Live Stream: Grand Final (2016 Eurovision Song Contest)

May 14, 2016 7:54 AM

EUROVISION DAY IS HERE! The 2016 Grand Final begins at 2100 CET / 3pm Eastern / 12pm Pacific. As before, the live stream will be available via the Eurovision website, the Swedish broadcaster, SVT, and for the first time, through the LOGO TV website. (Note to LOGO viewers: commentary will be provided by Carson Kressley and Michelle Collins.) Viewers located outside the US can also watch via YouTube.

There's not much to say that hasn't already been covered in previous posts, except to note that Australia has pulled into second place, behind Russia, in the latest odds.

[I personally won't be participating in the live chat, below -- I have an in-person watch party to host -- but I hope y'all enjoy the show!]

============
Running order
============

1) Belgium
2) Czech Republic
3) The Netherlands
4) Azerbaijan
5) Hungary
6) Italy
7) Israel
8) Bulgaria
9) Sweden
10) Germany
11) France
12) Poland
13) Australia
14) Cyprus
15) Serbia
16) Lithuania
17) Croatia
18) Russia
19) Spain
20) Latvia
21) Ukraine
22) Malta
23) Georgia
24) Austria
25) United Kingdom
26) Armenia

posted by zebra (428 comments total)

Awww, I really liked Belgium in the semi final. Not that I thought they would win, but still, going first, they haven't got a prayer.
posted by JanetLand at 7:59 AM on May 14, 2016

1-2-3 predictions. Without much confidence this year, my prediction before the final starts is:

1st: Australia
2nd: Russia
3rd: France
posted by Wordshore at 9:06 AM on May 14, 2016

I'm disappointed on principle that Ireland aren't there but Lord that song was so boring I forgot it while I still listening to it.
posted by billiebee at 11:20 AM on May 14, 2016

Who just walked by with the glowing things on their legs? And the persons dressed as huge white flowers, etc. The outfits are apeshit. So great!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:05 PM on May 14, 2016

Whoa, beefcake city.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:06 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh, I get it, the odd-outfit people are the dancers, not entrants in the contest. Duh. Tuned in a little bit late.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:07 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh, the people in giant white tops are the staff dancers, etc. For a minute I thought a bunch of contestants all had the same costume concepts. The video direction has not aimed for clarity.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:10 PM on May 14, 2016

Ha, I'm clearly not alone.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:11 PM on May 14, 2016

What a magical future we live in, where everyone wears geometric shapes!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:11 PM on May 14, 2016

The Swedish announcer is saying, "Can't we get started soon?" The Swedish version always has annoying intros about the contestants before each performance. I suppose there's no avoiding that here.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:13 PM on May 14, 2016

Is it the 80s again? I'm ready for that. I'd be happy to be in my 30s again.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:14 PM on May 14, 2016

Seen on the twitter feed at the bottom of the screen on RAI: "we like the little Brussel sprout "
posted by romakimmy at 12:16 PM on May 14, 2016

First wind machine moment?
posted by billiebee at 12:17 PM on May 14, 2016

Wake me when the Czech lass is done.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:19 PM on May 14, 2016

Elsa did it better.
posted by romakimmy at 12:19 PM on May 14, 2016

Yesssss
posted by billiebee at 12:19 PM on May 14, 2016

So it's not officially Czechia yet...
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:19 PM on May 14, 2016

This "I Stand" song is reminding me that almost all Eurovision songs I've ever heard are 90% refrain.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:20 PM on May 14, 2016

My Logo stream is really not good quality. I'm on fast internet too!
posted by yasaman at 12:20 PM on May 14, 2016

Shit. That was a Swedish-written song, which explains a lot. I apologise on behalf of naturalised Swedes everywhere.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2016

"Hope he doesn't need that money for laser tattoo removal..." I love Graham Norton.
posted by billiebee at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I love Belgium! Glitter, synchronized choreography, and funk - what's not to love?

Not usually a big "generic ballad" fan but I like the Czech Republic's one. She has the voice to carry it. Wish she had done something interesting with staging though.
posted by capricorn at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2016

Sweden writes like 80% of Eurovision, don't they?
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 12:21 PM on May 14, 2016

You can watch it via Swedish TV if you don't mind not understanding the narration. http://www.svt.se
posted by Bella Donna at 12:22 PM on May 14, 2016

the Scandinavia And The World comic has a kind of "Eurovision Bingo Card"
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:22 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

My toddler approves of this song, so there's that. I shall rate songs tonight by her dancing.
posted by romakimmy at 12:23 PM on May 14, 2016

Did anyone else hear the *ting* and see the white flash at that to-camera smile? Oh wow I'm going to barf.
posted by billiebee at 12:23 PM on May 14, 2016

Yup, Swedes write a ton of the songs. During the Melodifestivalen, the writers sit with the performers waiting for the votes and there's usually at least three of them. Like every song is written by committee. The Netherlands folks sounda bit like The Eagles to me. That's not a knock, btw.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:23 PM on May 14, 2016

Acoustic guitar? Seriously, Netherlands, this is Eurovision we're talking about.
posted by gkhan at 12:24 PM on May 14, 2016

Thanks, oneswellfoop, that's great!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:25 PM on May 14, 2016

Yeah, my stream from Logo just cut out for the second time. Hmmmm.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:25 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh hun, you could have done so much better than Kardashian Lite.

Toddler is imitating the backup dancers.
posted by romakimmy at 12:26 PM on May 14, 2016

For you with stream troubles, I hear that the Norwegian stream is all right: http://www.nrk.no/mgp/
posted by gkhan at 12:26 PM on May 14, 2016

I was going to clean while I listened to this. I forgot that watching train wrecks is part of the pleasure. OMG, I'm loving the male dancer outfits for Azerbaijan and yes, it will take a miracle in her case.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:27 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Helloooo nurse.
posted by romakimmy at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh zebra, thank you so much for giving us a place to gather for mutual snark. Yay you! Oh the next guy got injured so wasn't able to play basketball anymore, which is why Mr. Hungary picked up a guitar. Guess he gets the sympathy vote.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:29 PM on May 14, 2016

THEY'RE WHISTLING WHILE THEY WORK!!!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:30 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Now this is more like it. Inexplicable drumming Tibetan monk, random whistling, earnestly sung nonsense.
posted by billiebee at 12:30 PM on May 14, 2016

Interesting that they Anglicised the Hungarian names to be "given name family name".
posted by JauntyFedora at 12:30 PM on May 14, 2016

