Live Stream: Grand Final (2017 Eurovision Song Contest)
May 12, 2017 1:52 PM - Subscribe

The 2017 Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final begins Saturday! May 13th! at 2100 CEST / 3:00pm Eastern! with results announced usually between 6-630pm Eastern! Can you tell I am excite! Most of the world can watch via the main Eurovision YouTube channel. Fans located in the US can tune their TVs to LOGO or computing devices to LogoTV.com, where the show will be co-hosted by Ross Mathews and Michelle Visage of "Rupaul's Drag Race" fame. Other options for following the action include accessing the main Eurovision stream on YouTube using a VPN, or using the delightfully Swedish feed from SVT (co-hosted, although probably in Swedish, by 2015 winner Måns Zelmerlöw).

After dominating the charts for several months, Italy has recently given way to Portugal as the oddsmakers' favorite, with wunderkind Bulgaria close behind in third. Belgium, Sweden, the UK (!), Romania (!!), Croatia (!!!), France (!!!!), and Armenia round out the top ten. Hang onto your hats, folks -- this could be another exciting, down-to-the-wire finish.

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Running Order
=============
1) Israel
2) Poland
3) Belarus
4) Austria
5) Armenia
6) Netherlands
7) Moldova
8) Hungary
9) Italy
10) Denmark
11) Portugal
12) Azerbaijan
13) Croatia
14) Australia
15) Greece
16) Spain
17) Norway
18) United Kingdom
19) Cyprus
20) Romania
21) Germany
22) Ukraine
23) Belgium
24) Sweden
25) Bulgaria
26) France

==============
Entry Previews
==============
• Official Music Videos, All
• Exclusive Rehearsal Footage (includes broadcast camera angles)
• Dress Rehearsals, Grand Final (recorded from the audience during jury performances, does not include broadcast camera angles)

==========
Previously
==========
• There's always Eurovision
• Eurovision 2017: harmony, unity, diversity, international conflict
• The crisis with Russia deepens
• Semifinal 1 live performances (not available in the US, Canada, or Brazil)
• Semifinal 1 FanFare thread
• Semifinal 2 live performances (not available in the US, Canada, or Brazil)
• Semifinal 2 FanFare thread
--
posted by zebra (577 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Today's a busy day! I have to bake a batch of Elvis Cupcakes (no connection to Songfestival, it's just the recipe people decided we wanted) and ready the snacks, stash approximately one thousand drinks in the fridge, and do the laundry so that I can successfully masquerade as a functioning adult by the time people start arriving at my house for the event. If I play my cards right I can sit on the sofa and fold laundry while Tuesday's/Thursday's semifinals play in the background to get me warmed up, and hastily throw it in the bedroom before the doorbell rings.

Who's got good memes to share with the group? For example, I present....
posted by sldownard at 12:35 AM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I've had the Portuguese song stuck in my head today. I don't know if that bodes well for it or not, but what does bode well that Luisa and Salvador Sobral have been very prominent in the media here in the Nordic countries. The song and the story of the siblings behind it have caught the imagination of the Northern European media (and judging from my Facebook feed, the public).

I'll certainly vote for it tonight. It's not often that a Eurovision song can bear being mentioned in the company of classics like La Mer.
posted by Kattullus at 7:32 AM on May 13, 2017


VERY EXCITED.
posted by JanetLand at 7:36 AM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Italy has recently given way to Portugal as the oddsmakers' favorite

Hm. I dunno. I still prefer Italy, though I've seen it so consistently called the favorite for weeks that I can well imagine it may have "peaked too soon" and could suffer a sort of backlash vote.

Interesting that the two faves are not in English, though!
posted by dnash at 7:53 AM on May 13, 2017


I probably won't be posting as much because of watching on my laptop, but I hope everybody's favorites win! WHEEEEEEEEEE!
posted by JanetLand at 11:59 AM on May 13, 2017


Oh good we're going with the weird booths again. It's like a funkier version of Star Wars: Episode One
posted by garius at 12:04 PM on May 13, 2017


Swedish commentary: This years tagline is "celebrate diversity", and to celebrate diversity they have three white men presenting.
posted by bjrn at 12:09 PM on May 13, 2017


The Swedish commentators: "To 'Celebrate Diversity' they have selected three, young, male presenters" Yup...
posted by gemmy at 12:09 PM on May 13, 2017


Somewhere, in Kiev, a restaurant is short three waiters tonight.
posted by garius at 12:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Flag ceremony! This is Eurovisiolympics!

