Vikings: A Simple Story
January 24, 2018 9:13 PM - Season 5, Episode 9 - Subscribe
The army leaders consider their options in the aftermath of the battle. In Floki's camp, all hopes of binding the community together are dashed as tragedy unfolds.
* Harald's defeated army returns home
* Harald bitches out Ivar, Ivar's all dgaf
* Hvitserk recalls that "Uncle Rollo said he'd have our backs, anytime!", Harald asks Ivar's opinion, Ivar's all dgaf "Yeah, sure go set out to travel to see him tomorrow," Hvitserk is excited to have had been helpful
* Astrid is having a sad in their bedroom, Harald notices: "Are you thinking about our child?", "Of course I am."
* Astrid: "If we go to war again, don't tell me I cannot fight. Don't tell me to go away. Let me do what I have to do, what I want to do. I want our child to hear the cries of battle. I want him to be a warrior."
* Heahmund finds himself captured by vikings for the second time
* Lagertha and Heahmund discuss world views, his are contradictory but held together by logical cutouts
* Heahmund takes the opportunity to declare that he loves women, and not just spiritually, ifywim
* "Why didn't you kill me?", "I don't know. Perhaps we'll find out."
* Lagertha receives news of a mass of Frankish (Hi Uncle Rollo!) ships, "too many to count."
* Rollo: Bjorn's uncle, Lagertha's brother in law, Ragnar's older brother, once-traitor, now reconciled, currently married to Gisla de Francie Occidentale duchess of Normandy and daughter of Emperor of the West Franks Charles III (the Simple))
* Lagertha's council is WTH Rollo?, strategize on how to deal with him
* Bjorn offers to go alone
* The Franks join up at Harald's, they have a lot of crossbowmen, Ivar is pleased
* Rollo's not actually with the Frankish fleet harbouring at Harald's (but "would come over and party after the war's over")
* Hvitserk's gleefully trying to hide a secret (no, not this one), states Rollo's single condition - that Ivar's forces spare Bjorn's life
* Astrid, followed by Harald, stalk away; implicitly accepting the condition but they want nothing to do with Ivar's reaction
* Ivar: "Perhaps we will."
* Heahmund's a plaything to a contingent of vikings, finds a sturdy but slightly crooked 5' of trimmed 2.5" dia tree branch at his fingertips
* Apparently Heahmund left his non-imprisonment and braved his way through the town towards Lagertha's, she invites him in
* Heahmund wants to discuss philosophy, flatters and flirts with Lagertha, offers to fight for Lagertha (for not killing him) out of fiat to inevitable eventual succubmnation (heh, right, adrenaline junkie), pours on some heterosexual juice
* Ubbe and Torvi... Ubbe propositions Torvi to carry his child (good genes! both of us), Torvi's ok with that
* Margrethe has an... episode?... mentally fucks with a couple of super young (orphan) kids, still hanging out at the warf, who's shieldmaiden mother still hasn't come back yet.
* Harald hosts Bjorn in his hall with Astrid, Ivar, Hvitserk
* Bjorn entreats Ivar with sentiment over Ragnar, their father, with reason and non-hostility
* Ivar tries to call bluff, summons with a pre-arranged signal for Bjorn to be murdered; Harald is not impressed, order a stand down - it is so
* Bjorn's sad, leaves while expressing disappointment in (the absent) Rollo
* Bjorn returns to Lagertha's ops meeting; "We (will) have to fight (because the other side isn't open to negotiation/reason)."
* Bjorn: "In the end we are all fighting for my father's legacy. We've all believed in it, and we've all come to understand how a young farmer from Norway risked his life to explore the world so that our people could farm. That was his life's purpose. That was his life's ambition. I want us to achieve that. If Ivar wins, Ragnar's dreams are lost.
* Ubbe Gets It (i think)
* Real strategizing gets stragized, ideas and philosophies and plans are thrown around
* Except for Halfdan - who...