Did he injure his vocal cords in his sports injury as well?
posted by SugarAndSass at 12:31 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm confused. Did the basketball accident affect his voice as well?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:31 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Smurf gamla smurf, SugarAndSass! That's what Swedes say when you say the same thing at the same time.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:31 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm kinda into this Hungary song. I dig the drums!
posted by gkhan at 12:32 PM on May 14, 2016

Home team up
posted by romakimmy at 12:32 PM on May 14, 2016

You. Should. Know. This. Is. Eurovision. Ooh, here comes Italy and the song will be in Italian. A brave choice. I'm pumped.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:32 PM on May 14, 2016

Well, those props will not be upstaging the singer, that's for sure.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:33 PM on May 14, 2016

We were just watching the semifinal with Hungary and, man, this guy wrecked his voice between then and now. He didn't sound nearly so hoarse on Tuesday.
posted by Copronymus at 12:34 PM on May 14, 2016

I wish I knew why she was so angry. Maybe at the costume designer?
posted by billiebee at 12:34 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

I like it. Wonder if it's only because I can't understand it. Anybody speak Italian?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:34 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Goddamn why did they style her like one of the kid's show characters? She looks like an effing tree.
posted by romakimmy at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'd she going to start stomping around in the (fake) pool like Beyoncé?
posted by mountmccabe at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

SPARKLY OVERALLS
SPARKLY OVERALLS
SPARKLY OVERALLS
SPARKLY OVERALLS
SPARKLY OVERALLS
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hey billiebee, totally at the costume designer. And set designer. And maybe the makeup person. But no high heels, so that's a plus.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

And there's her seed. Gah.
posted by romakimmy at 12:35 PM on May 14, 2016

We are precious! Thank you for that meaningful social commentary. Can someone explain to me why Israel is a part of Eurovision? I really don't get it. I'm not anti-Israeli, I'm just anti a bunch of non-European countries being in this contest because I'm hopelessly literal.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oh god please bump into him twirly people
posted by billiebee at 12:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Oh god I wish "Emociuffo" translated better into English because I'm dying at the twitter feed here
posted by romakimmy at 12:39 PM on May 14, 2016

Those twirly people are ten times better than the song
posted by gkhan at 12:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Hey that's funny I'm holding myself and rocking too!
posted by billiebee at 12:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Actually, it's not that bad...
posted by gkhan at 12:40 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

But we are made of stars. Plus we are precious. This is DEEP, people.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:40 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

OK, sparks waterfall is fantastic
posted by mountmccabe at 12:40 PM on May 14, 2016

I have a sudden urge to listen to Flock of Seagulls.
posted by garius at 12:40 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's only the second time that Bulgaria has made it into the Eurovision final.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2016

Lyrics by Carl Sagan?
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yeah okay I really enjoyed the end of that and glowy hoops +10pts.
posted by SugarAndSass at 12:41 PM on May 14, 2016

It's classic Eurovision. This is deliciously bad.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nice to see Kim Jong-un do something a bit more human though.
posted by garius at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2016

If love was a crime then I'd do the time

We already have a winner for Most Predictable Rhyming Lyric
posted by romakimmy at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Tie me looser? What the hell is the lyric?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2016

And Most Creative Use of Bike Reflectors
posted by romakimmy at 12:43 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oh romakimmy, how many of these have you seen? I promise you there will be some serious competition for Most Predictable Rhyming Lyric. We've only just begun!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is her outfit lights?
posted by mountmccabe at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's actually a bit of non-English! Bulgarian? /ignorantamerican
posted by SugarAndSass at 12:44 PM on May 14, 2016

duffell: Does anyone with a good ear know what instrument that is in the background of Bulgaria's entry? Pan-flutes, maybe?

Sounds like a sped-up vocal sample a la Justin Bieber's "Sorry".
posted by capricorn at 12:45 PM on May 14, 2016

Pretty certain Bulgaria was a character in Final Fantasy XIII. Catchy Euro tune though. I can see this doing well.
posted by garius at 12:45 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

My home team is up! Haven't heard this. Hope I don't hate it but probably will.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:45 PM on May 14, 2016

Aw Terry Wogan RIP.
posted by billiebee at 12:45 PM on May 14, 2016

Man, the makeup artists backstage have a really heavy hand with the foundation.

Swedish J.Biebs is pretty orange and cakey
posted by romakimmy at 12:46 PM on May 14, 2016

Man, somebody should have worked with him on diction. Would be so bad for everyone to understand each word he is singing?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:46 PM on May 14, 2016

Why is Joseph Gordon-Levitt sawry?
posted by billiebee at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Tie me looser? What the hell is the lyric?

It's "give me love" in Bulgarian according to the first site I saw on Google.
posted by Copronymus at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

"If I were sorry": Babe, I am sorry. So, so sorry.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2016

Bella Donna, I'm still a relative Newb, since Italy only recently rejoined. :)
posted by romakimmy at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2016

Swedish J.Biebs is pretty orange and cakey

I mean at 17 with the stress of Eurovision he probably has a couple hundred pimples to cover up.
posted by SugarAndSass at 12:47 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Thanks, Copronymus!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:48 PM on May 14, 2016

Should have stuck a fez on him and tried for the Doctor Who fan demographic. Rookie error.
posted by garius at 12:48 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

German performer is a vegan, fyi. No wool or leather in her outfit.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2016

Are any of you getting the Graham Norton commentary? He does not like her.
posted by billiebee at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2016

Someone has taken Bjork as their spirit animal.
posted by romakimmy at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Meh song though. Lyrically it was just a reeeeeeeally polite tantrum.
posted by garius at 12:50 PM on May 14, 2016

OMG what's that Japanese girly style called?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2016

Decora! And she is rocking it!
posted by capricorn at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2016

No wool or leather in her outfit.

