Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy Has A Birthday!
March 19, 2015 4:53 AM - Season 1, Episode 9 - Subscribe
Kimmy's stepdad comes to visit just in time for a party celebrating Kimmy's 30th birthday.
Oh my God, though. The rich boyfriend! His stuff in this episode was superb, from the endless dirigible jokes to his miniature pony to his artisanal ice.
posted by maxsparber at 5:36 AM on March 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 5:36 AM on March 19, 2015 [6 favorites]
"Okay guys, just to put everyone's mind at ease I'm going to do a bunch more heroin."
posted by sobarel at 5:45 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by sobarel at 5:45 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
Is Goliath Gary Williams the guy Titus thought was his old man reflection in the window?
posted by drezdn at 6:03 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by drezdn at 6:03 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
As a lifelong Hoosier, I absolutely love UKS's general savaging of Indiana.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:23 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:23 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Loved Donna Marie's casual acceptance of her husband's new wife.
posted by drezdn at 6:50 AM on March 19, 2015
posted by drezdn at 6:50 AM on March 19, 2015
There are so many good bits in this episode, I can't quote just one.
Titus: To quote Virginia Slim, a skinny Southern drag queen I know, "You've come a long way, baby.
Kimmy: Uh, doy! I'm getting my diploma, I have a boyfriend, and I finally have a bra that fits right, thanks to that bra salesman in the other van.
Titus: Damn it, Kimmy.
Kimmy: You know what? Tonight is more than just a party now, Titus.
Titus: That's my favorite sentence ever.
Kimmy: This is a fresh start. Tonight is the beginning of my new life. My first year as a grown-up, on my own, living aboveground.
Titus: Right, aboveground.
Kimmy: I know how sarcasm works, Titus.
And I think NYC has not just the Empire State Building of Olive Gardens, but the Empire State Building of most major chains. I now realize it's the most American place in the US. Excessive lighting! Supersized everything! And it's all open 24 hours a day!
posted by filthy light thief at 7:13 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Titus: To quote Virginia Slim, a skinny Southern drag queen I know, "You've come a long way, baby.
Kimmy: Uh, doy! I'm getting my diploma, I have a boyfriend, and I finally have a bra that fits right, thanks to that bra salesman in the other van.
Titus: Damn it, Kimmy.
Kimmy: You know what? Tonight is more than just a party now, Titus.
Titus: That's my favorite sentence ever.
Kimmy: This is a fresh start. Tonight is the beginning of my new life. My first year as a grown-up, on my own, living aboveground.
Titus: Right, aboveground.
Kimmy: I know how sarcasm works, Titus.
And I think NYC has not just the Empire State Building of Olive Gardens, but the Empire State Building of most major chains. I now realize it's the most American place in the US. Excessive lighting! Supersized everything! And it's all open 24 hours a day!
posted by filthy light thief at 7:13 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
OK, two more quotes:
Dong: Your experiences are not universal.
Liam: Oh, so it's pushy-shovesies, is it?
Kimmy: Look, Randy, I don't always know what I'm doing either. I mean, most of the time, I feel like I'm just blowing in the wind. Wait a minute. I am like a plastic bag. I'm so sorry, Titus.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:16 AM on March 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Dong: Your experiences are not universal.
Liam: Oh, so it's pushy-shovesies, is it?
Kimmy: Look, Randy, I don't always know what I'm doing either. I mean, most of the time, I feel like I'm just blowing in the wind. Wait a minute. I am like a plastic bag. I'm so sorry, Titus.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:16 AM on March 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
drezdn: Is Goliath Gary Williams the guy Titus thought was his old man reflection in the window?
Yes! I laughed and laughed and had to rewind to catch the next lines!
posted by mochapickle at 7:16 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes! I laughed and laughed and had to rewind to catch the next lines!
posted by mochapickle at 7:16 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Okay, some constructive criticism. First, nobody says "a firework"--it's "Fireworks!" Also, I'm not sure "you're a firework" technically rhymes with "let your colors burst." And I don't know why you called me a plastic bag, but I liked it!
posted by Navelgazer at 7:49 AM on March 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 7:49 AM on March 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
maxsparber: The stepdad is the oddest character in the show. I love Tim Blake Nelson, and his character represents the nee plus ultra of the sort of institutional incompetence this show delights in, but, my God, the ultra is so ultra.
