Riverdale: Heart of Darkness   Books Included 
February 27, 2017 10:15 AM - Season 1, Episode 5 - Subscribe

Cheryl's parents hold Jason's memorial, but refuse to let her speak. Coach Clayton pits Archie and Reggie against each other for the coveted spot of team captain. Archie is introduced to a potential songwriting mentor. Betty and Jughead take the funeral as a chance to search the Blossom family mansion for clues.
posted by Bulgaroktonos (20 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST MOST RIDICULOUS THING.

Things I loved:

1) Of course Cheryl's family lives in a Gothic mansion that is 100% definitely haunted
2) Inviting people to a funeral because they're suspects
3) Veronica and Cheryl having a sleepover in costumes and a set clearly stolen from a low budget vampire erotica
4) Aunt Rose, with her creepily hiding in rooms and single bit of red hair, in case you forgot.
5)A MAPLE SYRUP blood feud dating back generations

I totally lost my mind several times during this episode. It's everything I want out of this absurd show.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:20 AM on February 27 [25 favorites]


Living in Canada, my husband and I could not stop roaring at the maple syrup feud angle!

OH YOU MEAN THE MAPLE GROVES OF A CLEARLY PACIFIC NORTHWEST TOWN

I absolutely love this trash fire of a show.
posted by Kitteh at 10:30 AM on February 27 [8 favorites]


This is my favorite show to hatewatch / MST3Kwatch since Smash, and we're only five eps in? Paradise.
posted by Etrigan at 10:35 AM on February 27


This show is delightful, stylish trash.

Aunt Rose wasn't just hiding in that room. She had clearly been facing the corner in the dark.

Archie is the least interesting character in this show already, and putting the Grundy storyline on pause* is not helping matters.

Jughead wore that hat to the memorial. (Do Juggie's friends know he's homeless?)

Bettie's adorkable mannerisms slay me.

* I assume we haven't seen the last of her. She's still a potential suspect in Jason's murder.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 11:31 AM on February 27 [4 favorites]


She's still a potential suspect in Jason's murder.

Oh, shit, I didn't even think of that. I was about to say "No, they know that she was with Archie", but duh, that wasn't when he died. For that matter, no one's been ruled out, have they.
posted by Etrigan at 11:33 AM on February 27


I dunno, I think Betty's dad is making a pretty compelling murder suspect. But then I have a half-baked theory that perhaps Polly might be an accidental murderess, but who knows?
posted by Kitteh at 11:38 AM on February 27


But then I have a half-baked theory that perhaps Polly might be an accidental murderess, but who knows?

I don't care how much "evidence" there is, I'm going to keep believing that Betty is just Polly's post-breakdown personality.
posted by Etrigan at 11:47 AM on February 27 [6 favorites]


Yeah, I believed that too, but I think even that might be too outlandish for this show.
posted by Kitteh at 11:53 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]


Breakdown Betty acting as Polly could still have killed Jason, though, even if Polly is also a separate real person. I don't think they'd go there, because Betty is Betty, but she also almost killed a dude like two weeks ago.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:34 PM on February 27 [3 favorites]


Yeah, I believed that too, but I think even that might be too outlandish for this show.

I still say it's gonna be Afterlife With Archie before S3.
posted by Etrigan at 12:45 PM on February 27


I still say it's gonna be Afterlife With Archie before S3.

I'd really love them to spinoff a dark Sabrina show. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is something I love more than it probably deserves.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:47 PM on February 27 [2 favorites]


wow I am so at odds with everyone. I think the actress playing Cheryl really wasn't up to this episode? She's felt really fake the whole way through, in all the episodes so far, but it sort of worked as a teenage-girl-constructed-persona kind of mannerism, which is what her character is. But this episode that persona should have cracked, and it didn't.

Same way the actor playing Jughead makes it feel really, really awkward, like he's not landing his lines - but that works for the character of Jughead, because he is an awkward dude living in his head. But when he's alone talking to himself, or talking to his father like at the end of the last episode, that awkwardness should fall away, and his line readings should flow better and feel more confident. That hasn't happened either.

So at this point it feels like bad acting. (Or bad directing. It's hard to tell.) And in this episode, Cheryl's scenes really dragged.

but tbqh it's possible that I just dislike Cheryl and have a crush on Betty.
posted by Rainbo Vagrant at 2:56 PM on February 27


I think Cheryl is supposed to seem artificial. Her makeup is way over the top (I swear the makeup team glues three sets of eyelashes to the actor's poor eyelids) and so are her clothes.

I loved the gothic McMansion and bloody maple syrup betrayal.
posted by Stonkle at 7:29 PM on February 27 [5 favorites]


Gotta love that Thornhill still keeps in the local candelabra company in business.
posted by Kitteh at 6:29 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


Polly might be an accidental murderess

What if Polly has left/escaped from wherever she is supposed to be and the Coopers are keeping it hushed up? That's why Betty can't visit.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 7:22 AM on February 28 [1 favorite]


So Jason was totally running away to find Polly, wasn't he?

Is Polly pregnant?
posted by vibratory manner of working at 4:51 PM on February 28 [8 favorites]


I said this on Twitter, too: With the creepy Blossoms in their creepy mansion, and the hints of My Sweet Audrina with Betty's storyline, this show is starting to feel more inspired by VC Andrews than Archie Andrews.

And I am LOVING IT.
posted by rhiannonstone at 9:48 PM on February 28 [5 favorites]


This show is pure Dallas, Dynasty, and Melrose Place for the modern age. It is such a trashy soap opera and the Archie/Twin Peaks fa├žade is paper thin to me. Aaron Spelling would be proud of this baby...but would probably cast Heather Locklear in there somewhere...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 4:36 PM on March 1


Oh, shit, I didn't even think of that. I was about to say "No, they know that she was with Archie", but duh, that wasn't when he died. For that matter, no one's been ruled out, have they.

I think at this point it's pretty obvious that Bob is behind everything.

Also, Jughead is totally going to have a dream set in a red room.
posted by happyroach at 9:51 PM on March 2 [1 favorite]


I both loved and was utterly creeped out by how they set up Jason's funeral as a wedding with Cheryl as the bride. We see her in black, we see everyone gathered, and then people start to turn and look back, just like when the bride enters the church. And here she is all in white.

Honestly, Cheryl full of sadness and actually vulnerable is kinda magnetic and I don't see how Veronica could resist those lips; I sure wouldn't have been able to in high school.
posted by Margalo Epps at 10:10 AM on March 12 [2 favorites]


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