Special Event: Live Stream: The Grand Final (2022 Eurovision Song Contest)
May 14, 2022 7:24 AM - Subscribe

Good evening, Europe! Good morning, Australia! The Grand Final will air on May 14 (today!), at 2100 CEST / 3:00pm EDT. Twenty-five artists are have made it through two semifinals, and tonight, we will find out who is the winner of Eurovision 2022!

HOW TO WATCH LIVE:

Viewers outside of the United States can watch via the official livestream for The Grand Final from the official Eurovision YouTube Channel.

For those of us unlucky enough to be geoblocked, and without an official national broadcaster, you can watch it with minimal commentary via the Swedish National Broadcaster (SVT)’s official stream. American viewers can watch it live via Peacock, NPC’s online streaming channel, but unlike last year, it requires a paid subscription (and will include commentary).

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RUNNING ORDER:
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01. Czechia - We Are Domi - "Lights Off"
02. Romania - WRS - "Llámame"
03. Portugal - Maro - "Saudade, saudade"
04. Finland - The Rasmus - "Jezebel"
05. Switzerland - Marius Bear - "Boys Do Cry"
06. France - Alvan and Ahez - "Fulenn"
07. Norway - Subwoolfer - "Give That Wolf a Banana"
08. Armenia - Rosa Linn - "Snap"
09. Italy - Mahmood and Blanco - "Brividi"
10. Spain - Chanel - "SloMo"
11. Netherlands - S10 - "De diepte"
12. Ukraine - Kalush Orchestra - "Stefania" (Стефанія)
13. Germany - Malik Harris - "Rockstars"
14. Lithuania - Monika Liu - "Sentimentai"
15. Azerbaijan - Nadir Rustamli - "Fade to Black"
16. Belgium - Jérémie Makiese - "Miss You"
17. Greece - Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord - "Die Together"
18. Iceland - Systur - "Með hækkandi sól"
19. Moldova - Zdob și Zdub and Advahov Brothers - "Trenulețul"
20. Sweden - Cornelia Jakobs - "Hold Me Closer"
21. Australia - Sheldon Riley - "Not the Same"
22. United Kingdom - Sam Ryder - "Space Man"
23. Poland - Ochman - "River"
24. Serbia - Konstrakta - "In corpore sano"
25. Estonia - Stefan - "Hope"

BONUS CONTENT:
Eurovision Backstage, hosted by Samya Hafsaoui, who is just as charming and witty as she was last year.
66 Questions: Where the 40 competing acts answer random questions. The sillier the better!
posted by PearlRose (488 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Thanks for posting this! Looking forward to tonight.
posted by rjs at 9:20 AM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Glen Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour gives his opinions on the finalists. Can't say I agree with all of them, but he fully gets my issue with Greece's song: Gotta say, though: The lyrics — in which she suggests she and her partner end it all, so they can be together forever — are the creepiest and most unsettling in this year's competition, which let's remember, also includes songs about werewolves gobbling up grannies and bloody witches' sabbaths.
posted by the primroses were over at 9:21 AM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Thank you, PearlRose! I look forward to the handsome young troubadour from Estonia smiling and winking at the camera, because I am a filthy old woman.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 10:28 AM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


To be fair to you, Orange Dinosaur Slide, I'm looking forward to seeing him again, and I'm a hetero male! (Granted, this is just as much due to his performance as to his looks.)

Re: viewing from outside Europe: good ones cost a few bucks a month & require you to watch via a computer or mobile device, but VPN services (eg EncryptMe) often have termination endpoints in places like France, Germany or Amsterdam. This grants access to the official stream - and more pointedly, the ability to avoid one's potentially questionable local host banter...

Georgia got robbed. I've had Serbia stuck in my head for a day or so. And for gosh sake, won't somebody get that wolf a banana?!

Excited for the show!
posted by cyrusdogstar at 10:51 AM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Agreed, cyrusdogstar! Estonia has a great song, and considering it’s just one person and a guitar, a great performance too. As I mentioned in the semifinal 2 thread, Estonia was one of the first countries to threaten a boycott if Russia competed, so I’m glad a song with lyrics about standing up to the bad guys closes the show.
I just wish Georgia was competing too.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 11:02 AM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Cookies baked, scorecards printed, wine picked, nap taken (or rather, attempted). Bring on Eurovision!

Also sad about Georgia (and Denmark), but there's always at least one song I like that doesn't make it to the Grand Final, and the overall slate this year has been strong.
posted by May Kasahara at 11:22 AM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Ahem.

OMG SHUT UP YOU GUYS IT'S EUROVISION

House Example is suitably fortified for Eurovision. We have:

- Spanish and Italian meats
- French, Danish, and British cheeses
- Italian bruschetta
- Australian* wine

Bring on the cheesefest.

*No, I don't know what Australia is doing in Eurovision, and I will not be taking further questions on this point.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 11:47 AM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


I didn't get to see the Semi-Finals this year. I'm going in completely ignorant of any of the songs (except one involves bananas, apparently?), and I am so excited
posted by meese at 11:48 AM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Woo! Refreshments are almost ready (alas, no bananas, so Keith [Jim?] pls stay away!). There are a good handful of songs I would be happy to see win tonight, so I'm excited!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 11:56 AM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Used a glittery bath bomb, so I feel festive - still need to sneak back upstairs to de-glitter the bath, but could not miss the Czech opener. Could we not have at least strung some of the ballads into a decent snack break, if we had to have this many? (Kind of kidding, I do think this is a very good group overall this year.)
posted by the primroses were over at 12:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I bought this bag of Irish caramels from Costco to eat at my watch party tonight, but the semifinals were so stressful that I ate them all early and had to go buy German caramels to eat instead.

But I have snacks, and booze! My partner is home sick today, and while he likes Eurovision, he's not nearly as bonkers about it as me. I've warned him about how emotional I can get, but we shall see if it was sufficient enough.
posted by PearlRose at 12:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I'm having (German) Aldi's version of (Italian) San Pellegrino lemon/mint pop and (traditionally UK) Indian food, followed by a salted caramel slice made by a Hungarian lady, topped with Swedish Glace ice cream.

I, too, didn't watch the semis, so I'm looking forward to the performances. For once the UK doesn't look as if it'll end up with 'nul points'. Although the jury votes will be based on the music, the public vote, at least in the UK, is strongly geared towards Ukraine, for obvious reasons.
posted by essexjan at 12:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Besides my home teams of Iceland and Finland, I’m rooting for the Czech and Moldovan songs. The Czechs are the first act on stage, which is considered a disadvantage, so I’ll be wishing them extra well. Incidentally, the Czech bass player has an Icelandic stepfather, so there’s a rooting interest there.

Of course, everyone knows that Ukraine wins tonight, which no one will be unhappy about, even though last year’s song was better.
posted by Kattullus at 12:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Laura's coat is so sparkly, I love it.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I also liked the first coat/gown she wore in the opener, the orange plasticky muppetty fringe one.
posted by the primroses were over at 12:15 PM on May 14, 2022


I will say that judging by his dancing, the Czech bass player clearly learned a lot from his Icelandic stepfather, because these are some proper Icelandic dad dance moves.
posted by Kattullus at 12:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Okay, here we go! Let's do this! Go Czechia.

She's come a long way from her early live performances. This is such a fun opener! Really good energy, with a solid pop song.
posted by PearlRose at 12:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Is it against the spirit of Eurovision to root for Ukraine without knowing anything about their song just... You know... For reasons?

I mean, if so, I can root for them because I loved their song last year and was disappointed they didn't win.
posted by meese at 12:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


The Czech song is growing on me. They did a great job.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2022


The Czech Republic's song has really grown on me. I absolutely want to be belting out "Where are you NOOOOOOW" with a bunch of strangers right now!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Agreed.
posted by rjs at 12:22 PM on May 14, 2022


Oh noes, the male dancers’ T-shirt shrank in the wash, how awful for them.
posted by Kattullus at 12:22 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Romania, all right, here we are! This was my favorite of the sassy ones, and I'm glad it qualified. A shame it's in the death slot, but you go, dude.

Hola me bebe.
posted by PearlRose at 12:22 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


At first I didn't really like the song from Romania, but it's growing on me.
posted by rjs at 12:24 PM on May 14, 2022


I thought the dancers were just really sweaty at first, but it looks like the shininess of their skin is intentional.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I mostly think all of the songs are awful but I mostly think that every year and I’m still super pumped about watching the final and enjoying all the goofy outfits and being snarky. Which is not to give anybody grief about their sincere enjoyment.

