True Blood: Jesus Gonna Be Here
June 22, 2014 8:56 PM - Season 7, Episode 1 - Subscribe

A band of rogue H-vamps crashes the vampire-human mixer at Bellefleur's, with shocking results. As Sookie seeks refuge from accusations that she's somehow to blame for the chaos in Bon Temps, the "one vampire for every human" plan moves forward. In the face of a vigilante insurrection led by redneck Vince, Bill receives aid from an unexpected source.
posted by Catblack (74 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Bad times in Bon Temps.
posted by homunculus at 8:58 PM on June 22, 2014


Isn't it a truism in fiction that no one is dead until you see the body? (And even then...) No crazy mom, you can't point to a puddle of vamp goop and make me believe it. I wish they hadn't killed deputy Hanover Fist, I liked him.
posted by Catblack at 9:00 PM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


I'm still debating whether to actually watch the last season or catch up with io9 recaps instead.
posted by cj_ at 9:10 PM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I hope this final season finally answers the question of whether or not Felix is actually a were-armadillo.
posted by homunculus at 9:11 PM on June 22, 2014


I JUST finished watching last season this weekend and it holds up much better than the previous two even if you can STILL cut out every single freaking were/shifter scene and not loose a DAMN THING.

Plus the slow-pace, inconsistent quality, and constant cliffhangers are more tolerable in a big huge burst.

I like how this season is, Fringe-like, upending the status-quo more and more.
posted by The Whelk at 9:13 PM on June 22, 2014


I wish they hadn't killed deputy Hanover Fist, I liked him.


Me too! I was so upset, literally any one else in the basement (Does Holly ....do? anything? At all? Anymore? Ever?) But they let him curse!
posted by The Whelk at 9:14 PM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


I loved how Pam was standing in that tub! Such a small detail, but awesome.
posted by Catblack at 9:20 PM on June 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


The Most WTF Scenes From True Blood, A Show For Adults (from previous seasons)
posted by homunculus at 9:23 PM on June 22, 2014 [2 favorites]


I AM UPSET

ONE FULL EPISODE AND NO ERIC

NO ERIC IN PREVIEWS

this is unacceptable
posted by elizardbits at 11:33 PM on June 22, 2014 [10 favorites]


He burned alive in Sweden on a glacier

Like we got to see his peen and it was only as he was dying.
posted by The Whelk at 11:45 PM on June 22, 2014


We didn't actually see him turn to ash, as I recall. A 1000-year-old viking vampire should be strong and fast enough to dig down into the snow in time.

Or he might pull a Godric and haunt Pam from beyond.
posted by homunculus at 11:59 PM on June 22, 2014 [4 favorites]


Wouldn't Pam be clued into the Tara situation, having sired her? Being Pam I guess she may have noticed, just been too hip to react.
posted by arha at 4:35 AM on June 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Within the first minute of the episode I realized I must have completely forgotten everything about the previous season, because I had no clue what was going on. I'm gonna have to find some recaps before next Sunday to get my bearings back.

But it won't matter if I never figure out the plot, I'll still keep watching for Alcide snuggling naked in bed.
posted by dnash at 7:02 AM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh Alcide, just ...continue to be comically larger than anyone else in the cast.

Seriously when he's walking with Sooki they barely look like they belong to the same species.
posted by The Whelk at 8:49 AM on June 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


Tara is so not dead. Tara's mother is in cahoots! cahoots! with someone - no way that mean old bat decided to be a bloodbag for Tara out of the goodness of her pickled heart. Tara has been taken to be unvampired or some ridiculous True Blood thing. Maybe Erik took her with him to hang out on an indoor glacier.
posted by viggorlijah at 9:10 AM on June 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


We didn't actually see him turn to ash, as I recall. A 1000-year-old viking vampire should be strong and fast enough to dig down into the snow in time.

That's what my wife and I are hoping. He's our fave character on the show.

when he's walking with Sooki they barely look like they belong to the same species.

