Special Event: Superbowl LII: Philadelphia Eagles vs New England Patriots
February 4, 2018 11:54 AM - Subscribe

Come get your football, and your ads, your halftime show, and your nachos or beer brats in here -- the Eagles and the Pats play in Minneapolis.
posted by LobsterMitten (168 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
Finally.
posted by ZeusHumms at 12:00 PM on February 4


HOORAY FOR PEOPLE WEARING GREEN, BOO ON PEOPLE WEARING SILVER
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:01 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


EVERY YEAR WE GET TOGETHER AND SEAR BREAD FOR FISH MEAT, EVERY YEAR WE GET BALLS ON OUR FEET
posted by cortex at 12:10 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


are you saying PATSLOCK???
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:29 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


I apologize in advance for the unapologetically pro-Patriots comments I may make later in this thread. To save time: every team cheats, every team has assholes on it, just about every owner donated to Donald Trump. The only way the Patriots ate different from other teams is that they win.

I hope everyone has fun out there and gets some exercise, and that the commercials are good and the halftime show is not complete trash.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:35 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]




I am torn between not watching this because I don't like the Eagles enough to watch another Super Bowl with the Patriots in it - sorry, sports dynasties are boring- and feeling obligated to watch because I have coworkers boycotting it because athletes might kneel during the national anthem, which is unbearably asinine. We'll see, it will probably depend on whether the boyfriend takes over the tv to play Subnautica after the Puppy Bowl is over.

Go Eagles, though.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:02 PM on February 4


I'm rooting for kneeling during the anthem, a not-the-Patriots win, and Timberlake hosting a Clipse reunion.

I would be thrilled if even one of these things happened.
posted by box at 1:20 PM on February 4


I was informed that I can't show up at the party wearing anything blue. I don't own anything green that doesn't also have blue but I found a red plaid shirt with some green on it so that will have to suffice.
posted by octothorpe at 1:49 PM on February 4


Oh, also, please enjoy this list of mostly terrible sounding ideas for NFL team themed cocktails. Do not miss the Green Bay Packers one, which suggests soaking cheese crackers in apple brandy then straining the results and pouring a beer over it.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:56 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


the fuck. The state drink is a Brandy Old Fashioned.
posted by AFABulous at 2:55 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


The bratwurst have landed at the McGee house.

Also that damn Toyota commercial just made me cry.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:43 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Chili is ready, help yourselves!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:43 PM on February 4


As much as the excitement of the first point scoring is, I am tired and must to bed. SuperbOwls will have to happen without me.

Y'all have fun :)
posted by Faintdreams at 3:58 PM on February 4


My 6 year old’s friend today: “My family all are for the Eagles, but we have some friends coming over later and they’re for the Pastries.”
posted by leotrotsky at 4:03 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


An Eagles upset wasn't going to happen without some big-time throws from Foles, and what do you know, we've got a game.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:03 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Pats: surprisingly lulzy so far?

(not yet ready to believe)
posted by ominous_paws at 4:35 PM on February 4


I am watching The Super Bowl to see which elements are also common to cricket. Disappointingly, no sign of a tea break in the match yet.
posted by Wordshore at 4:36 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


I'm rooting for the Superb Owls and the Eagles.
posted by gingerbeer at 4:37 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Super Beagles?
posted by ferret branca at 4:41 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


Cooks is out for the rest of the game, and the Pats only have 3 wide receivers left who are active for the game.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:43 PM on February 4


Sorry about woofing that interception into existence, everyone.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:45 PM on February 4


Ugh. Selling fucking trucks with a speech by MLK? What the fuck?
posted by octothorpe at 4:47 PM on February 4 [19 favorites]


28-3 everybody
posted by TWinbrook8 at 4:48 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


i'm only here for the ads
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:54 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


Observations from England:

1. Mr Thomas Brady isn't as impressive as I was led to believe. In an English county side, one doubts he would be batting higher than nine.

2. All of the commentators on the BBC are wearing serious formal suits. They are all standing (no explanation why). Three of the four are also wearing sensible ties. There is no cake. Therefore, it is very different from Test Match Special.

3. With the sound off, it is easy to identify which of the commentators on the BBC are British, and which are American, by their teeth alone.

4. I want the Eagles to win, as I associate New England with the dumping of quality tea into the harbour, quickly followed by an epic sulk that is still not over. Our Queen is patient.

5. Apparently lucky viewers in Iowa will get to see the first 2020 US Presidential election advert during the Super Bowl. With only 1,002 days to go until voting day, not before time.

6. Oh, a "touch down". Some confusing running around, followed by a few seconds burst of frantic action, and then some grinning and high fiving.

Sadly, too close a resemblance to my love life :-(

7. Still no tea break.
posted by Wordshore at 4:56 PM on February 4 [14 favorites]


Did they miss the kickoff after the (missed) extra point?
posted by Marky at 4:59 PM on February 4


nobody tell Wordshore where they signed the Declaration of Independence
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:06 PM on February 4 [9 favorites]


A large man holding what appears to be a Gannt Chart is standing on the side the pitch, barking orders into a microphone. He looks important.

