The Bachelorette: Week 1
May 23, 2017 12:19 PM - Season 23, Episode 1 - Subscribe

You really just need one word to describe the most diverse cast in Bachelor/Bachelorette history: "Whaaabooom!"

Poor Adam Jr. He really thought he was going to be the weird one, and to be overshadowed like that... What a shame. And then Rachel singled him out in the rose ceremony!

I apologize to you guys. You were all excited about my Bachelorette fantasy league, but I've been to busy to actually post anything about it. I did a real-life league again this year, but because of lack of preparation on my part (I do actually have to do some work at work), I had to do all scoring manually with pen and paper. So... maybe next time? Sorry.
posted by kevinbelt (24 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
No apologies! I haven't watched yet but hope to tonight, it looks like a good season ;)
posted by the webmistress at 12:47 PM on May 23, 2017


Should we open a Metafilter fantasy league on
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:50 PM on May 23, 2017

Too excited, had to do it- Metafilter Fanfare fantasy league group. Password to join is METAFILTER.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:01 PM on May 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Thanks for posting! This is my first season watching and I wouldn't be if it wasn't for Rachel ( Well, Rachel and the "Rose Buddies" podcast). I'm so happy that she is who she is. She's got the everything to make the best of being the first black Bachelorette. I love that she seems to be honest about what she wants; and seems to be having fun.

Okay, let's talk about these men. I'm excited for Peter ( handsome Wisconsin), Kenny (Wrestling Sweetheart), and Anthony (hot deacon). They seem mature, interesting, and truly interested in her.

I'm disappointed in Josiah (Why so cocky?) and Mohit (Why so drunk?)

I shocked that Lucas (Nah-boom); Adam (that doll!); and Frederick (hey remember 8th grade?) are still here.

I'm sad that Blake K. is gone but apparently it was to be with his sick grandpa.

I look forward to chatting with y'all about this show every week because I am ALL IN.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 6:19 PM on May 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

and Frederick (hey remember 8th grade?)

"Hey, remember when you were MY CAMP COUNSELOR when I was a little boy and now I'm here trying to be your husband" eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:21 PM on May 23, 2017

posted by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on May 23, 2017

I wanna see all of these dudes on Bachelor in Paradise. Out with the oldies, in with the newbies!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:52 AM on May 24, 2017

"Why so drunk?"

It's the Bachelorette. The better question is, why just him? Why wasn't everyone else obnoxiously drunk? Drunkenness is one of the point-scoring categories in my fantasy league, and poor Mohit was the only one to earn a point. Very different tone last night, which I suspect is due to Rachel not being a bimbo like some of the past Bachelorettes. I would like to think she's setting a higher standard. I guess we'll see.

My favorite part was when all the guys were sitting around after they'd arrived, and Adam had the doll, and Whaboom was whabooming, and you could visibly see the black contestants looking at each other like "WTF white people are fucking crazy". As they say, it's funny because it's true. :)
posted by kevinbelt at 6:38 AM on May 24, 2017 [4 favorites]

I just loved all the black men together being funny and hanging out. It shows American that black men can gather in groups and not be dangerous. Heck, they can just chill and be funny.

Also, it looks like Lucas and Alex E. feuded before so I think they're still here because of producer meddling.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 11:54 AM on May 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Whaaaaboom cannot possibly be an actual, real, true Rachel-approved pick.

Blake K is the one that got away. That is all.

(And too many dudes are named Blake.)
posted by edithkeeler at 2:43 PM on May 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I was crushed that she cut Blake K. And my in-person bachelorette bracket failed to account for producer interference, so for some reason I put waboom as getting cut the first night. Obviously not going to happen. A few other pics were surprising too, and made me think her first night cuts were not as look-based as I expected -- otherwise, why keep stocky poor man's Mario Lopez (Iggy) over Brad Pitt-knockoff Rob?

Very excited about this season's bachelorette, and how diverse it is. Feel like ABC is definitely going to pick a white guy for the next Bachelor, but curious to see who Rachel ends up with. The limo gags definitely took up less space during this premiere than usual -- which is, as far as I'm concerned, for the best.
posted by likeatoaster at 4:43 PM on May 24, 2017 [1 favorite]


kevinbelt, thank you for posting! And no worries about the fantasy league at all. I'll have to check out that one at ABC - thanks ThePinkSuperhero!

I gotta admit I was a little underwhelmed by this premiere. I usually love The Bachelorette seasons more than The Bachelor largely because I can swoon vicariously through the TV screen at the many and varied menfolk (who, by the way, I've finally decided are legit contractually obligated to manscape to within an inch of their very lives). But this lot... meh?

Jack Stone (why the first and last name?) has a super creepy Joel Osteen smile. Lucas needs to nah-zoom back to where he came from. (Seriously, the hell?) Lee looks to be the token villain this season, which serves him right just for being Guy With Guitar who will no doubt write and perform a super awkward serenade sooner or later. The Tickle Monster? Really? And the weird doll guy? Just... no. And Bryan! Bryan! Oh Bryan, I was so digging you! That is until you decided to molest Rachel's face with your tongue. Yeesh. Slow down, trigger, it's a kiss, not cardio for the mouth. What even was that? And how could she possibly have enjoyed it, TWICE?!

I'm seriously scanning these guys and can't pick out anyone I even kinda like, except maybe Kenny. But the single parent always gets the boot, after the requisite "I'm totally cool with it and I'll prove it to you by meeting your kid" date.

Also, I'd just like to point out we have an Iggy and a Diggy. IGGY AND DIGGY, people! Gold!