I’m pretty sure that you can get a free VPN from the proton mail folks. Just a thought.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I'm glad Romania's shirt is coming off because those ruffles look like they're going to crawl away and attack the audience.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Romania has grown on me. If someone had played it for me and told me it had won Eurovision in 2000-something, I’d’ve believed it.
posted by Kattullus at 12:25 PM on May 14, 2022


Romania was some of the more fun dancing of the semifinals. The song's fine, but the dance is fun.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:27 PM on May 14, 2022


Swedish TV has turned off the subtitles which is a drag. They were on for the semifinals and I really appreciate seeing the lyrics because normally I have no idea what the words are. Have I mentioned that I’m old? I like the song from Portugal.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


After the energy of the first two numbers, now we have Portugal to mellow things out a bit.

Partner loves this entry so much; it's one of his favorites this year. Something about the genuine emotion behind what she's singing really shines through.

I mostly just love that Portugal continues to send what pleases them. It's such a good song, though. I've been humming it for ages.
posted by PearlRose at 12:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I really like the Portuguese song, but I think it might get lost amongst the rest of the songs.
posted by essexjan at 12:28 PM on May 14, 2022


Portugal is still one of my faves. The bridge is a little weak, but otherwise, I love it. All the little smartphone lights from the audience really add to the performance, too.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:28 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I also like the simplicity of the presentation.
posted by rjs at 12:28 PM on May 14, 2022


The Romanian song was very Spanish. I liked it.

I was bored with the Portuguese song before the end of the first line.
posted by biffa at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I love the staging of Portugal, with these women in a circle singing to each other. Why yes, I did spend my formative years attending a Girl Scout camp every summer, how did you know?
posted by the primroses were over at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Portugal's song is truly lovely. My gent got a bit misty-eyed when he heard it.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Portugal's still my favorite entry--I like the song and her voice and the whole performance so much.

And lol now the transition to the Rasmus!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I love this song and their outfits and the group so much.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:30 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Can’t wait until he pulls off that raincoat!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:30 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


SUOMI 180°
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Killer shark in heels! Finland, also never stop sending songs that please you.

It's not Eurovision without it. Continue with the genre diversity, please.
posted by PearlRose at 12:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


This is a really great song.
posted by rjs at 12:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


That last "JEZEBELLLL" at the end!
posted by May Kasahara at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I didn’t pay attention last year, so I don’t know how warm and welcoming last year’s contest was for queer folks but there seem to be a fair number this year and I just love it so much.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


That was great! I hope they do well!!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2022


No offense Switzerland, but now seems an excellent time to take a first pass at that tub scrubbing ...
posted by the primroses were over at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


In terms of performers, I’m not talking about fans.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Coming in late (because I've been feasting on meats and cheeses of various nations), but Finland is my favorite so far. Portugal's was very nice, but last year's was so much better.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:34 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


There are local elections today in Iceland, and polling stations are still open. A friend of mine is a poll worker, and she just sent a photo from the polling station. Eurovision is being projected onto a wall.
posted by Kattullus at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Sad Boy Ballad #1
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Thumbs up on the voice but this song is not doing it for me. Sorry, Switzerland.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:36 PM on May 14, 2022


I didn’t pay attention last year, so I don’t know how warm and welcoming last year’s contest was for queer folks but there seem to be a fair number this year and I just love it so much.

There's a reason Eurovision is often referred to as the "Gay Olympics".
posted by PearlRose at 12:36 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Let the onslaught of the sad boy ballads begin with the Swiss entry.

He sings it well, but it's kind of a simple song and he doesn't do anything very technically challening. This one is absolutely fine. Fine.
posted by PearlRose at 12:36 PM on May 14, 2022


I like how old-fashioned Switzerland's is (kind of a 'smoke gets in your eyes' vibe.)
posted by rjs at 12:36 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Yeah, he has a good voice but this song feels like it was spat out by AI.
posted by edencosmic at 12:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Switzerland's song sounds like a reject from an old Disney movie.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:37 PM on May 14, 2022


I like Switzerland's voice well enough, but my goodness do I hate these lyrics. (I mean, yes, boys do cry. Yep. As they should! Crying is good and healthy! But airplanes should NOT fall out of the sky! We should not excuse that happening! Mountains crumbling idk, but rivers running dry might be a bad sign for the health of an environment.)
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:38 PM on May 14, 2022


Nice to see a song in Breton for a change. If you can see the Breton subtitles, it's very obviously a Celtic language. It looks a lot like Cornish.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:39 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I know the tradition is for the hosts to be annoying, but I'm finding these 3 less so than previous years.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:39 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


France! My partner got up to use the restroom during the Swiss ballad/commentator break, and when the postcard begain, I started shouting at him to get his ass back here to watch the Breton witches.

The energy of this one is crazy good. I love the use of pyro in it. It's green and wild and everything I could have ever hoped for.
posted by PearlRose at 12:40 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


The branded graphics stuff between acts drives me crazy. Thanks to the war in Ukraine, I’m just not loving the drone imagery.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Ooh, I love France!
posted by meese at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I really like France’s entry! I’ll admit the description “Celtic electronica” didn’t fill me with anticipation, but it was Shumesque, if not the whole shebang.
posted by Kattullus at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


France's is probably my favorite of the big 5 this year, and it's a good year for the big 5.
posted by the primroses were over at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Oh yay, glad I thought to look in here for company to watch with!

What I've been wondering is wondering how all the set changes/props work, since each act kiiind of has their own? I know a lot of it is done with lights, but presumably there exists somewhere a dossier of very specific specifications about what each act can have on stage, how quick it must be to set up and take away etc. There must be a massive hangar backstage full of giant balloons and fire pits etc.
posted by penguin pie at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Oh lord, Norway. This year's "Let's try to meme our way into Eurovision" act. :P I'd like it better if there were more to it than the chorus.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


France was very fun!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2022


There's a reason Eurovision is often referred to as the "Gay Olympics".

It always amuses me that a fair number of the countries have songs performed by scantily-dressed women singing sexy songs to their man, thus completely misjudging the demograph of most of the male viewers.
posted by essexjan at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


...I just noticed that "Give that Wolf a Banana" was written by Keith and Jim.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I've eaten two bananas tonight, so I'm all set.
posted by rjs at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Switzerland: singer is a big crypto bro and made his crappy song into an NFT. Gross.

I loved France’s idea but feels like they were all singing kinda flat? (Something I’m seeing in a whole lot of acts this year, granted.)
posted by cyrusdogstar at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2022


This Banana song will be a massive club hit in the resorts of Europe this summer.
posted by essexjan at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I know that Norway are the hot favorites to finish second to Ukraine, but I feel like it’s conceived by people who disdain Eurovision. Mind you, it’s still a decent song.
posted by Kattullus at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I like Keith and Jim's name tags.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Well it’s catchy, this banana song. I’m enjoying it.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I don't think it will win but I do appreciate the silliness of Norway's entry. I think they're selling it well.
posted by edencosmic at 12:45 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


What I've been wondering is wondering how all the set changes work, since each act kiiind of has their own? I know a lot of it is done with lights, but presumably there exists somewhere a dossier of very specific specifications about what each act can have on stage, how quick it must be to set up and take away etc. There must be a massive hangar backstage full of giant balloons and fire pits etc.

Penguin pie, I could write you a book about the technical aspects that go into this. But the Eurovision Backstage videos I linked to in the post offer some fantastic insight. The Eurovision subreddit is also full of knowledgeable superfans.

(I may write that book for you during the interval acts.)
posted by PearlRose at 12:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


So that's what's missing from my fruit salad today!
posted by May Kasahara at 12:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I kind of hated Norway at first, but I now realize it is the refuge in audacity we need in a sea of sad boy ballads.
posted by PearlRose at 12:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


This is not my favorite song, but it's a frontrunner for lyrics that will stick in my head forever. Am I ever going to make banana bread again and not sing "before that wolf eats my grandma, give that wolf a banana?" Probably not.
posted by the primroses were over at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


My SO was very excited by The Rasmus, apparently she was listening to a lot of them the week we went away for work before we got together so they have some significance for us. She said they sounded exactly the same. I liked them.

France was ok. Am enjoying norway. I will call you Keith? One of them was in A1?????
posted by biffa at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I could write you a book about the technical aspects that go into this.

I think about this every year, and every year I am glad that I don't have to be one of the people setting up the phone voting/tallying infrastructure. I mean, they've probably got it down to a routine by now, but still.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I didn't notice the Armenian singer's necklace during the semis, but it's cute.
posted by May Kasahara at 12:48 PM on May 14, 2022


Armenia's song is one of the biggest growers of mine. It's a fine song, but the staging elevates it. Her vocals are also something else -- she brings a good amount of emotion to the delivery.
posted by PearlRose at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


What a great break from gaudy!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2022


Armenia's song was all right and the staging was pretty good, but it felt like a middling Jewel video from the 90s.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2022


Oh good, Armenia escaped her paper cage. She had troubles in the semi. It's got a nice audience singalong quality.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Yes, I loved that she was performing in pajamas!
posted by edencosmic at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Yes, I loved that she was performing in pajamas!