Or taste. Or sense.
posted by billiebee at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I wish I were getting the Graham Norton commentary. That would be fun. The Swedes are too polite to trash any one.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:51 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I love her outfit. Its silly but I like silly. It's like the love child of decora and Carmen Miranda. What's not to like?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:52 PM on May 14, 2016

'I might just be old but there's nothing about this girl that doesn't annoy me' - Graham Norton

(from another live thread I'm following) (agreed)
posted by SugarAndSass at 12:52 PM on May 14, 2016

German Hatsune Miku.
posted by gkhan at 12:53 PM on May 14, 2016

Just remember, these contestants were determined to be the best of the many other performers in their countries who competed earlier. I love that.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:53 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

The Logo people just compared her to Rachel Dolezal, but it still sounds like they like her more than Graham Norton does.
posted by Copronymus at 12:53 PM on May 14, 2016

Okay little Swedish performer, are you watching this French dude? This is how you do it.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:54 PM on May 14, 2016

"There's Jamie Lee, making Bjork seem great." - Graham Norton.
posted by garius at 12:55 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This French singer is my fave so far. The Swedes say he was pissed about singing part of it in English instead of the entire thing in French. I agree but hey, the English ups his odds of winning.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:55 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I would like some of his happy pills please
posted by billiebee at 12:56 PM on May 14, 2016

White sneakers, though? I thought French people knew better...
posted by gkhan at 12:56 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Technically Italy's entry came in second in San Remo. Think first place turned down the Eurovision gig
posted by romakimmy at 12:56 PM on May 14, 2016

This sounds interesting in French, but then the English lyrics are so trite.

I mean, yeah, but.
posted by mountmccabe at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow! France may have just taken my top spot away from Belgium. Legitimately enjoyed that :-)!
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow, first place turned down the Eurovision gig? Interesting.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2016

"enjoy that smile it's the last one you'll see from him."
posted by billiebee at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2016

gkhan: "White sneakers, though? I thought French people knew better..."

Damn, Daniel...
posted by capricorn at 12:57 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I see what he means
posted by billiebee at 12:58 PM on May 14, 2016

Ohhhh myyyyy. Polish military Yanni.
posted by romakimmy at 12:58 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm thinking that guy knows about lonely nights from personal experience. But then, so do I so that just makes him human. Not the best performer but I'm loving the red jacket. Except for the stupid drapery fringe stuff on his shoulder. Hmm, what color is my life? These songs are sooooo deeeeeep.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:00 PM on May 14, 2016

This guy owns replica swords. Multiple replica swords.
posted by garius at 1:00 PM on May 14, 2016 [8 favorites]

Can't get over how Poland Guy semi-resembles Weird Al before he shaved his mustache... or maybe it's the crappy video quality of the Logo feed.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

key change!

two key changes!
posted by sektah at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Why is she so shouty?
posted by billiebee at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2016

Only 14 songs to go! When do I get to pee?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2016

Are we sure that wasn't actually Weird Al?
posted by mbrubeck at 1:02 PM on May 14, 2016

Just so you non-Swedes know, Carola is basically royalty over here. In the 90's, she was like Sweden's Beyonce.
posted by gkhan at 1:03 PM on May 14, 2016

I think Poland and Germany are tied for biggest disconnect with look and sound. I was NOT a fan of Kawaii Evanescence or Sad Sgt. Pepper.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:04 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

This has been getting tons of airplay, didn't realise this is what it was. It'll do well. And ooh I'm loving her sparkly glove!
posted by billiebee at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2016

Is Australia using a minority report interface to look at ex-boyfriends?
posted by andorphin at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Dami Im: 1993 Glamour Shot model
posted by SugarAndSass at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like Australia even though its not a part of Europe.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:05 PM on May 14, 2016

I am so out of touch. When the fuck did the Austrailia crash into Europevision?
posted by romakimmy at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2016

So far the glamour gal is my favourite followed by Mister French. I think she's got a shot.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like Australia's song a lot even though the lyrics don't make any sense. Her dress is also 100% pure Eurovision, suggesting you don't have to be from the mainland to get it. I hope she wins just because I want to see everyone lose their minds.
posted by capricorn at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is it wrong that I feel grumpy and old about the fact that "facetime" is now a common enough verb to use in a Eurovision lyric?
posted by garius at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2016

And my buddy who's watching from TV in Stockholm agrees. Oddly, he's watching on TV and his feed is a little behind mine.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:08 PM on May 14, 2016

garius: see here
posted by andorphin at 1:08 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nah, garius, it's totally on target. I feel that way too. Wanna Skype with me while we work on our Stay Off the Lawn signs together?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:08 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

But yeah, the San Remo winners are a group of old farts who turned down the gig.
posted by romakimmy at 1:09 PM on May 14, 2016

I'm digging the Australian performer in look and sound... but the part of of me that objects to Europe be stretched across another continent for (likely) gross colonial reasons can't fully support her, on principal.


Okay, can't deny that last note, though.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:09 PM on May 14, 2016

Bon Jovi with a Killers backing track and wolf impressions. Interesting.
posted by billiebee at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

3 Doors Down is from Cyprus?
posted by Copronymus at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Cyprus clearly needs more elaborate monster costumes.
posted by capricorn at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2016

Nah, garius, it's totally on target. I feel that way too. Wanna Skype with me while we work on our Stay Off the Lawn signs together?

What's your ICQ?
posted by garius at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Howling. Now i get why Cyprus needed cages
posted by romakimmy at 1:10 PM on May 14, 2016

This act is a cyp-riot.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:11 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Cyprus sprung for all the camera angles, ALL OF THEM, and they will be used.

BTW, does this sound like "Mr. Brightside" to anyone else?
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:11 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

True story, the drummer is actually currently serving a sentence for petty theft and was turned down for bail.

Luckily they figured out a way to work around it.
posted by garius at 1:12 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Remember what I said about obvious rhymes? I rest my case. My buddy actually liked Cyprus and, sadly, I'm too far away to slap any sense into him.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:12 PM on May 14, 2016

EIGHTIES GUITAR SOLO.

Okay. I'm a convert.
posted by garius at 1:12 PM on May 14, 2016

mbrubeck: "This act is a cyp-riot."

stahp
posted by capricorn at 1:13 PM on May 14, 2016

Serbia I sort of like so far, but that fringe on her dress looks like a merkin gone very very wrong
posted by romakimmy at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

No, not more creepy floating faces
posted by mbrubeck at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2016

I didn't like Cyprus at all until I found out about the petty theft thing. Now I like 'em because how could I not?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2016

My buddy is also watching golf and claimed it's "pretty clear though; the gold tournament is the better show." Bah!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2016

Did Belarus make the finals? There were even more creepy faces.
posted by Copronymus at 1:15 PM on May 14, 2016

The Swedish TV person said, "Lots of feeling" about Serbia. I guess that part is true.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2016

Serbia is my new favorite.
posted by mountmccabe at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2016

Random serbia fact from an article I'm literally writing whilst watching this: The first British military vessel serving on the Caspian Sea sailed under the Serbian flag.

It was during the Russian revolution and was commandeered by a British force trying to relieve Armenian forces in Baku. The General in charge refused to sail under the Communist flag the ship had but the Port commander wouldn't let him out under the Russian tricolour (the only other flag the ship had).