Apologies in advance if my (attempts at) witty remarks are delayed and/or missing. I'm hosting a party tonight and it's hilarious to me as the non-native-EBU-member-country-citizen I am responsible for explaining why Israel and Australia are in Eurovision, but here we are.

But, as the man says, Eurovision fans are the greatest in the world! Let the ultimate international musical prize be won! Use the app! Please!
posted by sldownard at 12:10 PM on May 13, 2017


Puff puff pant pant.... what did I miss?
posted by infini at 12:11 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Sequined tuxedos?
posted by infini at 12:11 PM on May 13, 2017


Just some intro bits. First song is starting now.
posted by bjrn at 12:13 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh good, I can ignore this
posted by infini at 12:13 PM on May 13, 2017


MOLDOVA My Frieeeeeeeendsssssss is My Mamma!
posted by infini at 12:14 PM on May 13, 2017


Israel: the International Male catalogue.
posted by sldownard at 12:15 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


My kid just told me this was on now. So happy! First number is definitely young white male heavy.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:15 PM on May 13, 2017


That's my attempt at laying bets at the start
posted by infini at 12:15 PM on May 13, 2017


Ooh, embarrassing. Someone forgot to tie up Israel's backup dancers' costumes before they went on stage.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:17 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I know I'll say this about everyone, but Poland needs more pyro.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Who's keeping score on the number of translucent skirts we'll see tonight?
posted by infini at 12:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Poland, I'm sorry, I tried to like you Tuesday but I was mostly worried about bodice integrity, and I remain so today. If I spend the entire song worried your boob is going to make a break for freedom, I cannot think about your song no matter how angry your violinist.
posted by sldownard at 12:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Poland sounds great, but who wrote those lyrics? "I know! We'll do all kinds of simplistic rhymes, it will be great!"
posted by gemmy at 12:19 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


infini, at my work, bringing it up means you volunteered. :)
posted by sldownard at 12:19 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Poland's okay, but it's no erotic butter churning.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:19 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Poland needs to set that woman on fire
posted by uandt at 12:20 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


sldownard, I'll do my best
posted by infini at 12:20 PM on May 13, 2017


mostly i'm flashing back to those uni fancy dress parties where you couldn't be fucked with it and went as a toilet roll mummy
posted by garius at 12:20 PM on May 13, 2017


w00t Belarussian hippy manic pixie couple chic
posted by infini at 12:20 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Closer to the wind machine. Good idea.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:21 PM on May 13, 2017


"Naviband" sounds like a failed wearable computing device.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:22 PM on May 13, 2017


Oooh. Hydrocopter. I hope you fall off and get eaten by alligators
posted by uandt at 12:22 PM on May 13, 2017


PYRO. That's all I want. Good for you, Belarus.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:23 PM on May 13, 2017


Belarus, of course, is the world's leading manufacturer of hover-frying-pans. Little known fact.
posted by garius at 12:23 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I like the stage setup of Belarus, but it's just a bit... I don't know, not a fan of the song. They look happy, though.
posted by gemmy at 12:23 PM on May 13, 2017


I want to like low-rent Of Monsters and Men, not least because the boat, but I just ... fail.
posted by sldownard at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017


Why aren't the hydrocopter propellers going?
posted by mbrubeck at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017


Not as happy as the drunks in the crowd.

Oh urgh Austria again
posted by infini at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ok. Here we go. From Vienna, I'm sorry.
posted by frimble at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Hey! I recognized 'Conchita Wurst' in Swedish!
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Belarus is my favorite so far, just because their song doesn't sound like it was churned out by Eurovision-song-writing software.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I finally got it to play on my TV. I feel so technologically savvy. (I should be packing for a two week vacation.)
posted by PearlRose at 12:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


This Austrian song sounds exactly like something else that was on the radio nonstop a couple of years ago.
posted by essexjan at 12:25 PM on May 13, 2017


Belarus had great energy too.
posted by mbrubeck at 12:26 PM on May 13, 2017


Looks more like a sequined moon to me, boyo, not air
posted by infini at 12:26 PM on May 13, 2017


Do the DreamWorks copyright people know about this?
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


The crescent moon-bench is still the best thing about Austria's set.
posted by PearlRose at 12:26 PM on May 13, 2017


This Austrian song sounds exactly like something else that was on the radio nonstop a couple of years ago.

