did. Some have called it the worst movie ever made. Enjoy! Also has two Radar Men From the Moon shorts. Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CRAWLING HAND Rewatch Season 1, Ep 6
Rewatch! An astronaut crashes to earth and dies, all except for his hand (or hand and forearm, depending on the shot). It strangles people then hooks up with a teen to do more stranglin'. In the end it gets eaten by a cat, saving the world. Good kitty! This is an important episode in that it's the first one that sets up the "style" of the show in almost all later episodes, the opening going directly into the theater tunnel, and Joel explains the premise, really for the first time on cable. Also, the movie features the song Surfin' Bird. Previously. ----- In other news, for the extent of the pandemic, the MST Club video room will be open between shows with a playlist of as-broadcast MST episodes, funny YouTube finds, and other special appearances, for bored social distancers dropping-in. "Enjoy!"
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CORPSE VANISHES Rewatch Season 1, Ep 5
Rewatch! Bela Lugosi plays a mad scientist who extracts brain juice from young brides to keep his wife young, because that's a thing that works. Come on, if it did Trump would be trying to suck it out of people's heads with a drinking straw. Both this and the previous movie are among the oldest films MST ever did, made in 1942. There's another Commando Cody short too, and some classic sketches, such as the robots saying bedtime prayers and the haircut bit. Previously
Rewatch! Space people crash on a planet, and leave behind a man and woman. The departing commander names the planet Earth, making the left-behinds Adam and Eve. Except since this is obviously before any terrestrial languages how did that name come down to us? And there are neanderthals on the planet too. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, is what I'm saying. At least it's in color. This is actually the last episode made of the first season, so it's not as quiet as some other 1st season episodes. This is the episode that gives MST its most popular catchphrase, Hikeeba! Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MAD MONSTER Rewatch Season 1, Ep 3
Rewatch! An amiable handyman is turned into a furred killer by virtue of a syringe of Wolf Juice, in service to that diabolical process called science. When it is proclaimed of our our somewhat-hairy, yet still humanoid, victim that he has "become a wolf," it is a profoundly silly moment. Comes with Pt. 2 of Radar Men From The Moon. Previously [more inside]
Rewatch! Evil Dr. Krupp, aka "The Bat" continues his plans to steal a treasure from the body of an Aztec mummy. This time he builds a robot to do it for him, which, why? Sell the robot, get more money than the treasure is worth! No matter. He's opposed by the virtuous Dr. Almada and the mummy, Popoca, itself. Also riffed is the first part of Commando Cody serial Radar Men From The Moon. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CRAWLING EYE Rewatch Season 1, Ep 1
Rewatch! Ambulatory eyeballs with tentacles descend from space and menace the inhabitants of a mountain town. It's the first cable episode again, and as before, it's kind of a tough row to hoe. Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: STARCRASH Rewatch Season 11, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! Stella Starr and her platonic space wizard friend Akton are on the run from the space police, until they aren't, given a reprieve if they go find Space Emperor Christopher Plummer's son, David Hasselhoff. Along the way they meet a robot with a Texas accent, space amazons and their giant lady robot guardian, stop motion androids, a frozen planet, a traitorous crewman, space cavemen, trooper-carrying space torpedoes, and the evil Count Zarth Arn. An imfamously silly movie, but still fun, there's always something going on. Previously - Also previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THIS ISLAND EARTH Rewatch Season 7, Ep 7
Carl is a Serious Scientist who's been sent a parts catalog in the mail, but the parts are crazy-pants, and further the catalog describes how to build an "Interociter." which apparently can perform housework? and display video communications? Rather than returning that thing right back to Archie McPhee Carl decides to order the parts and build it. Amazingly, rather than being a hilarious practical joke at his expense, it presents the smiling face of Exeter, who invites him to join with other Human Scientists at their Laboratory. From there, let's just say the dominos have been set in motion, and a trip to space and a confrontation with Scrotor is inevitable. In the history of the show, this episode actually isn't the show, but MST: The Movie. It's been written up on Fanfare before, here. [more inside]
Rewatch! And of course we'll be rewatching it again when the Christmas thingy roll back around. There are now three Christmas movie episodes of MST3K; this is the one that's "classically" the worst, appearing on many lists of the worst of all time.I like the idea of it, the willingness to take an absurd premise seriously, and the energy (most of) the actors bring to it. But then there's Dropo.... Previously. [more inside]
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