Underworld: Evolution (and also Rise of the Lycans) (2006)

September 5, 2024 3:01 AM

IMDB: Picking up directly from the previous movie, vampire warrior Selene and the half werewolf Michael hunt for clues to reveal the history of their races and the war between them. / A prequel centered on the origins of the centuries-old feud between the race of aristocratic vampires and their former slaves, the Lycans.

The dampest non-water-themed action-horror series continues!

Evolution: The Guy Who Played Van Gogh in Doctor Who takes over as the Big Bad, as vampire Selene and vampire-lycan hybrid Michael try to uncover the centuries-old plot to... uh... something to do with Derek Jacobi being a super old but not vampire or lycan dad, and Van Gogh's brother being an imprisoned werewolf. Basically Underworld, Again including the commitment to makes sure everything continues to be wet all the time. Damp castles, secret bases on the docks/in boats, underwater secret chambers. "I just want everyone to have a towel!" says my wife.

Rise of the Lycans: if you're into werewolves, the return of a lithe Michael Sheen, and a gloriously bonkers sex scene that involves dangling a grinning Sheen over a parapet, there's a lot to lycan about this movie! Bill Nighy returns to glower with cool contact lenses, Rhona Mitra is no Kate Beckinsale but tries her best (and invents the catsuit, which is a cool move for the 1700s or whenever). Essentially a movie for Underworld nerds who couldn't sleep due to burning questions like "when did Lucien and Raze first meet?"

The dampest movies. There is no reason for the movies to be this damp. Rise of the Lycans is set in what looks like the most uncomfortable castle in history, where every floor is moist and everyone sits on large stone slab chairs. Nobody has hobbies: vampires just glower all night and then retreat to glower silently during the day; the lycans are prisoners 24/7. Even the wild lycans of the woods are inexplicably soaking wet all the time.

#2 and #3 in a five-Underworld movie franchise. We'll see how Awakening and Blood War hold up in terms of quality and moisture.

posted by Shepherd (6 comments total)

Evolution is a cultural touchstone in my friend group, because I thought it was so bad it was good, and a friend thought it was just bad. This sparked off a decades-long tradition of us having very strong opposing opinions about movies and TV series.

(It's probably actually very bad, but I'm too scared to rewatch it.)
posted by confluency at 5:17 AM on September 5

Let's not forget the ridiculous callback with the OG movie at the end of Rise of the Lycans. Listen, if you're already three Underworld movies deep, I highly doubt you need reminding of how Viktor's deceit is tied to Selene's existence. You're here, you're wanting to give everyone warm dry clothes, you already know that Selene reminded Viktor of the daughter he ordered killed.
posted by Kitteh at 6:24 AM on September 5 [1 favorite]

So many gunshots in Evolution. Like you have interesting monsters and the option to make some really cool fight scenes, but it was just constant shooting.
posted by soelo at 8:30 AM on September 5

ok but helicopters
posted by polytope subirb enby-of-piano-dice at 10:26 AM on September 5 [1 favorite]

There is no reason for the movies to be this damp.

I can't stop laughing at this.
posted by mediareport at 5:59 PM on September 6 [1 favorite]

I've seen at least two of these and I'm not a passionate hater or anything, but it feels like the world's least likely franchise. They're all so bad. And they don't...seem especially successful with audiences?
posted by grandiloquiet at 3:04 PM on September 9