Maroon Five have a lot to fucking answer for.
posted by garius at 12:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


That's the beauty of Eurovision, essexjan. Every single song (with some notable exceptions in some years) sounds exactly like some other song you've heard. It's recycled stuff, year after year.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:27 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


You have no idea. I just wait for Croatia, Hungary, and Moldova ... with a bit of Cyprus
posted by infini at 12:27 PM on May 13, 2017


This is not a good Eurovision year for me, what with having had a cold for the last couple of weeks and therefore no party as usual, and also Sweden did not see fit to send us Gunther.

But here we are, and Austria sent us the Little Prince or something. Let's do this.
posted by asperity at 12:27 PM on May 13, 2017


Austria: A bit bland and boring, but I like the backbeat of it. You can totally tell he was part of a boy band.
posted by gemmy at 12:28 PM on May 13, 2017


Maroon Five have a lot to fucking answer for.
posted by garius at 8:26 PM on May 13

That was it! Thanks garius.
posted by essexjan at 12:28 PM on May 13, 2017


I would not want to meet that Armenian babe in a dark alley. Not unless I had Xena on my team.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:28 PM on May 13, 2017


I hear rumors Moldova has gone back to the batshit end of the spectrum again this year.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Never mind. She was looking a lot fiercer in the intro.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:29 PM on May 13, 2017


Austria: you promise us Conchita, you deliver someone who may as well be advertising Downy Fabric Softener.
posted by sldownard at 12:29 PM on May 13, 2017


Armenian robot-vogueing!
posted by essexjan at 12:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Symmetrical mimes. Cool. Bigger invisible box.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017


Wait till her 6 hands appear behind her head...
posted by infini at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017


Mr. Bad Example, Moldova are who we should all aspire to be in our lives.
posted by sldownard at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Armenia's eye makeup is on point.
posted by PearlRose at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017


Wow, Armenia's hair is amazing!
posted by gemmy at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Is that background supposed to hypnotise the international audience into voting for her?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:30 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh, yeah. Pyrotechnics!
posted by bjrn at 12:31 PM on May 13, 2017


PYRO. Good. My needs are simple.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:31 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The song does not match the choreography, which I suspect was borrowed
posted by infini at 12:31 PM on May 13, 2017


We should be drinking every time flames shoot up. Only I don't drink at this hour.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:31 PM on May 13, 2017


Armenia is pretty cool they are not going to win but it would solidify them as a nation state
posted by uandt at 12:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Thanks to sldownard I will forever see aubergines
posted by infini at 12:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


OG3NE. I'm sorry, guys, but at least we did better than Douwe Bob this year.
posted by sldownard at 12:32 PM on May 13, 2017


Cry no more? It's hard not to when you have such a forgettable song, Nederland.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:33 PM on May 13, 2017


So this is the Dutch Wilson Phillips?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:33 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Holy shit, y'all. The Netherlands made whole dresses out of Fun Fur.
posted by asperity at 12:33 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


They can sing, and the story of the song (for their sick mom) is nice. But yea, forgettable.
posted by gemmy at 12:34 PM on May 13, 2017


LOL the lyrics masquerading as a set
posted by infini at 12:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


C'mon, Eurovision is nothing if not a celebration of as many English-language cliches as possible.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:34 PM on May 13, 2017


Gawd, this Dutch song is boring.
posted by essexjan at 12:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Netherlands is gonna be the closing theme to an American teen drama before the month is out.
posted by garius at 12:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Ooh, the classic Eurovision continuing to sing the same words as though they are even more important.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:35 PM on May 13, 2017


Could have used some pyro.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Oh, it's about their mom? That's kind of sweet. A shame that it's such a bland song.
posted by PearlRose at 12:36 PM on May 13, 2017


I have bellinis, guacamole, pico de gallo, and chips, let's do this!!! (I'm being international.)