Some replays of missed kicks. Heck, all in this match so far. I don't think many of these players would be getting into a Test Match side based on this, if this is how wayward they are in the first hour of play.

The Eagles have just scored some runs or something, as their lead is now up to ten runs over the other folk. Splendid.
posted by Wordshore at 5:06 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


That reception by Foles. No matter how this turns out giving him a reception like that was classy, and it was a really nice play.

Go Eagles!
posted by joycehealy at 5:10 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


Lots of important looking men are standing around, frustratingly saying things into headsets while waving in agitated manners. It's like an academic conference call.

Oh; it is half time. Cucumber sandwiches and a nice slice of Victoria Sponge Cake all round?

What happens now? Oh; apparently a Mr Justin Timberlake is about to sing some pop music. By a coincidence, he did exactly the same during the half time of the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest. It was, I guess, okay for the young people. Not really cricket, though.
posted by Wordshore at 5:14 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


Though if they’d don’t start calling some pass interference...
posted by joycehealy at 5:15 PM on February 4


alright y'all, Justin Timberlake better be bringing on Britney or something for halftime, because Justin is not good enough for halftime on his own
posted by lalex at 5:27 PM on February 4 [6 favorites]


Everyone here is hoping for Janet Jackson to come out.
posted by octothorpe at 5:29 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Prince tribute is... not really.
posted by box at 5:29 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


It's a strange contradiction, the crowd of a few hundred wildly excited people surrounding the stage, while in the background, many thousands of people in the stands are completely motionless.

This is not really my thing. Would have preferred Eminem or Beyoncé. Or, heck, the most obvious band who would storm any half-time event - The Proclaimers. Get the crowd singing 500 miles to rock the stadium.

There's a large brass band now backing the boy Justin, which looks good.

Isn't Minneapolis actually in Canada? Pretty sure when I was living in Iowa, Minneapolis was to the North, and I was told it was too far away to drive there for luncheon.
posted by Wordshore at 5:32 PM on February 4 [5 favorites]


well, that was bad and gross
posted by lalex at 5:35 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


That was a pretty underwhelming halftime show, they should have just replayed Prince's.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:36 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Did the guy from the Voice just sing “shittin’”?
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:37 PM on February 4


"Tide Ad" sounds like "Tie Dad" and keeps baffling me.
posted by minsies at 5:37 PM on February 4


.....I've just found a youtube channel that has all the ads and have just watched them.

All I will say is: watch for the combination Doritos and Mountain Dew ad. Then thank me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:39 PM on February 4


The boy Justin has finished doing his very bad Elvis hip-shaking impressions, and has gone off to his cryogenic suspension tank until the next half-time show of an event with a lack of imagination in hiring performers.

Sadly, this being the BBC and being England, we do not get any adverts which the lucky viewers in the Western Colonies receive. Instead they are now playing an extremely long montage of what I presume are slow-motion clips of ball passing, running, and general preening from previous episodes of The Super Bowl.

Dear God, how long is this? Have I got time to pee on the lawn outside to repel the badgers for another night?
posted by Wordshore at 5:39 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Who’s winning?
posted by valkane at 5:41 PM on February 4


Eagles, 22-12
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:43 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Thank you.
posted by valkane at 5:45 PM on February 4


Now 22-18
posted by lazuli at 5:46 PM on February 4


Uh, Eagles, 22-19.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:46 PM on February 4


22-19
posted by lazuli at 5:46 PM on February 4


I have returned from doing my nocturnal badger repellant duties to find that the next innings is just underway. Tally Ho!

And to see Mr Thomas Brady - who the BBC commentators are mystifyingly obsessed with - miss yet another throw. I ... doubt he would retain his position, even within the second XI team of a county, with throwing that bad. Dearie me.
posted by Wordshore at 5:48 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


I'd love a link to that YouTube channel, EC.
posted by ApathyGirl at 5:48 PM on February 4


I’m really only watching because I’m in an office pool (no $$ won so far) and am only mildly invested in the outcome—but l’m finding Wordshore’s analysis much more interesting than the actual broadcast.
Can I put in a request for Olympic commentary from Wordshore next week???
posted by bookmammal at 5:56 PM on February 4 [5 favorites]


1) Missed extra points and field goals mess up the scoring.

2) Am very proud of the Univ of MN Marching Band for getting into the half-time show.

