The book starts out with Harry having an arranged meeting with Pa and Willy around the time of Gramps's funeral. They are completely baffled as to why Harry left, which is why he decided to write this book explaining it.
Then the book jumps to the day before Diana's death--it was a nice one--and Charles having to break the news to Harry that "she didn't make it." Harry semi-reasonably assumes his mother went into hiding, even though one of his aunts brought him a lock of her hair. It was a messed-up confusing time. His father takes him to Africa to meet the Spice Girls, which would improve Pa's image. Harry notes that at the time in Fiji, a national holiday in Pa's honor had been rescinded. Pa would come to visit him before going to bed, but was better at writing Harry a letter of praise rather than saying it to his face.
Then Harry went back to school at Ludgrove, where he recounts stories of the drumming teacher, the history teacher razzing him about not being interested in his own family history, and his father's "jokes" about his parentage, which were not so funny. Harry notes that nearly every biography of him as to point out that Hewitt wasn't his dad, and includes "a description of the moment Pa finally sat me down for a proper heart-to-heart, reassuring me that Major Hewitt wasn't my real father. Vivid scene, poignant, moving, and wholly made up. If Pa had any thoughts about Major Hewitt, he kept them to himself."
The boys meet Camilla and it goes all right. Harry feels like getting his approval (after Willy's) was merely formality, they probably talked about horses or something. This is where Harry says he and Willy were asked about marrying her (see this article for the recap) and they politely said they'd rather he not marry her but would otherwise welcome her into the family--they just didn't want the controversy and drama of a wedding. Charles said nothing, but Camilla leaked her private conversations with Willy to the press straightaway.
Harry goes to Eton, a place for brilliant boys, which Harry was... not. Also, Willy said to not know him at school, which makes me roll my eyes and go LITERALLY EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE RELATED, DUMBASS. "Willy always hated it when anyone made the mistake of thinking us a package deal...to attend the same school, was pure murder."
I note that Harry does not like wearing kilts, "with that worrisome knife in your sock and that breeze up your arse." Nor does he love that the uniform at Eton is to literally and perpetually mourn the death of Henry VI. "Any boy might balk at taking part in a never-ending funeral, but for a boy who'd just lost his mum it was a daily kick in the balls."
Harry gets a bad haircut by his mates, the media calls him a skinhead. He breaks his thumb, then he's on death's door. "My existence was just fun and games to these people. I wasn't a human being to them.. I wasn't a fourteen-year-old-boy hanging on by his fingernails. I was a cartoon character, a glove puppet to be manipulated and mocked for fun....All was justified because I was royal, and in their minds royal was synonymous with non-person." Charles's office lodges a formal complaint, "the newspaper told Pa's office to sod off." He's labeled "the naughty one" every time he makes a mistake.
Books that remind Harry of his life: Hamlet, which he refuses to read after he figures out the plot--too close to home. But Of Mice and Men was short, and reminded him of him and his brother. He and Willy were either ignoring each other or fighting/brawling, either alone or with other kids.
Harry and Willy go to Africa for the first time and love it. He learns to hunt.
The Windsor men hate going to Klosters because of "the Wall," where they are forced to line up and get their pictures taken and answer questions. "The Wall was the price we paid for a hassle-free hour on the slopes.'
Harry on his great-grandmother, "Gan-Gan:" "She was born three years before the aeroplane was invented yet still played the bongo drums on her hundredth birthday."
Harry and Willy have "Club H," their basement hideaway at Highgrove. It's the one place they let their hair down and party. Then he's asked to tell "the truth," which Harry thinks is about how he lost his virginity. Um, nope, not that. It's "are you doing drugs," because a story's going to be written about that. Harry assumes that his father's going to stop the editor, but NOPE, he's "going to play ball with her. They were going full Neville Chamberlain." Because being single dad to a "drug-addicted" son supposedly makes Charles look better--???? Harry notes that this comes from Camilla's spin doctor.
