Vikings: Full Moon
January 21, 2018 6:38 PM - Season 5, Episode 7 - Subscribe
Bjorn returns to Kattegat to learn that an attack will take place during the next full moon; Ivar must decide if he can place his trust in a former enemy on the battlefield.
* Ivar has a (n ominous) soliloquy
* Bjorn and Halfdan return to Kattegat unsure what to expect, Bjorn confesses to Halfdan that he no longer loves Torvi, Halfdan gives him permission to break up with her
* Kattegat welcomes the returning vikings, well, except the Sami whom Lagertha managed to convince to lend a hand
* King Svase presents his daughter Princess Snaefrid to Bjorn, Torvi's heart shatters as Bjorn lingers a little longer than is strictly necessary
* Lagertha: Tell me, Halfdan, what was the most amazing thing you saw on your travels?"
Halfdan: Nothing.
Lagertha: Nothing?
Halfdan: They call it the desert....
Lagertha: And what was the second most amazing thing you saw?
Halfdan: Everything.
* Halfdan tries to convince Lagertha of his loyalty to Bjorn, receives an endorsement from him
* Ubbe and Bjorn discuss their brothers, Magrethe's ambitions simmer with resentment, Lagertha's wondering if she needs to dig up her tongue-removing apparatus
* Bjorn gifts Guthrun Euphemius' dagger, tells a tale of how Halfdan and him ate Euphemius
* Svase is bored, Snaefrid and Bjorn eye bang
* Torvi tells Bjorn it's ok its over - knew for a long time, Bjorn promises to always take care of her and the children, gifts her foreign treasure
* Lagertha goes WTH?, Bjorn straight up just implies that he wants to bed Snaefrid, Lagertha brokers an encounter between them with Svase
* Ubbe finds Torvi, Torvi tries to regift the treasure to Magrethe through Ubbe, Ubbe sez no, starts kissing her
* Torvi flees, Magrethe witnessed the whole thing
* Ubbe's nipple harden in fight-or-flight as Magrethe confronts him about Torvi, but Magrethe simply drips poison in Ubbe's ear, "...and I would be queen. What an amazing outcome for a slave."
* Lagertha gets drunk with Bjorn, catch up, Lagertha unleashes her doubts, Bjorn tries to chear her up
* Bjorn: "I would like to marry your daughter.", "She is worth far more than you can ever give.", "I know. So I will give far more than I can ever afford.", "Very well. If she wants to."
* Snaefrid leaves, goes to another tent and they compare tattoos
* Snaefrid is an experienced kinky sade top, Bjorn's kinda into it, "I told my father I was going to marry you, the moment I saw you."
* Torvi has a (sad) soliloquy
* Floki's colonists continue to grumble on their way to their destination, Floki gives everyone the silent treatment
* On arrival, the colonists are bewildered at the disparity between Floki's description and what they survey in front of them, are pissed when a geyser erupts
* "This is the land of Loki and the giants. This is the land of evil."
* Aud figures it out - geothermal energy
* There's still a lot of doubt, but not Aud and Kettill who discover hot springs sex
* Floki promotes his version of socialism/communism, literally hippy dip overly optimistic commune-ism
* Eyvind accuses Floki of wanting to be King
* Heahmund and Ivar play chess, discuss the plot of the last few seasons, Ivar tries to win heart and mind
* They and Hvitserk have a college freshman late night/mood-altering-substance-enhanced dorm-room discussion on free will
* Astrid is hanging around the docks, has pregnancy induced emesis, Harald ecstatically assumes that its his
* Ivar, Hvitserk, Astrid, and Harald survey their assault squadron
* Heahmund has a soliloquy, tries to sell Ivar on Virgin Birth, Ivar puts Heahmund on apaddle stool pedestal
* Lagertha's gang strategize
* Bjorn shares his first hand analysis of Ivar's strategizing and tactics, and Ubbe offers his own assessment
* Lagertha and Bjorn await the invasion abathed in the light of the new full moon
* Alfred stuff, Christian stuff, Alfred stuffs the Christians - hard
* "Suggests" that mass be conducted in English from here on
* Alfred goes all in on believing Athelstan's watching him and caring, always
* Athelstan: hey, lets say some prayers together eh? that'll be fun!