I remember him in an interview after O Brother, and he said one reviewer had said he was "blessed with God-given awkward/simple looks" or something like that, about which he had mixed feelings. But this seems to be him embracing that to a level beyond necessity, and it made me sad for him as an actor.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:54 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
I remember him in an interview after O Brother, and he said one reviewer had said he was "blessed with God-given awkward/simple looks" or something like that, about which he had mixed feelings. But this seems to be him embracing that to a level beyond necessity, and it made me sad for him as an actor.
posted by filthy light thief at 7:54 AM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
I really, really love Tim Blake Nelson on this show, though I get that I'm apparently in the minority there (Likewise, I have never once found Martin Short anything other than awful, but I get that he throws his all into every role he plays, and that's worth something. I didn't really like Short here either. To each his own.)
But yeah, Randy's fathomless dumbness + fundamental goodness totally works for me. A guy who could take one step out the door looking for his daughter, ask a single question, and immediately start aw-shucks-shooting-up. That's funny. To me.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:19 AM on March 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
But yeah, Randy's fathomless dumbness + fundamental goodness totally works for me. A guy who could take one step out the door looking for his daughter, ask a single question, and immediately start aw-shucks-shooting-up. That's funny. To me.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:19 AM on March 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
SALLY DRAPER IS A THOUSAND FEET TALL
posted by The Whelk at 8:49 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 8:49 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
It's werid for me cause Randy looks exactly, to a scary degree, like my Mom's long term boyfriend so scenes with him are terribly confusing.
posted by The Whelk at 8:50 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 8:50 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have watched the episode three times and the artisanal ice is still the gag that kills me every time - that and the slapstick sequence that ends with Logan shoving a diamond necklace into Kimmy's face and making her shriek, "Ow, why!"
posted by angeline at 11:10 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by angeline at 11:10 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
The artisanal ice with four cubes and silver tongs
posted by The Whelk at 11:14 AM on March 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 11:14 AM on March 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
From the icery.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:17 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 11:17 AM on March 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
It'd be one thing if Tim Blake Nelson were playing dumb and weird, like Kenneth on 30 Rock. But just plain dumb is not that funny--a problem we see in the next few episodes (no spoilers).
posted by Cash4Lead at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2015
posted by Cash4Lead at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2015
Am I crazy that I immediately wanted to buy ice like that?
posted by maxsparber at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's not even a joke , which makes it even funnier, you can totally get designer ice in Brooklyn
posted by The Whelk at 11:23 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 11:23 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
OMG: It does exist! I wonder if it comes in a little wooden box, though...
posted by mochapickle at 11:34 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 11:34 AM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
I need the wooden box and silver tongs. It's not the same without them.
posted by maxsparber at 11:35 AM on March 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 11:35 AM on March 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Classic pouches
posted by The Whelk at 11:39 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 11:39 AM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
maxsparber: I need the wooden box and silver tongs. It's not the same without them.
That's only for local deliveries, otherwise you'd get a smaller ice cube or ball with a distinctly "woody" taste. What to you take this for, the reception for an Appalachian incest wedding?
posted by filthy light thief at 1:05 PM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
That's only for local deliveries, otherwise you'd get a smaller ice cube or ball with a distinctly "woody" taste. What to you take this for, the reception for an Appalachian incest wedding?
posted by filthy light thief at 1:05 PM on March 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
This episode was really hit or miss for me. And while I will wait for the topics for the next two to get into specifics, it marked a kind of downward slide for the show that only intensified in 10 and 11. (Though I though the final two episodes rebounded, mostly.)
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:42 PM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:42 PM on March 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
This episode was one of my least favorite, but the artisanal ice makes up for the rest.
From mochapickle's link:
"The most mathematically efficient way to cool your drink. The sphere is the most efficient shape in nature holding the greatest volume to surface area ratio of any other geometric shape."
I've never had ice not make liquid cold. I wonder what one-percenter cold feels like?
posted by bibliowench at 3:02 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
From mochapickle's link:
"The most mathematically efficient way to cool your drink. The sphere is the most efficient shape in nature holding the greatest volume to surface area ratio of any other geometric shape."
I've never had ice not make liquid cold. I wonder what one-percenter cold feels like?
posted by bibliowench at 3:02 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is why all my ice is heavily convoluted. It's hell getting it out of the mold but that extra surface area is worth it.
posted by squinty at 3:11 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by squinty at 3:11 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
It seems like more surface area would be a positive thing? All those little nooks & crannies in Sonic ice make the drinks brainfreeze cold.
posted by mochapickle at 3:13 PM on March 19, 2015
posted by mochapickle at 3:13 PM on March 19, 2015
This is one of those day's where I'm all, "you know? I live in Brooklyn and have very little respect for super rich people. Why aren't I selling them $300 ice cubes?
posted by Navelgazer at 5:55 PM on March 19, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 5:55 PM on March 19, 2015 [10 favorites]
The more surface area an ice cube has, the faster it can take in heat from your beverage. The ideal shape wouldn't be a sphere, it'd be something like Raven's glass knives in Snow Crash, with the fractal edges of theoretically infinite length.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:04 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:04 PM on March 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh my god, her stepdad is Delmer from O Brother, Where Art Thou? That explains so much!
