True Blood: Love Is to Die
August 17, 2014 7:39 PM - Season 7, Episode 9 - Subscribe

They say blondes have more fun.
posted by psoas (77 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
The most exciting thing that happened in this episode was a home dye job.
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 PM on August 17, 2014 [2 favorites]


(I started counting, every scene was between two people talking, and while Jessica and Hoyt could just read aloud the C-SPAN transcripts and I'd be fine, that's not a lot of FORWARD MOTION for your penultimate episode. It's like the focus keeps getting smaller and smaller .)

IS Sam really and truly gone do dreams come true?

Jason sitting there, hands full of fresh green peaness.

Eric looked hungover this entire episode.

Bridgette is a plot black hole, everything around her gets dumber til no light can escape.

Ah well, at least Ginger got something out of this.

(what the hell do you call that final Jessica/Hoyt scene? Sexually Triumphant?)
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 PM on August 17, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also, calling it, Eric can pass on the immunity so Sarah isn't as important anymore OR he got all re-infected and will explode soon.

Sookie blows her fairy wad and becomes human.

There will be scene where Keith (KEITH THE VAMPIRE, vampires are not called Keith) and Arlene can Have A Sex cause he's on New Blood or something.

I mean I seriously thought Jessica's blood would like ..unglamour Hoyt and they'd have to actually deal with consequences but apparently events have no meaning.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 PM on August 17, 2014


True Blood should be called Mass Murder Without Consequences, but I guess that's less catchy.
posted by viggorlijah at 10:29 PM on August 17, 2014


Jessica's opening line was perfect. "What the fuck do you mean you don't want it?!" It's almost like the writers planned it, or something. Sookie speaks for us all.

When Pam hugged Jessica, I could practically smell the fanfic. But then I had time to think "that's so swe-" before Pam reverted to form.

I'm disappointed that there will be no more Shirtless!Sam, but I kinda think he's got the best ending of anyone. He spent his formative years running away and hiding, and now he has a family.

The not-sex scene was perfect for Ginger.
posted by Solomon at 3:45 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


I haven't watched since the beginning of season four, 'cause things were getting too silly. But this episode felt very "well, we're closing in five, so let's tidy everything up."

Hoyt and Jessica was "oh yeah, the vacuum cleaner is stored over there."
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:47 AM on August 18, 2014


Ok, the opening was lots of fun. Those slaps from Sookie were probably more satisfying to me than they should have been.

Yay, Sam made it out. He never made into true relevance for more than a minute but I wish him the best. His 8 months pregnant wife just tried to lift a microwave from the ground. He better watch her carefully; she doesn't seem awfully bright. 

And, Bill and Sookie spent 40 mins trying to see each other whilst living a cemetery away--and they still fail.

Pam and Eric continued to rock the show with their long con. As they could easily kill off the Yakuza, I am fascinated by their decision to hold off until the moment is right. Such restraint.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 5:45 AM on August 18, 2014 [3 favorites]


Bridgette is a plot black hole, everything around her gets dumber til no light can escape.

I really didn't think I would say this, but given how obviously telegraphed the Hoyt/Jessica and Jason/Bridget (and Lafayette/James) partner-shuffling was, I found it surprisingly sweet that her strategy was to teach Jason how not to sleep with someone, if only for a night.

As for all her crazy screaming at Hoyt earlier on, I think that was a tad poorly-written.
posted by psoas at 5:56 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


This whole season was poorly written. I want to say it feels like bad fanfic, but bad fanfic is better than this.

I wish they had let Jason and Jessica get together. They spent so much time making it so the two had a real, loving connection, something Jason had never experienced, and that was helping Jason grow as a person. And then chuck it all away because someone got the notion that Hoyt and Jessica were "meant" to be.

And the James story also sucked. Not that I don't want Lafayette to be happy, but the actor switch, motivation switch and everything was just rushed and boring.

Maybe Sookie and Bill will both die next ep. They are the two least interesting characters.

I was afraid they'd kill Pam off, just to get the audiences reaction. Glad they didn't.

I'll finish the season, but man it feels hokey.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 6:25 AM on August 18, 2014 [4 favorites]


Maybe Sookie and Bill will both die next ep.