I am very on board with this trend that allows singers perform in comfortable clothing.
posted by PearlRose at 12:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I wonder every year how you cope if you can't hear Graham Norton.
posted by biffa at 12:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Yes, I loved that she was performing in pajamas!

"Before that wolf eats my grandma, I will sing in pajamas"
posted by May Kasahara at 12:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


*raises glass* "Sir Terry"
posted by essexjan at 12:55 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I am reminded to say this only because of the goth woman. Is Mika the singer?
posted by biffa at 12:55 PM on May 14, 2022


Wait, she is growing on me.
posted by biffa at 12:56 PM on May 14, 2022


Terry!
posted by biffa at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2022


This Italian song is absolutely beautiful and the staging is stunning.
posted by essexjan at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


This song from Italy is new to me. I like it.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2022


Italy. It is objectively, a a good song. I loved Mahmood's Soldi in 2019. They are doing a really good job! It's a great package.

But I am so over the sad boy ballads.

Blano gives such excited puppy energy.
posted by PearlRose at 12:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Sad Boy Ballad #2
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 12:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I really enjoyed Italy's entry! Best of the sad boy ballads.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 12:59 PM on May 14, 2022


This is probably the best of the Sad Boy Ballads, but like PearlRose, I'm a big fan of "Soldi". Very good all around.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:00 PM on May 14, 2022


Re: Spain...I'm not sure I've ever seen an assless matador outfit before.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:00 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Bajoran earpieces are.big this year, someone call Cheeses of Brazil.

Italy taking themselves too seriously for me.
posted by biffa at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Spain! Spain!

She deserves so many, many, many kudos for being able to sing that well while dancing her ass off.
posted by PearlRose at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


My wife: “Is she singing about her ass?”
Me: “It’s a part of the body, lots of people sing about their hearts”
posted by Kattullus at 1:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Is it possible that this is a flash mob in a Spanish Hooters?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Spain is good but it also sounds a lot like Fuego.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Spain's entry isn't to my taste, but it does bring the right amount of Eurovision energy so I appreciate it.
posted by edencosmic at 1:03 PM on May 14, 2022


Yay, Spain brought the dancing!! That was delightful.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:03 PM on May 14, 2022


Sad girl ballad?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:04 PM on May 14, 2022


I feel like the Dutch singer is asking me which wine I want with my sole meunière.
posted by Kattullus at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Spain was so good, that's all.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2022


I do like it though
posted by Bella Donna at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Sad ballad! Everyone take a shot!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I wasn't sure about the Netherlands during the semifinals. It seemed a bit lost in there. After she qualified, I went ahead and watched it again.

There's a lot of sincerity in her vocals. She gets very raw and vulnerable when she sings, and I can absolutely respect that.
posted by PearlRose at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I don't think sincerity works for me at Eurovision.
posted by biffa at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I could write you a book about the technical aspects that go into this.

Ooh thanks, PearlRose, will explore the links!
posted by penguin pie at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2022


OK, here comes the winner, Ukraine!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Her vocals are much stronger today. Good on ya, Netherlands!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I typed that before PearlRose mentioned sincerity!
posted by biffa at 1:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I am so here for the pink-toffed rapper.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Ukraine isn't my favorite, but it's up there, and if it means more quality hip hop in future Eurovisions, I'm all for them winning.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Okay, Ukraine's is a weird genre mishmash, but I'm digging it.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Go Ukraine! If you're gonna wear a hat, wear a fuzzy hot pink bucket hat.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I genuinely consider a Ukrainian win at Eurovision to basically be an antiwar gesture.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Hello, Ukraine.

I do not think you are going to win it this year. I think you're going to do well, as you well should! But I'm not quite seeing the winner vibes. (Yes, I know, politics, but that is what it is. I'm just offering my two cents.)

There is some excellent energy here, and his rapping sounds better than it did in the semi. It's good energy, wouldn't be too upset if it won on its own merits as a song, but we'll see.

In any case, that was something to be proud of, boys.
posted by PearlRose at 1:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


The bass player, flute and dancer really lift this for me. I wouldn’t expect this to win in a normal year, but this isn’t a normal year. So go Ukraine.
posted by Kattullus at 1:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Yay Ukraine! I like the mix of traditional and non-traditional elements a lot.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Yeah Ukraine stepped up their performance from the semis. You love to see it, whether they win or not.

This poker face segment after Ukraine is not coincidental, I think, but I love that Serbia is the one Mika cracked on.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Another sad boy ballad?
posted by May Kasahara at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2022


If Ukraine wins, they host next year, right?
That's one way to get international assistance...
posted by cheshyre at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I liked Ukraine! Though pink hat was a bit madchester.
posted by biffa at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Oh god I needed therapy after last year's performance from Germany. Nowhere to go but up.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Germany's is kind of bland, but it's so much better than last year's.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I also hit random things compulsively when I’m holding a drumstick. Relatable.
posted by Kattullus at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


SBB #3
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Germany. I think you're more moody than sad, but you're definitely getting lumped in with the other ballads.

There are so many ballads this year, so yeah, I think sincerity and delivery is going to determine which ones stand out above all the rest.

That said, this was my least favorite of the Big Five this year, and he's charming, but I think this one is going to get lost in the shuffle. It's competent and fine, but I'm just not feeling the vibe.
posted by PearlRose at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I'd tried to blot that out of my mind, Orange Dinosaur Slide. But this is a bit too ... earnest.
posted by essexjan at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I’m sorry the spoken word portion of this song has really dragged me down. I don’t hate you Germany but this is not doing it for me.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I just want to thank you all for your hilarious comments!
posted by Rabarberofficer at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I feel like calling Germany's song 'Rockstar' is false advertising, which makes it more disappointing.
posted by dinty_moore at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Oh god I needed therapy after last year's performance from Germany. Nowhere to go but up.

Germany's is kind of bland, but it's so much better than last year's.

I had blocked that out of my memory until now, oh no.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


What's the German for meh?
posted by biffa at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


This guy has It, but the song is weak. If he finds a good songwriter/producer, he's going to be huge.
posted by Etrigan at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2022


This song and the whole staging feels a little "look at how sincere I am!" but he seems so delighted to be there that I'm charmed anyway.
posted by edencosmic at 1:17 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Hello, Ukraine.

I do not think you are going to win it this year.

Oh, interesting - I'd assumed it was a foregone conclusion that Ukraine would win this year!

Either way, we can file "Celebrating a Ukranian rapper in a pink hat as an anti-war hero" under "things we never expected to be doing this time last year".
posted by penguin pie at 1:17 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


I wanted Germany to interact with more of those instruments on stage! But it's not a bad song for what it was, and he had great presence.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:17 PM on May 14, 2022


Either way, we can file "Celebrating a Ukranian rapper in a pink hat as an anti-war hero" under "things we never expected to be doing this time last year".

Eurovision is at its best when it's Mad Libs in song form.
posted by Etrigan at 1:18 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


Hands down best dress thus far. Thank you Lithuania.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


LITHUANIA!!! I loved you last year, I love you this year! You're wonderful!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2022


Lithuania is giving me very strong "Liza Minelli in Cabaret, but set in the 1970s" vibes, and I...think I'm okay with it?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Oh, interesting - I'd assumed it was a foregone conclusion that Ukraine would win this year!

TL;DR A lot of it depends on the jury voting. It's probably going to be a runaway televote smash, but there's a lot of jury-friendly ballads this year, and Ukraine could very likely get lost in the shuffle there.
posted by PearlRose at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2022


This is so sexy and slinky and fun. I'm also in love with her eyeshadow color.
posted by edencosmic at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Also, I love your dress, Lithuania. It's almost too gorgeous and classy for Eurovision.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Lithuania definitely has it going on in the makeup, hair, and dress combo. The song is nice too, a smoky retro number.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Lithuania is giving me very strong "Liza Minelli in Cabaret, but set in the 1970s" vibes

My first thought was Mireille Matthieu.
posted by essexjan at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Love Lithuania's entry! It was the biggest surprise for me in the semis, and this performance was great, too.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Lithuania was my dark horse this year. I doubt it's going to win, but it qualified, which was all I could hope for.

Monika has such a lovely charisma, and it's just different enough for me. (I do, admitedly, have a soft spot for Lithuania, and I want them to continue to do well by sending music that just suits them.)
posted by PearlRose at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Lithuania puts me in mind of Cilla Black, which reminds me of an entirely random fact. There’s a bird, “wagtail”, that’s named as such in English because Medieval English people thought its Latin name, “motacilla”, meant “wag-tail”, and that “cilla” meant “tail” in Latin. But it didn’t, it was a diminutive of mover, so meant something like “tiny dancer”.
posted by Kattullus at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


SBB #4
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:23 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


As it happens, no I really do not want a part of this. Maybe a part of the frame but no other part of it. Sorry, Azerbaijan.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:23 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I am really liking the Lithuanian 70s feel. Plus the James Bond feel in places. Was she singing in Lithuanian? It sounded French to me as someone who has never heard Lithuanian.
posted by biffa at 1:23 PM on May 14, 2022


Azerbaijan is definitely another sad boy ballad. I have already forgotten half the song, but apparently, it's quite difficult to sing that well while lying on your side.