So he flipped it upside down and said "Then we sail as Serbia."
posted by garius at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Serbia is half poorly conceived So You Think You Can Dance routine/ half early round round X-Factor entry. Also, Was she wearing all the bobby pins in her bangs?
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:16 PM on May 14, 2016

OH SHIT IT'S BLINDFOLD DUDE FROM 2014!
posted by garius at 1:17 PM on May 14, 2016

"For a thousand years, through a million tears" I'm telling you, Lithuania has the Eurovision cliche stuff down.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:18 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Lithuania is so promising
posted by mountmccabe at 1:18 PM on May 14, 2016

Justin Bieber has a lot to account for. Lithuanian is doing that whole slyly smiling at you from under my obnoxious fringe thing
posted by romakimmy at 1:18 PM on May 14, 2016

With a hungry heart and a day apart? A single fucking day? I always hate the lyrics cause they're usually just terrible because they make little or no sense. And I kind of like this song, dammit.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2016

I'm not fucking joking. It's blindfold dude.
posted by garius at 1:19 PM on May 14, 2016

FUCK YES I LOVE THIS COSTUME
posted by romakimmy at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Croatian costume coming up.
posted by Rabarberofficer at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Apparently the costume of Croatia's entrant has been highly controversial. Some say it's too big, others say she's too small. You be the judge!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's Elsa!
posted by billiebee at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2016

I've heard is from Dune...
posted by Rabarberofficer at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2016

I love it! I'm not sure it needs to be inhabited by anyone, including a singer. It could be the scene all by itself.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2016

David Byrne, eat your heart out.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2016

Awww. That was anticlimactic.
posted by romakimmy at 1:21 PM on May 14, 2016

Can she move? The tension is amazing
posted by mountmccabe at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2016

Bella Donna: "Apparently the costume of Croatia's entrant has been highly controversial. Some say it's too big, others say she's too small. You be the judge!"

Too many mirrors, or just enough?
posted by capricorn at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2016

*Imagining the pre-show meeting with the Eurovision cameramen/ light techs*:

Producer: Every hand gesture is important! Every single one. Cameras, don't let a hand gesture pass you by

Camera people: Yes Sir!

Lighting Guy: What if make it look like the performers are controlling the lights with her hands?

Producer (near tears): Yes! YES! That's the kind of of thinking we need.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2016 [6 favorites]

Ouch, vocals going a bit pear-shaped...
posted by billiebee at 1:22 PM on May 14, 2016

And she enrolled the Headless Monks of Demon Run to help get undressed.
posted by Rabarberofficer at 1:23 PM on May 14, 2016

Croatia entered Enya?
posted by andorphin at 1:23 PM on May 14, 2016

In an emergency, that outfit could save lives.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:24 PM on May 14, 2016

A dog bakery called Poodle Strudel is the best thing I've ever heard!!!
posted by billiebee at 1:24 PM on May 14, 2016

I've kind of wanted to write a series of murder mysteries set in the run up to Eurovision. There's got to be drama aplenty.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2016 [8 favorites]

Beyoncé ripped off by the Russian (poorly)
posted by romakimmy at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2016

Is this staging not exactly the same as someone last year?
posted by billiebee at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hey this dude is basically singing some version of a song I've heard in the Swedish competition last year. Or sometime.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I bet a Swedish songwriter did a retread or something.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

A dog bakery called Poodle Strudel is the best thing I've ever heard!!!

Let the minutes record that I second this motion.
posted by garius at 1:26 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

SHADOW PUPPETS! DO DEFORMED RABBIT!
posted by garius at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

How is
posted by mountmccabe at 1:27 PM on May 14, 2016

Does the strudel contain poodle? Cause I'd feel cheated if it didn't.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2016

Spain has a Goa'uld control bracelet?
posted by andorphin at 1:29 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

How is

"And that was the last we ever heard mountmccabe say. When police broke into his apartment three days later all they found was a pile of gold glitter in an armchair, and two shoes on the floor in front of it."
posted by garius at 1:29 PM on May 14, 2016 [7 favorites]

I guess Kristen Stewart hasn't had much on post-Twilight
posted by billiebee at 1:30 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Spain is fun.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:30 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Spain is sort of catchy
posted by romakimmy at 1:31 PM on May 14, 2016

Side hair seems to be a big trend amongst the kids these days.
posted by garius at 1:32 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I like this. Am I a bad person?
posted by billiebee at 1:34 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

The song from Spain is maybe my favorite as a song, it was sung well, and it was a fun sparkly dress jersey, but I didn't like it as much as several other performances.
posted by mountmccabe at 1:34 PM on May 14, 2016

No. You are allowed to like anything you like and still be a good person. This is not widely understood but true.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Timely garius - twitter just came up with "eurociuffi" (ciuffo = tuft)
posted by romakimmy at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

"It's a catchy song once it gets going but the verse... well... it does seem a bit endless." - Graham Norton.
posted by garius at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2016

I am distracted by his artfully-torn pants.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:36 PM on May 14, 2016

Timely garius - twitter just came up with "eurociuffi" (ciuffo = tuft)

*Punches the air*

Still got it. Ahead of the motherflubbing style curve, me.
posted by garius at 1:36 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Not feeling the intensity from Latvia, especially as he's dressed like a guest star from a Very Special episode of Blossom.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hey billiebee, my Swedish buddy just texted that you are not a bad person but the singer is. He's wrong but it made me laugh anyway.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Totes emosh
posted by billiebee at 1:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This Ukraine singer makes me want to find a gun to end my life because I'm feeling all despairing and doomed. Hmm. Luckily all I have is a potato gun so my life is in zero danger.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow, moody Moderat-like song here by Ukraine. I quite like it.
posted by sektah at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2016

I like Ukraine's voice. And Ooo glowing tree. Nicely played
posted by romakimmy at 1:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Maybe if her outfit weren't so dark and gloomy. She looks like an extra from Into the Woods. Or maybe from the touring company.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2016

Can't make fun of this as the lyrics seemed based in the recent turmoil there. I can't say that I like it either, but I respect it and she is vocally impressive.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think it's bad when the special effects are better than the song.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2016

Ukraine has a very expressive voice, but it isn't translating to much.
posted by mountmccabe at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2016

"What do you want to dance like?"
"What if I did walking in place so it looks like I'm in that one Jamiroquai video?"
"Perfect! Go for it!"
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2016

Back from AFK for a few songs... is Ukrane the first performer with a cape?
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2016