This is also my most fervent wish. Maybe if we all wish hard enough?
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 7:12 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


The Eric/Ginger sex started out feeling like lame fan service, but what they did with it was pretty hilarious actually. (Not to mention that I think I'd pretty much have the same reaction if Alexander Skarsgard showed up at my door and said "we're going to fuck. Now.")
posted by dnash at 7:31 AM on August 18, 2014 [7 favorites]


And then chuck it all away because someone got the notion that Hoyt and Jessica were "meant" to be.

Really, for all Jessica's pitiful excuses and speechifying she still basically blew up Bridget's life for no reason other than because she could. By golly if Jessica couldn't hold onto Bill or James then why not go grab the guy she'd already destroyed once? Ugh, were there Hoyt and Jessica fans waiting for years for that reunion to happen?

Maybe Sookie and Bill will both die next ep.

Keep Hope Alive!
posted by fuse theorem at 8:46 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


This episode was one big boil of Writer Fiat. Why do things happen? Because we say so!
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 AM on August 18, 2014


After the show ends, what I'll miss are the opening credits and accompanying theme song.
posted by carmicha at 9:57 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'll miss you, dead possum and decomposing fox.
posted by yellowbinder at 9:59 AM on August 18, 2014 [7 favorites]


I kind of want them to double down on the stupid and have the last episode be about Bill and Eric killing all vampires so none of them will ever trouble Sookie Stackhouse's heart ever again.
posted by yellowbinder at 10:01 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


Goodnight flirty gay bros, goodnight pool tabs dancer, goodnight rotting swamp house, goodnight everyone.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


What was with Jason blaming himself for Jessica dumping Hoyt? She was already cheating on him by feeding on other men. As for the unglamouring, I thought Jessica would ask Sookie for that, but I guess it's ok for Hoyt to have no memory of his best friend as long as he knows "the story" of his relationship with Jessica.

And why does Bill ask Eric to ask Sookie if he can call on her? What is this? Fourth grade?

Also I do not buy to chemistry between Lala and James at all. He deserves way better than this. I was hoping Lala would get killed so he could be with Jesus in the afterlife and chill with Tara.

Oh Sam.....Sam, who got not one but two crap families, leaves Bon Temps, the only place that's been remotely homey to him, to be with Nicole and their baby. Based on his history, the decision makes sense, but I just wonder what happens if the baby is shifter. I'm gonna miss the Silver Fox.

I'm worried that next ep they are going to pull what they did at the end of last season and have a "two years later" with Arlene marrying her vampire beau, Jason having a baby with bridgitte, Jessica turns Hoyt, etc. I wish we could all watch it together with a giant bottle of whiskey.
posted by miss-lapin at 10:18 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


After the show ends, what I'll miss are the opening credits and accompanying theme song.

I really will miss the song, because while I'm not much of a singer, that song seems to sit right in my vocal range and singing along with it makes me happy.
posted by dnash at 10:22 AM on August 18, 2014


When Jessica said " sounds like the most selfish thing I've ever heard!" I screamed BECAUSE IT IS. You don't get to have your man back who just happens not to remember any of the fights or bad times you had WHO ALSO DOESN'T REMEMBER HIS BEST AND OLDEST FRIEND. This isn't having your cake and eating it to po it's having a cake while buying all the bakeries on the east coast.
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on August 18, 2014 [3 favorites]


Yeah, but who wouldn't buy all the bakeries on the East Coast if they could?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:51 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


Sam's letter to Andy was pretty perfect, I thought. The writers just said screw it, and it was the best decision they could've made.
posted by inigo2 at 10:55 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


Jessica's telling Hoyt their history bothered me, as well.

Sure, Hoyt hitting Jason was the writers saying Hoyt's just as mad but it doesn't feel quite right. Hoyt hearing about what Jason and Jessica did just isn't the same as he how would have felt had his memories returned. Memories filled with a lifetime spent with Jason. I can't see Hoyt getting back together with either of them if he had been un-glamoured.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 10:56 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


re: theme song:
Jace Everett - Bad Things
posted by inigo2 at 10:58 AM on August 18, 2014 [1 favorite]


In her defense, Hoyt ASKED for that glamouring. One thing I never understood. Glamouring him to forget Jessica, ok, but why also Jason? If he didn't remember Jessica, then he would be fine with Jason. Could have still left Bon Temps, but with memories of his oldest friendship intact and no memory of Jason's betrayal.