Harry didn't really know "Aunt Margo" and avoided her. "She could kill a houseplant with one scowl." She once gave him a Biro pen with a rubber fish wrapped around it for Christmas. "That is cold-blooded," Harry thought." In 2002, Aunt Margo and Gan-Gan die. The Koh-i-Noor is trotted out for the latter's funeral. "I always thought that Granny experienced all the normal human emotions. She just knew better than the rest of us mortals ho to control them."
Harry notes another reporter tried to blackmail him over cocaine use (says he tried it once and "it wasn't much fun"), which Harry refuses to give into. The journalist has no evidence and gives up on it, but "he slithered into Clarence House, and became very good friends with Camilla and Pa."
Harry notes his grandma tapping along to her 50th jubilee concert...with earplugs on. He wants to hug her, but "I never had done and couldn't imagine any circumstance under such which an act might be sanctioned."
Harry and Pa discuss his future career and settle on the Army. Harry talks it over with his best friend Henners, and then Henners dies in another car crash.
Harry can't graduate from Eton without being in a play, and gets Conrade in Much Ado. Harry has a great time doing it, and also he's finally in a Shakespeare play for Pa! Pa enjoys it...but laughs at the wrong moments. Gramps did the same thing to Charles, apparently. Harry gets accused of cheating and is cleared, but the Palace won't let him defend himself. "Never complain, never explain." Pa's advice: "Darling boy, just don't read it." We're told Charles reads everything BUT the news, but everyone else reads the news.
Harry goes to Australia, staying with friends of Mummy's and working on their farm. It's the dead opposite of what he's used to. He acquires the nickname (even code name with his bodyguards) of "Spike" after he gets a photo taken with an echidna and it reminds everyone of his hair. While in Australia, Harry finds out about the butler's tell-all and is quite mad. The family issues a condemnation and that's about all that happens. After the press finds him there, he goes to Lesotho,. where he has to do a solo interview and talks about his mother for the first time in it...and then they bring up the time he was caught with a "page 3" girl.
Harry meets up with Chelsy when he's visiting Cape Town (he got her number years ago). "She seemed immune to that common affliction sometimes called throne syndrome." She didn't care about propriety or his family. He advises her to treat papping as "a chronic illness," "but she wasn't sure she wanted to have a chronic illness." You get used to it, Harry lies, but also admits that if you want to be around him, you have to deal with it.
Charles and Camilla get engaged, but at this point Harry and Willy are over their previous issues. No hard feelings. Harry feels like he loses Pa at this moment, obviously. "I didn't relish losing a second parent, and I had complex feelings about gaining a step-parent who, I believed, had recently sacrificed me on her personal PR altar." But he wants Pa to be happy, and maybe Camilla will be less dangerous if she's happy?
"Damn, I'd like all of us to be happy."
Harry's entry into the military is delayed when he lands on a bolt during a military exercise he and Willy were doing privately. The Palace claims it's rugby. The lie amuses Harry until the news starts saying he's afraid to go.
The Nazi uniform incident: it's a "Natives and Colonials" party, "a cringey theme" which requires them to "dress accordingly." Harry has nothing appropriate, but Willy and his new girlfriend Kate offer to help. Harry likes Kate right off, calls her "carefree, sweet, kind" and loves clothes. Both W&K say the point of this party is to dress ridiculous, and Willy ends up with some kind of homemade "...feline outfit." Harry loves making Kate laugh and when he worries that she'll take Willy from him, hopes someday he finds someone else to join the group laughter. He wants to make Kate laugh with his costume. He goes to a moldy costume shop, digs up a pilot uniform and a Nazi uniform, and asks W&K to vote. They vote Nazi because it's way more ridiculous. "Which, again, was the point." "They both howled." He notes that at the party, "no one looked twice at my costume. All the natives and colonials were more focused on getting drunk and groping each other." But of course, someone snaps a photo and it makes the media.