Yeah. This song is a less-than-subtle "fuck you" to Russia, and I love the fact they managed to get it past the committee. Respect.
posted by garius at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Quick, best special effects so far? Huge glowing tree behind depressive singer. What else?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2016

It's the new Holly
posted by billiebee at 1:41 PM on May 14, 2016

based on intro video, Malta is auditioning as Subway spokesperson?
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Holy shit. Work that hip high dress slit, pregnant lady from Malta. Dual purpose we can see when the head crowns...
posted by romakimmy at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Well, I like that it was a fuck you to Russia, who wouldn't like that? But the song itself, not so much. Remember the "we all get along" commentary by the hosts at the beginning of the show? Um, guess not.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Lawnmower man is a massively underrated film.
posted by garius at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2016

Who else likes Malta besides me?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2016

Also nice little "vote for the preggo" belly rub at the end there
posted by romakimmy at 1:44 PM on May 14, 2016

"Security! Get Morrissey off that stage NOW!"
posted by garius at 1:44 PM on May 14, 2016

I loved Malta. She was walking the Rainbow Bridge into Asgard.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:45 PM on May 14, 2016

So garius, the connection to Lawnmover Man is ... ?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:45 PM on May 14, 2016

Did...did they know the competition they were entering was Eurovision?
posted by billiebee at 1:46 PM on May 14, 2016

Friend of mine on Twitter:

"This is the year of the magically appearing background dancer."
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:46 PM on May 14, 2016

MTV in the eightys called, they want their special effects back
posted by romakimmy at 1:46 PM on May 14, 2016

So garius, the connection to Lawnmover Man is ... ?

Wierd bad SFX video head at the beginning of Malta.
posted by garius at 1:46 PM on May 14, 2016

Usually the songs themselves make me want to upchuck, not the set. But I'm about ready to make an exception for Georgia. Stop it already.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2016

Why does he have a guitar
posted by mbrubeck at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I mean if this doesn't trigger someone's epilepsy, I'd be very very surprised
posted by romakimmy at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh, now he plays it.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2016

Georgia's entry feels like a band you've never heard of on Saturday Night Live. Maybe it's just me.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

What do the rock bands have against 21st century style? They're either dressed like the '90s or the '60s.

BTW, commentators, nasal lead vocal =/= "sounds like Oasis." These guys have a lot more in common with Muse, including their to desire to cause seizures in the viewing public.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:48 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

The search after an inner paradise, eh? Wonder what that sounds like.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:49 PM on May 14, 2016

Austria presents French Peaches and Cream Barbie.
posted by romakimmy at 1:50 PM on May 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

Good one! I was thinking of her as the My Little Pony Princess.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2016

I like Austria's folk-music-y accompaniment.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2016

I do like Austria's background effects. Is it wrong I kinda want one as a desktop pattern?
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:51 PM on May 14, 2016

She definitely wins the "most likely to take out a life insurance policy and murder her spouse" award. I think it might be the smile.
posted by garius at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This sounds like every Script song ever but it's kind of grown on me as I've heard it so many times on the radio. I really hate myself for admitting that.
posted by billiebee at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2016

When it comes to Eurovision, nothing is wrong.
posted by sektah at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Are you epileptic?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2016

On preview, what sektah said.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:53 PM on May 14, 2016

Interesting, billiebee. You hate yourself for admitting it but not liking it. Hmmm. I like these Brits. Anybody else?
posted by Bella Donna at 1:54 PM on May 14, 2016

OH MY GOD IM SINGING A UK EUROVISION ENTRY KILL ME NOW
posted by billiebee at 1:55 PM on May 14, 2016

Jedward looks really different when they cut their hair.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 1:55 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Cavern Club. The football. Push each other over. Random flares. Pub.

I like how they captured the average night out in Liverpool.
posted by garius at 1:56 PM on May 14, 2016

You should be. It's a catchy tune. I really like it. And don't forget, we're here for you when the show is over and you go into withdrawal.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:56 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I had to put the baby to sleep and I come back to dual J.Biebs. I thought jedward were Irish?
posted by romakimmy at 1:56 PM on May 14, 2016

Sorry, that last comment was for billiebee if not obvious.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2016

And yeah, have to say this is the first year in ages that I don't actually hate our entry.

#teamGB
posted by garius at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2016

Irish? Apologies.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:57 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow, it's bendable Barbie.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2016

Armenia is double jointed?
posted by romakimmy at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2016

If we win, we stay in the EU, BTW. That's written into the Referendum rules.
posted by garius at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

No it's ok Bella Donna they're British, think was just a Jedward joke.
posted by billiebee at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2016

I dunno, I kinda liked the UK entry. It sounds like the kind song I would hear on the radio and not turn away from, then one day I'd find myself actively singing along to it, in the grocery store.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2016

I'm not sure I can take another song whose chorus is oooohooohooohooohoo…
posted by mbrubeck at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2016

And cribbing from Beyoncé, too. Can you imagine Bey at Eurovision?
posted by romakimmy at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2016

"it's the pelvic thrust, really drives you insane..."
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2016

Armenia wins most naked and most Matrix-y.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2016

Well that was
posted by billiebee at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2016

I can't watch, sadly, but y'all are feeding my curiosity. So thanks!!
posted by gemmy at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2016

With Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi as Statler and Waldorf?
posted by Copronymus at 2:03 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Sir IanMcKellen and Derek Jacobi are national treasures.
posted by garius at 2:03 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I can't vote as I'm outside of the area to vote. Everyone can vote up to 20 times. I never realised that. Damn!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:03 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow, it's really streamlined this year. Just the songs and straight to voting. No halftime show?
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2016

Justin Timberlake is coming up never fear!
posted by billiebee at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think I liked Russia's entry best. That was a great song and some cool display tech.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:06 PM on May 14, 2016

McKellen would work better with Patrick Stewart...
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:06 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

commentator on Logo mentioned Poland's Weird Al resemblance... I feel vindicated
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

McKellan and Jacobi are in a sitcom together as those characters (sorry if you already knew that, my brain is obviously not at full par after 2 hours of Eurovision)
posted by billiebee at 2:10 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Poland was a love child of Weird Al and Cezar from Romania in 2013.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:10 PM on May 14, 2016

Just to clarify I am Polish and therefore entitled to this comment.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:11 PM on May 14, 2016

America has seen more of McKellan & Stewart together, so there's that
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2016

-Not nice to recap the Czech Republic's big, flat note, Eurovision. So shady.