It seems strange now that Jason is still being punished for that betrayal and Jessica isn't. Either you move past both or you don't, but Jessica is certainly the more guilty party.


The glamouring scene though...it always kills me. Every time. The first person you ever loved asking you to erase his/her memories of you while you have to keep them. Killer move.
posted by miss-lapin at 11:00 AM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


Something occurred to me when Jason said he wants kids: doesn't he have some kids from the time Crystal and the werepanthers kidnapped and raped him? I kept expecting that to become a plotline, with Jason discovering that Crystal had given birth to a couple of little Stackhouse halfling-werekittens.
posted by homunculus at 12:05 PM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


hey now that would require continuity and we can't have that
posted by The Whelk at 12:22 PM on August 18, 2014 [4 favorites]


Yeah he got over being gang raped by werepanthers quickly and never looked back. It was a pretty awful plot line (although in the books he does marry crystal after becoming a werepanther.) it's interesting he never considers that he may already be a father since that was the whole point but Jason's never been that smart.
posted by miss-lapin at 12:22 PM on August 18, 2014


hey now that would require continuity and we can't have that

True.
posted by homunculus at 12:33 PM on August 18, 2014


All right, so bets for the finale -

Number of character deaths? I'm guessing the newly rearranged love quadrangle has their happy endings out of the way so they're safe. Pam and/or Eric may be killed off by capricious showrunners but it won't feel earned. Will Sookie save/convince Bill to live or come to agree with his nonsensical protective suicide? Will she use her magical fairy ball, or will the writers forget about that gun? Speaking of guns, will the Yakuza shoot Sookie dead in the first five minutes? We can only hope.

I'm sure we'll lose a few side characters but who cares.

Will Willa make an appearance?
Will Arlene figure out how to fuck/feed Vampire Keith?
Will Holly/Andy and Adilyn/Wade have a double wedding? Actually add in Jessica/Hoyt and James/Lafayette too. Bridget can go fuck herself or tell everyone about how her friends pressured her into shoplifting or something.
Will Maurella show up pissed at Andy for the 25% survival rate of their children as opposed to the agreed upon 50%?
Will True Blood even know how to do a finale that isn't 30 minutes of too fast resolution followed by 20 minutes of awkward setup?
Will Ginger figure out what sex actually is?
posted by yellowbinder at 2:06 PM on August 18, 2014 [2 favorites]


I think Eric is going to die saving Sookie from... something. And I am going to be out $1000 when I put a bottle of gin through our flatscreen TV.
posted by marylynn at 4:27 PM on August 18, 2014


If and when Sookie pulls the fairy ball trigger she'll stop being So Tasty To Vampires and thus can go on and not have a boyfriend or something.
posted by The Whelk at 4:42 PM on August 18, 2014


Jessica: "Fuck you Bill."
...
Sookie: "Fuuuuuck!"
posted by porpoise at 6:45 PM on August 18, 2014




Really, for all Jessica's pitiful excuses and speechifying she still basically blew up Bridget's life for no reason other than because she could.

Nah, Bridget's pointless ultimatums and Hoyt's bloody mindedness did that.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:50 AM on August 19, 2014


Oh hell, I just realized that Vampire Bill in is in the same position here that Lili Taylor (was it... Lisa?) was on Six Feet Under: totally annoying (and long-overstayed) to the audience, but somehow despite it all, the other characters still care about him and would miss him if he's gone.
posted by psoas at 5:46 AM on August 19, 2014 [4 favorites]


Bill hasn't yelled at any ants yet.
posted by The Whelk at 6:11 AM on August 19, 2014


Jason's never been that smart.

Ryan Kwanten is great at playing a stupid character the audience can still enjoy (all while squelching his Australian accent). See also: Matt LeBlanc as Joey in Friends. It can't be easy.
posted by carmicha at 6:58 AM on August 19, 2014 [3 favorites]


When Bridgette asked Jason to share something he'd never told anyone before, I hoped he would flash on his sex dream about Erik.
posted by carmicha at 7:00 AM on August 19, 2014 [6 favorites]


No again, that would require wit.
posted by The Whelk at 7:35 AM on August 19, 2014


Ugh, were there Hoyt and Jessica fans waiting for years for that reunion to happen?