They also never cheap out on the staging, which I can respect.
posted by PearlRose at 1:24 PM on May 14, 2022


The worst part of this song for me is that two Swedish songwriters are responsible for the terrible lyrics
posted by Bella Donna at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I would have liked Azerbaijan's a lot more if it didn't look so much like the tech rehearsal.
posted by Etrigan at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


He would have been better off doing stairway to heaven, since he had the stairway set up.
posted by biffa at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2022


I am absolutely loving the drone footage of these beautiful European cities.
posted by essexjan at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Azerbaijan had a little laugh(? sniffle?) towards the end of the song. I assumed it was a flub in the semis, but it was done again here, so it seems to have been intentional?
posted by May Kasahara at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Okay, was there a bulk discount on Sad Boy Ballads at the songwriter clearing house or something?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Italian cities! Did anyone catch which city it was for the Lithuanian entry?
posted by biffa at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Silver fringe costumes last year, Sad Boy Ballads this year.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Okay, was there a bulk discount on Sad Boy Ballads at the songwriter clearing house or something?

Man, we are two years into a global pandemic. We're lucky there's any levity at this thing.
posted by Etrigan at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


...and SBB #5
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


So is this sad boy ballad number five?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2022


There's always a discount on sad boy ballads.
posted by biffa at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


The distribution over the semi-finals was also a bit strange. Semi-final 1 was all pensive young women, semi-final 2 was all sad boys.
posted by rjs at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2022


I love this performer from Belgium, so it saddens me he is sad boy ballad number eleventy million.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


It's got some R&B vibes, and I guess it's technically a bittersweet boy ballad, but let's be real.

Belgium was a surprise qualifier for me. I thought for sure, it'd get lost in all of the sad boy ballads of the semis.

His vocals are much stronger tonight. The staging is a bit underwhelming, and I think the song itself is just okay. He is giving a good performance, but I really wish he had better material to work with.
posted by PearlRose at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


He has a good enough voice but parts of this song seem like they're out of his range. I remember that from the semis. It just feels like an odd choice.
posted by edencosmic at 1:29 PM on May 14, 2022


To me, Belgium is one of the better ones of the bunch.
posted by rjs at 1:29 PM on May 14, 2022


MetaFilter: There's always a discount on sad boy ballads.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:30 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Yeah, Belgium is reforming the SBB genre.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:30 PM on May 14, 2022


Ok, the singer from Greece is very good, but I cannot get over these murder-suicide pact lyrics, and I'm going to grab a beverage so I'm set for the end run.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Y’all are too nice. More snark, please!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Maybe it's the purple supervillain dress, but I'm liking the hosts a lot more tonight than in the semis.
posted by Etrigan at 1:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Mika’s purple suit is burning my retinas, in a pleasant way.
posted by Kattullus at 1:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yeaaah, Greece's song isn't the most uplifting. Might be time for a break myself.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:33 PM on May 14, 2022


Well, Greece's song certainly seems like a healthy relationship dynamic.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:34 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


This is a super creepy song.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:34 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Greece is my least favorite, because my literal-minded brain just cannot with the melodramatic lyrics.

The staging is dramatic, which is what this song requires. I realize, objectively, why it's doing so well.

But I am so sad of sad ballads and this one is my least favorite of the lot this year.
posted by PearlRose at 1:34 PM on May 14, 2022


Yeah, I was surprised Greece made it through. She was so out of tune in the Semi.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2022


I am watching on iPlayer and it feels like it is getting further and further behind the rest of you. All these comments on the Greek entry popped ages before she started on my telly.
posted by biffa at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2022


6-year-old's comment: That is a lot of broken chairs.
posted by Etrigan at 1:36 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Those chairs need some flames.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I love Greece's aesthetic so much, the whole gothic heroine in her nightgown running from away from a murderous count's manor thing and now stranded among all those overturned chairs, but the energy of my imagined imagery doesn't line up with the song and its disappointingly drippy lyrics.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I was cuddling with goats and just made it to my computer to watch with ya'll. Made it in time for the Swedish song, but sadly just as Greece's pretty boring ballad was airing.
posted by gemmy at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Gemmy, you didn't bring goats for everyone?! :(
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


I appreciate how in Iceland, it's possible to gather up your family, start a band, and decide to compete in Eurovision.

This song is so haunting and retro. The vibes here are very much my jam.
posted by PearlRose at 1:38 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


SAD GOAT BALLADS FOR EVERYONE
posted by Etrigan at 1:38 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


This is like the Icelandic Indigo Girls. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I don't think it's Eurovision material.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Give those goats a banana
posted by Dumsnill at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


Cortina! We had hot chocolate at that mountain cafe! And also visited the lodge from Cliffhanger
posted by biffa at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


That was not Sweden, FYI.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2022


The Iceland entry is not my thing, but their voices are so pretty.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2022


It is a beautiful song. I'd definitely listen to more of this.

I like the whole retro vibe of their outfits too. Something about the entire presentation just works really well.
posted by edencosmic at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Aw, yeah, Moldova's up!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2022


Iceland is nice, but yea pretty much Indigo Girls and not really Eurovision style.
posted by gemmy at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022


Iceland brought their own waterfall?! (Just to continue my set-based fascination...)

I enjoyed that. Though I'm starting to think my Eurovision preferences are heavily influenced by the colour of the lights. I like yellow and orange because they make me feel like I'm being sung at in the middle of summer, which is altogether the most pleasant time to be sung at.
posted by penguin pie at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


A Twitter bud described Iceland as a "cozy Autumn blanket", which really fits. Still like 'em.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Was middle Icelandic sister adopted?
posted by biffa at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022


Hey ho, let's go! Folklore and rock n' roll!!!
posted by the primroses were over at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Moldova! Save us from sad ballad summer.
posted by PearlRose at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Well, that went well. I’ll take advantage of being in another European country and vote for Iceland, and it’s not that it’s a bad song, I think it’s good, but don’t ask me to hum it.

Moldova on the other hand, I’ve been humming incessantly for the entire week.
posted by Kattullus at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


My partner - "Moldova. Making the trains run on time."
posted by PearlRose at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Yes! Yes, Moldova. Thank you for going back to your batshit-but-fun Eurovision roots.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Partyyyy!!!
posted by rjs at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Moldova's song is like someone who's never heard an Irish jig before trying to play one - and succeeding!
posted by essexjan at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Graham says the ballads are done!!!
posted by biffa at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Graham says the ballads are done!!!

He lies.
posted by PearlRose at 1:42 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


I am loving Moldova. It’s not going to win and it shouldn’t, but it’s just tons of fun for me.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Ooh Moldova bringing the bonkers! And the "everybody take something totally different from the dressing up box!" aesthetic.

I'm very much enjoying it but I fear I might only enjoy it on the first listen and a bit less with each successive listen as it burns its way into my brain.

(I didn't watch any of the semis, if it weren't already obvious...)
posted by penguin pie at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Moldova FUCK YES!
posted by biffa at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Graham lies! He lies like a rug!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Hahaha. The Swedish commentators were super down on the outfits and stylings for Moldova. I love the snark AND this song.
posted by gemmy at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Thank you, Moldova!
I was falling asleep after all those slow songs
posted by cheshyre at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Moldova also has a strong energy of "Let's form a band! What instrument do you have?" and they just went with it. It's good.
posted by edencosmic at 1:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Folklore and rock and roll! Love that song!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:45 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Knees Up Mother Brown!
posted by essexjan at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2022


I've been listening incessantly to Cornelia the last few weeks. Doubt it will win, but I'm happy with the Swedish choice of champion. Heja Cornelia!
posted by gemmy at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


The announcer on Peacock's Livestream is impressing me! He's got the spirit, and he's far less annoying than I expected for an announcer, AND he clearly has done a lot of work to try to pronounce everything correctly.
posted by meese at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2022


I long for the days when Sweden was predictable and sent a male soloist with a pleasantly generic dance-pop tune.
posted by PearlRose at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


gemmy: Swedish commentators were super down on the outfits

Oh noes, not style criticism from Stockholm, the city where everyone dresses the same

Okay, that only goes for Södermalm, but it’s genuinely uncomfortable to be there
posted by Kattullus at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Seriously, though, Sweden is probably my favorite of the sad lady songs. I like her presence.
posted by PearlRose at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Sweden wins the "most likely that I'll listen to this in the future, and also not remember it was from Eurovision" award from me, which is equal parts praise and complaint.

My boyfriend, history's greatest monster, committed us to evening plans that require me to leave my couch before the end of Eurovision.