* Meanwhile, in Essex: Aethelwulf is annoyed with vikings and kinging kings accordingly
* Judith and Alfred are concerned
* Aethelwulf kings some more in private, is stung by a bee because... testosterone?... bee dies, as bees do after stinging
* Judith and Alfred visit a dying Aethelwulf, eyes swollen shut and dying in his royal bed, surrounded by royal advisors/toadies/physicians/whatever
* Aethelwulf acknowleges Alfred as his son on his deathbed, and Aethelred as well, does speech, dies, funeral scene
* Judith preps Alfred, Alred is cautious
* Ugh, when will this episode end?
* Judith butters up Aethelred, then Nopes him on accepting the crown
* Aethelred gets angry, Judith invokes Ecbert, Rome, and The Pope - and educatiom in statescraft, apparently which she had not benefitted from
* Judith butters up Lord Guthrud, dangles the bishopric of Sherborne, as a stepping stone to greater prestige and power, for his support
* Aethelred is nominated as King, and is accepted with accord, declines Kingship
* Guthrud presents Alfred as King candidate, Lords reject him on the basis of his martial prowess
* Aethelred steps up for his younger (half) brother and nominates him as king, and gradually gets enough "ayes"
* Alred does through the rigamorale and becomes king
* Flatnose pre-conspires with Floki against Eyvind's inevitable conspiracy against Floki
* Aud, the daughter of (Kjetill) Flatnose, seeks counsel from Rafarta, the spouse of Eyvind, who relates: "Kjetill (Flatnose)'s father killed my brother. They argued about some land. Kjetill's father shattered his skill with an ax." /dun dun dun
* This Floki spinoff thing is getting ridiculous - probably worthy of its own show...? But fresh, not Vikings: Iceland
* Temple to Thor, is erecting with lots of grunting and posturing but surprisingly little sweat
* Bul, Eyvind's son, tells Thorgrim (Flatnose's kid) off when asked to help with the temple, Thorgrim calls Bul a dog, the two families clash, out comes the axes, Aud intervenes, Floki frets from up on a high tower
* The new Temple to Thor gets, er, baptised
* The Eyvinders crash the party, Bul does some sacrilage, Floki loses his shit but manages to hold back dropping his axe and runing away
* As Alred is crowned king, the Temple to Thor burns
* Heahmund kneels before Lagertha, swears fealty to her
* Thorgrim accuses Bul of burning the Temple, stabs him - Bul dies, Floki is about to unravel
* Harald's defeated army returns home
* Harald bitches out Ivar, Ivar's all dgaf
* Hvitserk recalls that "Uncle Rollo said he'd have our backs, anytime!", Harald asks Ivar's opinion, Ivar's all dgaf "Yeah, sure go set out to travel to see him tomorrow," Hvitserk is excited to have had been helpful
* Astrid is having a sad in their bedroom, Harald notices: "Are you thinking about our child?", "Of course I am."
* Astrid: "If we go to war again, don't tell me I cannot fight. Don't tell me to go away. Let me do what I have to do, what I want to do. I want our child to hear the cries of battle. I want him to be a warrior."
* Heahmund finds himself captured by vikings for the second time
* Lagertha and Heahmund discuss world views, his are contradictory but held together by logical cutouts
* Heahmund takes the opportunity to declare that he loves women, and not just spiritually, ifywim
* "Why didn't you kill me?", "I don't know. Perhaps we'll find out."
* Lagertha receives news of a mass of Frankish (Hi Uncle Rollo!) ships, "too many to count."
* Rollo: Bjorn's uncle, Lagertha's brother in law, Ragnar's older brother, once-traitor, now reconciled, currently married to Gisla de Francie Occidentale duchess of Normandy and daughter of Emperor of the West Franks Charles III (the Simple))
* Lagertha's council is WTH Rollo?, strategize on how to deal with him
* Bjorn offers to go alone
* The Franks join up at Harald's, they have a lot of crossbowmen, Ivar is pleased
* Rollo's not actually with the Frankish fleet harbouring at Harald's (but "would come over and party after the war's over")
* Hvitserk's gleefully trying to hide a secret (no, not this one), states Rollo's single condition - that Ivar's forces spare Bjorn's life
* Astrid, followed by Harald, stalk away; implicitly accepting the condition but they want nothing to do with Ivar's reaction
* Ivar: "Perhaps we will."