...yes? I love both of them so much and I am not the sentimental type. I was so happy he came back.

I'm worried that next ep they are going to pull what they did at the end of last season and have a "two years later" with Arlene marrying her vampire beau, Jason having a baby with bridgitte, Jessica turns Hoyt, etc.

Aw fuck, now that I read this I realize that this is exactly what they're going to do.

Jeez, the things I could have done with my life instead of wasting it on this show.
posted by desjardins at 6:14 PM on August 19, 2014 [1 favorite]


time spent gazing into Hoyt's eyes is not time wasted.
posted by The Whelk at 8:51 PM on August 19, 2014 [2 favorites]


I don't think the writing crew that wrote of Sam via letter, and (mostly) Tara in an in-the-background killing, is going to go the sentimental "two years later" route like that. At least, I'm holding out hope that's the case.
posted by inigo2 at 9:30 PM on August 19, 2014


it's gonna be a solid half hour of Bill dying and Sookie making Concerned Face.
posted by The Whelk at 9:32 PM on August 19, 2014


Don't forget Sookie Running Funny to a place where she could as easily have driven, or asking a third party to contact someone that she could have called on the-- oh right, her phone.
posted by psoas at 5:40 AM on August 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


So this has been bothering me for a while....vampires seem to have their bodily fluids replaced by blood. Does that mean male vampires jizz blood????
posted by astapasta24 at 8:02 AM on August 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


Who says anything comes out at all?
posted by provoliminal at 8:40 AM on August 20, 2014


Kwanten is talented in creating a not so bright and yet strangely endearing character. I do feel badly that he seems to have been on the SAME DAMN CHARACTER ARC for 7 seasons (how do I have an adult relationship and not just screw EVERYTHING). He has moments where he seems to move past it (his initial relationship with crystal, for example), but this indicates a serious problem Jason has never addressed: he falls for insanely bad women. He reminds me a bit of Xander from Buffy in that respect. He screws a lot of women, but the women he falls for? Crazy v-juice girl, Sarah Newlin, Crystal, and Viole(n)t. The only decent woman he had feelings for is Jessica. I'm guessing we're never going to explore why Jason falls for such insane women. It's just going to be "bam" suddenly Jason is married and happy.
posted by miss-lapin at 10:57 AM on August 20, 2014


That one night of not having sex with someone he fancies is enough to change Jason into a monogamous husband isn't remotely believable.

But, the phone call with the CSR was really funny.

I'm looking forward to Doctor Who. It'll blunt the irritation of what I'm sure will be an insanely silly finale.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 12:12 PM on August 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


According to the books, vampires can indeed ejaculate. Harris doesn't specify what the liquid is, but it apparently does happen. Sookie saw it happen the first time she went to Bill's.
posted by Solomon at 1:10 PM on August 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


THIS SHOW MAKES ME SO MAD

IT IS SO UNREALISTIC

NO ONE ON EARTH WOULD EVER FOR ANY REASON PICK BILL THE TEDIOUS WHINY DISHRAG OVER GLORIOUS PERFECT FLAWLESS ERIC

NO ONE NOT EVER

IM UPSET
posted by elizardbits at 6:59 PM on August 20, 2014 [9 favorites]


uuuuuuugghghghgghghgh
posted by elizardbits at 6:59 PM on August 20, 2014 [3 favorites]


i hope everyone dies in the penultimate episode and then the final one is just a day in the life of felix the armadillo
posted by elizardbits at 7:00 PM on August 20, 2014 [2 favorites]


i hope everyone dies in the penultimate episode and then the final one is just a day in the life of felix the armadillo

Felix the armadillo is all emo and brooding over his hideous case of fast moving leprosy.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:56 PM on August 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


i hope everyone dies in the penultimate episode and then the final one is just a day in the life of felix the armadillo

YES!
posted by homunculus at 10:13 PM on August 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


Maybe just this armadillo video on repeat for an hour.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:05 PM on August 20, 2014 [1 favorite]


Armadillos!
posted by Solomon at 3:35 AM on August 21, 2014


oh wait i guess THIS episode was the penultimate one

fine i hope everyone dies in the first 5 minutes next week and then felix just trundles about contentedly
posted by elizardbits at 6:45 AM on August 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


