Children of the Corn (2020)
February 28, 2023 10:24 AM - Subscribe
Held from release for three years and rated an astonishing 0% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, writer-director Kurt Wimmer (Ultraviolet) turns in a Stephen King adaptation already considered one of the worst ever made. The trailer features old school trailer narrator voice as well as, somewhat hilariously, a spooky indie version of "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain."
Starring Elena Kampouris, Kate Moyer, Callan Mulvey and Bruce Spence.
Now playing in theaters. Coming to Shudder on March 21st. JustWatch listing.
Rumored to be a requel or a prequel or a pre/prequel, it turns out just to be another remake.
Starring Elena Kampouris, Kate Moyer, Callan Mulvey and Bruce Spence.
Now playing in theaters. Coming to Shudder on March 21st. JustWatch listing.
Rumored to be a requel or a prequel or a pre/prequel, it turns out just to be another remake.
The original was no great shakes either.
posted by holborne at 10:41 AM on February 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by holborne at 10:41 AM on February 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
Watched the 2009 version last night with some friends, and I find it hard to believe this won't at least be a little more watchable than that. This is just about the lowest possible bar, though. This franchise is truly baffling, a couple of stupid but decently fun entries early (I'll go to bat for 2 & 3 any time) followed by different shades of complete garbage. I don't know any "fans" of the series, and they can't be making that much money. No idea how they keep getting made.
So of course, I'll be somewhere in a theater Friday or Saturday seeing it because I've never seen one of these on the big screen before but I have seen almost all the other ones. My friends and I are reconvening Thursday night to watch Children of the Corn: Runaway so we'll be all caught up.
posted by tomorrowromance at 12:38 PM on February 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
So of course, I'll be somewhere in a theater Friday or Saturday seeing it because I've never seen one of these on the big screen before but I have seen almost all the other ones. My friends and I are reconvening Thursday night to watch Children of the Corn: Runaway so we'll be all caught up.
posted by tomorrowromance at 12:38 PM on February 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
I just checked RT and it's at 9%. Which is kinda impressive in its own perverse way.
posted by miss-lapin at 1:14 PM on February 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by miss-lapin at 1:14 PM on February 28, 2023 [2 favorites]
I can’t help but think somewhere in this, with the subject matter and the delay of three years (what notable event has been ongoing for three years now?), there’s a good joke to be made about “corn teen.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:52 AM on March 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:52 AM on March 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
there’s a good joke to be made about “corn teen.”
Teen corn, surely?
This looks to be definitely a streaming junk-watch film. The 'spooky indie version of "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"' is doubly hilarious because, in addition to being a rank cliche, the trailer shows the film to be set somewhere in the midwest, where there are infamously no mountains. And all the murder children, oh my. I always took the original story to have probably originated from King having probably had his mind blown by driving through the midwest and seeing miles and miles and miles and endless fucking miles of the same crop (or soybeans, but "Children of the Soy" doesn't have quite the same ring to it) after being used to relatively small New England farms. There is something about that never-ending sea of stalks; you could imagine that there's a corn cult in every county. What else is there to do? But this seems to be heavy on the murder children and light on He Who Walks Behind the Rows.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:17 AM on March 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
Teen corn, surely?
This looks to be definitely a streaming junk-watch film. The 'spooky indie version of "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"' is doubly hilarious because, in addition to being a rank cliche, the trailer shows the film to be set somewhere in the midwest, where there are infamously no mountains. And all the murder children, oh my. I always took the original story to have probably originated from King having probably had his mind blown by driving through the midwest and seeing miles and miles and miles and endless fucking miles of the same crop (or soybeans, but "Children of the Soy" doesn't have quite the same ring to it) after being used to relatively small New England farms. There is something about that never-ending sea of stalks; you could imagine that there's a corn cult in every county. What else is there to do? But this seems to be heavy on the murder children and light on He Who Walks Behind the Rows.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:17 AM on March 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
Who knew they made six sequels to the 1984 Children of the Corn? I didn't.