What was Harry thinking? "I wasn't." He realizes his brain has been turned off for awhile and feels horrible about it. Willy and Pa are actually sympathetic to the situation (FOR ONCE), Pa sends him to a holy man to make a public atonement. The chief rabbi of Britain is very nice to him and assures him that people do stupid things but it doesn't need to be their intrinsic nature.
The boys get a new private secretary, who they dub JLP. Harry asks him to investigate Diana's "death" and JLP does, providing him what are presumably the least bad photos of the bunch from the police. Harry looks at them and realizes there were paparazzi swarming around. They were photographing her but NOT helping. "The last thing Mummy saw on this earth was a flashbulb." However, she doesn't look awful in those photos, and Harry clings to his "she's not dead" denial.
Harry goes to boot camp, where all the sergeants all have tiny fussy fancy breeds of dogs. (Really?) All things considered, Harry isn't that bothered by boot camp--"they can't break me. Is it because I'm already broken?" and there's no press there. Until, well, there is. But he loves losing his "self" there. He marches a final eight miles after getting trench foot. He looks forward to going into battle after graduation.
Half of Britons are mad that Harry's been sent off to war, as even a spare hasn't gone for about 25 years. The other half say bravo, let him do it, and if he dies, he dies. The insurgent leaders have some super charming threats for him (and his ears). Meanwhile, Chels has completely unplugged from the press, so she's not hearing these things. Harry's deployment is called off after the sheer level of threats against him and that anyone near him will also be too much in danger. "Bullet magnet" and "the mother of all targets" are used. The reason he's being pulled is the press.
"Most of the time Wily and I didn't have any truck with all that Heir-Spare nonsense. But now and then I'd be brought up short and realize that on some level it really did matter to him. Professionally, personally, he cared where I was stood, what I was doing." He gets drunk a lot, he gets papped a lot, he ends up hiding in trunks to avoid them.
Harry and Willy put on a concert in their mother's honor to raise funds for charity, including Sentebale. They're too choked up to say much, but Harry gives a shoutout to his men. After another visit to Africa, Harry's still depressed, and asks for help to get into action. Iraq is too dangerous, but Afghanistan might work. He'll need to train for the job the guy has in mind (forward air controller), though. Harry ends up doing training around Sandringham, but Pa never visits because he's still "in his newlywed phase" 2 years later. Finally one day Pa sees an aircraft flying over, figures it's Harry, and comes to visit. Pa is proud.
While in Paris for the Rugby World Cup, Harry asks his driver to drive him through the tunnel his mother died in, at that speed. Harry is baffled that it's...not that awful, or even unusual. This is when it finally sinks in that his mother is dead, and gets pissed drunk. He later calls Willy and tells him what he's done, Willy said he did it too. They agree to do it again, together, and then finally talk about the implausibility of the whole thing. They wanted to ask for the inquiry to be re-opened, but "We were talked out of it by the powers that be."
A month later, Harry literally stows away to go to war. Despite what the media says, he and Chels haven't broken up. He ends up at Dwyer base, a place where everyone is covered in sand all the time. Don't focus on staying clean, focus on staying warm. He spends a lot of time watching nothing happen. But you can't get anything wrong, "every word and digit I spoke would have consequences." He notes that he had to go to Afghanistan to feel "normal" for the first time.
Harry asks to be transferred to Garmsir Base, which has a company of Nepalese people called Gurkhas. They are beloved fighters who also worship royalty, even when he asks them not to. They escort him everywhere, even to the bathroom. He's on call day and night there.
He moves to Edinburgh base, and at one point is delegated to bring journalists into the battlefield. This is supposedly done with the understanding that the news embargo is still in effect, but this sounds like a baaaaaaaaaaaad idea to me. They end up seeing an injured boy being used by the Taliban as bait to get the soldiers who swoop in to help him. Naturally after that, he hears people talking about "Red Fox" on the radio, and of course that's him, being outed and they're plotting his murder. Harry is pulled out.