No no no, everyone else dies and then Pam and Lafayette do each other's makeup and reenact What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? for their own (and our) amusement.
posted by psoas at 7:27 AM on August 21, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'm still hoping Lafayette's demon merges with Felix to create a Demon Armadillo who will be played by Jordan Gavaris in an armadillo costume.
posted by homunculus at 10:03 AM on August 21, 2014 [2 favorites]


Hmm, Felix hasn't tweeted in over a year. I hope he's okay.
posted by homunculus at 10:06 AM on August 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


I'm happy for Ginger. That is all.
posted by hush at 7:00 AM on August 22, 2014


One thing I *do* like on this show is the set design. Bill's office is gorgeous. The decor in Jason's house is spot on for him inheriting it and not bothering to redecorate. None of the places look "fake" to me.
posted by desjardins at 7:11 AM on August 22, 2014


I remember season one having a lot of house porn WRT Sookie's house. Lots of long loving shots of the perfectly Southern Living Centerfold place, like too archetypically American to be real.

Odd thing I noticed, Sookie and Buffy have the exact same bedroom.
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 AM on August 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Lots of long loving shots of the perfectly Southern Living Centerfold place, like too archetypically American to be real.

And yet, for me it was completely believable, since it was her grandmother's house/furniture/setup at that point, right? A southern grandma would definitely have things like that, I thought.
posted by inigo2 at 9:50 AM on August 22, 2014


Well yeah, but it made the "I'm doing the open shelves look! Like I saw in Southern Living!" line much funnier for me (remember the running gag that Sookie's house just keep getting trashed? I loved that gag.)
posted by The Whelk at 10:39 AM on August 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


Speaking of guns, will the Yakuza shoot Sookie dead in the first five minutes?

I think Eric is going to die saving Sookie from... something.


My guess is the Yakuza are going to critically wound her, and either Eric will turn her or Bill will take the cure in order to turn her and save her life. If she doesn't use up her faerie powers first she might even become a faerie-vampire hybrid.
posted by homunculus at 12:56 PM on August 22, 2014


Eric has already taken the cure. He mentions that he's immune when he talks to Ginger I believe, but we haven't seen how that could cure a hep v in a human (which would also help out Arlene with her new vampire beau).

I refuse to let Eric die and I'm certainly not letting him die for Sookie's now poisonous fairy vagina.
posted by miss-lapin at 4:01 PM on August 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


If a vampire who is immune to Hep V turns an infected human into a vampire, perhaps they pass their immunity onto their progeny.
posted by homunculus at 6:21 PM on August 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


ugh SO OBVIOUSLY the ending is going to be that sookie uses her fairy lights on bill to kill him but her noble glorious sacrifice heals him and makes him human and gets rid of her fairyness and they live stupidly ever after

im mad

i want him to explode
posted by elizardbits at 6:09 PM on August 24, 2014


Oh god no its somehow worse and more boring for real
posted by The Whelk at 7:58 PM on August 24, 2014


I was sitting on a couch with a friend going back and forth over "He should live!" vs "He should die!" and technically, I won.

But not this this. NOT LIKE THIS.
posted by psoas at 8:17 PM on August 24, 2014


I was hoping the last half hour would have the showrunners appear with shotguns and just murder the shit out of everyone. At least we got the infomercial.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:49 PM on August 24, 2014


I think it turned out less terrible than I was expecting. [edited to remove spoiler stuff!] I was surprised when Sookie told the reverend that a couple of years ago we didn't even know vampires existed. Has it really only been 2-3 years in True Blood-land?! If so, I think it kind of makes sense in a way: this is not a chronicle of all of Sookie's life; just a very small part of what looks to be a much longer one.
posted by marylynn at 8:59 PM on August 24, 2014 [1 favorite]


Eric and Pam, as always, never fail to delight.
posted by Ik ben afgesneden at 9:02 PM on August 24, 2014 [2 favorites]


New thread.
posted by homunculus at 9:14 PM on August 24, 2014


Maybe just this armadillo video yt on repeat for an hour.

I imagine Terry's and Felix's relationship was sort of like this.
posted by homunculus at 10:33 AM on September 14, 2014


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