My home country Poland came in with a James Bond song this year, which wasn't bad, but minus points for rhyming "fire", "higher", and "desire" in three consecutive lines.

Liking Belarus most so far, and untied Israel.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:36 PM on May 13, 2017


Let's meet somebody. Oh yeah, Maxmilian from Austria

::eyeroll emoji::
posted by infini at 12:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Could have used some pyro.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:35 PM

In the style of a triple witch-burning.
posted by essexjan at 12:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


COME ON EPIC SAX GUY
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


don't miss this - MOLDOVA!!!
posted by infini at 12:37 PM on May 13, 2017


Oooooooooh. My jam.
posted by PearlRose at 12:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


MOLDOVAAAAAAA!
posted by sldownard at 12:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


A Swedish announcer just talked about the "wonderful atmosphere" and I'm sure he's right. Eurovision fans are like the opposite of football hooligans. They're so sweet and enthusiastic.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Those tux jackets are so bad that I thought they were tuxedo t-shirts.
posted by essexjan at 12:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Moldova sent a fifties club band.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yay!
posted by uandt at 12:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yaaay, Moldova! There is too little saxophone in music today!
posted by gemmy at 12:38 PM on May 13, 2017


Ham it up, Epic Sax Guy.
posted by PearlRose at 12:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


THIS IS WHAT IM FUCKING TALKING ABOUT YAAAAAAAAAA
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ok. This is pretty great.
posted by bjrn at 12:39 PM on May 13, 2017


Moldova's song baffles me. Partly because I couldn't hear all the lyrics. Did I read Sunstroke Project correctly? Surely not?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:39 PM on May 13, 2017


So we were speculating, chez sldownard, earlier that the boringness of the acts this year may be due to the hijinks regarding the Ukrainian team quitting en masse, like, 2 months ago. What do you guys think, in all seriousness? It's just uniformly so ... no one climbing the walls or being spectacular.
posted by sldownard at 12:39 PM on May 13, 2017


I thought they were tuxedo t-shirts too!!!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:40 PM on May 13, 2017


Coming soon to a ten hour remix on youtube near you.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Convertible dresses! I want one.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yes, you did hear it correctly. They're Sunstroke Project.
posted by PearlRose at 12:40 PM on May 13, 2017


Bella Donna, no, that's the name of the band. They are back for their second Eurovision attempt, and they are awesome, and you should vote for them, because awesome. :)
posted by sldownard at 12:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


YEEEEEAAAAAAH MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRS
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:41 PM on May 13, 2017


Couldn't miss a minute of it.
posted by infini at 12:42 PM on May 13, 2017


I don't think those of us in the US get a vote. I loved the dancing and the attitude but not the song.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:42 PM on May 13, 2017


Or rather, not the lyrics. But they were pretty great.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:42 PM on May 13, 2017


Man bun. Disqualification.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:42 PM on May 13, 2017


Now Hungarian meatball. He's pretty ok
posted by uandt at 12:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


There's just no escaping the man bun these days.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Drink if your card says 'man-buns'!
posted by garius at 12:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Bit of a Chekhov's gun, er, milkcan for a moment there.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:43 PM on May 13, 2017


I'm happy we seem to be going back to singing in non-English, for one.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:43 PM on May 13, 2017


I kinda like this one from Hungary. It sounds heartfelt.
posted by PearlRose at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017


Hungary's entry is the absolute essence of Eurovision. An overwrought ballad in a minor key with lots of repetition, random dancer on stage, massively-brocaded quasi-military-ish outfit, a milk churn used as a musical instrument and a shit-ton of PYRO.

Oh dear God, he's rapping in Hungarian now ...
posted by essexjan at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


I am glad Hungary's song is here.
posted by infini at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017


Like that it doesn't sound anything like other contestants, and the message is pretty great. Can't see it winning, but Hungary is my #2 so far.
posted by gemmy at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017


You know what this needs? Pyro.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


That said, I love it when folks sing in their native language and not English. It usually damns their chances of winning but I think it's great.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Also flames. And a sudden rap verse. I love you, Eurovision.
posted by PearlRose at 12:44 PM on May 13, 2017


One of you told me the song about the plight of the Roma (Gypsies)
posted by infini at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017


Personally, I think ABBA is the essence of Eurovision but that's just me.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017


The lady violinist is great
posted by infini at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017


