Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: NRA TV

March 5, 2018 7:03 AM - Season 5, Episode 3

This week:

• The Trump Administration, "which is truly like a circus in that nothing about it is funny, and I badly want it to end." It continues to hemmorage staffers, most recently Hope Hicks.
• Jared Kushner loses his Top Secret clearance.
• And Now: Would You Like To Be On The Maury Show?
• Main story: NRA TV (YouTube), the little-known streaming service. LWT answers the question you now no doubt have: What the fuck is that? Oh, you are not prepared for this....
• And Now: Proof That NRATV's Tone Can Make Anything Seem Scary. A LWT-produced bit: "She IS the oven's contemptible whore, and her name is MUFFINS."

Stupidest fact of the day: the sole remaining original (presumably non-family) Trump staffer from the campaign is Dan Scavino, social media director and Trump's former golf caddy.

People The Maury Show is looking for:

• "Are you a mistress who's in love with a married man and you want him to choose once and for all between you and his wife?"
• "Are you a woman dating a much younger man and you suspect he's using you for your money and a place to live?"
• "Are you a woman dating a much younger man and you suspect he's cheating on you?"
• "Is your father dating a much younger woman and you think she's cheating on him?"
• "Are you convinced your daughter's boyfriend or husband is cheating on her?"
• "Are you convinced your mother is having sex with your boyfriend or husband?"
• "Are you a man who feels it's your right to control your wife or girlfriend?"
• "Is there a possibility of two or more men being the father of your child and you want paternity test to prove which one is?"
• "Is there a possibility that one of two brothers is the father of your child and you want a paternity test to prove which one is the father?"
• "Are you 18 years old or older and the man you believe is your father claims that he is not?"
• "Did you get pregnant from a one-night stand that was set up on a dating app?"
• "Does your child look like they belong to another race?"
• "Did another woman's husband get you pregnant and you want to prove it with a DNA test?"
• "Are you a grandmother who loves wearing sexy and revealing clothes and it's driving your family crazy?"

F.37 "Sendus Clonus" BARBRA STREISAND

posted by JHarris (8 comments total)

Just... what exactly is the Maury Show? Other than probably not being as bad as NRATV?

The tip-toeing gators would be a great album cover.
posted by lmfsilva at 10:56 AM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

The Maury Show is an old-school syndicated daytime 'talk show' (competing with Ellen and Jerry Springer) hosted by former-somewhat-respected-newscaster Maury Povich. A less violence-prone Springer, best known for doing paternity tests and announcing the results on-air ("You are NOT the father!")
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:12 AM on March 5, 2018 [4 favorites]

Jeff Sessions:
- Confederate Smurf
- A casting director's second choice for an incontinence ad
- The result of a one night stand between Strom Thurmond and a golden raisin

Hope Hicks: Girl who started that mean rumor about you in high school

Dan Scavino looking suspicious:
- looking at porn at work
- "you didn't see anything and if you say a word I'll break your fucking neck"
- "oh no I just realized I left my 'Craigslist friend' in the punishment box"

Jared Kushner:
- America's busiest businessboy
- He truly is his father-in-law's son. The only real difference is one of them has electrifying sexual chemistry with Ivanka Trump and the other is Jared Kushner.

Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross: How is he not Magoo?? Because that is the Magooiest shit I've ever seen right there!
posted by numaner at 11:29 AM on March 5, 2018 [2 favorites]

A less violence-prone Springer, best known for doing paternity tests and announcing the results on-air ("You are NOT the father!")
Oh. If they also do polygraph tests, then that's where some shit on afternoon TV here is coming from.
posted by lmfsilva at 11:50 AM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

Dan Scavino looking suspicious:

It's not literally impossible but it really is surprisingly difficult to find him not looking dodgy one way or another. Go try, you'll see.
posted by scalefree at 8:55 PM on March 5, 2018 [1 favorite]

As a frequent baker and partaker of muffins (this morning I had a glass of milk and two homemade peanut butter muffins with chocolate spread on them for breakfast, and I regret nothing), I rather resented the muffinist pancake agenda bit.
posted by orange swan at 11:07 AM on March 6, 2018 [1 favorite]

The bulk of my research in the last six months has been about NRATV.
There is... a lot to study in there, even though the service hasn't been around that long.
posted by Superplin at 7:33 PM on March 7, 2018 [1 favorite]

If they also do polygraph tests, then that's where some shit on afternoon TV here is coming from.

Oh they definitely do! And somehow they can tell not only that you cheated, but that you did it more than like 5 times. Maury’s show made frequent appearances on the Soup
posted by LizBoBiz at 3:00 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]