2a) Even though the show was otherwise underwhelming.
posted by ZeusHumms at 5:56 PM on February 4


All ads here!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:58 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


That’s a catch, I don’t care what they say.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 6:00 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


Bill Belichick is having a baaaaaaaad game and that makes me happy. (Nothing against the Pats players, just Belichick.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:03 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


That’s not a catch and now I guess we can stop claiming that the refs always favor the Pats.
posted by lydhre at 6:03 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Control until it didn’t matter and two feet. Catch all day long! :)
posted by joycehealy at 6:06 PM on February 4


He didn’t have control, is the thing. Ball’s loose in his arms. Even the announcers are calling bull.
posted by lydhre at 6:08 PM on February 4


The refs could unilaterally declare the Patriots’ score nulled out and I would give a standing ovation in my living room, because I live to see Bill Belichick’s sour face contorted in quiet, seething rage
posted by Automocar at 6:11 PM on February 4 [6 favorites]


After just seeing a montage of oddly missed catches, found an example of a really good catch by an American player (and one under 19 years of age at that) in a recent match against CanadaLand. Watch and learn, NFL players.

Back to the action and the team from Philadelphia are still winning, but only by three runs now. There is a break in play, during which the BBC commentators are being a bit weird. The Twitter is making more sense.
posted by Wordshore at 6:18 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Bollocks. I think I can hear a badger outside; have a horrible feeling I left the drawbridge down. I am an utter twattingham. Back in a bit.
posted by Wordshore at 6:20 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


Wait until the usual busybodies discover that one of the lyrics to the (here, instrumental) song behind the T-Mobile babies commercial is: “Everyone is gay.”
posted by Barack Spinoza at 6:21 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]




I'm more interested in Wordshore vs. the badgers than this game.
posted by octothorpe at 6:34 PM on February 4 [8 favorites]


Finally.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 6:36 PM on February 4


Am back. Really wish my good lady friend had hired a seven day a week butler, instead of one who has the weekend off. It's strange having to do everything for two days, then nothing for five.

Anyway ... blimey. The fourth and final innings is underway. Philadelphia are still leading, by six runs over the Tea Dumpers. The commentators are still obsessing, to an almost uncomfortably sexual degree, with Mr Thomas Brady. At this point in a cricket match, you would sometimes see an adventurous streaker try and run across the pitch (they rarely make it before being tackled by security). It would be entertaining to see one in this match.

Oh! 32 runs apiece with a little over nine minutes left to play. Perhaps a short gin and tonic refreshment break for the players before the final session before the bell?
posted by Wordshore at 6:37 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


The Tea Dumpers have been awarded a bonus run through what appears to be a penalty kick into Cow Corner. This means they lead by 33 runs to 32.

One of the large men with a Gannt Chart who talks into a microphone is sporting a scruffy beard and wearing a bright red top. This would be an appropriate moment to release a bull onto the pitch.

There are less than five minutes left. A quick look on The Twitter indicates very divided views on the performance of the boy Timberland.
posted by Wordshore at 6:46 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


The boyfriend is playing videogames on the tv, so I am reading my book, but it looks to be an exciting game. C'mon Eagles!

Thanks to EmpressCallipygos for the link to the ads, and thanks to Wordshore for the delightful commentary.
posted by the primroses were over at 6:46 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


The Eagles' best shot at a win here might be to just use up the whole clock.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:49 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Agholor is my new wizard name and every time the announcers say his name I pump my fist and intone "AGHOLOR!"

My kids are getting in on it too.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:51 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Foles is playing very well. If they can (a) score and (b) really run down the clock here...
posted by nubs at 6:53 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Only two and a half minutes to go. The former colonies of the Motherland are still leading by one run.

Please stop messaging me to inform that Minneapolis is (allegedly) not in Canada. Thank you.
posted by Wordshore at 6:56 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


Oh no, not another one of these stupid catch things.
posted by Urtylug at 6:57 PM on February 4


I apparently have no clue what constitutes a catch in this game; it looked good to me. You break the plane of the goal line in control of the ball. The announcers disagree with me....but not the refs.
posted by nubs at 7:00 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Lots of time left though.
posted by nubs at 7:02 PM on February 4


As a resident of Minneapolis, I wouldn’t mind if we were in Canada.

Also, FUMBLE!
posted by ZeusHumms at 7:03 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


😱!!!!!!!
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:04 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Shit
posted by TWinbrook8 at 7:04 PM on February 4


Fumbliya!
posted by nubs at 7:05 PM on February 4


Mr Thomas Brady has just attempted to throw the ball after a player from the other team has knocked it out of his hand. That was somewhat embarrassing. One seriously doubts that he would even make selection in my local village cricket team.

Someone has left their violin on this sofa, and I've only just noticed, several hours after starting to sit here. Careless.

Nice try but I know that Minneapolis is not in Mexico so stop mailing me; you know who you are.
posted by Wordshore at 7:08 PM on February 4 [6 favorites]


As everyone knows, Minneapolis is in one of the nations of Scandinavia. That’s why their football team is called the Vikings.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:09 PM on February 4 [6 favorites]


Does anyone in the house actually PLAY the violin? Or was it left by some random visitor? This seems important to know.
posted by bookmammal at 7:11 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


There's a minute 10 seconds left. I catch up on the last 22 comments here. There's now a minute 6 seconds left.