I'd expect much of the excitement to be coming from the entrants (and their teams). I would expect the host country to mainly provide the stage and some boundary rules. So I wouldn't expect the mass resigning to have that much impact.
posted by bjrn at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017


LOGO informed me Hungary's guy is the first Roma singer on Eurovision, only they used the g-word, which uh, I thought was a no-go. Anyway, I liked it! He won me over the most with the FIRE.
posted by yasaman at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Aha, the gorilla man
posted by infini at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017


Holy shit, there's a gorilla!
posted by essexjan at 12:45 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'm so fucking stoked for the monkey
posted by uandt at 12:46 PM on May 13, 2017


I just came in here to make sure that everyone here knows that on Finnish TV the commentator said: "Epic Sex Guy" before correcting himself.
posted by Kattullus at 12:46 PM on May 13, 2017 [9 favorites]


Nice stache, Italy. Cinq points for that.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:46 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


How did I miss a monkey? So bummed!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:47 PM on May 13, 2017


The waiter shortage in Kiev is getting worse.
posted by garius at 12:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


The gorilla is wearing a bow tie.
posted by essexjan at 12:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Thank you, Kattullus, this is essential information.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I don't think I like this one as much as some of the others. Sorry, Italy.
posted by PearlRose at 12:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh, right. This gorilla is great. Weird and great.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017


Ape, not monkey? Lyrics/concept seems gimmicky, but the song is catchy.
posted by gemmy at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017


Nice bow tie, though.
posted by PearlRose at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017


This is like an Italian lab tried to grow an Adam Sandler, but got a John Waters instead.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Voguing gorilla. Yes. Namaste back at you.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


But song is boring. Bye Italy
posted by uandt at 12:48 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I don't know what y'all are talking about. I didn't see any gorilla.
posted by asperity at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Did the Italian guy sing Namaste?
posted by Bella Donna at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017


Namaste, Allez! is going to be my new exclamation of excitement.
posted by gemmy at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


I probably should be too old to be charmed by a man dancing in a gorilla suit, but here we are.
posted by Kattullus at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yeah. Odd.
posted by PearlRose at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017


Lyrics/concept seems gimmicky
Welcome to Eurovision!
posted by Bella Donna at 12:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Italian dude and a gorilla namaste-ing each other on stage. Classing Eurovision.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:50 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ooh. This one will have 46 seconds of pyro!
posted by bjrn at 12:50 PM on May 13, 2017


Lovely earring girl returns! I wish she had a better song.
posted by PearlRose at 12:50 PM on May 13, 2017


Italy's video was so much better. I feel disappoint.

Much like how I feel about Denmark's secret Aussie.
posted by sldownard at 12:51 PM on May 13, 2017


None of them seem to have had enough energy, especially after epic sax guy. Now waiting for Croatia and Cyprus
posted by infini at 12:51 PM on May 13, 2017


Wind machine!
posted by essexjan at 12:51 PM on May 13, 2017


She's gorgeous, but this is the blandest of song-like extruded filler products.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:52 PM on May 13, 2017


Nothing is happening on stage apart from a singing lady. I feel cheated.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:52 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Umm, I'm not the only one who senses a fellatio thing there, right?
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:53 PM on May 13, 2017


Denmark: we know where you are! You're in Kyev with everyone else! Jeez!

...don't get me wrong, I'm totally giving you at least one vote for the fireworks though.
posted by sldownard at 12:53 PM on May 13, 2017


Even the 46 seconds of pyro was boring...
posted by gemmy at 12:53 PM on May 13, 2017


Nothing is happening on stage apart from a singing lady.

#eurovision2017 essentially
posted by infini at 12:54 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Okay, it's completely irrational, but Portugal looks like a guy I was in a couple of plays with who irritated the living shit out of me, so I won't be voting for him.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:54 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I have a feeling there won't be any pyro with the Portuguese entry.
posted by essexjan at 12:54 PM on May 13, 2017


I worry about Salvador. His poor heart. It's a lovely song, though.
posted by gemmy at 12:54 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Could they not get a suit jacket that fit?
posted by bjrn at 12:54 PM on May 13, 2017


um Kattullus good thing I can't read finnish because I haven't come across anything about these guys and can't understand the fandom
posted by infini at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2017


In the most Northern European of all comments, the Finnish commentator is worried that Salvador Sobral's performance will deviate from the rehearsal. Interpret away, Salvador!
posted by Kattullus at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


So, Denmark had just one person singing. Dull as ditchwater.