They're not. He's a wolf and she's a fairy

I'm not sure why I still watch this show. I feel like it's run its course twice over. Probably still watching because beautiful naked people.
posted by Hoopo at 10:01 AM on June 23, 2014


Like most TV shows I watch, I think it's how unbashanly itself it is - you couldn't mistake it for another show if you just came across it, so even all the Werido turns and nonstop screaming and constant exhausting cliffhangers just help make it distinctive.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on June 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


Also I'm pretty sure the only thing keeping me going during that freaking witch storyline was Jessica cause Deborah Ann Whol is scary talented and mesmerizing on screen.
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 AM on June 23, 2014


( Tara has been neutered and poorly characterized for so long I can't even remember when she was the best part of the show, sigh.)
posted by The Whelk at 10:12 AM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Even with all this protracted mefi fighting about GoT and canon diversion from the books and book spoilers and whatnot, I somehow actually managed to totally forget that there are even vaguely true blood related books out there.

I can't decide if it would have been better or worse to stick to book canon tbh. Probably worse.
posted by elizardbits at 10:18 AM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


especially the part where sookie and tara do a cheesy 80s choreographed sexydance to Pat Benetar in the werewolf bar oh god
posted by elizardbits at 10:19 AM on June 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


> Wouldn't Pam be clued into the Tara situation, having sired her? Being Pam I guess she may have noticed, just been too hip to react.

I pray that's the case. Because I, for one, was not prepared to have Tara killed off before the opening credits even rolled. I mean, if Tara had actually met her true death, we definitely would have seen Pam react to it, right?
posted by hush at 10:25 AM on June 23, 2014


My Mom is a fan of the books and I couldn't get into them cause it was 80% descriptions of awful-sounding outfits but apparently it's diverged so far, so much from the books that "based on" is like a really far away dot on the horizon.
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on June 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


(Best random fact, the actor who plays Steve Newlin wrote a series of tie-in comic books about the show)
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on June 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


I read all of them in a single day a few years back, probably right after the first season. It was like eating an entire box of donuts. Enjoyable at first, but descending into nausea and madness and ennui in the end. IIRC there have been two new ones since I decided not to bother with any more.
posted by elizardbits at 10:30 AM on June 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


I've read all the books and at this point I can't imagine anything spoilery therein to the TV show. They are quite possibly the best bad books ever.
posted by hush at 10:32 AM on June 23, 2014


The Pam that Eric used to know totally would have devoured that little "teacup human" in North Africa. And why is every human in Bon Temps Hep-D negative, while pretty much everyone in North Africa (except one very expensive little girl) is Hep-D positive? WTF?

Nice callback to Marion's drinking game in Raiders of the Lost Ark there. (Even though they said so, I didn't think that funny scene evoked the Russian roulette scene in Deer Hunter at all).

We need to see Eric soon, dammit! Every time he's gone too long I start to dislike the show.

Tara can't really be dead. I hope Pam summoned Tara to help her locate Eric, and the goo we saw all over Lettie Mae was the remains of that other vampire. I mean, Tara could have glamored Lettie Mae into thinking Tara was dead, right? right? (Yes, I know I am grasping at straws here trying to come up with some possible way for Tara to still be in existence.)

Lettie Mae always says some totally messed up stuff. It's somehow Sookie's fault that Tara's (supposedly) dead? And yup, that's why LM's one of my favorite characters on the show.

Lloyd the computer guy from Mad Men lives in Bon Temps. He "talks like a friend, but he's not. I know your name. No, you go by many names—I know who you are."

That sex scene between Jason and Violet (BTW, I loved her in Justifed) on the car reminded me of how shocking those Stackhouse-pounds-away-(again)-on-some-lucky-size-zero-woman scenes were in S1. I've since grown numb to those scenes, in the best way possible. Naked Jason Stackhouse is always alright with me.

It's official: Anna Paquin has no sexual chemistry with anyone on the show except Stephen Moyer.

Dear Joe Manganiello, Hollywood would never allow an actress your age (37) to ever get away with having that amount of grey hair.

James' origin story was compelling.

Jessica did not eat Adilyn. Hooray!