Football time is like meeting time.
posted by still_wears_a_hat at 7:13 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Thank you and good night.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:18 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Yay non-patriots!
posted by octothorpe at 7:18 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


Well, this was unexpected.
posted by nubs at 7:19 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:19 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]


So the birds won?
posted by valkane at 7:20 PM on February 4


"You break the plane of the goal line in control of the ball. The announcers disagree with me....but not the refs."

Runners just break the plane in control of the ball. Receiver who are going to the ground have to maintain control all the way to the ground. So the question was whether he was still a receiver (in which case it popped out) or had "converted" to a runner. ("A player has the ball long enough to become a runner when, after his second foot is on the ground, he is capable of avoiding or warding off impending contact of an opponent, tucking the ball away, turning up field, or taking additional steps.") Seemed clear to me he'd taken enough steps to be a runner, but when they were showing all the angles, there were definitely some where he looked like he was just stumbling around, and others where he clearly was taking steps. I figured the announcers were looking at one of the stumbly angles where it wasn't clear he'd become a runner.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:20 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


The Eagles Have Landed!!!!!!!
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:21 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


That was so cathartic.
posted by ferret branca at 7:21 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


I'm so happy for Philly!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:21 PM on February 4




Good job, everyone! Let the fireworks commence.
posted by Tiny Bungalow at 7:24 PM on February 4


You shoulda gone with Britney, Justin. And a better sound engineer. AND NOT A PRINCE HOLOGRAM.

*murdereyes*
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 7:25 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Perhaps we can note this as the turning point; the moment when things changed.
posted by valkane at 7:27 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


The last two times the Pats lost were in 2008 and 2012. For what that’s worth.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:29 PM on February 4 [14 favorites]


Well, that was entertaining in places. Apart from the half-time entertainment, which was not.

The main similarity between American Football and Cricket seems to be in the complications of what constitutes valid control of the ball for catches, touchdowns and play to be live or dead. Neither sport has got this smoothly worked out yet.

And speaking of catches. If you are perhaps not the most athletically svelte person in your household, neighbourhood, or county, this does not bar you from making a splendid catch. Take heart! A few years ago, lowly Barbados played mighty India. The latter thought it would be a straightforward accumulation of runs. They did not factor in Dwayne "The Fridge" Leverock lurking like a mountain, waiting for a ball to come roughly his way.

Huh. Odd. That sounds like multiple badgers, though I don't know how. Le sigh. Back outside I go...
posted by Wordshore at 7:30 PM on February 4 [4 favorites]


*starts petition for Wordshore to provide color commentary on all future sporting events*
posted by lalex at 7:33 PM on February 4 [12 favorites]


Well, I seem to recall hearing something about olympics in the winter. Maybe one could see about that.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 7:38 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Here's some Superb Owls to celebrate triumphant raptors.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:39 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Also, were we not massively sweating the moderation on this one or what tbh
posted by ominous_paws at 7:54 PM on February 4


I'm happy with the result, even happier with the Westworld Trailer (3 months!), and happiest of all with the ad telling me the new JJ Abrams Cloverfield film is on netflix TONIGHT.

In summary, good riddance Patriots.
posted by Justinian at 7:55 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


The car horns and backyard fireworks game is strong in South Philly despite the ugly weather.
posted by supercres at 8:01 PM on February 4


Tomorrow's NYDN cover.
posted by lalex at 8:04 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


So, yeah, incredibly close game, the most offensive yardage of any superb owl ever, and that was before halftime. See you next year, because really, who else will be able to contend?

Except Detroit, Indy and Tennessee.

AFC South and NFC North just got real, yo.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:09 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


The decisive play, with 2 minutes left and the Pats on the move, was Tom Brady's fumble... which also happened the day after the ceremony that declared Brady MVP for the entire NFL. Well, that play was Most Valuable but for the other team...
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:11 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


YESSSSSS @AlexBurnsNYT: "Attention Boston. All Dunkin Donuts locations are now Wawas. You will welcome your new overlords as liberators. I repeat, all Dunkin Donuts locations are now Wawas."
posted by lalex at 8:11 PM on February 4 [18 favorites]


The Pats played hard right until the buzzer. Sometimes I feel guilty about wanting them to win another ring but it is rewarding to watch excellence in action during the season. I still root for Tiger Woods as well.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 8:12 PM on February 4


Another year, another GWARless halftime show.
posted by ckape at 8:13 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Nah, Iggles moved the ball on O like they were a machine - their D had no answers for Brady, apart from moving first and keep moving on Offense. Foles has likely earned himself a starting slot on the Browns, poor bastard.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:14 PM on February 4


Nick Foles, Super Bowl MVP, just as everyone predicted before the season.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:14 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


As a Philadelphian in exile, I am both incredibly proud of my home town, and very glad to be nowhere near the celebration.
posted by SansPoint at 8:14 PM on February 4 [1 favorite]