Let's get this ride started!
posted by bologna on wry at 8:16 PM on May 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

Aww, now I'm extra sad Mo was so drunk,; he was adorable! Look at him teaching the guys to dance.

Also, I have to make an addendum to "why so cocky" for Josiah; I think I was too hasty. He was not extra mad or sad when he didn't get the first impression rose and took the crap the guys gave him afterward with a reasonable amount of grace. Also, I think I am just not used to Bachelor trash talk. There is a tradition of good-natured trash talk and bragging with black men; it's just weird to see in this context.

Can y'all help me develop my Bachelor standards? Is this a good group of men or have they done Rachel dirty?
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 5:49 AM on May 25, 2017

It's probably about average, maybe a little above. It's hard to say so early, because we don't really know anyone yet, but there seem to be fewer meathead "personal trainers" and "models" (but still some; it is the Bachelor franchise, after all) and more professionals. Even by Bachelor franchise standards, there seem to be a lot of lawyers. The black guys, in particular, seem to be generally a little better than usual. Except for Kenny, who's otherwise a sweetheart, they all have real, white collar, professional jobs. It's the white guys who have fake jobs like "aspiring drummer". It seems like the producers have gone out of their way to find black people who are palatable to audiences who, uh, otherwise don't find black people very palatable. Make of that what you will.
posted by kevinbelt at 6:29 AM on May 25, 2017 [1 favorite]

I, too, think it's an above-average group for Bachelor Nation.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:35 AM on May 25, 2017

Agree as to the better-than-usual pool.

Also I'm coming out early as team Anthony all the way. Go read his bio!

Also can't get behind Josiah because he's a prosecutor but I can see the appeal from Rachel's perspective, and I bet he'll end up going far.
posted by likeatoaster at 8:02 AM on May 25, 2017

I'm a bit... puzzled by Josiah's whole story about how he became a prosecutor because prosecutors decided not to prosecute him when he was young. So now you spend your life doing something that you're incredibly grateful wasn't done to you, and that's... heartwarming somehow? (So, yeah. I can't really get behind the prosecutor thing, and I think I'd have an especially hard time getting past it if I were in Rachel's line of work).

I cracked up at the dude (was it one of the Blakes?) who was like "no one wants to be the guy who is bragging about his penis on national TV, but I've been told by many women that it is an amazing penis :) :) :)"

Anyway! I haven't watched a season of the Bachelorette in maybe 10 years, but if the first episode is any indication, I'm going to see this one through. Rachel is so charismatic and accomplished, I think she'll be a lot more fun to watch than some of the previous contestants, who haven't seemed to have much of an inner life.
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 5:42 PM on May 25, 2017 [3 favorites]

That's an interesting take on the prosecutor thing, Pizzarina, hadn't even thought of that.. that is indeed rather kind of odd...

My knee-jerk reaction was maximum snark but I'm sure I'll warm up to some of these guys.

And I agree about Anthony, likeatoaster. Actually ended up picking him last night in this ABC fantasy league as my final rose. Or should I not be divulging stuff like that? I really don't know how this fantasy stuff works, at all. If I shouldn't have said that then, uh, pretend I didn't or something.

But I'm sticking with my first impression that this is a below average group. However, the less meatheads is a very, very, very good thing.
posted by bologna on wry at 7:14 PM on May 25, 2017

I'm a bit... puzzled by Josiah's whole story about how he became a prosecutor because prosecutors decided not to prosecute him when he was young. So now you spend your life doing something that you're incredibly grateful wasn't done to you, and that's... heartwarming somehow? (So, yeah. I can't really get behind the prosecutor thing, and I think I'd have an especially hard time getting past it if I were in Rachel's line of work.

Think about it this way: it's the prosecutor who decides if someone should go to jail or just do community service or whether the accused gets a reasonable bail or remand. Now, if that prosecutor is a sympathetic black man he can give second chances like the one he received to young people encountering the legal system. You only get that kind of power if you're a prosecutor or a judge. Also, defense attorneys don't usually get to become judges.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 5:37 AM on May 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

That's an excellent point, thank you for the perspective.
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 1:00 AM on May 28, 2017

why keep stocky poor man's Mario Lopez (Iggy) over Brad Pitt-knockoff Rob?

some of us like those good good sweet beefy boys :(

(p.s. any Rose Buddies fans here?)
posted by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on May 28, 2017

Just watched the first episode. SO many weirdos. I'm grossed out by Rico Suave....the Don Juan DeMarco guy who played tonsil hockey with Rachel several times. That's who you give the first impression rose to? Ok. He's smarmy af. Like he read too many romance novels as a child. Ugh. Just no.

Not super-impressed with anyone yet. According to this, Blake K. left the show early because his grandfather was sick :( So I suppose he asked to not be given a rose. I don't know. He has since edited his IG post.

Don't look at Reality Steve if you don't want to know who goes home any night. Last time I looked he had the final three listed, that was about a month ago. I think it's pretty obvious that Jimmy Kimmell reads Reality Steve, as he has correctly predicted the winner after the first show a bunch of times.

Also, really sick of the stunt contestants they keep including. The guy with the doll, and the really repulsive in every way wahboom guy! Just fucking stop this shit, ABC. Like we don't already know the wahboom guy is going to BIP or BP or whatever the hell. He is this season's designated MWA: "Moron With Abs".
posted by the webmistress at 8:14 AM on May 29, 2017

I'm a Rose Buddy ;-)
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 12:31 PM on June 8, 2017

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