-I'm still pro-Belgium, France, and Bulgaria with Australia getting an honorary mention for best singer and best costume.
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2016

Weird Al cosplaying as Captain Hook
posted by romakimmy at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

1. Lithuania
2. Serbia
3. Russia
4. Bulgaria
5. Spain

Honorable mention to Ukraine for the best voice, by far.
posted by mountmccabe at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2016

Seriously why is he there?
posted by billiebee at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2016

Still liking Malta quite a bit.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2016

Graham Norton: "All those cameras and not one back there."
posted by billiebee at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow could JustinTimberlake be anymore condescending? (Rhetorical question)
posted by romakimmy at 2:13 PM on May 14, 2016

JT is promoting the animated Trolls movie? huh.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2016

He's bringing trolls back...
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:15 PM on May 14, 2016

Interesting that Logo isn't allowed to show the Timberlake performance. "Just Google it in half an hour, it'll be there."
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:17 PM on May 14, 2016

I really hate this, "We're just a tiny country up here in the North, nothing special" thing that Swedes default to. I think that's creepy.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:20 PM on May 14, 2016

The Swedish pop retrospective started with Blue Suede... Star Lord would appreciate that.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:21 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

So Sweden has just showcased how much great pop music they create and the halftime show is Justin Timberlake??!

I DEMAND ROXETTE
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:21 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

And somewhere Janet Jackson gnashes her teeth...
posted by romakimmy at 2:21 PM on May 14, 2016

That swedish compilation video was like being in a room with my dad when he's got the TV remote.

Him: "Where's the cricket? How do I skip the music channels?"

Me: "Just type 107"

Him: "Type what?! I'm just pushing up"

Me: "PRESS 1-0-7"

Him: "Press 1... and then... where's the 0... where's the... oh. We're back to channel 1. Okay right I'll just keep pushing up."

Me: "OH FOR FUCK SAKE"
posted by garius at 2:21 PM on May 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Don't knock Stakka Bo.
posted by Rabarberofficer at 2:21 PM on May 14, 2016

are you sure what Logo is showing now is NOT Justin Timberlake?
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:25 PM on May 14, 2016

I've always wanted to write a mystery series. I think the Eurovision contest would be a great setting. And there are 26 finalists, so a book for each country. How could it fail?!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:25 PM on May 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

My favs:
1. Australia
2. UK
3. France
4. Spain
5. Belgium

My buddy says Russia is the favourite, which bums me out. I don't want my gay friends who love the contest to be forced to stay home because Russia.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:28 PM on May 14, 2016

At the risk of being serious for a second, I think Justin is proving that if you're a big star you should not do the Eurovision halftime unless you're prepared to bring some serious stageshow. As you're always going to be outshone by the batshit insane acts you've just followed.
posted by garius at 2:28 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Bella Donna, it'd be a lot of work to get a publisher in each country, but SO worth it
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:29 PM on May 14, 2016

Anybody here actually know about the inner workings of the contest? Cause now I need to find someone who would have a reason to be involved in various contests. I know that Swedish songwriters often work with entrants from a bunch of different countries. Any other consultant types I should know about?
posted by Bella Donna at 2:31 PM on May 14, 2016

I've always wanted to write a mystery series. I think the Eurovision contest would be a great setting. And there are 26 finalists, so a book for each country. How could it fail?!

OOOOH. Wanna team up and writer a Eurovision Pen and Paper RPG murder mystery?

Everyone plays as a country representative as detailed in the character book (or roll your own).

Key attributes include maybe:

1) Outfit
2) Key changability
3) Hair
4) Backing dancers
posted by garius at 2:31 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

1. Ant and Dec
2. Weird Al
3. Emo Anthony & The Johnsons
4. Bjorkette
5. Bieber (any of them)
posted by billiebee at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2016

My buddy thought Justin just made all the entrants look like amateurs. So I guess it does depends on your perspective. He didn't wow me this time but he has on other TV occasions.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2016

How many dresses does Petra have lined up?!
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:32 PM on May 14, 2016

Either that Bella Donna or you do it as a single novel with 26 chapters. With each chapter POV from one entrant, sort of Game of Thrones style.
posted by garius at 2:33 PM on May 14, 2016

There's a JUNOR Eurovision?!?
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:33 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Oh shit. Forgot about Junior Eurovision.

Well at least it taught her the phrase "I'm just working on new material right now." Early on in her career.
posted by garius at 2:34 PM on May 14, 2016

I like the way you think, garius. Sadly, I've never done any RPG, on paper or elsewhere. Sounds fun, though.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:35 PM on May 14, 2016

This is actually funny
posted by billiebee at 2:35 PM on May 14, 2016

I thought Justin was looking really out of place in Eurovision.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:35 PM on May 14, 2016

This is really funny. I'm surprised because it's usually not this good during the Melodifestivalen. I'm glad Sweden has upped its game.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:37 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

And that's how you win Eurovision!!!
posted by Pendragon at 2:37 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Spain
Belgium
France
Serbia
Ukraine

And now imma go and vote all my favorites in this thread.
posted by romakimmy at 2:37 PM on May 14, 2016

I vote for this song to win. Love love peace peace!
posted by yasaman at 2:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

They had me at "hamster wheel"
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This humorous bit is gold though. They're bang on about what makes Eurovision songs :)

I'm almost inclined to give them twelve points. "Love, love, peace, peace..." Smash hit, as the Swedish commentator said :)
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Love Love Peace Peace is legitimately brilliant. It would 100% actually win.
posted by garius at 2:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

That is a question Swedes ask themselves, especially in winter. Why are we here?
posted by Bella Donna at 2:40 PM on May 14, 2016

And a burning fake piano
posted by billiebee at 2:40 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is Linda Woodruff a known comic? Never seen her before and I like what I saw.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:41 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

That's Sarah Finer ; Lynda Woodruff is a character.
posted by sektah at 2:42 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think Linda Woodruff just increased the vote FOR Brexit by 2 percent.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:42 PM on May 14, 2016

Sarah Finer?! OMG, she's so great. That explains her accent anyway.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:43 PM on May 14, 2016

Is Linda Woodruff a known comic?