Don't you miss Wawa though? Lord knows I do.
posted by lalex at 8:18 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


Marchers in Philly chanting "Fuck Tom Brady".
posted by octothorpe at 8:26 PM on February 4 [5 favorites]


lalex: Oh, god do I miss Wawa. I mean, NYC bodegas have their charm, but only Wawa is Wawa.
posted by SansPoint at 8:30 PM on February 4


A fellow Pennsylvania college alum and I drove to a bridal shower in NJ a few months ago and we stopped at Wawa not once but TWICE. We're getting Wegman's in NYC, BRING US WAWA.
posted by lalex at 8:35 PM on February 4


"just about every owner donated to Donald Trump."

Right vs. Left: The Woke Eagles vs. the Trump-Loving Patriots - I don't know much about the politics of the Patriots but I do know some about the politics of the Eagles and this is pretty spot on.

So happy they won. My throat hurts from screaming.
posted by the webmistress at 8:54 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Didnt watch, but yay for outcome.

Odds on Melania being seen wearing green tomorrow?
posted by NorthernLite at 9:12 PM on February 4


Duracell tweets: "Batteries hold a sacred place in the history of Philly fans. Congratulations, Philadelphia, and Fly, Duracell, Fly."

Nice.
posted by Guy Smiley at 9:14 PM on February 4 [3 favorites]


Don't miss the CrockPot ad, which made me laugh, and which CrockPot did not actually pay for, NBC just feels super-bad about ruining their social media manager's month.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:22 PM on February 4 [7 favorites]


Just wanted to drop in and say I thoroughly enjoyed Wordshore's revenge for all of those poorly treated cricket threads. Nice to see the Wellington on the other foot!
posted by Start with Dessert at 9:28 PM on February 4


If I wanted to watch an NFL game with no defense I would've watched the Pro Bowl.

Which I didn't watch because they don't play defense.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:44 PM on February 4


I don't usually like people comparing stuff to the purge, but the live video out of Philly right now... it's pretty apt.
posted by codacorolla at 10:07 PM on February 4 [2 favorites]




Wow, okay, it's morning and I guess that actually did happen.

I don't usually like people comparing stuff to the purge, but the live video out of Philly right now... it's pretty apt.

Yeah I'm not really sure what my countrymen have against awnings and light poles but I'm willing to go with it as long as nobody died and they knock it off after the sun comes up.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:47 AM on February 5


The MLK Ram ad was an abomination, but I also hated "Buy a Hyundai or you're killing cancer patients". Also the "white supremacy and patriarchy isn't real" T-Mobile ad can go jump in a lake.

In other news, #phillypolicescanner has been both woke and a hoot.
posted by whuppy at 6:00 AM on February 5 [5 favorites]


Wait, what's wrong with the T-Mobile ad?
posted by cooker girl at 7:19 AM on February 5


Well for starters, the use of a muzak-y "All Apologies" stuck in my craw. But mainly the lazy way T-Mobile didn't even try to link itself to the generic happy horseshit it spouted. Just "Pretty little babies! The future will be perfect! T-Mobile!" Like a Night Vale ad in reverse.
posted by whuppy at 8:29 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else enjoy Odell Beckham Jr and Eli Manning recreating the end of Dirty Dancing? Because I’d argue that was the best ad. Because two of my favorite things: football and Dirty Dancing. Just tributes to Patrick Swayze movies by different football teams every year. Next year, Roadhouse. Then, To Wong Fu. And Ghost. And Red Dawn. This could be epic.
posted by sara is disenchanted at 8:53 AM on February 5 [13 favorites]


I mean, I didn't read it that way at all. Here's the text:

"You come with open minds and the instinct that we are equal. Some people may see your differences and be threatened by them. But you are unstoppable. You'll love who you want. You'll demand fair and equal pay. You will not allow where you come from to dictate where you're going. You will be heard, not dismissed. You will be connected, not alone. Change starts now."

Sounds to me like they're saying it's okay that the world is changing, and hopefully those babies won't have the struggle we've had. *shrug*
posted by cooker girl at 9:04 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


But mainly the lazy way T-Mobile didn't even try to link itself to the generic happy horseshit it spouted.

I assumed we were supposed to get T-Mobile from the "you will be connected" line.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:10 AM on February 5


Hey cooker girl, I'm way too happy about the Eagles win to fight about it. Let's just say I found the ad to be completely vapid and amateurish.
posted by whuppy at 9:12 AM on February 5




I liked this take from Lindsay Zoladz at The Ringer about how Timberlake (and his buddy Fallon) is a man ill-suited for the current moment: Justin Timberlake Just Wasn’t Made for These Times
posted by lalex at 10:34 AM on February 5


I do not understand the rules of football really, preferring to watch sports like basketball or soccer or hockey where the basic rules can be summed up as "fight for control of ball or ball-like object in order to then put it in your team's Score Hole." It's much easier to either gradually pick up on, or else not bother to learn, the more complex rules with games like that. But my friend hosted a Super Bowl party and I DO like snacks, so I went, and people were very kind about trying to explain wtf was happening - enough so that I was able to basically follow the action and get invested, along with the rest of the crowd, in the success of Team Not-The-Patriots.