Harry goes to visit Chels. He muses that while Chels likes/loves him, she doesn't like the royal baggage and that won't go away, so what hope is there? Nor does he want her spirit broken by Granny and the press or the British public. "It takes a certain kind of person to withstand the scrutiny, Teej, and I don't know if Chels can handle it. I don't know that I want to ask her to handle it." Harry says, "If I had a choice, I wouldn't want this life either."
"The press--they ruin everything, don't they? They do, they surely do."
Harry meets with a general about trying to get back into battle. Helicopter pilot would work, but that requires...two years of more schooling. While he ponders if he's up for that, he tries to find ways to help soldiers. This is incredibly touching. He also goes to Botswana again and helps his documentary filmmaker friends (Mike and Teej) film another project. And speaking of film...a film Harry did joking around with his military mates (the one where he said "P*ki," he says he didn't know that was a slur) makes the media. Nobody ever seemed uncomfortable about it, he knew nothing about unconscious bias, he thought the word was harmless, like "Aussies." Harry's father's office offers an apology, Harry himself isn't allowed to do so. He contacts his friend who he called that, and the friend says no big deal, I know you're not racist. Harry still feels bad.
Harry starts piloting school, as does Willy, and they live together for the first time since Eton. They are overjoyed when some of the shittiest reporters finally get their comeuppance as Murdoch's reporters are getting arrested and charged with harassment. They do a joint interview, during which Willy claims Harry's a slob and snores. Harry's all are you joking, because I'm not and I don't, and says 'Lies! Lies!" in response. Everyone has a good laugh, but afterwards Harry wonders if Willy was feeling bad that he could only train for search and rescue.
Harry graduates from pilot school, gets back together with and breaks up again with Chels, goes to Lesotho again with Willy doing charity stuff, and then they return to hear that Willy's engaged. Willy never mentioned this the entire time they were in Lesotho. Harry retorts that the media published all these nice stories about "gifting" his mother's ring to Willy. All lies, Willy had the ring all along, having asked Harry for it after their mother's death. Harry wonders what he'll do with his life if he never gets married. Military and then charity stuff, he figures. "That's enough for a full life." Harry gets invited to hike to the North Pole with amputees, a trip he doesn't think he can pass up--even if it's rather close to the wedding. But before that, he goes to Germany to learn about the Holocaust.
Harry enjoys all the male bonding, but sadly has to leave for the wedding before hitting the Pole. The pilot, however, makes sure he flies there so he can see it (and hold a flag). And THIS is where the frostbitten todger bit comes from. "My penis was a matter of public record....The press had written about it extensively."
Harry was not really the best man at Willy's wedding. This is because Willy didn't trust him to give a best man speech without saying something wildly inappropriate. "He wasn't wrong." The actual best men, had they been outed, would have been chased by tabloids and have their families' lives ruined. Harry understands and makes jokes about what he might have said. Willy gets pre-wedding jitters and gets drunk and wants to shake the hands of the people. Harry agrees to go along. The next morning, Willy hasn't slept a wink, reeks (wanna mint?) looks like crap, and is "glum" that Granny wouldn't let him pick the uniform he wanted to get married in. Harry's not thrilled about the uniform picked for him either.
"I loved my new sister-in-law, I felt she was more sister than in-law, the sister I'd never had and always wanted." Harry calls them a good match and "they made each other visibly happy." But that said, he knows he loses his brother on some level now. "Weddings were joyous occasions, sure, but they were also low-key funerals, because after saying their vows people tended to disappear." I totally agree, Harry.
Sorry, but I gotta laugh at this: "What was the universe out to prove by taking my penis at the same moment it took my brother?" I'm sure I would have thought of the same were I him, but ...I gotta laugh.
On a related note, while Harry reports he didn't consult with Chels about his speech, he did actually gift an ermine thong, in front of everyone. (Supposedly an American sent it.)
More about Harry's todger: it's not improving. Someone suggests he try Elizabeth Arden cream, which reminds him of his mom, which..."Weird" doesn't really do the feeling justice." He needs to see a doctor, but he can't ask the Palace to find him one or it'll make the media. Finally, a friend of his sneaks him to one. I won't recount his symptoms, but the doctor is all, time heals. "Really, Doc? That hasn't been my experience." (And finally, I get that Harry is outing his own shit before the tabloids do it.)