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:09 PM on March 19, 2015
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:09 PM on March 19, 2015
More surface area means the ice melts faster, thus diluting your drink faster. And if you're not using ultra-purified water to make ice, you might as well be drinking pond scum, you simpletons.
(OK, water can only get so pure, and people are easily duped into believing water labeled as "fancy" is better, even if it's tap water that came through a garden hose, and wouldn't it actually be best to use one of the many different chilled blocks that aren't made of water to avoid diluting your drink? Unless you enjoy watering down your alcohol more as time goes on, which actually might be good for you if you don't drink water along the way.)
posted by filthy light thief at 7:38 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
(OK, water can only get so pure, and people are easily duped into believing water labeled as "fancy" is better, even if it's tap water that came through a garden hose, and wouldn't it actually be best to use one of the many different chilled blocks that aren't made of water to avoid diluting your drink? Unless you enjoy watering down your alcohol more as time goes on, which actually might be good for you if you don't drink water along the way.)
posted by filthy light thief at 7:38 AM on March 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Still, the only way spending that much cash on a ball of frozen water could be "good for you" is if you would otherwise be spending it on bath salts.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:46 AM on March 20, 2015
posted by Navelgazer at 7:46 AM on March 20, 2015
Still, the only way spending that much cash on a ball of frozen water could be "good for you" is if you would otherwise be spending it on bath salts.
Troll the respawn, Jeremy.
posted by bibliowench at 9:51 AM on March 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
Troll the respawn, Jeremy.
posted by bibliowench at 9:51 AM on March 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
My favorite quotes:
"In the 90s Mr. T visited schools with low test scores as part of his I Pity the School program."
"Milk-face!"
"Time out! My keys!"
"Your family upset you, your friends let you down (mostly Lillian), two guys got into a fight over you, you made a scene in front of everyone and now you're crying thinking about the passage of time." "Life is so short!" "Girlfriend, you just had yourself an adult birthday party."
The I beat that bitch with a bat song is catchy as hell.
posted by sweetmarie at 8:02 PM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
"In the 90s Mr. T visited schools with low test scores as part of his I Pity the School program."
"Milk-face!"
"Time out! My keys!"
"Your family upset you, your friends let you down (mostly Lillian), two guys got into a fight over you, you made a scene in front of everyone and now you're crying thinking about the passage of time." "Life is so short!" "Girlfriend, you just had yourself an adult birthday party."
The I beat that bitch with a bat song is catchy as hell.
posted by sweetmarie at 8:02 PM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm actually surprised that the steel ones do so well; the various cold rocks I've tried have done basically nothing to chill my whiskey, and my understanding was always that the phase change from solid to liquid absorbed so much energy that that's why ice would outperform a cold non-melting thing.
posted by flaterik at 2:21 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by flaterik at 2:21 AM on March 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Step dad was maybe a bit much, but the throwaway line about the sign language gorilla tricking him into escaping the zoo was hilarious.
posted by codacorolla at 6:09 AM on March 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 6:09 AM on March 23, 2015 [2 favorites]
The I beat that bitch with a bat song is catchy as hell.
I can't fix America!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:42 AM on March 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
I can't fix America!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:42 AM on March 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
The I beat that bitch with a bat song is catchy as hell.
It took me making an ill-advised youtube search to realize that this is a real song (beat drops at 0:30).
posted by sparklemotion at 2:11 PM on March 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
It took me making an ill-advised youtube search to realize that this is a real song (beat drops at 0:30).
posted by sparklemotion at 2:11 PM on March 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
We're making our way through and just watched this one. I'm wondering if this ep marks a decided turn in the tone of the show, or if it's just an isolated "off" episode? It was still quite funny but seems a bit darker and weirder than the first episodes, and I'm trying to put my finger on why Kimmy's step- dad and sister fell so flat for me. All the characters on Kimmy are basically cartoons, but those two specifically seem over-the-top for its own sake.
posted by trunk muffins at 11:49 AM on March 31, 2015
posted by trunk muffins at 11:49 AM on March 31, 2015
ah man, i loved tim blake nelson here. i also really liked this episode.
posted by nadawi at 9:58 PM on August 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by nadawi at 9:58 PM on August 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
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I do like Sally Draper as a seething mass of hostile girlhood. It's a crazy sort of sibling rivalry they have going on in the show, in that the kid sister is in competition with an older sister she has never met, who doesn't know she exists, and has been missing her entire life.
posted by maxsparber at 5:34 AM on March 19, 2015 [9 favorites]