I've got a vague memory of her doing the scores for Sweden last year maybe? Could be a fake memory though.
posted by garius at 2:43 PM on May 14, 2016

Time to top up my snacks. Keep me posted!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:45 PM on May 14, 2016

Love the dreaded Loreen kids, who just want to listen to Euphoria... umm, and other well-known Loreen songs :)
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:46 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Euphoria really was a crackin' song.
posted by sektah at 2:47 PM on May 14, 2016

How did that pass health & safety risk assessments? Thon's a cracked skull waiting to happen.
posted by billiebee at 2:47 PM on May 14, 2016

Omg one of these hoverboards is going to catch on fire isn't it
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:47 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm really enjoying the in-between sketches; could we hire their writers for the Oscars?
posted by CatastropheWaitress at 2:48 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think I JUST got this earworm out of my head a while ago, damn you Eurovision.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:50 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

That was such a non song. Guess showmanship trumps a lot.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:50 PM on May 14, 2016

umm, and other well-known Loreen songs :)

Exactly.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:50 PM on May 14, 2016

@Bella Donna: it's grown on me. It's a pretty decent song.
posted by gkhan at 2:51 PM on May 14, 2016

Euphoria was great, I loved it.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:53 PM on May 14, 2016

A dog is voting from Iceland!
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:53 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I've been watching this for 30 years and the voting delays never get any less cringetastic.
posted by billiebee at 2:55 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Wow, they're really cut down on the process. The country representatives are only giving 12 points, and are trying to stay on screen as long as possible :)
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:55 PM on May 14, 2016

And that gal from the Czech Republic looks like a Stepford judge.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:55 PM on May 14, 2016

Georgia is dragging it out for all she's worth
posted by romakimmy at 2:56 PM on May 14, 2016

YOUR TWELVE POINTS! GIVE THEM TO ME!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:57 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Just gonna say that I was into the San Marino rap scene way before any of you.
posted by garius at 2:57 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Cringetastic is right. They give 12 points each and then go back for 10, etc. Is that correct? I'm beginning to wish I had a tobacco habit or something. SO TEDIOUS!
posted by Bella Donna at 2:57 PM on May 14, 2016

Junior Eurovision has got to be a form of child abuse. Seriously.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:58 PM on May 14, 2016

I gotta say I thought Spain would be way higher thus far in the voting.
posted by romakimmy at 2:59 PM on May 14, 2016

Cringetastic is right. They give 12 points each and then go back for 10, etc. Is that correct?

Not this year - they're just sticking everything else straight up on the board, thank God.
posted by garius at 2:59 PM on May 14, 2016

Spain votes for Armenia? What the hell are they on?
posted by Bella Donna at 3:00 PM on May 14, 2016

Bella Donna all the points are on the screen so they just give their top marks live, but then I don't know how they get the public vote.
posted by billiebee at 3:00 PM on May 14, 2016

Yes, it's sad to see people making this into a politics contest.
posted by Ender's Friend at 3:00 PM on May 14, 2016

Thanks, garius. That is a huge improvement.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:00 PM on May 14, 2016

OUR FIRST 12 POINTS IN SEVEN YEARS.
posted by garius at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2016

Not gonna lie, pretty fun to see so many Eastern European countries give their points to Team "Fuck You Russia."


Remember that this is the jury scores, not the viewer scores.
posted by gkhan at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2016

FRANCE GAVE US 12 POINTS?!
posted by romakimmy at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2016

GN: is she an Uber driver?
posted by billiebee at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2016

Australia winning would be the only way the UK gets to host this, right?
posted by garius at 3:02 PM on May 14, 2016

Omg I need more drink to get through this.
posted by Ender's Friend at 3:03 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow, I'm loving Moldova's outfit.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:03 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Moldova, rockin' that style!
posted by sektah at 3:03 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Ok. I notice a Australian streak here.
posted by Rabarberofficer at 3:06 PM on May 14, 2016

The individual voters can totally change everything, of course.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:07 PM on May 14, 2016

Maybe France mistook our entry as Carla Bruni's baby sister.
posted by romakimmy at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

"If I win it means Europe are also saying fuck you Russia. And the weather has been great."
posted by billiebee at 3:08 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I hope Australia wins, that would be really funny!!
posted by Pendragon at 3:09 PM on May 14, 2016

If Ukraine win this Russia is totally cutting off their gas again.
posted by garius at 3:09 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

I don't know who Barbara is but I'm loving her!
posted by billiebee at 3:10 PM on May 14, 2016

Whilst I'm happy to have a bit of patriotism and see Australia do so well, I'm very pleased that Ukraine is getting recognition for a difficult, decidedly-not-Eurovision song. Popular voting may change that, but pleasing to see all the same.
posted by sektah at 3:11 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

If Ukraine wins, they will be lucky if Russia only cuts off their gas.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yay Lin Chin!!!!
posted by billiebee at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Not really, but Russia, OMG.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2016

Yay Lin Chin!!!!
posted by Pendragon at 3:13 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yay Richard Osmond!!!
posted by billiebee at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2016

Norway gave us 12 points and Australia has a crazy necklace
posted by romakimmy at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2016

Lee Lin Chin for leader of the planet. SHE IS SO GREAT
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Bow ties are in this year.
posted by Pendragon at 3:14 PM on May 14, 2016

No points for Sweden from Norway. THAT'S IT, WE'RE KICKING YOU OUT OF SCANDINAVIA!
posted by gkhan at 3:15 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's okay, we'll always have our stupid neighbour jokes. OK, I'm going to do some stretches in front of the TV so this doesn't kill me.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:18 PM on May 14, 2016

OMFG Ukraine
posted by romakimmy at 3:19 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

Ukraine FTW
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 3:20 PM on May 14, 2016

I missed the presenter's name but she has totally won me over.
posted by billiebee at 3:20 PM on May 14, 2016

And that's why you watch Eurovision.
posted by Pendragon at 3:21 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

billiebee: Petra Mede. And yes, she's awesome.
posted by gkhan at 3:22 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Not bad Swedish from Montenegro
posted by mbrubeck at 3:24 PM on May 14, 2016

Yup, Petra's the greatest.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:24 PM on May 14, 2016

Petra Mede is great.
posted by Pendragon at 3:25 PM on May 14, 2016

A lemonade with her crew. I hope she wins.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:26 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

No nul points this year.
posted by billiebee at 3:27 PM on May 14, 2016

Poor Germany. Just one sad little vote.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:28 PM on May 14, 2016

This is harsh.
posted by billiebee at 3:28 PM on May 14, 2016

Mind you, I have no memory of Germany's entry. At all.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:28 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This IS harsh!!
posted by Pendragon at 3:29 PM on May 14, 2016

Germany was Blueberry Bjork
posted by romakimmy at 3:29 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

I have my fingers cross that Russia WILL NOT win.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:30 PM on May 14, 2016