Harry mentions briefly dating other women, then the tabloids find out, then that's the end of that real quick.
Harry goes to more military training, in which he's kidnapped and has flashes to Lord Mountbatten's murder by the IRA. He's stripped and his penis is insulted about how small. "I wanted to say: You don't know the half of what's wrong with this appendage." During the torture, some woman comes up to him and starts yelling about how his mother was pregnant with a Muslim baby. After it ends, "one of the instructors offered a half-arsed apology about the stuff to do with my mother. Hard for us to find something about you that you'd be shocked we knew. I didn't answer." They admit that took it a bit too far. "Later I learned that two other soldiers in the exercise had gone mad."
Harry's granny pulls him out of training to go do a two week tour in the Caribbean for her 60th year on the throne, which sounds like it's a very good time. Harry FULLY plants a tree when asked to plant a tree, which shocks people. He gets rave reviews from the media and even Granny (well done!).
Harry and Willy are stalked by two paparazzi and can't figure out how they're doing it. They seem to be wanting to pick a fight. Harry concludes that their game is that they are trying to become famous by ruining the life of someone famous. He doesn't get why anyone would want fame. He notes that "Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber" actually live a more luxe lifestyle than Harry is.
Harry meets Cressida. Cressida won't wait for him to get back from war, but if he comes back, it's a go.
Harry parties in Vegas because carpe diem! He's been in a few palaces in his time, but he finds The Strip palatial. He gets drunk and wants a foot tattoo of Botswana, which both his friends and beloved bodyguard Billy talk him out of. Harry plays strip pool instead and someone takes photos. "Specifically, what was everywhere was my arse. I was naked before the eyes of the world...seizing my diem." Harry feels like a total idiot again for trusting strangers and dreads being thrown over by Cressida and the military (I note that the military didn't do a darned thing about Harry's previous exploits because he hadn't started yet) and possibly getting his bodyguards fired. The military gives no fucks, as it turns out. Cressida understands after his explanation. And the bodyguards aren't fired, presumably because it doesn't get out that they were there. He has to meet the family at Balmoral, where Pa is surprisingly sympathetic and said he got photographed naked at the age of 8. Amusingly, various soldiers pose with their privates hidden for cameras in support of him.
Harry goes off to war again...the press outs him, AGAIN...the Taliban attack the base on his birthday going after him. Nineteen people died over him. He's not pulled from this one, though. Harry kills people in a more direct way, but thinks of it as saving British soldiers. All of his kills were recorded so he knows the exact number (25). He is neither satisfied nor ashamed of it. He'd prefer not to have that on his record, but also he'd prefer to have no Taliban. In the moment, you think of them as other because you've been trained to.
Harry leaves Afghanistan again, has to give an exit interview, during which he says the British press is crap. The problem is that people believe what they read in the paper. "Even if a falsehood was disproved, debunked beyond all doubt, that residue of initial belief remained. Especially if the falsehood was negative. Of all human biases, 'negativity bias" is the most indelible. It's baked into our brains. Privilege the negative, prioritize the negative--that's how our ancestors survived."
Harry has a mandatory decompression in Cyprus, in which they are all issued two beers (Harry doesn't like beer and passes his on), followed by a comedy show, but most aren't in the mood to laugh. Harry reunites with Cress, but he's so different it feels like they have to start all over again.
Harry is totally bored being back home and in the military. They won't send him back. "Everyone has had quite enough of Harry in a war zone."
The Palace sends him on an American tour instead. While on that tour, he's inspired by the Warrior Games in Colorado. They say sport is healing, and Harry gets the idea for the Invictus Games (i.e. the only charity I've ever found interesting). Harry thinks this should be a slam dunk to get approved by the Palace, Willy, etc. but Willy is cranky about it. Sibling rivalry, Harry realizes, but why is Willy doing this when he's clearly won?