I enjoy old Civil War-era Bill Compton flashbacks.
posted by hush at 11:16 AM on June 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


It's official: Anna Paquin has no sexual chemistry with anyone on the show except Stephen Moyer.

Stephen Moyer directed this episode. Awkward!!
posted by carmicha at 12:16 PM on June 23, 2014 [7 favorites]


My only remaining reasons to watch the show:
1) Deborah Ann Woll
2) A persistent, foolish hope that someone will finally kill Sookie for real, preferably Jessica, because DEBORAH ANN WOLL
posted by scody at 2:07 PM on June 23, 2014 [2 favorites]


oh, and:
3) oh my god, Eric CANNOT be dead, you guys!
posted by scody at 2:10 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Omg thank you Hush! I knew I recognised the actor, but was way too lazy to go trawling through IMDB for "third redneck with a stake from the left"
posted by arha at 2:55 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sookie slips in the tub and dies, the show then becomes Jessica The Most Perfect Vampire Knight to the Fairy Princess.
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on June 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


This was just terrible and ridiculous. I'm going to have to hatewatch it just for Alcide's shoulders.
posted by desjardins at 3:52 PM on June 23, 2014 [4 favorites]


I'm still debating whether to actually watch the last season or catch up with io9 recaps instead.

True Blood: This Is The End, Let's Kill All Our Friends, The End
posted by homunculus at 3:54 PM on June 23, 2014


One of the io9 commenters says this is the area in France on the map Pam was looking at.
posted by homunculus at 4:08 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Last season was the most tolerable season in a while ( oh god who remembers anything about the witches? No one that's who.) but yeah , the draw is this is the final season so things will Happen and also Alicide Has Shoulders ( his biceps are the size if Sookie's HEAD dear god man.)
posted by The Whelk at 4:11 PM on June 23, 2014


I have a bad feeling they're going to do the Are-Eric-And-Tara-Really-Dead thing for a few episodes.
posted by desjardins at 4:18 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


pretty much the only thing i watch for anymore is the noise alcide makes when he's cranky

i like that noise
posted by elizardbits at 4:41 PM on June 23, 2014 [5 favorites]


a lot
posted by elizardbits at 4:41 PM on June 23, 2014


I can't wait for the next episode to pass out of the writers' bowels and swirl around my tv screen!
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:44 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


If this show had been Pam Meets Maz Jobrani and They Trade Quips for an Hour, Plus Alcide Doesn't Wear Things, it would have been A++++ for this viewer.
posted by psoas at 5:59 PM on June 23, 2014 [3 favorites]


I can't believe that no one in this thread linked to http://www.babyvamp-jessica.com

You're welcome.
posted by Catblack at 8:03 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just assumed we all had that in our bookmarks.

Jessica has a Vlog.

OF COURSE SHE DOES.

As I said way back in the wilds of like Season Three, I'd watch a whole ten episodes of Jessica Eternal Teenager Vampire.
posted by The Whelk at 8:21 PM on June 23, 2014


/remember when Hoyt talked about the comics he read to her over the phone? remember Hoyt? siiiiigh/
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh SO SO SO , we're setting up Jessica's beau to be seduced by Lafayette, right? Like that's been forshadowed? To be one of those wrinkles in the one human-one vampire thing?
posted by The Whelk at 8:29 PM on June 23, 2014 [1 favorite]


Does anyone else think Sam Merlotte looks weirdly like Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:19 PM on June 23, 2014


Whelk, I'm not sure who'll be doing the seducing, but I definitely see some action on the horizon there.
posted by Night_owl at 9:25 PM on June 23, 2014


To be one of those wrinkles in the one human-one vampire thing?