Mostly because it was totally a retread from Sweden plus horrible national policies re: non-cis heterosexuals. Um, among other issues.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:31 PM on May 14, 2016

Happy My Little Pony Princess. She is adorable in her way.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:32 PM on May 14, 2016

Enjoy being number 2, Sverige. It won't last.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:33 PM on May 14, 2016

Right? I'm waiting to see how big poland's come from behind is
posted by romakimmy at 3:34 PM on May 14, 2016

Russia's totally going to win, dammit!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:35 PM on May 14, 2016

Weird Al got top 3?????
posted by billiebee at 3:35 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

And Australia will lose, even worse!!!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:35 PM on May 14, 2016

Ooooh
posted by billiebee at 3:36 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow
posted by billiebee at 3:37 PM on May 14, 2016

YES!! Go Ukraine!
posted by romakimmy at 3:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Russia loses, yay!!!!!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:38 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

Congrats Ukraine!
posted by gkhan at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Weird Al ended up #4, right? Does the winner still go up and sing the winning song at the end?
posted by Bella Donna at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2016

Well done Ukraine!
posted by sektah at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2016

Shame for Australia, it was the better song, but congrats to Ukraine.
posted by Pendragon at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Poor Australia but the new voting system definitely worked. Can't remember tension like that before. Not a fan of the Ukraine song but interesting that they beat Russia while Russia was the most popular with the public.
posted by billiebee at 3:39 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Wow.
posted by Rabarberofficer at 3:40 PM on May 14, 2016

The answer appears to be yes. Perhaps I'll like it more this time. If only there were rhinestones....
posted by Bella Donna at 3:40 PM on May 14, 2016

Suck it Russia!
posted by romakimmy at 3:40 PM on May 14, 2016

That's one ugly trophy. Or is it just me?
posted by Bella Donna at 3:41 PM on May 14, 2016

"What do you want to say?"
"Fuck Russia."
posted by billiebee at 3:41 PM on May 14, 2016 [3 favorites]

That was really tense and fun. Was still pulling for Australia, though.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 3:41 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Me, too, but if it couldn't be Australia, a fuck you to Russia is well worthwhile.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:43 PM on May 14, 2016 [2 favorites]

UKRAINE!
posted by capricorn at 3:43 PM on May 14, 2016

Hey everybody, I'm signing off after the winner's song is over. Thanks so much for making this one of the most fun Eurovision contests ever!
posted by Bella Donna at 3:45 PM on May 14, 2016 [5 favorites]

(I still think people were actually voting for the tree of light.)
posted by Bella Donna at 3:45 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

This would have been so much more fun if we took the politics out of this. Just songs and performers and crazy stage antics.
posted by Ender's Friend at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Well that was fun! Thanks people, see you next year. *picks glitter out of hair for a week*
posted by billiebee at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2016

I'm liking the victory lap performance more than what won...
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2016

It is waaaaay past my bedtime, was lovely snarking with you. See y'all next year. *airkisses*
posted by romakimmy at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2016

Cheerio guys!
posted by Rabarberofficer at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2016

I just realized I'm wearing this shirt. Looks kinda like the trophy.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:49 PM on May 14, 2016

Wow. Just... Wow.
posted by garius at 3:52 PM on May 14, 2016

Oh yes, and thanks for posting this zebra :)
posted by billiebee at 3:59 PM on May 14, 2016

This would have been so much more fun if we took the politics out of this.

Eurovision without politics is like professional wrestling without kayfabe.
posted by Pendragon at 4:20 PM on May 14, 2016

Thanks also, zebra. Sorry; I feel somewhat guilty for not participating here tonight, but my tech set up is old (slow) and problematic, and found I could only do twitter while keeping up with the competition (and that, barely, at times). It's the one thing that for me perfectly suits twitter, whereas just about every other mass population event is better suited to MetaFilter.

Now catching up on this thread; glad there are hundreds of comments in it. Hopefully next year I'll have a new MacBook, instead of a7+ year old one, and will be able to do both media.
posted by Wordshore at 4:25 PM on May 14, 2016

It's fun reading everyone's reactions now. I wasn't here during the show because for the first time I gave a little viewing party! My friends had vaguely heard of Eurovision before but had never seen the whole thing go down. They were FLOORED! They loved it!

We ended up watching the Logo TV regular broadcast stream - the standard def of that disappoints me greatly (especially now, going back and sampling some of the real video clips) - but in the end it was just the most reliable way to get a decent quality connection. I had hooked a laptop with a VPN up to my TV, and it was working to get the YouTube version that was (stupidly) blocked to the US, but only really, really choppy, lots of stalling out. We REALLY hope Logo can keep showing it in the future but DAMN I wish they could do it in HD.

We were all enamored with Mans, and the cute boys from countries that start with "L." (Latvia and Lithuania. I get them confused because their songs were similar, they look similar, and both wore leather jackets.)

Also, one of my friends found this Twitter feed, Kit Lovelace, who amazingly breaks songs down by beats per minute, keys, key changes, language, and subject. She's like some kind of Nate Silver of Eurovision:

"Singing about love/hearts is BULLSHIT" (graphic points out body parts mentioned by previous winners)

"RUSSIA DIDN'T WIN BECAUSE THEIR SONG WAS IN 128BPM. I SAID IT ALL ALONG." (graphic depicting the BPMs of previous winning songs)

One of my newbie friends actually sort of called the winner. He got really into the Ukraine song and started rooting for it to win. Personally I was pretty much in the "anyone but Russia" camp.

It took us a while to figure out the results announcements. I'm so used to the old way. I liked it, really - that last bit of tension where we knew Russia had the highest televotes but would it be enough to take first. And the fact that they didn't get overall first I think proves this method is pretty cool because it really does hide the winner until the very end. Although - JEEZ, the long pauses between announcing the televoting placements were PAINFUL. Either don't stretch so much, or give the announcers something to banter about to fill the time.
posted by dnash at 8:12 PM on May 14, 2016 [4 favorites]

Like others, I was over on twitter tweeting my heart out but it's great to catch up with this thread.

Excellent analysis of how the top 3 won/lost ESC.
posted by kariebookish at 4:45 AM on May 15, 2016 [1 favorite]

During the show I though Poland was the most skewed between jury and televotes. But it was just the most obvious. Looking at the final numbers Russia had the biggest difference with 231 (130 jury votes and 361 televotes).

I didn't see this comparison anywhere else so I put it up on google docs if you're curious.
posted by zinon at 6:07 AM on May 15, 2016