Harry starts having panic attacks while doing media events. At one point he's on the phone with Henners's brother Thomas while the poor guy GETS MUGGED, Harry and bodyguards race to his rescue.
Harry is currently living in an underground apartment at Kensington Palace's lower ground floor, where the upstairs neighbor parks his car across the wee bit of window Harry has. Harry asks the guy (one of Granny's equerries) to politely move his car, he tells Harry to suck eggs, and then writes Granny to tell him to tell him same. "She never did speak to me about it, but the fact that Mr. R felt secure enough, supported enough, to denounce me to the monarch showed my true place in the pecking order." Harry also feels some irritation towards Mrs. R for throwing out hair trimmings (inadvertently) down his window and parking in Mummy's spot.
Harry goes to Angola, like his mother did, and is bummed out that her global crusade is stalled.
Harry is still feeling depressed. His father sends him to a doctor, who (OF COURSE) wants to prescribe pills. Harry wants to try anything but that, including magnesium, which he does not recommend because it gave him um, loosened bowels at a friend's wedding. (It isn't elaborated on further.) Meanwhile the press is badmouthing him for being single and claiming he'd had a flirtation with Cameron Diaz (he's never met her, "further proof that if you like reading pure bollocks then royal biographies are just your thing.") "As a confirmed bachelor I was an outsider, a nonperson within my own family. If I wanted that to change, I had to get hitched. That simple." So say us all late bloomers, Harry.
Harry decides to spend his Saturn Return (i.e. age 29) angst on going to the South Pole--with a "bespoke cock cushion" this time. Harry breaks his toe before the trip, but goes along anyway. Upon making it there, they are gifted with a vial of the "cleanest air in the world."
Off to Sandringham for Christmas again. "Hotel Granny" is full and Harry is punted to a mini-room in a narrow back corridor among the offices of Palace staff. Harry feels "relegated to the hinterlands," because well, he is. Harry's hoping that clearing his head at the Pole will help him this holiday season, but nope, it does not, because "my family at the moment was infected with some very scary malware." Which is to say, everyone's checking the Court Circular and checking who's done the most official engagements for the year. Harry likens this to a "circular firing squad" and that it amplifies/weaponizes the "this one's a lazy shit" commentary. Nobody talks about it, but people are doing last minute engagements real damn fast to look better "and they'd succeeded largely by including things that weren't, strictly speaking, engagements, recording public interactions that were mere blips, the kinds of things Willy and I wouldn't dream of including." (I note that Celebitchy complains about this sort of thing with William and Kate allllllll the time.) Harry thinks it's a joke because you get no points for nine private meetings with veterans vs. cutting a ribbon at a horse farm. (Well, you could report the private meetings, it sounds like.) But the real infuriating thing about it is that the amount of work they do is based off what Granny or Pa decides to allot them financially to do it. Pa is deciding how much Willy and Harry are doing, period. Harry thinks that feels rigged. The family lives in fear of the public throwing them out. Harry's quite happy to hide in his back corner room, huffing his clean air tube. (Seriously.)
Harry moves into Nott Cott after Will and Kate move out, and he's planning on popping in to say hi to them all the time because they're half a football pitch away now. But they never invite him over. Maybe they don't want a third wheel? Maybe if he was married? "They'd both mentioned, pointedly, repeatedly, how much they liked Cressida."
Cressida and Harry get outed as a couple. They are more in the open. She asks about his mum one night, and that's when he starts crying. He feels grateful to her, but soon after that they realize they are not a match--and yeah, she doesn't want to deal with being a royal either. Harry goes to America for a wedding and they visit Graceland ("The King's interior designer must have been on acid."). Harry wonders when it'll ever be his turn. Harry is furious that his press nemesis at Murdoch is acquitted at trial. He's pissed off, and he basically hibernates in Nott Cott. Sometimes he forces himself to go out and try to meet someone, then there's the paps again, cycle starts all over again.
