Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
March 30, 2024 1:16 PM - Subscribe

Two ancient titans, Godzilla and Kong, clash in an epic battle as humans unravel their intertwined origins and connection to Skull Island's mysteries.

Big! Stupid! Fun! And also big!

Just got back from the theatre where we watched this with friends and, well, it's two hours of giant monsters punching each other in the face.

The plot is a tattered fig leaf where monsters are warping across the globe, to the Hollow Earth and (spoiler) the Even Hollower Earth, and nobody really gives a thought to the thousands of people killed in buildings, on bridges, or in one case a beloved colleague who is eaten by a tree and immediately forgotten.

But like pancakes are really an excuse for syrup, the shadow of a story is the syringe to inject a buttload of monsters punching other monsters right into your eyeballs. Dan Stevens completely understands what he's there to do (and is probably stoned while doing it), it's a smidge racist in the "pre-colonial civilizations are wise and spiritual" sense, King Kong exhibits a laudable pro-union stance, and the annoying child is overshadowed by another annoying child that is also an ape.

Tennyson (quoted!) it's not, but it delivers on monster punchies, a King Kong / Godzilla mime sequence that captures the feeling of trying to talk down a belligerent drunk, and enough radiation to sterilize all of Europe, North Africa, and a good chunk of South America too.

I don't know if I'd pay to see it again, but I enjoyed the trip.
posted by Shepherd (5 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
This, my friends, was a big beautiful dumb movie. It was a perfect way to spend a stoned Saturday, armed with the knowledge that this would be no knotty Shakespearian plotted movie. In fact, Joshua Rivera at Polygon summed it up perfectly:

After the bombastic yet pretty traditional Godzilla vs. Kong, Wingard’s sequel really feels like he’s letting its hair down, dropping any and all pretense that his movies are coming from the same place as Gareth Edwards’ more grounded, awestruck 2014 Godzilla. In some ways, this is clarifying. Instead of occupying the wobbly middle ground between disaster epic and environmental fable, like previous films in this series, Wingard’s new approach is simple. With The New Empire, he asks: Do you, on a deep spiritual level, need to see Godzilla suplex King Kong?

To which I respond: I sure fuckin' do.


*Godzilla curls up like a sleepy spiky kitty in the Roman Coliseum (unsurprisingly cat-bed shaped) for a nap. TWICE.

* There is a Yes album cover within a Yes album cover

* Dan Stevens absolutely understood the fucking assignment. I love louche seedy Dan Stevens. I bet his character does yoga.

*I too am not comfortable with the "mystical Indigenous people" aspect of the movie, but I do like the actor that plays Jia.

*So this movie is where the Titans budget went instead of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. Huh.

* Mothra is back! MOTHRA IS BACK

*What did Rio, Rome, Cairo, and France do deserve this??

*Everyone else in the cast was fine, but Dan Stevens stole the show. If he was not stoned for some of his performance, I'd be shocked.

*This Barbie is Radioactive
posted by Kitteh at 6:16 PM on March 30 [4 favorites]

Big Huge Dumb Fun. Fleebnork Jr. loved it. We got the overpriced merch popcorn bucket.
posted by Fleebnork at 4:33 AM on March 31 [1 favorite]

This was so much better than Godzilla vs. Kong. I am not a dentist but the whole thing with Kong getting a fake tooth because he had a toothache, big mean monkey mocking Kong's tooth, then Kong knocking out one of big mean monkey's teeth was just FANTASTIC.

And yeah, I hate annoying child characters but Baby Kong won me over.
posted by queensissy at 11:43 AM on March 31 [2 favorites]

I texted a friend during the middle of this “Godzilla x Kong is so stupid. I love it so much.” A+, no notes.
posted by annathea at 9:03 AM on April 4 [4 favorites]

That was fun! Good to see Kong letting loose with the axe they introduced in the last movie.

Definitely a big screen movie movie though. Time capsule warning to the future streamers watching it on their phones and laptops: yep, you're gonna think it sucks, that's because you're dumb enough to watch it on a phone or laptop.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 12:55 PM on April 4 [2 favorites]

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