Bachelor in Paradise: Episodes 2 & 3

August 11, 2016 7:25 AM - Season 3, Episode 2

This dumpster fire of a reality show delivers in its second week.

Major plotlines: The Chad leaves. Leah arrives. Love triangle between Leah, Nick, Amanda. Grant and Lace reconnect. Carly uses Evan to get a rose. Vinny kisses Sarah and Izzy. Daniel ends up giving rose to Sarah. Rose ceremony sends Jubilee and Leah home. Josh arrives. Amanda forgets entirely who Nick is. Carly and Evan go on a date and break a record. Jared and Emily flirt. Nick & Josh showdown. Christian arrives and asks out Sarah; Daniel is jealous. But, Sarah is actually digging Daniel. Carly comes clean to Evan and tells him she's not interested; he's heartbroken. Some guy named Brandon arrives, asks out Haley. The twins play a switcheroo on the date and Brandon is none the wiser. Evan decides to write his own date card to ask out Amanda, which is the cliff on which we're left hanging.

posted by bologna on wry (6 comments total)

Trying to not even read your synopsis, so hard! I haven't watched it yet but will be back tomorrow to share my thoughts. Thanks for getting this very important show in the list ;)
posted by the webmistress at 8:16 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Okay, so I was really feeling bad for Evan. He's like that super nice guy you know who perpetually laments being single but at the same time has absolutely zero fucking clues about womankind and is hopelessly blind to all flashing, neon signals they emit from their every bodily pore. Granted, I did feel like Carly was a little heartless in her interviews behind his back. I mean, there was a way to get her point across without being so mean, you know? And so there I am, feeling all bad for him and then he goes and decides after crying it out for a while that his grave needs just a little more digging and proceeds to write his own date card with which to ask out Amanda.

I mean. What the actual fuck, y'all?

I swear watching him is the epitome of fremdschämen. What sort of alternate reality is he even living in where the idea of writing his own date card and asking Amanda out presents as a solid and even potentially successful plan? It's truly mind-boggling.

Also: Josh is a spectacular asshole, and did Chad really believe he could become the next Bachelor? Like, really reeeally? What planets are these people living on? Also, Jared is getting more boring by the minute and I'm starting to wonder why I liked him, I have no idea who that Brandon fella even is, and the twins (and even Daniel of all people) are kinda growing on me.
posted by bologna on wry at 8:20 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

I caught up last night. Haha. I don't even know where to begin. I am honestly having trouble understanding the premise of the show. It seems that everyone just spends a lot of time sitting around shady areas talking. Well, lounging or laying down, more like it. No one on this show knows how to sit in a chair.

You know what bugs the crap out of me? That ABC continues to give a platform to men that are verbally abusive. Chad is verbally (and physically) abusive towards men and women, and if you can believe what Andi Dorfman wrote in her book about Josh (supposedly confirmed by several past gfs) he is very verbally abusive and controlling. Why invite these men on? Chad was a huge mistake.....he cannot adult and should never have been there. Josh was obvs invited on for the Nick drama but has Josh ever even spoken since the first day? I mean actual words and not just moaning and groaning. It's hilarious and beyond gross. Amanda and Josh never speak. Why are they even there? It must be nice to get away from everything for a month for a free vacation so you can just lay around all day and make out.

I think Evan and Carly are going to end up engaged, and her repulsion is scripted. No one comes back from revulsion, do they? I mean...a shitty kiss is a shitty kiss, right? Is this show completely scripted? I honestly cannot tell.

Will someone please explain everyone's fascination for Jared?? He is a very very nice guy but wow his head must be so swollen by now. Right now there are three women swooning over him. It just seems so scripted, am I right? Like....can Ashley still really possibly be into him, and did she expect him to fall all over her? She hasn't seen him irl at all since last BiP but just expected to walk onto the sand and somehow pick up where they left off? I mean, I don't know "where they left off" exactly but I'm assuming they were not together at the end of the last season. I mean, who irl sits around for half a year waiting to get cast on a tv so they can see some guy who might also get cast on the show show up so they can wheedle and beg and whine to get back together with him?

Christ on a stick I am really overthinking this! I am pretty positive it's 100% scripted and I should just turn off my brain while watching it and enjoy the scenery and the food porn shots ;)
posted by the webmistress at 12:16 PM on August 18, 2016

I will just continue talking to myself here. I'm not sure if the women on this show are being flighty because they know they're on BiP and it's expected (because really, nothing else ever happens....) but it's kind of weird how willing some of the ppl on this show are to jam their tongues down some guy's throat until a cuter person shows up, and so far it's been all women doing it I think? So far Amanda, Calli (sp) and Izzy have sampled the newer wares. Is this what is supposed to happen? Because really, not much happens. I don't know how many shows are left but I am assuming they're going to announce the next bach on the last episode, which is why I keep watch. Yep. That's the reason. That is the ONLY reason ;P
posted by the webmistress at 10:21 AM on August 23, 2016

Oh yeah and what is up with Daniel? Is he even interested in women? I mean...no romantic interest in anyone that I have seen, or even any trying.

I think Carli and Evan are cute.
posted by the webmistress at 10:24 AM on August 23, 2016

Tonight's episode had everyone's favorite regular guy, Wells, making out with three women in one day. I am grossed out.

I feel sorry for Grant and what I see as an upleasant, drama-filled future for him. He seems like such a great person, and is so loving and kind.

Josh is scary as fuck. I really think ABC needs to stop featuring these verbally abusive assholes on their shows.

Picking Nick as the bachelor is an odd choice, but honestly, better than Luke or Chase or Robby or any of them...they were all so boring. Even so, Nick is pretty much the face of the franchise at this point, and a lot of people are just sick of looking at him. Will I watch? Yeah. To tell the truth I think at this point Nick feels that being ditched is his bread and butter, so I wouldn't be surprised if he pulls a Brad Womack somehow, and leaves alone. This is probably the end of the bach road for him, and from here the only place to go is on Dancing With the Stars.

I will never ever watch any show that features even one second of Ashley on it.
posted by the webmistress at 7:27 AM on August 31, 2016