There's probably an excellent horror movie to be made in 2023 where a bus full of Wal-Mart executives or hedge fund managers (plane crash for them... they wouldn't ride on a bus) gets waylaid in the heartland and systematically slaughtered by a cult of teenagers whose families were destroyed by debt and unemployment... guess this one isn't it though.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 12:08 PM on March 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
There's probably an excellent horror movie to be made in 2023 where a bus full of Wal-Mart executives or hedge fund managers (plane crash for them... they wouldn't ride on a bus) gets waylaid in the heartland and systematically slaughtered by a cult of teenagers whose families were destroyed by debt and unemployment... guess this one isn't it though.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 12:08 PM on March 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
MetaFilter: just savage, pitiless hatred.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:58 PM on March 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by kirkaracha at 12:58 PM on March 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
I nearly bought tickets to this for this weekend
We may need to do an intervention.
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:34 PM on March 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
We may need to do an intervention.
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:34 PM on March 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
Who knew they made six sequels to the 1984 Children of the Corn? I didn't.
There’s probably an FPP to be made about the franchising of horror films and the inverse ratio of initial prestige and impact to subsequent sequels and remakes. The Shining had a single sequel some forty years after the initial release and a forgettable TV movie remake at some point. The Omen had two or three diminishing-returns sequels and a pallid remake decades on. The underrated, influential Black Christmas has spawned a couple of seemingly pointless remakes. 28 Days Later... generated a singe sequel. Rosemary’s Baby still stands alone, so far as I know.
Further down the food chain, you’ve got the annuities of things like Halloween or Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street with varying sequels and reboots.
Much, much further down we come to things like the Amityville franchise, which kicked off with an indifferent 1979 entry and now spawns uncountable weird entries — the apparent mashups of Amityville Bigfoot and Amityville Anaconda and Amityville Leprechaun and The Amityville Exorcist (and the seemingly unrelated Amityville Exorcism) as well as what sounds like a series of hopeful attempts to relaunch and start clean: Amityville Regeneration, The Amityville Legacy, Amityville Resurgence, Amityville: A New Generation . On top of those, we have apparent dalliances into softcore, both coy (Amityville Emmanuelle) and not (Amityville Vibrator). And just to show they are au courant, it looks like Amityville Cocaine Bear is in production.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:26 AM on March 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
There’s probably an FPP to be made about the franchising of horror films and the inverse ratio of initial prestige and impact to subsequent sequels and remakes. The Shining had a single sequel some forty years after the initial release and a forgettable TV movie remake at some point. The Omen had two or three diminishing-returns sequels and a pallid remake decades on. The underrated, influential Black Christmas has spawned a couple of seemingly pointless remakes. 28 Days Later... generated a singe sequel. Rosemary’s Baby still stands alone, so far as I know.
Further down the food chain, you’ve got the annuities of things like Halloween or Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street with varying sequels and reboots.
Much, much further down we come to things like the Amityville franchise, which kicked off with an indifferent 1979 entry and now spawns uncountable weird entries — the apparent mashups of Amityville Bigfoot and Amityville Anaconda and Amityville Leprechaun and The Amityville Exorcist (and the seemingly unrelated Amityville Exorcism) as well as what sounds like a series of hopeful attempts to relaunch and start clean: Amityville Regeneration, The Amityville Legacy, Amityville Resurgence, Amityville: A New Generation . On top of those, we have apparent dalliances into softcore, both coy (Amityville Emmanuelle) and not (Amityville Vibrator). And just to show they are au courant, it looks like Amityville Cocaine Bear is in production.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:26 AM on March 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
@ricochet biscuit I regret to inform you of the existence of the 1976 TV movie Look What's Happened to Rosemary's Baby and the 2014 limited series remake. I haven't seen the latter, but it's probably safe to say it's not quite at the same level as the original feature.