Assorted thoughts:

-All the commercials about the greatness of our inclusive and multiracial society felt less 'inspirational' and more 'creepy attempts at mollification by our corporate overlords, who would very much like us to continue parroting these principals while doing nothing to actually support them.'

-The Doritos/Mountain Dew commercial frankly felt like it was trying a bit too hard.

-I did enjoy those Tide commercials with Stranger Things Guy.

-I was very surprised when the halftime show ended. That was it?

-Oh right, sports! To my untrained eye it seemed like once Brady screwed up once, he just totally lost confidence in himself and that ultimately screwed him/his team over. Which I had been instructed to root for, so yay!

-To me, it looked as if those guys on the sidelines were not consulting Gannt charts, but were instead trying to put together a very complex Chinese takeout order and had highlighted the menus accordingly.

-The general consensus in the room about both those times when the announcers insisted that a catch was incomplete when it clearly wasn't, was that they were just killing time and trying to drum up tension despite knowing full well that they were wrong.

-By the time it was finished getting fondled by every member of the winning team, that trophy looked absolutely groady. I wanted to Windex it so bad.

-If I were a professional sportsman I would take some of my winnings and invest in tattoos that didn't look as if they cost $25 a pop.

-CUTE BABY!!
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:42 AM on February 5 [5 favorites]


-The Doritos/Mountain Dew commercial frankly felt like it was trying a bit too hard.

pistols at dawn
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:58 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


"how Timberlake (and his buddy Fallon) is a man ill-suited for the current moment: Justin Timberlake Just Wasn’t Made for These Times"

I was having the same conversation yesterday, he's a totally puzzling choice for the halftime show in this year in particular. He doesn't have the broad appeal of classic rock anthems, he's not as cool or up-to-the-moment as Beyonce or Kanye, and he's certainly not woke enough for the current moment in pop culture (and culture in general). And his inability to support his wife during her awards-season nominations without stealing the spotlight to self-promote, and him throwing shade at Britney for her Vegas residency, and his gross non-pologies to Janet Jackson ONLY during the run-up to the SuperBowl ... he's so passe.

Has Taylor Swift done a SuperBowl? I'm sure Taylor Swift would have done the SuperBowl, with her mass appeal and catchy tunes and crossover work, plus having a woman headline would have been a good choice this year.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:59 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


What's the minimum amount of game to watch the Pat's denoument? Less than the whole 4th quarter?
posted by rhizome at 11:17 AM on February 5


Hey cooker girl, I'm way too happy about the Eagles win to fight about it.

Totally 100% was not fighting about it, no probs.

Super happy that the Patriots lost.
posted by cooker girl at 11:44 AM on February 5


trying to put together a very complex Chinese takeout order and had highlighted the menus accordingly.

YES! That was pretty much the consensus at our party!
posted by cooker girl at 11:45 AM on February 5 [1 favorite]


The Doritos/Mountain Dew commercial frankly felt like it was trying a bit too hard.

pistols at dawn


... as a riposte to the charge of trying too hard?

:p
posted by Barack Spinoza at 11:50 AM on February 5 [2 favorites]


Oh, I forgot to add the following attempts to explain to me that the Patriots are bad via metaphor:

"Tom Brady is probably the best quarterback of all time but nobody likes to say so because it's like saying Voldemort is the best wizard of all time."

"Rooting for the Eagles to beat the Patriots is sort of like rooting for Al-Qaeda to take down ISIS."

I then asked if the Patriots were sort of like the New York Yankees of football, to which most of the room enthusiastically agreed, being Mets fans. (The hostess is a Yankees fan but she was grudgingly like "well, I guess...")
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:00 PM on February 5 [4 favorites]


Splinter: The Worst, Most Morally Bankrupt Ads of the Super Bowl

really a strong showing this year for corporate monstrosities trying to pass themselves off as benevolent, humane overlords

I thought the game itself (generally being happy that the Patriots lost aside) was fantastic. lots of highlight reel stuff even if you don't care about football much, but full of really beautifully conceived and executed offensive football if you're a sucker for that sort of thing. (the touchdown pass caught by Nick Foles was completely brilliant, from the formation to the pre-snap movement to the routes - everything) maybe it matters in terms of putting it in the all-time pantheon that the defenses were garbage (except for all Eagles right at the end when it really counted), but whatever, this was fun as hell

I didn't think either reviewed TD catch should have even been close to getting overturned, even getting past the convolution of the rules as currently constituted. but my bias in that regard is clear I suppose.
posted by Kybard at 12:07 PM on February 5 [3 favorites]


