Bullet Train (2022)
August 2, 2022 6:36 PM - Subscribe

Unlucky assassin Ladybug is determined to do his job peacefully after one too many gigs gone off the rails. Fate, however, may have other plans, as Ladybug's latest mission puts him on a collision course with lethal adversaries from around the globe--all with connected, yet conflicting, objectives--on the world's fastest train.

There is nothing like watching Tarantino-lite to make you appreciate the actual skill Tarantino brings to his films (amidst all the nonsense). All the actors are more or less fine (though Michael Shannon is no David Carradine), the premise is functional, the fights are okay, the script has almost no zip at all. There is one genuinely funny cameo.
posted by praemunire (7 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
What with all the reschedulings, it's been a bad couple years for seeing trailers waaaaaaaaaaaay too many times. Do you know how many times I gave Maverick the finger over the past year and a half?
posted by praemunire at 9:03 PM on August 2 [1 favorite]

While waiting for the movie's release I read the book - it was certainly entertaining but seemed to be very much a case of trap your hero in a tree then throw rocks at him until eventually a divine force rescues him. That divine force in this case is amazingly fortuitous character history and placement along a Shinkansen line.

I'll watch it and probably enjoy it, but doubt I'll recommend it.
posted by Molesome at 1:10 AM on August 3 [1 favorite]

I will say: if you want to understand what "star power" is, watch Pitt in this film. No matter how loopy the action, no matter how cringe-inducing the running gag he's stuck in gets (it only lands about 1/3 of the time), no matter that he's dressed like "every white homeless dude I've ever seen," you never doubt that the camera should be following him.
posted by praemunire at 12:32 PM on August 3 [1 favorite]

If like me you're not good with faces the cameos are explained here.

Channing Tatum (to me: "that guy who looks familiar") is the passenger who puts on Ladybug's hat and glasses.

Ryan Reynolds is the assassin Carver whose place Ladybug takes. I never noticed him at all.

I thought the movie was fine. Decent action/comedy with the silliness you'd expect from the trailers. Not a classic but I had a good couple of hours watching it.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 2:25 AM on August 5

Enjoyed the book, enjoyed the movie!
posted by exceptinsects at 3:27 PM on August 7

This is a huge, knowingly preposterous, hilarious action movie. It belongs on a shelf with Con Air, if that helps people calibrate.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:27 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]

I don't know, man, some of the banter is just so leaden. The Thomas stuff actually has a decent payoff but the taxiing around to get it off the ground...I've seen this movie a couple times now because I need to get out of the house and I can watch the nearby reserved-seating theater for late-night shows that are sparsely populated, and I just want to rescue Bryan Tyree Henry from those stretches.

I am sad to report there is no overnight bullet train from Tokyo to Kyoto, in considerable part because the bullet train trip between them only takes 2+ hours. Also, the train car design is quite different (a pity, to me the actual design looks cheesy). However, there is this beauty of a train on the island of Kyushu.
posted by praemunire at 10:23 AM on August 10

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