* Heahmund's a plaything to a contingent of vikings, finds a sturdy but slightly crooked 5' of trimmed 2.5" dia tree branch at his fingertips
* Apparently Heahmund left his non-imprisonment and braved his way through the town towards Lagertha's, she invites him in
* Heahmund wants to discuss philosophy, flatters and flirts with Lagertha, offers to fight for Lagertha (for not killing him) out of fiat to inevitable eventual succubmnation (heh, right, adrenaline junkie), pours on some heterosexual juice
* Ubbe and Torvi... Ubbe propositions Torvi to carry his child (good genes! both of us), Torvi's ok with that
* Margrethe has an... episode?... mentally fucks with a couple of super young (orphan) kids, still hanging out at the warf, who's shieldmaiden mother still hasn't come back yet.
* Harald hosts Bjorn in his hall with Astrid, Ivar, Hvitserk
* Bjorn entreats Ivar with sentiment over Ragnar, their father, with reason and non-hostility
* Ivar tries to call bluff, summons with a pre-arranged signal for Bjorn to be murdered; Harald is not impressed, order a stand down - it is so
* Bjorn's sad, leaves while expressing disappointment in (the absent) Rollo
* Bjorn returns to Lagertha's ops meeting; "We (will) have to fight (because the other side isn't open to negotiation/reason)."
* Bjorn: "In the end we are all fighting for my father's legacy. We've all believed in it, and we've all come to understand how a young farmer from Norway risked his life to explore the world so that our people could farm. That was his life's purpose. That was his life's ambition. I want us to achieve that. If Ivar wins, Ragnar's dreams are lost.
* Ubbe Gets It (i think)
* Real strategizing gets stragized, ideas and philosophies and plans are thrown around
* Except for Halfdan - who...
* Meanwhile, in Essex: Aethelwulf is annoyed with vikings and kinging kings accordingly
* Judith and Alfred are concerned
* Aethelwulf kings some more in private, is stung by a bee because... testosterone?... bee dies, as bees do after stinging
* Judith and Alfred visit a dying Aethelwulf, eyes swollen shut and dying in his royal bed, surrounded by royal advisors/toadies/physicians/whatever
* Aethelwulf acknowleges Alfred as his son on his deathbed, and Aethelred as well, does speech, dies, funeral scene
* Judith preps Alfred, Alred is cautious
* Ugh, when will this episode end?
* Judith butters up Aethelred, then Nopes him on accepting the crown
* Aethelred gets angry, Judith invokes Ecbert, Rome, and The Pope - and educatiom in statescraft, apparently which she had not benefitted from
* Judith butters up Lord Guthrud, dangles the bishopric of Sherborne, as a stepping stone to greater prestige and power, for his support
* Aethelred is nominated as King, and is accepted with accord, declines Kingship
* Guthrud presents Alfred as King candidate, Lords reject him on the basis of his martial prowess
* Aethelred steps up for his younger (half) brother and nominates him as king, and gradually gets enough "ayes"
* Alred does through the rigamorale and becomes king
* Flatnose pre-conspires with Floki against Eyvind's inevitable conspiracy against Floki
* Aud, the daughter of (Kjetill) Flatnose, seeks counsel from Rafarta, the spouse of Eyvind, who relates: "Kjetill (Flatnose)'s father killed my brother. They argued about some land. Kjetill's father shattered his skill with an ax." /dun dun dun
* This Floki spinoff thing is getting ridiculous - probably worthy of its own show...? But fresh, not Vikings: Iceland
* Temple to Thor, is erecting with lots of grunting and posturing but surprisingly little sweat
* Bul, Eyvind's son, tells Thorgrim (Flatnose's kid) off when asked to help with the temple, Thorgrim calls Bul a dog, the two families clash, out comes the axes, Aud intervenes, Floki frets from up on a high tower
* The new Temple to Thor gets, er, baptised
* The Eyvinders crash the party, Bul does some sacrilage, Floki loses his shit but manages to hold back dropping his axe and runing away
* As Alred is crowned king, the Temple to Thor burns
* Heahmund kneels before Lagertha, swears fealty to her
* Thorgrim accuses Bul of burning the Temple, stabs him - Bul dies, Floki is about to unravel
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