* Ivar has a (n ominous) soliloquy
* Bjorn and Halfdan return to Kattegat unsure what to expect, Bjorn confesses to Halfdan that he no longer loves Torvi, Halfdan gives him permission to break up with her
* Kattegat welcomes the returning vikings, well, except the Sami whom Lagertha managed to convince to lend a hand
* King Svase presents his daughter Princess Snaefrid to Bjorn, Torvi's heart shatters as Bjorn lingers a little longer than is strictly necessary
* Lagertha: Tell me, Halfdan, what was the most amazing thing you saw on your travels?"
Halfdan: Nothing.
Lagertha: Nothing?
Halfdan: They call it the desert....
Lagertha: And what was the second most amazing thing you saw?
Halfdan: Everything.
* Halfdan tries to convince Lagertha of his loyalty to Bjorn, receives an endorsement from him
* Ubbe and Bjorn discuss their brothers, Magrethe's ambitions simmer with resentment, Lagertha's wondering if she needs to dig up her tongue-removing apparatus
* Bjorn gifts Guthrun Euphemius' dagger, tells a tale of how Halfdan and him ate Euphemius
* Svase is bored, Snaefrid and Bjorn eye bang
* Torvi tells Bjorn it's ok its over - knew for a long time, Bjorn promises to always take care of her and the children, gifts her foreign treasure
* Lagertha goes WTH?, Bjorn straight up just implies that he wants to bed Snaefrid, Lagertha brokers an encounter between them with Svase
* Ubbe finds Torvi, Torvi tries to regift the treasure to Magrethe through Ubbe, Ubbe sez no, starts kissing her
* Torvi flees, Magrethe witnessed the whole thing
* Ubbe's nipple harden in fight-or-flight as Magrethe confronts him about Torvi, but Magrethe simply drips poison in Ubbe's ear, "...and I would be queen. What an amazing outcome for a slave."
* Lagertha gets drunk with Bjorn, catch up, Lagertha unleashes her doubts, Bjorn tries to chear her up
* Bjorn: "I would like to marry your daughter.", "She is worth far more than you can ever give.", "I know. So I will give far more than I can ever afford.", "Very well. If she wants to."
* Snaefrid leaves, goes to another tent and they compare tattoos
* Snaefrid is an experienced kinky sade top, Bjorn's kinda into it, "I told my father I was going to marry you, the moment I saw you."
* Torvi has a (sad) soliloquy
* Floki's colonists continue to grumble on their way to their destination, Floki gives everyone the silent treatment
* On arrival, the colonists are bewildered at the disparity between Floki's description and what they survey in front of them, are pissed when a geyser erupts
* "This is the land of Loki and the giants. This is the land of evil."
* Aud figures it out - geothermal energy
* There's still a lot of doubt, but not Aud and Kettill who discover hot springs sex
* Floki promotes his version of socialism/communism, literally hippy dip overly optimistic commune-ism
* Eyvind accuses Floki of wanting to be King
* Heahmund and Ivar play chess, discuss the plot of the last few seasons, Ivar tries to win heart and mind
* They and Hvitserk have a college freshman late night/mood-altering-substance-enhanced dorm-room discussion on free will
* Astrid is hanging around the docks, has pregnancy induced emesis, Harald ecstatically assumes that its his
* Ivar, Hvitserk, Astrid, and Harald survey their assault squadron
* Heahmund has a soliloquy, tries to sell Ivar on Virgin Birth, Ivar puts Heahmund on a
* Lagertha's gang strategize
* Bjorn shares his first hand analysis of Ivar's strategizing and tactics, and Ubbe offers his own assessment
* Lagertha and Bjorn await the invasion abathed in the light of the new full moon
* Alfred stuff, Christian stuff, Alfred stuffs the Christians - hard
* "Suggests" that mass be conducted in English from here on
* Alfred goes all in on believing Athelstan's watching him and caring, always
* Athelstan: hey, lets say some prayers together eh? that'll be fun!
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I'm just here for the Viking-era FemDom BDSM pr0n.
posted by dnash at 5:11 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]