I know, I know, DTMFA, but no one takes that advice. :) Also, I kind of like him.

So I will watch the end on my phone en route to plans, and sweep through later to favorite your delightful comments.
posted by the primroses were over at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Cheer the fuck up Sweden.
posted by biffa at 1:49 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I won't be sad if Sweden wins (love her voice! song's good!), but I still hope for something more interesting.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:50 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I already told my boyfriend I couldn't leave until the performances were over so I may be over at his house a bit later than usual. He's understanding, at least. (He also has a lot of European friends who are watching it too.)
posted by edencosmic at 1:50 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Apparently J. K. Rowling has declared her love for the Icelandic song. The band has made a big point of advocating for trans rights so, on behalf of Iceland, let me just say: Jog off Voldemort!
posted by Kattullus at 1:50 PM on May 14, 2022 [12 favorites]


Australia? Graham Norton told us we were done with the ballads. GRAHAM NORTON BETRAYED MY TRUST
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Those bananawolves must be sweating their butts off.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


We told you so.
posted by rjs at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


SBB #6
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


My SO looked it up, apparently the Moldovan song is about the post covid reopening of the train line from Chisinau to Bucharest. Could they be more European?
posted by biffa at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


OK, orange dinosaur slide, where are we on the count?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Australia! This is either my favorite or second-favorite of the sad boy ballads.

But it's the sixth one of the evening, I think? I lost count.
posted by PearlRose at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2022


OK that Australian outfit is, for reasons I can't quite pin point, giving me the same horror chills as 1980s Davros.
posted by penguin pie at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Sad boy yes, but that costume is fantastic.
posted by May Kasahara at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


If you're going to do a ballad, you best come dressed like Australia
posted by meese at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I think Graham has entered the pissed snark part of the evening.
posted by biffa at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


He sure can sing, and the outfit is ALL Eurovision!
posted by gemmy at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Australia: When you have Eurovision and then a wedding to attend immediately afterward.
posted by PearlRose at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Australia’s really grown on me. I can’t tell if it’s the performance or the song, though I like it’s shifts in dynamics, but it’s by a considerable distance my favorite sad boy ballad tonight.

I’d say that was a tough contest, but it really isn’t.
posted by Kattullus at 1:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Thank you orange dinosaur slide, and apologies that I am dictating so I cannot capitalize your name, for keeping us on track with the sad boy ballot count. You rock!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


If I climbed a staircase in a giant train and heels, I'd expect applause too.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I like Australia's entry so much. Gah, that jewelry! The on-the-verge-of-tears-ness! Getting to belt out "We're not the saaaame" like that!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 1:55 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


WTF happened to Australia's eyebrows?
posted by biffa at 1:55 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


No apologies necessary, and you're most welcome, Bella Donna! :)
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:55 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I love the Australian guys face, I think it’s gorgeous, so I hated the chain mail mask thing. That is all.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:56 PM on May 14, 2022


Come on Sam!
posted by essexjan at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2022


VOLARE!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2022


Goth lady has a set of pipes!
posted by biffa at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2022


Let's go, UK! We can only go up from last year.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2022


I feel very uncomfortable with the fact that the UK is my favorite. What a glow-up!
posted by PearlRose at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


SBB #7!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yeah this is great! I was so worried it was going to be sad boy ballad number seven.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I love UK's Galactic Elvis Jumpsuit.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


But it’s not sad!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


This is delightful. It's not really the sort of thing I'm into but he has such adorable energy! Amazing voice, too.
posted by edencosmic at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I started crying, just a little, during the UK song. What a song, what a voice, what a staging.

It's a sad boy ballad, but they have spared no expense.
posted by PearlRose at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


The song is not my thing, but I love his joy and his jumpsuit.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Absolutely brilliant vocal and charismatic performance. We are in with a chance!
posted by essexjan at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Having the time. of. his. fucking. life. as he does that extremely short guitar solo and his hair flies in the artificial wind - and for that alone I approve!

Definitely not a SBB!
posted by penguin pie at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


That was good. Likely not to be last this year, which is great.
posted by gemmy at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


You're right, it's more upbeat live than in the recorded version.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2022


Guitar solo out of nowhere! I was somewhat lukewarm on the song until that moment.
posted by May Kasahara at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


And let’s not forget the gorgeous pink suit of the host. That is worth a shout out.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I love that the Moldovans are just still playing their song in the green room. I’ll absolutely believe they’ve just been playing it continuously all night.
posted by Kattullus at 2:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


MIKA. HOLLAND. NO.
posted by PearlRose at 2:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


And let’s not forget the gorgeous pink suit of the host.

I like how it chimed perfectly with the Moldovan hat just then.
posted by penguin pie at 2:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Aggghh. Sad Boy Ballad time again. Poland, bring back the erotic butter churning from a few years ago.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Poland is definitely a sad boy ballad.

I feel a little bad for the guy, stuck between the UK and Serbia.
posted by PearlRose at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Poland's song reminds me of Strong by London Grammar.
posted by essexjan at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yeah, we'll call Poland SBB #7. UK was having too damn much fun for a SBB.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I hope our guy is not crushed by the justified contempt of our former allies.
posted by biffa at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I want to see what the Belgian singer can do with Poland's song. It would be so much better.
posted by May Kasahara at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


This is my absolute favorite sad boy ballad of the evening. I really like it.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2022


I think this is oddly my favorite of the SBB, though. It has such drama. I can picture so many teenagers blasting this on repeat over headphones while lying the dark.
posted by edencosmic at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I am begging you: tell me more about the erotic butter churning.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:06 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I like some of the staging of this a lot--dancing underwater tree nymphs? I think? And he's so delightfully polite in his ending comments, in both the semis and finals!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I love Serbia so much, this is gonna be great.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]




No one likes a suck up Poland.
posted by biffa at 2:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


erotic butter churning
posted by gemmy at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I am unashamedly clapping along with Serbia.
posted by PearlRose at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Truly, I love the whole Gregorian monk spa attendant thing. So much.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I'm liking the weird performance-art aspect of Serbia.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


What the fuck is going on now?
posted by essexjan at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I looove the whole vibe, Serbia! Nice!
posted by gemmy at 2:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


It’s pretty catchy for performance art about health insurance
posted by Bella Donna at 2:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Serbia: Peak Eurovision
posted by May Kasahara at 2:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Serbia, thank you for providing the avant garde realness that Eurovision needs.
posted by PearlRose at 2:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Serbia was so cool.
posted by edencosmic at 2:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Well someone had to drag Stephen King into the 21st century and it might as well be Serbia.
posted by biffa at 2:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Chris Isak only European
posted by Bella Donna at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


After a sea of sad boy ballads, it seems oddly fitting that an Estonian cowboy ends the show with a song about hope. Sing your heart out, boy.
posted by PearlRose at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Let me preface by saying that I mean this as praise, but if I entered a spa and the Serbian performers were the staff I’d absolutely turn on my heel and leave immediately before I’d be sacrificed to some squamous and cleanly demigod. The exit doors would be locked, obviously.
posted by Kattullus at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


@Puplett: So many countries effectively entering lift music to try and simultaneously not win and not embarrass themselves.
posted by Wordshore at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


"He came out of the east---way out of the east--with a six-shooter on his hip and a guitar on his back. They called him the Tallinn Kid."
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Happy boy ballad! Love the spaghetti western vibe. It's rather fitting for a Eurovision hosted in Italy.
posted by May Kasahara at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Estonia!! Love that this song gets to set the tone for the ending!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Oddly, that is exactly how I feel about the Australian performer. In response to the comment about Serbia and the spa.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I absolutely understand why they chose to end the performances with this song. It's fine but it's catchy and he has a great smile.
posted by edencosmic at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


The presenter with the dark suit looks confusingly like someone I knew at Uni, with a little bit of Russell Tovey thrown in.

Also, I've just realised I haven't really been watching closely enough to actually vote based on musical preference, so it's probably going to have to be Ukraine.
posted by penguin pie at 2:16 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


PearlRose, is this the portion of the program where you can explain to us about jury versus telephone votes? Like how do the different countries decide who gets to be a part of the jury? Is it all crooked like FIFA or no because there’s no money in it?
posted by Bella Donna at 2:18 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I can't vote, but my favorites were Portugal, Spain, Ukraine, and Estonia. There were a lot of others I liked as well, including one or two of the sad boy ballads.
posted by May Kasahara at 2:18 PM on May 14, 2022


Oh God, please tell me UK won't have Amanda Holden phoning in the results again this year *shudders*.
posted by penguin pie at 2:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I don't really have any strong favorites this year, but I think I'm voting for France, Moldova, and possibly Serbia.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I’m not voting because I don’t want to. And I realize that I really like the murder – suicide song, I just want it to have different lyrics.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:22 PM on May 14, 2022


Ukraine was one of my faves, and I will not be mad if they win (as seems likely). Also up there: Spain, Moldova, France, Serbia, and Norway gets points for the correct approach to Eurovision. I have concluded that I am allergic to ballads.

