FanFare

a.k.a. Blood Legacy or Will to Die. John Carradine, as shown in a video will, has left a mountain of cash to his descendants, but his servants will get it if they all croak. As you can probably guess, the rest of the movie resembles the sound of a marsh at sunset. Sadly a dog is among the first to go. This is Cinematic Titanic #4; #5, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, we're holding off on until the holiday season.
posted by JHarris on Sep 7, 2023 - 1 comment

Rewatch! John Carradine knows One Weird Trick to prolong life in humans: change out their pineal glands! But as a side effect it turns the subjects into mutants. Contains Tor Johnson, who know what time it for. Has shorts devoted to the subjects of posture and parental obedience. Previously
posted by JHarris on Aug 16, 2020 - 3 comments

Rewatch! On Thursday: Puma? Puma! An unflappable med student so irks his prospective fraternity brothers that they arrange for an initiation where he must get the ring off the hand of a corpse. John Carradine thinks back on the event and laaaaughs. Most of the episode is just lead up, making for a pretty boring experience. Fortunately we have three wisecracking intermediaries to help make the film watchable. Previously
posted by JHarris on May 13, 2020 - 3 comments

aka "Night Train to Mundo Fine" Oh god, we're HERE. John Carradine tells us (and sings!) about Griffin, who "ran all the way to hell." Griffin is who we follow, with two accomplices, as they engage of a series of pointless adventures, including participating in the Bay of Pigs (which is only the middle of the movie) and trying to muscle into a lucrative tungsten mine. With short Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance: Think tall! Talk tall! Stand tall! Walk tall! This film, another of the absolute worst MST ever did, offers an almost physical level of pain. It should be watched by diehards only, who will love this episode. But don't introduce newbies to the show with this one, or you might scar them. Good luck everyone. Against my better judgement, here is the episode on YouTube. (1h31m) Premiered December 17, 1994. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 1, 2017 - 13 comments

"Lured! to the house of monsters." "Guaranteed to FRIGHTEN!" John Carradine is a mad scientist convinced he has the key to eternal life, namely a gland transplant. It turns his test subjects into mutants, but you know what they say about omelets and eggs, right? With shorts Posture Pals and Appreciating Our Parents. The first short has kids learning about posture in school and bying to become Posture Royalty. The second is an oppressive piece devoted to killing any joy and spontaneity a kid might have in the name of parental obedience. The movie's kind of a slog (even though it contains our first exposure to Tor Johnson!), but the shorts are both iconic, and the host segments are pretty good. YouTube (1h37m) Premiered December 14, 1991. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Sep 2, 2015 - 4 comments