Deathstalker II (1987)

February 5, 2020 11:37 PM

Deathstalker II is a fun and tongue-in-cheek 80's style fantasy movie, although it does have much more nude female flesh than people may appreciate. It's borderline porn. Lots of ridiculous stuff in this one: the movie doesn't take itself seriously at all. It's "MST Club Approved!"

Sometimes we at MST Club see bad movies that are still somewhat fun to watch, that make for good amateur riff-fodder. That's what I mean by "MST Club Approved," we've seen this movie and vouch that, while not great, it's good to watch with friends, perhaps your favorite movie-enhancing substance, and an expectation that people will talk over the picture instead of keeping quiet.

On this movie:

• We had the idea for watching it when I heard it described on the MST podcast "It's Just A Show," which mentioned that, in a pre-title, in medias res scene, the villain lady shouts: "I'll have my revenge, and Deathstalker, too!" followed by the title: DEATHSTALKER II. Groan!
• These movies seem to bear no relation to the Deathstalker series of books, which are science-fiction and seem to have been written after the movies were made.
• Our "hero" Deathstalker. I don't think there's any movie in the series (played by someone different in every one of the FOUR) where he comes across as less than a huge jerk. To get him to help her, the princess/seer at the start had to promise that their adventure would be a tale at least as great as Conan's. Slick move movie, name-dropping a better story in yours.
• There were only really two male characters. Everyone else was either a lady (usually scantily-clad) or an extra or bit part. The guys were Deathstalker himself (which the movie seems to imply are first and last names: Death Stalker) and the eeevil sorcerer.
• Early villain lady turns out not to be the real villain, but more of a henchwoman? She gets killed by D.S. halfway through, but is brought back to life by Sorcerer Guy in a magic ceremony involving a strobe light and him feeling up her uncovered breasts. There are definitely some gross parts here. In that 80s fantasy style, the "fantasy" involved definitely seems to be of the male gaze variety.
• But one fun moment is, in the climatic battle, Resurrected Villain Lady just says to hell with THIS and walks off! Sorcerer Guy says she owes him her life, but she just says she owes her life to no man, and just exits the movie, never to be seen again. That's pretty awesome.
• Also around the midway point Deathstalker and the princess he's helping get captured by amazons and he's made to fight their champion, a muscle-lady named Gorgo, in a make-shift wrestling ring, complete with a round card girl holding up posterboard signs with big numbers on them, apparently written in magic marker. Wait, wasn't this a medieval fantasy movie? Anyway, Gorgo was pretty great! We found ourselves rooting for her. Sadly the needs of the plot won out and D.S. knocked her out with a dual chop in round 15, but she showed up again at the ending celebration, feasting away, living her best life.
• Princess lady, while not a great actor, had fun with her role. She was so gosh-darn gee-whiz energetic with it, it was hard to hate her. Sadly the movie took several opportunities to remove her top. Checking IMDB, she's mostly known for roles of a pornological nature.
• In addition that, she had a dual role as a clone made by the eeevil sorcerer, who apparently has this thing where she devours hapless sex partners in a burst of cloud-machine fog, leaving nothing but blood streaks around her mouth and a frozen mask that she hangs on her bed like a trophy. This is mostly to set up her seduction of Mr. Stalker later, an excuse to take off the rest of her clothes as well.
• In non mostly-naked-lady scenes, there's one where Deathstalker and princess lady are surrounded by zombies and have to figure out how to get out of a very Dungeons & Dragons-ish tomb trap.

If you're of the proper mind/sex/orientation to enjoy all the breasts on display... well, actually, I don't know. There's such a lot of then, it is very hard to watch Deathstalker II without it being obvious that some heavy pandering is going on, whether you're the target of it or not. It is difficult to take it seriously at all, which is part of why I suggest group riffing. From what I remember Deathstalker I takes itself a lot more seriously, but isn't as much fun, and also has a lot of flesh. I think I heard that Joel riffed DS1 as part of a MST live tour? Deathstalker III has less nudity, and is less blatantly silly, and has been shown on MST3K. I am not sure about DS4.

posted by JHarris (5 comments total)

Deathstalker II is streaming on Amazon Prime Video and Tubi (with ads).
posted by Etrigan at 4:48 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Much less rape-y than Deathstalker I, though.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:21 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Joel was going to do Deathstalker I on the 2018 live tour, but ended up doing Deathstalker II because there was basically no movie left once they cut out all of the sexual assault.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:26 AM on February 6, 2020 [3 favorites]

DII is directed by famed schlock-meister Jim Wynorski. You may recognize the stars: DS was one of the lunkheads in Chopping Mall, while the princess was in Bachelor Party.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:31 AM on February 6, 2020 [1 favorite]

Thanks. Now I feel compelled to see if there is a Joe Bob Briggs review of this auteur work. And that just makes me nostalgic for drive-ins.
posted by Ignorantsavage at 11:22 PM on February 8, 2020 [1 favorite]