As a side note, I really wish they hadn't had the stage issue - I feel like the staging of some of the acts would have been better without that giant looming "sun" in the background. Or whatever it was. It's been pretty obvious that it wasn't intended as a part of several of the performances.
posted by daikaisho at 2:23 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


My favourites:

Serbia
Norway
Australia
Finland
Moldova
France
Italy
Lithuania
Belgium
Armenia
Poland

And in a category of its own: Ukraine
posted by rjs at 2:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Hey ho let's go.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Wow, Maneskin are killing it.
posted by essexjan at 2:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Max Martin wrote the song we are hearing. I am contractually obligated to promote most things Swedish, sorry.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:24 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Traditionally the new song by last year’s winner is toilet-scrapingly godawful.

Glad that some traditions don’t die.
posted by Kattullus at 2:25 PM on May 14, 2022


This new song is great.
posted by gemmy at 2:25 PM on May 14, 2022


My top five: Norway, moldova, Lithuania, UK, maybe Finland.

Missed last year's but they are pretty good eh?
posted by biffa at 2:26 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yeah, really enjoying this new song. I wish Maneskin was this good when they were on SNL.
posted by May Kasahara at 2:26 PM on May 14, 2022




Mika's suit is hurting my eyes.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:30 PM on May 14, 2022


Måneskin's lead singer made me regret the absence of purple glitter eyeliner in my life.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


The reprise of Switzerland’s sad boy ballad is hurting my soul
posted by Bella Donna at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2022


PearlRose, is this the portion of the program where you can explain to us about jury versus telephone votes? Like how do the different countries decide who gets to be a part of the jury? Is it all crooked like FIFA or no because there’s no money in it?

Bella Donna, I sure can!

The European Broadcasting Union - EBU - hosts Eurovision. It's a non-profit, funded entirely from member fees. That's why the Big Five get the automatic qualification to the finals -- they pay for a lot of the event! I'm speaking in generalities here, but broadcasters by and large do their own thing -- and have their own issues/corruption/concerns, etc. The EBU just more or less makes sure they pay their fees, and uses that money to host Eurovision and other big European-wide events, like sports finals. The EBU tries to be as apolitical as possible. They're not always successful, but they try very hard!

Eurovision used to be jury vote only, then public vote only, but now it's a mix of both.

Juries are decided upon by the local broadcasters, but there are some rules they have to follow. Jury members have to work in the business. There's a lot of musicians, producers, some TV exceutives, etc. They rank every act, then the five members of the nation's jury get their scores averaged out into one score. The jury tends to spread out their points more evenly, since they're ranking everyone.

Phone votes are where members of the public pay per vote for their favorites. Since they vote for favorites, instead of ranking everyone, the public votes tend to give more to a few. They were also a lot of accusations of "bloc" voting, where neighboring nations voted for each other because of their diaspora, not because of the quality of the songs being sent.

The two scores are added together to get the winner.

I personally like the current system, because instead of sending a bunch of crazy kooky entries, there has to be some variety. The last couple of contests have had a very high standard of song quality. Now, of course, your mileage may vary. There's pros and cons to everything.

But you can't say the contest doesn't keep evolving, which I think is a big reason why it's endured for so long.
posted by PearlRose at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [10 favorites]


Thank you so much for the education!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:35 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I thought a green screen suit was supposed to show the viewers fantastic, incredible sights, but instead it left nothing to the imagination.
posted by Kattullus at 2:37 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Thank you so much for the education!

Thank you for asking! It's not every often that I get to use my hyperfixations for good.
posted by PearlRose at 2:38 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I thought a green screen suit was supposed to show the viewers fantastic, incredible sights, but instead it left nothing to the imagination.

I might have mis-heard but I think Graham Norton made a comment about quenelles.
posted by essexjan at 2:40 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


She came second to ABBA?

I'm assuming ABBA were unavailable.

When is Mika singing?
posted by biffa at 2:42 PM on May 14, 2022


Oh god, we're in the "funny" part. Time to drink heavily.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:43 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Time to drink heavily is the unofficial slogan of the contest.
posted by Dumsnill at 2:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Would it be possible to criminalise banter, d'you think?
posted by Grangousier at 2:45 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I remember introducing my partner to Eurovision a few years ago, and he was like, "So when can we start drinking again?"

Song 9 my friend, song 9.
posted by PearlRose at 2:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I forgot how fun Mika can be.
posted by gemmy at 2:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Ooh loving the Mika medley!
posted by penguin pie at 2:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Partner: "Mika looks older than I remember."
Me: "It has been fifteen-ish years."
Partner: "I guess we're older, too."
posted by PearlRose at 2:48 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


My internet died RIGHT as Mika started, I'm heartbroken
posted by meese at 2:49 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Grace Kelly was never a Eurovision song, but spiritually it totally is. What a wonder of a tune!
posted by Kattullus at 2:49 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I love this Mika medley!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


The Mika medley is one of the better non-Eurovision contestant-related Eurovision intervals I've seen in a very long time. It fits the vibe very well.
posted by PearlRose at 2:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


It's all very well to say drinking starts at song 9 but the FA cup kicked off 8 hours ago.
posted by biffa at 2:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Partner: "Mika looks older than I remember."

And yet he's still leaping about on a podium in white slacks and a mesh imitation body-paint shirt while singing his heart out, without missing a beat and carrying an entire stadium.

**Looks at own state compared to 15 years ago and hums contemplatively**
posted by penguin pie at 2:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


He's British you know. Kind of feels like a missed opportunity.
posted by biffa at 2:53 PM on May 14, 2022


I kinda dig Alessandro's tux with the rainbow glitter pinstripes.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 2:54 PM on May 14, 2022


I've just realised Portugal looks like Sporty Spice leading a yoga collective singalong.
posted by biffa at 2:56 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Here’s an interesting Twitter thread about the Serbian performance and context for it.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


First part of the Serbian lyrics:

I wonder what’s the secret
Behind Meghan Markle’s healthy hair?

I wonder what’s the secret?
I wonder what’s the secret
Behind Meghan Markle’s healthy hair?

I wonder what’s the secret? (I wonder what’s the secret?)
I think that deep hydration is what it is

They say that one’s skin and hair show everything clearly
For example, dark circles around the eyes
Could indicate liver problems
Blemishes around the lips, enlarged spleen perhaps?
Enlarged spleen is not good, it’s not pretty
And the artist, she needs to be healthy

Be healthy, be healthy, be healthy
B-b-b be healthy
Be healthy, be healthy, be healthy

She must be, she must be, she must be
We’re incredibly lucky
That there’s such a thing as the autonomic nervous system

I don’t need to control my own heart beats
posted by biffa at 3:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Woke up a little late. Good thing I had the youtube livestream window open and could jump right into the...banana thing. No idea who will win but for some reason when the Estonia song started I said "Hell yeah."
posted by LostInUbe at 3:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Samantha Cristoforetti!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 3:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Jury votes, let's go! It's results time.
posted by PearlRose at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I’m off to bed. Thanks so much for this delicious thread!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


But, but, but...You have to wait for the results!!!!!!
posted by biffa at 3:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Buona notte, Bella Donna!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 3:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Sleep well Bella Donna!

So - is this all the votes from each country, with public votes and jury votes rolled in together?
posted by penguin pie at 3:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


These first few results are fairly unexpected. Also, the points announcers are disappointingly professional.
posted by Kattullus at 3:06 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Nope, it's just the jury votes. Public votes will follow afterward.
posted by May Kasahara at 3:06 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Go_A! Winner of everything ever!
posted by Kattullus at 3:06 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


So - is this all the votes from each country, with public votes and jury votes rolled in together?

No, this is just the jury votes.
posted by gemmy at 3:07 PM on May 14, 2022


I'm pleased to see Spain doing well with the juries this early. It's extremely difficult to do what she did, and she made it look easy.
posted by PearlRose at 3:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


So we go through this whole country-by-country process twice? It's all a bit of a blur from previous years...
posted by penguin pie at 3:07 PM on May 14, 2022


Also, the UK shouting "We got points!!" is precious as hell. Yes, yes, you did.
posted by PearlRose at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Oh, wow. The UK is doing so much better this year. I'm actually a tiny bit emotional about it.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Seeing UK get someone's 12 points...wow. 2022 is wild.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2022 [9 favorites]


Yay for Finland getting points! Kiitos, Viro!
posted by Kattullus at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2022


Hooray for Ukraine!!

Would anyone else like heavy artillery?
posted by biffa at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2022


(Did something happen to Laura?)
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:09 PM on May 14, 2022


Not just someone's: Ukraine's.