Also worth noting that the Amityville franchise proper is "only" 10 movies. Because it's the name of a town, the word "Amityville" can't be blocked by standard legal parameters/registration regarding film titles. Numerous unscrupulous filmmakers have cashed in on this loophole by making completely unrelated movies. This title business is probably the only thing that has stopped Children of the Corn from having a similar proliferation of (x) of the Corn knock-offs.
posted by tomorrowromance at 8:19 AM on March 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
Also worth noting that the Amityville franchise proper is "only" 10 movies. Because it's the name of a town, the word "Amityville" can't be blocked by standard legal parameters/registration regarding film titles. Numerous unscrupulous filmmakers have cashed in on this loophole by making completely unrelated movies. This title business is probably the only thing that has stopped Children of the Corn from having a similar proliferation of (x) of the Corn knock-offs.
posted by tomorrowromance at 8:19 AM on March 2, 2023 [3 favorites]
Amityville Emmanuelle
holy shit, you're not kidding. Not sure if I'd even want to junkwatch this, because it might not have the line "I've been possessed... by your penis!" in it.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:20 PM on March 2, 2023
holy shit, you're not kidding. Not sure if I'd even want to junkwatch this, because it might not have the line "I've been possessed... by your penis!" in it.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:20 PM on March 2, 2023
Numerous unscrupulous filmmakers have cashed in on this loophole by making completely unrelated movies.
Well, I never.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:49 PM on March 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Well, I never.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:49 PM on March 2, 2023 [1 favorite]
Every Children of the Corn Movie, Ranked (Vulture)
Can’t say I’ve been paying attention, but three of them are worse than this one, and two are better than the OG? It’s a take.
posted by box at 6:12 PM on March 2, 2023
Can’t say I’ve been paying attention, but three of them are worse than this one, and two are better than the OG? It’s a take.
posted by box at 6:12 PM on March 2, 2023
Box: Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice is widely understood to be the Empire Strikes Back of the franchise.
Believe, bruh.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:00 AM on March 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
Believe, bruh.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:00 AM on March 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
I went to see this thing in a real movie theater on Friday night, marking the first time I have ever seen any in the series during its theatrical run. (I did see the short film "Disciples of the Crow" at a horror movie marathon once, though!) It's a little better than I expected, and it has some interesting ideas but doesn't do anything with them. Things are going to Hell in this small Nebraska town because the farmers sold out to Monsanto (well, a fictional analogue) and that's ruining things for the next generation. That's an intriguing hook on which to hang a new take on the material, but that's all it is. There's still a corn monster, and I think the movie would have worked better if it did either the corn monster or the "violent child uprising because the adults are killing the future for short-term benefit." Doing both just makes it feel disjointed and sort of undercuts the impact of the latter.
Kate Moyer, the girl who plays the Issac analog in this movie ("Eden"), is a lot of fun and it's clear she was having a blast. It looks way more like a real movie than most of the other entries, although all of the CG--and especially the atrocious ending, which feels like it was tacked on at the very last second--is almost unbelievably terrible. I'd say it's solid middle/high-tier Children of the Corn, which still means it's not something I'd recommend to anyone other than people who have seen all the other ones.
posted by tomorrowromance at 4:45 PM on March 5, 2023
Kate Moyer, the girl who plays the Issac analog in this movie ("Eden"), is a lot of fun and it's clear she was having a blast. It looks way more like a real movie than most of the other entries, although all of the CG--and especially the atrocious ending, which feels like it was tacked on at the very last second--is almost unbelievably terrible. I'd say it's solid middle/high-tier Children of the Corn, which still means it's not something I'd recommend to anyone other than people who have seen all the other ones.
posted by tomorrowromance at 4:45 PM on March 5, 2023
I have to be honest: of late, I've seen a lot of mediocre, pretentious horror movies, and it was kind of nice to see an okay, unpretentious horror movie for a change. Eden basically makes the film; if some other kid actor had been there, I don't know. I was disappointed by how much action took place off screen -- it felt more than a little like a TV movie that had a few gore FX shots shoehorned into it when they thought it might go theatrical -- but it's not the worst thing I've seen this year, by a longshot.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:02 AM on July 3, 2023
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:02 AM on July 3, 2023
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I posted this to save folks the trouble of hating it in the theater, since we will be able to hate it in on Shudder in short order.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:27 AM on February 28, 2023 [1 favorite]