One other thing: at least half the room I watched with is somehow involved in marketing in NYC, to the point where someone said "oh hey, I put together a budget proposal for that one ad but we lost the bid!" That made the level of snark at the commercials truly ice-cold, with lots of speculation about the conversations that must have taken place in the pitch meetings. Of course the MLK truck ad was the most hated, but second place went to the commercial for I-can't-remember-what which featured a young woman in funky socks dancing awkwardly in front of a wall for the entire run time. "What was the brief for that one - just 'Millennials???' scrawled on a napkin?!" The Blacture ad was the only one that everyone seemed genuinely impressed by. Other than that, the highest praise handed out was "hmm, not bad actually!"
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:18 PM on February 5 [3 favorites]


I just want to know if I should keep looking for that horse.
posted by delfin at 12:48 PM on February 5


Has Taylor Swift done a SuperBowl? I'm sure Taylor Swift would have done the SuperBowl, with her mass appeal and catchy tunes and crossover work, plus having a woman headline would have been a good choice this year.

She's never done a SB halftime show, which I can only imagine is her choice- surely they would have taken her over the other choices for several of the past years?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:49 PM on February 5


If we're holding up Prince as the Gold Standard of Super Bowl half-time Shows, I'd like to see St. Vincent do a half-time show. She's a brilliant guitarist, a visual performer, and she can work a crowd. Nobody might ever top Prince, but she could easily be the Silver Standard.
posted by SansPoint at 2:09 PM on February 5 [1 favorite]


I read rumors a bit ago (pre-1989 the album) that Swift hasn't been offered the Super Bowl because her live gigs aren't really the sort of anthemic, dance-heavy, party atmospheric thing they're looking for and there are questions about whether she has the vocal/dance chops to carry something like that, although of course lip-sync is an option.

I frankly loathe her, but it is surprising she hasn't been involved in one.
posted by lalex at 2:21 PM on February 5


And his inability to support his wife during her awards-season nominations without stealing the spotlight to self-promote

RIGHT?? Let's be real, Jessica Biel probably does not have a ton of awards acclaim in her future, and stealing her first and maybe rare moment in the sun was so gross.
posted by lalex at 2:23 PM on February 5 [2 favorites]


I missed that and it makes me sad.
posted by Justinian at 2:49 PM on February 5


there are questions about whether she has the vocal/dance chops to carry something like that, although of course lip-sync is an option.

I was under the impression that they're always lip-synced, despite protestations to the contrary.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:53 PM on February 5


The LA Times weighs in:
Justin Timberlake had nothing to say at the Super Bowl and wouldn't stop saying it

Admittedly, I like some of his more danceable songs and have enjoyed his appearances on SNL. However, as far as this SB was concerned, I think he did wrong by Janet (assuming it wasn't her choice not to make a cameo appearance) and seriously dishonored the memory of Prince with that duet. Of course some kind of remembrance needed to be paid to Prince but it probably would have been better if Justin had stepped back and let another artist handle it.
posted by fuse theorem at 2:59 PM on February 5


The last one I recall at least appearing to go without a net was No Doubt in '03, as Gwen Stefani's vocals were all over the place in a good way. Which was a nice change from Shania Twain right before her, who not only lip-synced and sounded exactly like the album version but got busted lip-syncing while prancing through the crowd.

As for Timberlake, I find it hilarious that the guy who ripped Janet Jackson's top off was a "safe" pick but he was blander than malt-o-meal out there.
posted by delfin at 3:02 PM on February 5


The NFL requires lip syncing as part of the contract. There was something in the Now I Know newsletter about it last week.
posted by kevinbelt at 3:58 PM on February 5 [1 favorite]


Re JT and Janet Jackson:
1). Black Twitter declared yesterday Janet Jackson Appreciation Day and it was great

2). I don't know who this WaPo writer is, but I am here for his rage-on for How Justin Timberlake Lost the Superbowl.
posted by TwoStride at 4:00 PM on February 5 [1 favorite]


The two things I noticed about the Ram commercial that make me hate it:

1) Bad sound design: with footage of marines marching across grass, audio cue is sound of soldiers marching across concrete; with footage of woman getting sonogram, audio cue is of heartbeat through stethoscope. Petty, but that kind of cognitive shortcut annoys me to no end.

2) The characters in the video vignettes are mostly racially segregated; shot by shot:
1- construction worker on roof, pale arm so probably white
2- white man in work gloves wipes sweat from brow
3- black man at a desk holds a cellphone, looks tired
4- white man does pushups
5- high school football players
6- three white fishermen lift net
7- white cowboy smiles
8- black man teaches a classroom of all black kids
9- woman of color with child cleans burnt down house
10- white woman carries white baby
11- white man gets to the choppah
12- native american teaches daughter to chop wood
13- three white men pull a rope in the snow
14- white barber cuts hair of client of unknown race
15- three white man pull dog out of rubble, fourth man maybe white or latino unclear
16- marching marines, almost all white faces, maybe 4/50 POC all in the back of the columns but you have to pause and squint to find them
17- white girl dresses white baby
18- two black men give turkeys to crowd
19- white firefighter saves white kid
20- white nurse performs sonogram on latina
21- high school football team pray
22- black kid smiles
23- white man kisses white baby
24- white woman loves her horse
25- white male returning soldier hugs white kid, flanked by two women who smile approvingly, one white one maybe not can't tell

So only three shots show any racial integration, both the football player scenes have black kids prominently in the foreground and white kids in the background, and the sonogram scene.

