Werewolves (2024)
December 28, 2024 4:37 PM - Subscribe
Two scientists try to stop a mutation that turns people into werewolves after being touched by a super-moon the year before. Frank Grillo delivers some Frank Thrillos as a Frank Brillo super-scientist/buff-action-man who must fight his way through The Purge But With Werewolves.
On the whole, a hoot. It's not good but definitely entertaining in parts.
The bonkers premise: a year ago, the Supermoon turned everyone into werewolves. Lou Diamond Philips, who is surprisingly only the second most unlikely super-scientist in the cast, cannot and will not explain why.
One year later, Lou Diamond Genius, Frank Grillo, Super-Chemist, and a team of CDC boffins are trying "moon spray" to see if they can prevent further transformations.
There's a whole movie, so guess what? They can't.
Things go silly-wrong, and there's basically two movies for most of the movie, as Grillo's sister-in-law and niece are Purging against a Make America Wolves Again neighbour and his werewolf compadres, while Grillo basically does Escape From New York With Werewolves with a woman whose sole personality trait is Lady Scientist.
Then it all connects at the end.
It's a very flawed hoot, by the same guy that did that Evil A.I. House movie from a year ago, and a lot of regrettable end-of-career Bruce WIllis crap. The werewolves are frustratingly both one-note (there's one werewolf head model, replicated and stuck on basically super jacked dudes who wear different jackets), and shockingly varied in their intelligence levels, being either rampaging monsters or scheming gangs depending on the circumstance. Points for practical effects, but the werewolves all have crocodile mouths, which is very distracting.
I choose to look at the whole thing as a kind of COVID metaphor, as the movie's underlying horrors would not happen if people just stayed the fuck indoors when asked politely by science, which I doubt was the filmmakers' intention.
But it's fun -- fairly tight, if a bit long on the Purge elements. Ridiculous but clips along well. Some nice transformation effects. Tons of plot holes to poke at.
And Grillo. So much Grillo! I think we're in the midst of a low-key Grillonaissance, with movies like Cop Shop and a tortured-genius turn on a season of Billions.
On the whole, a hoot. It's not good but definitely entertaining in parts.
The bonkers premise: a year ago, the Supermoon turned everyone into werewolves. Lou Diamond Philips, who is surprisingly only the second most unlikely super-scientist in the cast, cannot and will not explain why.
One year later, Lou Diamond Genius, Frank Grillo, Super-Chemist, and a team of CDC boffins are trying "moon spray" to see if they can prevent further transformations.
There's a whole movie, so guess what? They can't.
Things go silly-wrong, and there's basically two movies for most of the movie, as Grillo's sister-in-law and niece are Purging against a Make America Wolves Again neighbour and his werewolf compadres, while Grillo basically does Escape From New York With Werewolves with a woman whose sole personality trait is Lady Scientist.
Then it all connects at the end.
It's a very flawed hoot, by the same guy that did that Evil A.I. House movie from a year ago, and a lot of regrettable end-of-career Bruce WIllis crap. The werewolves are frustratingly both one-note (there's one werewolf head model, replicated and stuck on basically super jacked dudes who wear different jackets), and shockingly varied in their intelligence levels, being either rampaging monsters or scheming gangs depending on the circumstance. Points for practical effects, but the werewolves all have crocodile mouths, which is very distracting.
I choose to look at the whole thing as a kind of COVID metaphor, as the movie's underlying horrors would not happen if people just stayed the fuck indoors when asked politely by science, which I doubt was the filmmakers' intention.
But it's fun -- fairly tight, if a bit long on the Purge elements. Ridiculous but clips along well. Some nice transformation effects. Tons of plot holes to poke at.
And Grillo. So much Grillo! I think we're in the midst of a low-key Grillonaissance, with movies like Cop Shop and a tortured-genius turn on a season of Billions.
This movie is now going to be my go-to example for a horror movie that's not great but sure makes up for it by being stupid fun.