It's nice that the UK not only not nul points but, for a bit, second. There are perks to no longer being the most hated country on earth, I suppose.
posted by Grangousier at 3:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Can't believe the UK is in the lead.
posted by May Kasahara at 3:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


So we go through this whole country-by-country process twice? It's all a bit of a blur from previous years...

They announce the public vote all at once, going in order from last with the juries to jury winner.
posted by PearlRose at 3:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


TWO twelve-points to the UK?!! Wooow!
posted by gemmy at 3:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Oh, wait, first.

That's fucking weird.
posted by Grangousier at 3:10 PM on May 14, 2022


And now Iceland finally got some points! Takk, Portúgal!
posted by Kattullus at 3:10 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I mean... I don't mean weird in itself. I mean that as someone in the UK it feels weird.
posted by Grangousier at 3:11 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Yay Belgium, for sending a coked up points announcer. This is what Eurovision is all about!
posted by Kattullus at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


It's coming home?
posted by villanelles at dawn at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Grangousier: as someone originally from the UK, I'm with you, it's weird.
posted by May Kasahara at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


I thought Greece was the worst in the final, so I'm surprised.
posted by gemmy at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2022


Huh, Icelandic journalists in the press center in Turin are reporting that there are rumors swirling that Ukraine might get kicked out of the contest for their political statements at the end of their performance.

Which would just be intensely stupid by the European Broadcasting Union, and I hope it just stays a rumor.
posted by Kattullus at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Germany is still at 0. Seems harsh.
posted by LostInUbe at 3:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


For anyone not listening to the UK commentary, Graham mentioned earlier that it's 1000-and-something days since UK last scored a single point at Eurovision. I mean, obviously there was a Covid gap in there, so I think it maybe means we just had one year of nul points, but still.

It's funny, I was wondering earlier today whether, if Eurovision happened to come to my city, I would go, and concluded I probably would. But it won't come here even if it comes to UK so I'm spared the decision :)
posted by penguin pie at 3:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Actually, given that what I want from this is madness... it would be mad if the UK won, wouldn't it?

Nah, there'll be a rally for Spain or Sweden.
posted by Grangousier at 3:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yaay, first 12 points to Ukraine!
posted by gemmy at 3:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I enjoy seeing the responses about the UK both in here and elsewhere on the internet. You tried this year! It deserves all of these points!
posted by PearlRose at 3:16 PM on May 14, 2022


It's coming home?

Let's have none of that talk.
posted by biffa at 3:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Cyprus, at least you could vote for Greece this year, and did not disappoint.
posted by PearlRose at 3:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


People all around Europe just said "Azerbaijan?" in a perplexed voice.
posted by Grangousier at 3:23 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Mystified by all these votes for Greece (other than from Cyprus, of course).
posted by May Kasahara at 3:23 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Partner just said that Sam Ryder (UK) has golden retriever energy and now I can't unsee it.
posted by PearlRose at 3:25 PM on May 14, 2022 [12 favorites]




The Greek singer is Norwegian so that explains some of the Nordic votes, I guess.
posted by Dumsnill at 3:26 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


This is the Jury votes, of course. Real people's votes yet to come. Democracy seems to fuck everything up.

It's ... nice ... though. It feels nice. I thought it would never happen again.

I kind of want us to have to host it. That would be interesting.
posted by Grangousier at 3:27 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Omigod, France gave UK 12 points!!!!
posted by biffa at 3:28 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


There seem to be a lot of satellite problems, huh.
posted by meese at 3:30 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Omigod, France gave UK 12 points!!!!

My pocket of UK Twitter was in shock when that happened.
posted by May Kasahara at 3:30 PM on May 14, 2022 [7 favorites]


Dumsnill: The Greek singer is Norwegian so that explains some of the Nordic votes, I guess.

You know as well as me that we Nordics have never not had a predilection for songs about young people dying in tragic circumstances.
posted by Kattullus at 3:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Solvenia spokesperson, I hate to break it to you, but LPS didn't qualify.
posted by PearlRose at 3:31 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Further UK Twitter update: Of the top 30 trending topics at this moment, 27 are Eurovision-related (the other losers are tweeting about football and Little Mix).
posted by penguin pie at 3:34 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


When I was young I hated the voting, but these days it's my favourite bit. I don't really enjoy the songs, unless they're really mad, but I find the whole mutual voting between neighbours, the strange political tensions and occasional "Azerbaijan?" strangely comforting. I miss Europe. The event makes me strangely nostalgic for MTV Europe, for some reason.
posted by Grangousier at 3:35 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Fuck you Australia.
posted by biffa at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2022


Uh, peace and love?
posted by biffa at 3:40 PM on May 14, 2022


I think the UK just won the jury vote!
posted by PearlRose at 3:40 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


They did! What a shock.
posted by May Kasahara at 3:41 PM on May 14, 2022


Real end-times stuff.
posted by Grangousier at 3:41 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Oh, well, here comes democracy. It was nice while it lasted.
posted by Grangousier at 3:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


All right, time to do some maths. There's 2320 points left to allocate, if I did my back of the napkin math right. Let's do it.
posted by PearlRose at 3:44 PM on May 14, 2022


EBU statement regarding voting patterns during 2022 shows:
In the analysis of jury voting by the European Broadcasting Union’s (EBU) pan-European voting partner after the Second Dress Rehearsal of the Second Semi-Final of the 2022 Eurovision Song Contest, certain irregular voting patterns were identified in the results of six countries.

In order to comply with the Contest’s Voting Instructions, the EBU worked with its voting partner to calculate a substitute aggregated result for each country concerned for both the Second-Semi Final and the Grand Final (calculated based on the results of other countries with similar voting records).

This process was acknowledged by the Independent Voting Monitor.

The EBU takes any suspected attempts to manipulate the voting at the Eurovision Song Contest extremely seriously and has the right to remove such votes in accordance with the Official Voting Instructions, irrespective of whether or not such votes are likely to influence the results and/or outcome of the voting.
posted by Kattullus at 3:45 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Aw, Germany's a good sport.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:45 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


France robbed. That was a tune!
posted by villanelles at dawn at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I'm glad Germany at least got some points!
posted by PearlRose at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


grumble grumble Iceland and Finland getting few points grumble grumble YAY MOLDOVA THE PEOPLE OF EUROPE ARE ALRIGHT BY ME
posted by Kattullus at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Talk of "irregular voting patterns" and discussion of whether that could be why so many satellite links "cut out".

That would make a UK win feel slightly more normal, if it turned out to be dogged by controversy.

(On preview: What Kattullus said)
posted by penguin pie at 3:47 PM on May 14, 2022


Moldova, the people love you!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Heart breaks for Mr Switzerland. Imagine that.
posted by penguin pie at 3:49 PM on May 14, 2022


Huh. The voting patterns thing makes sense as when connections cut out, they usually try to relink later. I thought that was very strange.
posted by PearlRose at 3:49 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yay Serbia! What a lovely song!
posted by Kattullus at 3:50 PM on May 14, 2022


SERBIAAAAA!
posted by daikaisho at 3:50 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Serbia takes the lead!
posted by LostInUbe at 3:50 PM on May 14, 2022


Love the love for Serbia and Moldova!
posted by gemmy at 3:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


The Finnish commentator chuckled when Azerbaijan got three points from the public. Harsh but fair.
posted by Kattullus at 3:51 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Partner: "Does this mean the reign of the sad boy ballad is finally over?"
posted by PearlRose at 3:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Surprising public vote for Australia. Just two points!
posted by May Kasahara at 3:52 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yay Serbia!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:53 PM on May 14, 2022


Hah.
posted by biffa at 3:53 PM on May 14, 2022


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

[Am in the UK]
posted by Faintdreams at 3:53 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


So far, it's going as expected. Signs point toward a few countries dominating the televote, since there are very few nations left and a lot of points to allocate.
posted by PearlRose at 3:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


You could have a decent meal in the pause it takes them to get round to reading the scores.
posted by Grangousier at 3:55 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Holy shit, Ukraine!!
posted by gemmy at 3:56 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


439 points for Ukraine!
posted by LostInUbe at 3:56 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Yaaaay! I cannot think of anything better than an absolutely massive public vote for Ukraine! Even if it means the UK not winning, that makes me very happy.
posted by penguin pie at 3:56 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Ukraine smashed the televote, as expected. I'm okay with them winning, but I'm glad they aren't completely running away with it (only mostly).
posted by PearlRose at 3:57 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


holy fuck 439 points?!

I was expecting a lot but that's like almost 20 percent of the points total, which means that Ukraine got 12 points from almost every single country's televote.
posted by Kattullus at 3:58 PM on May 14, 2022 [8 favorites]


Really, really happy to hear that public vote for Ukraine.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:58 PM on May 14, 2022


That's a lot of 12s but still a bunch of tens available?
posted by biffa at 3:59 PM on May 14, 2022


HURRAY UKRAINE!
posted by Kattullus at 4:01 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Yaaay, Ukraine!
posted by gemmy at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2022


Congrats Ukraine!
posted by May Kasahara at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2022


Ukraine!!!
posted by mixedmetaphors at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2022


Congrats, Ukraine! It was a good show, and very importantly, not a sad boy ballad.
posted by PearlRose at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


SLAVA
posted by Etrigan at 4:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yaaaaay! That would have been my absolute dream result if I had bothered to dream it!