My takeaway is that either by accident or by design this truck commercial is showing that only white men do macho manly man work and they don't have any black friends because the POC are too busy performing the unmanly caretaker tasks, along with the white women.

And the MLK speech on top of that imagery.
posted by peeedro at 5:48 PM on February 5 [4 favorites]


Matt Patricia was pointedly not told why Malcom Butler was not available by Bill. Butler's backups, the ones torched all game long, were insanely upset Butler was not available in subsequent interviews.

Brady racked up a zillion yards and a thrirty-burger against damn near the best shut-down defense in the NFL. The Pats could not get a stop. Butler's absence was most acutely felt in the running game - yeah he'd get beat, maybe more than he should be, by pass catchers in the playoffs. He caught every ground-pounder sent his way, and Philly has some of the best, including Blount Force Trauma who ripped his former Pats open a few times, especially when it counted. Because Butler was on special teams, and Patricia had to scramble to fill in his absence. With Chung, who's not a center-fielder type. The defense was broken beyond repair all game long, because Butler was benched, and his teammates were benched along with him, and Bill either could not or would not recognize.

Darth Hoodie sometimes gets too full of himself. That was the end and the beginning of Spygate - the league says you can tape to your heart's desire, just not from there. The Hoodie tapes from there anyway, thinking he can sea-lawyer his way out of it.

Bob Kraft straight up asked Bill if taping from there was worth a first rounder and the loss of prestige. BB had no answer.

Bob Kraft will be asking Coach Belichick if benching Butler was worth a ring, because it absolutely cost the Patriots the ring. One rush cut short, one pass broken up, and the Pats win. This takes nothing from the Eagles, who were playing out of their mind on Offense, and completely worthy. But anyone with eyes could see the Patriots D was broken, not acting as a team, and exposed and bare.

I would disbelieve rumors of Butler behaving badly, for one, it's completely out of character, and mostly because Sports Reporting is terrible in New England right now, and also his replacements were really upset with the coaches that they had to replace him, openly in press Q&A's.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:00 PM on February 5 [2 favorites]


Also, I will be rooting for the Detroit Lions next year as my NFC waifu, great coach, great QB, sorry Nawlins!
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:07 PM on February 5


Also also, Gronk is retiring. Someone blabbed, and now every sports beat writer assigned to New England knows, and his non-denials means yeah, he's retiring.

Unless he can be convinced the Patsies have a really with-it D next year... lots of luck, chuck.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:13 PM on February 5


< My takeaway is that either by accident or by design this truck commercial is showing that only white men do macho manly man work and they don't have any black friends because the POC are too busy performing the unmanly caretaker tasks, along with the white women.

Yeah, I kept describing that ad as "White men are the true heroes, according to MLK."
posted by lazuli at 8:42 PM on February 5 [3 favorites]


The most believable explanation for Butler's benching that I've heard comes from (ugh) Bill Simmons, who -- based on nothing but the public statements from the coaches and Butler himself -- theorizes that Belichick decided that Butler wouldn't start at CB for football reasons, but would still come off the bench as needed, but Butler blew up at the slight and turned it into a full-on demotion to punt coverage.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:57 PM on February 6


but Butler blew up at the slight and turned it into a full-on demotion to punt coverage.

And that line of reasoning, to me, parallels Kaepernick being unemployed (that is to say, I am no longer astounded at how severely those in the NFL will cut of their noses and lose games just to assert some idea of control over a player).
posted by TwoStride at 1:37 PM on February 6 [4 favorites]


Everything I've heard about Butler has involved the devil's lettuce.
posted by kevinbelt at 3:13 PM on February 6


Kale?!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 4:56 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


LATE BREAKING PATRIOTS HATE NEWS:

Josh McDaniels has un-accepted the Colts head coaching job and will stay on as the Pats' offensive coordinator. The Colts announced him as their next HC this morning.

Ironically, with this betrayal, it seems Bill has nothing left to teach his apprentice.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:27 PM on February 6




Showbiz_liz, I think you’re talking about the flavored Diet Coke ad. I’m pretty sure I’m the target market for that ad (late twenties female who drinks regular Diet Coke already), and it was so cringey it almost hurt to watch.

Also yes, obviously the Dirty Dancing ad was the best. Of all time.
posted by Night_owl at 9:27 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


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