I absolutely adore the one-two punch of Frank Grillo of being not only retired ex-military, but he's also a....molecular scientist. Dog bless.
posted by Kitteh at 4:47 PM on December 28 [1 favorite]
I absolutely adore the one-two punch of Frank Grillo of being not only retired ex-military, but he's also a....molecular scientist. Dog bless.
posted by Kitteh at 4:47 PM on December 28 [1 favorite]
FRANK GRILLO.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:24 PM on December 28 [3 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:24 PM on December 28 [3 favorites]
The bonkers premise: a year ago, the Supermoon turned everyone into werewolves.
*nods* I knew it
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:30 PM on December 28 [3 favorites]
*nods* I knew it
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:30 PM on December 28 [3 favorites]
Grillo is also in DC's Creature Commandos, in which he is regrettably not a werewolf, and the closest thing they have to a werewolf is the Weasel, who is mostly comic relief although occasionally bitey. Still a lot of fun, though.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:26 AM on December 29
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:26 AM on December 29
I saw this in an otherwise completely empty theater, so here are some highlights from my livetweeting thread (read: group chat with two friends):
* why is everyone leaving their travel to the AFTERNOON OF. Imagine you were on your way to shelter but got stuck in traffic and werewolf'd right outta the driver's seat.
* You see the little girl's trauma drawings of her being pursued by the monster but since it's werewolves the drawing is literally just a cute cartoon puppy.
* "when's the last time you used one of these?" "Shooting at paper targets." "Well, just pretend these are paper targets. That are gonna eat us."
* seriously a lot of the dialogue is so TOUGH nad QUIPPY that, entertaining as it is in this kind of movie, I'd want to wolf out and eat everyone rather than listen to them. We're both scientists who've been studying this lycanthropy thing for a year, you don't need to tell me "whatever you do, do NOT let the moonlight touch you!"
* the sort of half-turned girl in the convenience store looks like a grayscale Grinch
* a lot of the "wolf jaws snapping half an inch from character's face" close calls remind me of trying to avoid letting my dog lick me
* the blue electricity! Is just like 80s movie special effect lightning! That had to be on purpose.
* the kid's shirt says "MAIMI Fire Department". (These kinds of plot holes are making it unwatchable!)
* may say something about something that there are over twenty executive producers credited
* and I'll copy my final message verbatim: "100/10 needed more werewolves".
posted by dick dale the vampire at 3:31 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
* why is everyone leaving their travel to the AFTERNOON OF. Imagine you were on your way to shelter but got stuck in traffic and werewolf'd right outta the driver's seat.
* You see the little girl's trauma drawings of her being pursued by the monster but since it's werewolves the drawing is literally just a cute cartoon puppy.
* "when's the last time you used one of these?" "Shooting at paper targets." "Well, just pretend these are paper targets. That are gonna eat us."
* seriously a lot of the dialogue is so TOUGH nad QUIPPY that, entertaining as it is in this kind of movie, I'd want to wolf out and eat everyone rather than listen to them. We're both scientists who've been studying this lycanthropy thing for a year, you don't need to tell me "whatever you do, do NOT let the moonlight touch you!"
* the sort of half-turned girl in the convenience store looks like a grayscale Grinch
* a lot of the "wolf jaws snapping half an inch from character's face" close calls remind me of trying to avoid letting my dog lick me
* the blue electricity! Is just like 80s movie special effect lightning! That had to be on purpose.
* the kid's shirt says "MAIMI Fire Department". (These kinds of plot holes are making it unwatchable!)
* may say something about something that there are over twenty executive producers credited
* and I'll copy my final message verbatim: "100/10 needed more werewolves".
posted by dick dale the vampire at 3:31 AM on January 5 [1 favorite]
I pre-ordered this on 4k, sight unseen.
FRANK GRILLO.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:20 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
FRANK GRILLO.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:20 AM on January 5 [3 favorites]
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Story 2.5/5
Vibes 2.5/5
Wet puppets galore! Why are werewolves glistening-wet at all times? Futhering my "were-croco-wolf" theory, I guess.
posted by Shepherd at 4:42 PM on December 28 [1 favorite]