All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite: December 20, 2023: Holiday Bash
December 21, 2023 10:35 AM - Season 5, Episode 12 - Subscribe

As AEW comes to Oklahoma City we welcome back Good Ol' JR on commentary for the finals of the Continental Classic Gold League. The next challenger for Toni Storm's title will be revealed tonight, and MJF is gonna run his mouth at some very dangerous people.

Quoted commentary comes from the Wrestling Observer.

Continental Classic Gold League Match: Swerve Strickland [12] defeated Rush [6]

"Despite Rush being mathematically eliminated prior to this, he was hell bent on playing spoiler for Strickland. It just wasn’t meant to be though, as Strickland wasn’t taking two loses back to back following the controversial loss to Jon Moxley last week. The crowd was loudly behind Strickland tonight and Rush did a good job heeling it up when necessary in a hard hitting opener."

Swerve fought this one smartly, targeting Rush's legs so that they would give way when he tried to go for the Bull's Horns. I like how AEW's top heels all occupy different niches (now that MJF is a tweener): Christian Cage is the chickenshit heel champion, Don Callis is the capo faction leader, and Swerve is the calm strategist.

"We come back to Chris Jericho backstage, who brought up what happened to Kenny Omega last week with the news of his diverticulitis diagnosis. Jericho said Omega will be out of AEW indefinitely and their title match against Ricky Starks & Big Bill at World’s End can’t happen, but Omega’s health is more important. Jericho said The Golden Jets can pick up when he returns and gives Omega’s Goodbye & Goodnight line."

Continental Classic Gold League Match: Mark Briscoe [3] defeated Jay Lethal [0]

"These two have such fantastic chemistry together and they really brought it tonight, even though both have been eliminated for a bit in this Gold League. The crowd didn’t care though, they were into this match from the start and these two certainly didn’t disappoint. [...] a rolling Death Valley Driver led to a Froggy Bow attempt, but Lethal got the knees up. Briscoe avoided Lethal Injection, but Lethal connected on the Jay Driller for a super close two. Lethal wanted Lethal Injection, but Briscoe countered into a Burning Hammer followed by a Jay Driller of his own for the win. Both men shook hands post match, as Briscoe thanked the crowd."

It's a great way to leave the crowd happy and high on Mark Briscoe, after the really difficult year he's had. HOWEVER, if I can put on my deep-wrestling-mark analysis hat on for a minute, does AEW protect any finisher other than Kenny Omega's One Winged Angel? They let Lethal connect first with the Jay Driller (J-Driller?), even though Briscoe's been struggling to win with his brother's move, then Briscoe hit a by-god Burning Hammer -- which was treated like a goddamn orbital strike when Kenta Kobashi busted it out in AJPW -- except that somehow isn't enough to put down Lethal so now Mark has to use Jay Driller. But because Lethal hit it first the symbolism is all wrong and off and grar I'm so out-of-proportion ticked off about this I sound like Cornette. ::deep breath:: Moving on.

We see footage of MJF being inducted into the Jewish Sports Hall of Fame earlier this week. Another video package of Wardlow is shown saying MJF’s clock is ticking.

"Samoa Joe comes to the ring to loud chants from the crowd, as he has come seeking answers tonight. [...] MJF made his way to the ring and wants to clarify that “Joey Samoey” is accusing him of being The Devil. MJF said “No Show Joe” made it clear that MJF was his property, but he cares about his property like he does his diet. MJF said the Devil’s Goons didn’t lay a finger on Joe the week MJF got jumped backstage and wonders why they are waiting until World’s End, as he doesn’t like Joe and wants to fight right now. Joe just smirks, as MJF shoves him until a ton of masked men hit the ring with Joe & MJF laying them all out. Even more leap over the barricade and surround the ring with Joe & MJF back to back, ready to fight until the lights went out. The Devil appeared on the big screen and “Where Can You Go? Who Can You Trust? Next Week, Will You Accept A Challenge…For Your ROH Tag Team Championship? Are You A Hero Max?” MJF said he made a promise to Adam Cole to defend the ROH Tag Team Titles, as Joe ripped the microphone away and said they accept."

Riho defeated Saraya to earn an AEW Women’s Title shot at World’s End

"The match itself was good, but the commentary is what you need to seek out in this one, as the banter between Schiavone, Storm, Excalibur & Taz was hysterical. Timeless Toni Storm joins commentary with Luther by her side ahead of the next match and calls Taz her favorite landlord, as he’s the “Human Duplex Machine”. Storm said Riho is missing her pipe she usually has, as she questioned if she’s here to wrestle or to unclog a sink, something that could be handy for the Human Duplex Machine. Taz said the guy next to him plugs everything, which popped Excalibur. This type of banter makes me miss AEW Dark."


"[...]Luther carried Storm to the ring post match, as Storm used opera glasses to see Riho, who blasted her with forearms and a Tiger Feint Kick. As Storm begged off, Mariah May appeared from behind and clocked Riho with the Women’s Title as Luther carried Storm away, with Storm being unaware of who May was, despite being with her for the last month."

Roderick Strong (w/Mike Bennett & Matt Taven) defeated Komander (w/Alex Abrahantes)

"This was a fun bounce back match for Strong to get in the win column following his loss to Hangman Page last week. Strong has been such an underrated player in this Devil storyline that it’s nice to see the fans getting into his character. I’m curious to see how he & The Kingdom will be involved when the reveal happens."

Jim Ross makes his return to the commentary table for the final match in Gold League to a big ovation from the crowd.

Continental Classic Gold League Match: Switchblade Jay White [12] defeated Jon Moxley [12]

"I thought this was a fantastic end to the Gold League first round, as it was a finish I wasn’t expecting, especially with how White had been winning his matches. This was a back and forth battle, with White doing a little bit of his signature antics, but Moxley would continue to fight back. I’m looking forward to seeing who takes the Semi-Finals next week.

JR compares Moxley to Travis Kelce, as he just keeps making plays. Excalibur asked if this made Renee Paquette... cutting himself off before comparing her to Taylor Swift. [...] A clothesline over the top sent White to the floor, as Moxley connected on a dive, but clutched the bad knee as a result. This allowed White to recover first and drop Moxley knee first onto the steps. White scattered frantically for a steel chair and was going to use it when referee Bryce put a stop to it, throwing it in the ring to make Bryce go fetch. It was a ruse, as White used another chair to take out Moxley’s leg. White wanted the countout, but Moxley barely broke the count.

Moxley slid right into a Blade Runner attempt, but Moxley spun out into a Paradigm Shift for a near fall. Both men rose to their feet at the same time, as White blocked a big boot with a knee breaker into a Dragon Screw. Moxley answered with a roll up into a Regal knee strike, but White kicked out. Both duked it out with forearms until Moxley fired off a Cutter, but White answered with a Sleeper Suplex and Uranage for two. Another Sleeper Suplex connected, but Moxley exploded up and fired back with a lariat. Moxley spun out of a Blade Runner into almost a Rainmaker lariat and hit the Curb Stomp to follow. White spun out of Death Rider and hit a Blade Runner out of nowhere right at the 15 minute call to get the pin, clean. With three men at 12 Points and no clear cut winner between Moxley, White & Strickland, next week’s Gold League Semi Finals will be a Triple Threat match."

BRB gonna go check if my psychic friend from Discord knows any lottery numbers.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta
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