Is it even a wrinkle? Jess is protecting Adilyn and ...James, is it? (I knew there was a reason I didn't recognize him) is protecting Lafayette. Everybody's hanky gets pankied in vamp world already.
posted by psoas at 7:52 AM on June 24, 2014


Ooooh he was recast, okay that explains a lot, I thught like his makeup was all wonky or something
posted by The Whelk at 8:03 AM on June 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


From psoas' link: "At least True Blood had the decency to swap James’ original actor for someone who looks at least slightly similar"

No he doesn't! James 2.0 has dark hair and a beard. James 1.0 had blond hair and light stubble. They're about the same age, I guess. And yeah, it's better than the Daario swap in GoT, but still, it was confusing.
posted by desjardins at 8:08 AM on June 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


Super confusing! I had to use context clues to figure out who he was. At least with Daario we hadn't really seen him in a while.
posted by The Whelk at 8:12 AM on June 24, 2014


My only remaining reasons to watch the show:
1) Deborah Ann Woll


I have no ide how many of these characters are from the books, but I sort of feel like they've been trying to replicate the lightning-in-a-bottle greatness of Jessica by introducing all these other young white lady vamps and... we get Nora [meh (R.I.P.)], Willa [pretty good, actually], and Violet [ugh], with I'm sure more to come.
posted by psoas at 8:15 AM on June 24, 2014


This was just terrible and ridiculous. I'm going to have to hatewatch it just for Alcide's shoulders.

Pretty sure they could put this as the tagline of the DVD/BluRay/whatever and it would still sell
posted by Hoopo at 10:30 AM on June 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'll stick with this thing to the end, since I've been watching this long. But True Blood long since passed the point where I'm embarrassed to talk about the plots out loud.

See, there's this fairy war and a fairy vampire, but also one of the fairies is kinda into this one werewolf dude, though I guess even being a werewolf is better than being a werepanther, like her brother almost got turned into... oh and then there's the shapeshifter dude... he owns the bar where the Santeria witch's boyfriend works...
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:40 PM on June 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


THOUGHT: doing a final season without Erik or Tara would be silly and not really how HBO tends to roll.


Actually let's just ignore that Carnivale happened for a minute.
posted by Hoopo at 2:14 PM on June 24, 2014


So last season (or the one before) all the fairies got eaten, but they were actually bad fairies? But there is still one good fairy?
posted by sammyo at 9:19 PM on June 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just binge re-watched all previous six seasons over the past couple of weeks and am halfway through re-reading all of the books, in prep for this last season. I just watched S07E01 tonight, and... I just don't know. Like others have said above, I'll stick with it until the end, but I do miss the sense of humor and self-awareness evident in earlier seasons. Now it's just all zombie-ish goo and heaviness. Even though some gnarly shit went down in previous seasons, it still felt more playful overall. I miss that.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 9:42 PM on June 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


Gods, that Sooki speech at the end was execrable. Why is everyone blaming her again? Wasn't it the Governor of Alabama or some shit that caused the Hep V outbreak? It was all so long ago I forget.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:04 AM on June 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


Yeah. And I'm confused about which strain of vampire Hepatitis they're even talking about now. The Hep-D from S1 and the books? Or was I half asleep while watching last season and the evil Gov's scientists have gone and apparently invented a new form of Hepatitis (V?) that, like Hep-D, also breaks the supposed rule that vampires cannot contract illnesses?

Oh nevermind, at this point who the eff cares anymore? I just want to see some Eric.
posted by hush at 7:58 AM on June 25, 2014


I thought that they're blaming Sookie for ever having gotten involved with vampires in the first place (i.e. Bill in season 1), because everything else that has happened in Bon Temps kinda stems from that.
posted by desjardins at 8:01 AM on June 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


The entire town is slut-shaming her. If she had any sense she'd say fuck it and leave.
posted by homunculus at 9:53 AM on June 25, 2014 [3 favorites]


I ...guess? But it feels like the show has been fumbling the central vampire metaphor for a while ( Vampires are non-mainstream, threading sexualities and sexual minorities.) like they keep hinting that TruBlood is just a face-saving lie, no one except weirdos like Bill where drinking it 24/7 but then the bombed factories instantly trigger starving vampire riots? Buh? Why would loose that great metaphor? Cause I read the white-lie of " we're all TruBlood now Yeeeep" as being a kind of " Here are things we don't about around straight people cause it would hurt The Cause." and I thought that was genius and it never went anywhere and I'm mad.
posted by The Whelk at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2014 [4 favorites]


And I'm confused about which strain of vampire Hepatitis they're even talking about now. The Hep-D from S1 and the books? Or was I half asleep while watching last season and the evil Gov's scientists have gone and apparently invented a new form of Hepatitis (V?) that, like Hep-D, also breaks the supposed rule that vampires cannot contract illnesses?

