Jungle Cruise (2021)
July 31, 2021 10:56 AM - Subscribe

Based on Disneyland's theme park ride where a small riverboat takes a group of travelers through a jungle filled with dangerous animals and reptiles but with a supernatural element.
posted by ellieBOA (17 comments total)
Was going to see it in the theater, but Delta being Delta we opted for Disney+. *shakes fist impotently*

It was fun! I grew up enjoying the puntastic voyages on the Disneyland ride, and there was just enough references to keep the nostalgia flowing. The Mummy (1999) vibes were strong, in the best possible way.

Thumbs up, would cruise again.
posted by m@f at 1:02 PM on July 31, 2021

It’s been getting pretty middling reviews, and I don’t know why. I thought it was a lot of fun. It’s just really well-made entertainment. It was definitely a cross between The Mummy and the first Pirates of the Caribbean, but that’s in no way a bad thing.
posted by MrBadExample at 5:16 PM on July 31, 2021 [3 favorites]

I have an enormous crush on Emily Blunt, so this is right in my wheelhouse.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:28 PM on July 31, 2021 [1 favorite]

Now that we’ve had cursed, undying pirates in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and cursed, undying explorers in the Jungle Cruise movie, I’m really looking forward to seeing a horde of cursed, undying children clad in a variety of traditional outfits for the PG-13 film version of It’s A Small World.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:15 PM on July 31, 2021 [19 favorites]

I posted this and then ended up finishing the film today, it was a lot more fun than I expected! Classic Disney adventuring that hasn't been as present in recent films.
posted by ellieBOA at 5:29 AM on August 1, 2021

I’m really looking forward to seeing a horde of cursed, undying children clad in a variety of traditional outfits for the PG-13 film version of It’s A Small World.

[evil childish giggle in the darkness]


[person sobbing, trying door that's locked, looking behind them]


[someone else pops open the cylinder to a revolver, finding the chambers empty]


[screaming people running, with the pitter-patter of little feet following them]


[couple back to back, sweating, holding out torches]


[torchlight reveals those little zombies in their variety of traditional outfits, closing in]


[person resting for a moment with their back to a door, then a tiny skeletal hand thrusts through the window behind them and grabs them]



[final shot: the hero(ine) approaches what seems to be a small girl in a Dutch outfit who is bent over an adult body and silently crying... but then she whirls around, blood on her mouth, and it's clear that she was feeding]

posted by Halloween Jack at 10:31 AM on August 1, 2021 [30 favorites]

That's brilliant! Someone needs to make that trailer.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:49 PM on August 1, 2021

And of course the version of It's a Small World in the trailer will be some raspy, melancholy, minor-key cover.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:50 PM on August 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

This was...not great. The actors had zero chemistry. Never have I disbelieved more the kiss the two leads get at the end. Plus Dwane Johnson, probably the most charismatic actor working today, seemed bored as hell throughout the film.

The story made zero sense. I'm still not sure why either of the leads wanted the flower petal, and the big twist came at a weird time. Also Johnson's backstory seemed unnecessarily complicated.

Finally, the direction was bad. I read ahead of time that the sets were all IRL: no digital special effects for where they were acting. That's a pity, as almost every action scene was hard to follow: unclear about who/how many bad guys were fighting at any given time, unclear about the physical space in which they were fighting, hard to see anything that happened at night. In the middle of this film I thought "man this would be so much better if Spielberg was directing this."

Overall it wasn't as good as Pirates of the Caribbean, and it wasn't as bad as Haunted Mansion, which is sad: it didn't wow or offend, it was just boring, which is the worst thing you can say about a film.
posted by nushustu at 11:49 AM on August 2, 2021

I watched it with my family and afterward my wife and I agreed you'd be better off just watching Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Mummy.
posted by nushustu at 11:51 AM on August 2, 2021 [1 favorite]

Jungle Cruise isn't getting good reviews, but I'm still going to watch it. Skipping a Dwayne Johnson movie is unthinkable.
posted by Beholder at 4:14 PM on August 2, 2021

Cute enough.

Rather surprised that the CG effects aren't up to modern snuff, and downright janky at times. Some of the Cursed were pretty inventive.

Like, I listened to Metallica when I was a kid, but opening the movie with 'Nothing Else Matters' is a direct pander to dads in their 40s?

Other than for Jesse Plemons (who I keep being increasingly impressed with), it felt like a "contractually obligated" movie for much of the cast (who mattered).
posted by porpoise at 9:02 PM on August 3, 2021

It was not at all good writing, but I had a great time. And luckily the lack of plot consistency was so obvious as soon as the arrowhead made it to England (first 10 minutes?) that I knew to turn off my brain and expect nothing logical from the get-go.

I’m one of the nostalgic folks who grew up on annual visits to the theme park. The movie missed the point for why the “backside of water” joke is funny, so I found myself wishing they’d left it out.

The plot holes and logic were so bad. So so so bad. But I’m more and more tolerant of this genre as time goes on. Are well-honed cerebral movies still my favorite? Absolutely yes. But there are definitely days I’d rather embrace the flaws of something new and shiny instead of rewatching my top 10 for the nth time.
posted by itesser at 7:24 AM on August 4, 2021

Between this and Edge of Tomorrow, it's clearly long past time for Emily Blunt to get a Fury Road/Atomic Blonde/Gunpowder Milkshake/The Old Guard actioner where she's the primary star.
posted by soundguy99 at 5:06 AM on August 9, 2021 [3 favorites]

This just unlocked on Disney+ and oof, yeah, glad I didn't pay the $30 to rent it when it was on premium access. It's fine but it's awfully forgettable.

Emily Blunt was good; the Rock was ... okay? in a gruff wisecracking twinkle-in-his-eye way which somehow felt very rote here; compare and contrast to his (vocal) performance in Moana.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 8:44 AM on November 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Oh, and: MacGregor totally came out as gay to Frank, right? albeit slightly euphemistically; and Frank was entirely accepting of it.

That shouldn't feel as surprising as it did; but for Disney it feels like significant progress.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 8:54 AM on November 14, 2021

Yeah, MacGregor was an out, albeit somewhat stereotypical, fierce gay man who showed some action chops in an action movie. Sure, he was mostly there to be taken hostage, but at least he didn't die tragically at the end. No romantic interest, of course.

So, Disney has officially progressed to 1987 Mannequin-level gay representation.

Congrats, guys. Keep working on it.
posted by MrVisible at 1:31 PM on December 12, 2021 [1 favorite]

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