One of those moments where I mostly know it's just a bunch of silly songs and spangles, which is nothing compared to war, but also the thought of millions of people all over Europe all saying "Gowaan, Ukraine" all at once, makes me tear up a little.
posted by penguin pie at 4:03 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Not shown on the screen (at least not on youtube) but the UK edges out Spain with a final total of 466 points.
posted by LostInUbe at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


I blame Putin.
posted by biffa at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


Yay!

::Exhales::
posted by Faintdreams at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022


OK Ukraine, you got 11 months to win this war and then we gotta start dress rehearsals.
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [11 favorites]


Congrats, Ukraine! It was a good show, and very importantly, not a sad boy ballad.

Even if it had been the saddiest dirge of a ballad, Ukraine would still have won.
posted by essexjan at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022


At its best the Eurovision Song Contest isn't so much about the songs as the Euro Vision.
posted by Grangousier at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Congratulations to Ukraine! And holy shit...the UK goes from zero points last year to second place. I can't believe it.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Okay, maybe I'm crying just a little
posted by meese at 4:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


UKRAINE! My feed was slightly behind and I could see the comments in this thread stacking up, but I didn't want to hit refresh in case Kattullus' rumors about Ukraine getting kicked out came true.
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 4:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Also, serious props to the UK and Spain. Keep sending the good stuff.
posted by PearlRose at 4:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


I'm pretty emotional about this. What a great victory speech, and it's totally in the spirit of the whole reason behind the contest. Love it.
posted by gemmy at 4:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Pink hat knows the value of pithy speaking, can't fault that.
posted by biffa at 4:06 PM on May 14, 2022 [2 favorites]


Aaand ... I've just switched over to CNN and fuck, the news is bad today.
posted by essexjan at 4:07 PM on May 14, 2022


Norway was robbed. Also Moldova.
posted by biffa at 4:07 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Well, no matter how bad your week has been, at least you're not the guy who has to tell Putin about this.
posted by Etrigan at 4:09 PM on May 14, 2022 [14 favorites]


Good night all, thanks for making Eurovision even more fun than it already is. Same place, same time next year!
posted by Kattullus at 4:12 PM on May 14, 2022 [11 favorites]


Yea, thanks all! Always a pleasure.
posted by gemmy at 4:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Not a bad day. Liverpool 1st, UK 2nd.
posted by biffa at 4:13 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Thank you all for the fun party! Slava Ukraini!
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 4:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Thank you for the enjoyable commentary, everyone! <3
posted by mixedmetaphors at 4:14 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Thanks for another fun thread, everyone!
posted by May Kasahara at 4:17 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Thanks, everyone, esp. PearlRose for the expertise!
posted by penguin pie at 4:17 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


See you all in two weeks for the Champion's League final?
posted by biffa at 4:19 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


Thanks so much for the conversation again this year. It was a good show, and I always have a grand time chatting in here with everyone.
posted by PearlRose at 4:20 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I'm happy with Ukraine's win - but pissed off at the juries for how they shafted Moldova. It's objectively, musically, a terrific song and would have done much better if the juries hadn't ignored it. I have to assume that they are staffed with bubble-gum pop writers with no serious respect for fiddles and accordions.
posted by jb at 4:44 PM on May 14, 2022 [6 favorites]


I'm very much enjoying it but I fear I might only enjoy it on the first listen and a bit less with each successive listen as it burns its way into my brain. (re Moldova)

I have been listening to it over and over again, and I still love it. Maybe I'm biased - the combination of the two bands (Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers) results in a sound a lot like one of my favourite bands, Lemon Bucket Orkestra. Good on recording - even better in person!
posted by jb at 4:47 PM on May 14, 2022 [5 favorites]


Moldova's song is like someone who's never heard an Irish jig before trying to play one - and succeeding!

Eastern Europe has its own amazing folk tradition - think klezmer and Romany music. in addition to Lemon Bucket Orkestra, every two years before the pandemic, Toronto hosted the Ashkenaz Festival filled to the brim with terrific folk music.
posted by jb at 4:57 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Thank you everyone - you have been amazing hosts!
posted by Rabarberofficer at 5:54 PM on May 14, 2022 [1 favorite]


Watching the Swedish stream hours later after not being able to watch this life: I'm now fucking obsessed with the banana song, god help me.

The Jezebel one was also quite good.

Not sure what the hosts were doing with their mouths around the 50 minute mark?

I appreciate how in Iceland, it's possible to gather up your family, start a band, and decide to compete in Eurovision.

Yes, that's one of the things that amused me about last year's Icelandic band, who I am now obsessed with.

Gotta go, more later.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:15 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


Finally got to see the results - I love the suspenseful math! - and yay Ukraine!

Glad Serbia and Moldova did so well with the public vote.

That Mika medley was great as well.

Fully excellent Eurovision, even interrupted.
posted by the primroses were over at 9:05 PM on May 14, 2022 [3 favorites]


I called it! It was an easy call to make, I’m just so happy Ukraine did actually win. I think gestures of solidarity can be really important. It was so fun to experience the final with y’all. Thanks again!
posted by Bella Donna at 11:32 PM on May 14, 2022 [4 favorites]


I loved, loved, loved Ryder's song and performance (full rave in the Mefi thread), but nobody can begrudge Ukraine their victory: Eurovision isn't always just about the song.

Apart from Ryder, I also loved S10's "De Diepte" (highlight of the first semifinal, but it was never going to win), Armenia's "Snap", Czechia's "Lights Off" (the techno banger of the night), and France's "Fulenn", which deserved so much more than one place above Germany's wouldn't-have-made-it-through-the-semifinals entry. There were a few good songs that didn't get through the semifinals: Denmark's "The Show" by Reddi was much catchier than Iceland's; Georgia's "Lock Me In" by Cirkus Mirkus was too prog for 2022, but the first song I actually liked in the second semifinal (great staging and outfits, too); and Ireland's "That's Rich", a catchy song in the recorded version, was let down by a lacklustre semifinal performance by its singer Brooke. Poland's Ochman didn't impress me on Thursday night with "The River", but his performance in the final was a significant improvement. Romania, Moldova, Lithuania, Portugal, Sweden and especially Spain were also good fun. All that, and silly banana-eating wolves. An excellent Eurovision year.
posted by rory at 2:15 AM on May 15, 2022 [4 favorites]


New official video for Stefania with some pretty heartbreaking footage from Ukraine.

Edited to add: filmed in Ukraine, and about the invasion, but not documentary footage, to be clear
posted by the primroses were over at 6:52 AM on May 15, 2022 [6 favorites]


*sigh* one whole year until Eurovision now 🌈😿
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 2:40 PM on May 15, 2022 [7 favorites]


Two live threads elsewhere on MetaFilter:

- a post on the blue about the UK doing (much) better than usual.
- a post on MetaTalk about your fun / favourite Eurovision moments.
posted by Wordshore at 12:38 PM on May 16, 2022 [3 favorites]


Psst! I loved the energy and joy behind Moldova's video, but note that it is actually making a point about Romanian-Moldovan reunification not being a big deal, really: Both speak Romanian and shared a cultural history until Russia interfered. That's why the train conductor melts at the sight of a cultural icon for them both. A high percentage of Moldovans carry a Romanian passport, and many also work there. The point of the train is that people are going back and forth all the time. As for the folk music: It's indigenous to that region.
posted by Violet Blue at 4:09 PM on May 16, 2022 [6 favorites]


Yeah I finally tracked down the Eurovision final of Moldova's entry because the YouTube channel had these videos but doesn't anymore. I loved this so much! As someone who lived in Romania in the mid-90s, trains are so huge there. And this is big news (and not just a train fan song) because the Chișinău and Bucharest train route just reopened, so yay hooray. And yeah that music is definitely inspired by the local folk music which makes sense since Zdob și Zdub call themselves a "folk punk" band. Live performance nowhere near as fun as the video but still pretty good.
posted by jessamyn at 4:20 PM on May 16, 2022 [2 favorites]


I believe that Moldova has been a separate country at many times in history, before the Russian takeover. But yes, they make a point that they are linguistically and culturally very close.
posted by jb at 6:02 PM on May 16, 2022 [1 favorite]


EBU Statement: Irregular voting patterns during Second Semi-Final 2022.

In summary, those votes look very suspicious, and I'm very pleased with how transparent the EBU has been regarding this.
posted by PearlRose at 2:41 PM on May 19, 2022 [1 favorite]


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