As I understand it, Hep V is a weaponized version of Hep D they created. The Governor's organization distributed Hep V infected Tru Blood and now there's a world-wide vampire pandemic.
posted by homunculus at 9:58 AM on June 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


The entire town is slut-shaming her. If she had any sense she'd say fuck it and leave.

I know, right? Screw those people, let'em all be eaten.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:02 PM on June 25, 2014


James 2.0 has dark hair and a beard. James 1.0 had blond hair and light stubble. They're about the same age, I guess. And yeah, it's better than the Daario swap in GoT, but still, it was confusing.

Scandal!
posted by psoas at 11:17 AM on June 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


haha oh my god his excuse saying that it interferes with his upcoming role in 50 shades of fuck that shit

is that more or less appalling than just admitting to bigotry, i'm honestly not sure
posted by elizardbits at 11:21 AM on June 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


Messy, directionless, not sexy. Lots of people yelling and running around.
The latest books are even worse, though, so it's got that going for it.
posted by signal at 7:41 PM on June 26, 2014


I was just about to say I much preferred Original James, but nope, fuck that guy.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:24 PM on June 26, 2014 [2 favorites]


Tara is not dead. Eric is definitely not dead. No way, no how.

Why was Pam so incredulous about the suggestion that Eric might be in France? Is there backstory I'm forgetting?

If Hoyt doesn't come back from driving trucks in Alaska or whatever I am burning this shit to the fucking ground.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:30 PM on June 26, 2014 [1 favorite]


I think I started rolling my eyes uncontrollably at this show when Sookie nursed poor brain-damaged, memory-wiped, priapic baby Eric back to health with her magical vagina in a series of soft porn tableaux reminiscent of the weird fantasy sex art Jeff Koons made during his marriage to Cicciolina.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:46 PM on June 26, 2014 [1 favorite]


I want them to fucked with all my expectations based off this episode, because otherwise, it was a bit lame.

So much of it was ruined for me, by the magical powers of houses in TrueBlood, and the fact that the writers and characters had forgotten those powers.

Why didn't they have the social in a hall? Or all go in one of the houses behind the bar when the vamps started to show up?

WTF was Jessica doing?
Was she just trying to commit suicide? Not eating, fighting infected vamps, and hanging out til dawn. When Adilyn was safe, inside a house, where she just had to stay out of glamour range, which probably wouldn't affect her anyway. Why didn't she just go somewhere dark?
Urgh.

Maybe she was TRYING to con her way into the house, so she can eat Adilyn! Yes, I know that's stupid, but it'd make me happier than whatever they just did.


I was kind of surprised that Sookie snuggling up with Alcide was kind of the least terrible nekkid people scene of the episode. If I want porn, I can just go watch good porn. I get annoyed that my WTF plot-time is being cut in favour of bad (they're actors, not porn stars, they're good, but it's a different skill set) soft core porn. At least the Sookie Alcide thing kind of showed that, yes we're fighting, but I still seek intimacy with you, and I still let myself be vulnerable (naked) around you. But yeah, it's way better when you remember they ARE different species.
posted by Elysum at 6:40 AM on June 27, 2014


Oh, and Tara's not dead, and I am up for strange lafayette james jessica adilyn love tetrahedrons or something
posted by Elysum at 6:53 AM on June 27, 2014


You know that theory above about James and Lafayette? If you want to know the answer to that and some additional info on why the part was recast this article has the scoop.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:29 PM on June 28, 2014


WTF was Jessica doing?
Was she just trying to commit suicide?


Kinda. She's absolutely wracked with guilt from eating the other fairy girls.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 12:17 AM on June 29, 2014 [2 favorites]


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