Harry, Willy and Kate visit the Tower of London for an art installation. They run into Harry's general who sent him to war and get a private tour of The Crown from the coronation. Harry is totally amazed...and sad that it stays locked up in the tower. Willy and Kate have no comment.
Invictus Games are on! People come up to tell him their stories and how happy this has made them. Seriously, Invictus is the best royal charity ever. Lots of "awwws."
Harry decides to leave the Army and be a full time royal--whatever THAT means. Upon encountering s soldier he knows running his own damn marathon, Harry realizes that "even when you stop being a soldier, you don't have to stop being a soldier." Harry does not elaborate as to why he left, other than it was time to. (I note I've read elsewhere that his career was pretty much halted due to him being royalty.)
Harry does royal engagements. He notes that the papers are calling his brother "Work-shy Wills" for not doing as many engagements. Harry defends his brother by noting they're still reproducing and also Pa controls the purse strings. Also, "Pa and Camilla didn't want Willy and Kate getting loads of publicity. P and Camilla didn't like Willy and Kate drawing attention away from them or their causes. They'd openly scolded Willy about it many times." Pa's press officer berated Willy's team when Kate was scheduled to visit a tennis club on the same day Charles is doing something else, and they say she can't hold a tennis racquet in any photos. "Such a winning, fetching photo would undoubtedly wipe Pa and Camilla off the front pages. And that, in the end, couldn't be tolerated." Harry feels like he has to carry the banner for all three of them, and he doesn't want to be called work-shy either. Harry notes that the press also has it out for Willy for (a) denying them access to his family and (b) giving a vaguely anti-Brexit speech.
Harry gets interviewed after Charlotte's birth about how he feels to not be the spare of the spare any more. Harry: "First of all, it's a good thing to be farther from the center of a volcano," and what kind of monster would think about his place in the line rather than welcoming a new life? The press is now comparing him to Bridget Jones. Harry's "glamorous bachelor life" involves him folding underwear and watching Friends. He does his own laundry, chores, cooking and food shopping.--albeit he disguises himself and goes at random times and runs through the store. He gets to listen to people bitch about him in the tabloids while waiting in line. At one point he tells some people yelling at a cashier to stop doing it. The couple recognizes him, "weren't in the least surprised," but are offended to be called out. Harry notes that he shopped for clothes in the same way--quick in and out, not really caring what he got too much.
In 2015 Harry becomes an agoraphobe, doesn't leave home much, and is having panic attacks while giving speeches. Willy makes fun of him for being drenched in sweat, Harry is all, you know something's bad and you've told me you needed help, but now you're teasing me and being insensitive? Harry tries to look into some therapists, do meditation, tries therapeutic psychedelics that help him redefine reality. That helps.
Harry wants to work on stuff regarding Africa, but apparently Willy has called dibs on this, and can because he's the Heir. "It was ever in his power to veto my thing, and he had every intention of exercising, even flexing, that veto power. We'd had some real rows about it." One time they had a fight in front of some friends, and a friend was all 'why can't you both work on Africa?" Willy throws a fit and says that "rhinos, elephants, that's mine!" Harry says he just wants to win all the time. (Willy is also mad he wasn't invited to any Poles.) After telling other friends about this (the Botswana filmmaker couple), they say "there's room for both of you in Africa." Harry goes to investigate rhino poaching anyway. It's hideous and I will not recap details of that.
Harry takes a trip to America and is introduced to good tequila and um, mushrooms. He also gets to meet Courteney Cox, and "Batman from the LEGO movie," but Harry's too drunk to really process that one. Also apparently Courteney has one REALLY WEIRD BATHROOM, or possibly Harry and his friend are too pissed and tripping and hallucinating dragons in there? While still tripping, he feels like the moon is speaking to him, telling him that the upcoming year is going to be really good and something big is going to happen.
The BBC have branded Prince Harry's new memoir Spare "the weirdest book ever written by a royal".
Which is a great excuse to tell you that in 1597 Kimg James VI &I published the Daemonologie, a book on necromancy and black magic and how to find, test, and punish witches.
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