Portugal has just one person singing. Utterly captivating and charming.
posted by essexjan at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Just when Chuck Barris and his gong are no longer with us.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2017


I love the sound of sung Portuguese.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2017


I hate to miss anything but I gotta refill my mimosa.

Oh, an invisible violin.
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:56 PM on May 13, 2017


yasaman I had no idea it was a g-word. thanks for the update. I'm getting old.
posted by infini at 12:56 PM on May 13, 2017


I liked Portual's singer. He was sweet.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Nice song, but it ain't no eurovision song.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I am expecting a lot from a song called "Skeletons".
posted by essexjan at 12:58 PM on May 13, 2017


Great set, and there's a horse's head!
posted by infini at 12:58 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Is she on the toilet?
posted by essexjan at 12:59 PM on May 13, 2017


I feel like Azerbaijan is really, really disappointed I didn't do the homework.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:59 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Sweden is saying we are going to see a man in a horse's head standing on a step ladder but I can't tell if it's serious or not.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:59 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Wow, this is so different. When do the sequins and pyro come in?
posted by Ender's Friend at 12:59 PM on May 13, 2017


That's a real ladder, not a step ladder. Yikes!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:00 PM on May 13, 2017


wait azerbaijan is totally rad i love this actually
posted by capnsue at 1:00 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


When do the sequins and pyro come in?

I'm still waiting for the skeletons.
posted by essexjan at 1:00 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I like that Viva Glam matte shade she has going on... what is it? Vixen or Vamp or something?
posted by infini at 1:00 PM on May 13, 2017


I am down with this.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:01 PM on May 13, 2017


I like this. Azerbaijan bringing the weird and cool in!
posted by gemmy at 1:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


But why is there a man with a horse head on a ladder????
posted by yasaman at 1:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


infini: um Kattullus good thing I can't read finnish because I haven't come across anything about these guys and can't understand the fandom

Well, to me, Salvador Sobral and his song remind me of wandering into a bar and there's an unassuming guy on stage singing, and at first you don't pay attention, and sometime during the first beer you realize he's amazing. Certainly not an effect I associate with Eurovision.
posted by Kattullus at 1:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


If ever there was a place to bring out the Ray Harryhausen effects, it was a song called "Skeletons" at Eurovision. Wasted opportunity.
posted by essexjan at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2017


I AM LOVING THIS!! AZERBAIJAN IS KILLING IT

Also the horse turned out to be really handsome
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


hm.
posted by infini at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This must look terrible from the audience, but def looks perfectly fine on TV
posted by frimble at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2017


Now my friend from Croatia is awesome...
posted by infini at 1:02 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Is...is that a leather jacket tuxedo?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:03 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


That was the best Azerbaijan has provided since their very first year with Elnur and Samir.
posted by asperity at 1:03 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Young Luciano Pavarotti, missing a handkerchief
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:03 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Holy fucking shit, this Croatian guy is awesome! He has nine voices!
posted by essexjan at 1:03 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ooh, Croatia has got the Michael Jackson single-glove thing going.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:04 PM on May 13, 2017


I love how many different types of music there are this year. Opera style!
posted by gemmy at 1:04 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


He's like Jim Nabors when he sings AND talks!
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:04 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Croatia: fuckin' magnets, how do they work?
posted by asperity at 1:05 PM on May 13, 2017


That guy has one hell of a range.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:05 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I want a close up of his sneakers.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:05 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


So, is this a love duet with his alter egos?
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:05 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


YESSSS!!!
posted by essexjan at 1:05 PM on May 13, 2017


YES. CROATIA. I would fucking follow this man to the gates of hell and beyond.
posted by garius at 1:06 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Oh god, Australia wants to sell me hemp friendship bracelets, and a demo CD of his band comes with them.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:06 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


I love how he alternated between opera, and singing like Craig from Malcolm in the Middle.
posted by Kattullus at 1:06 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


oh my, now the three year old from teh lost continent
posted by infini at 1:06 PM on May 13, 2017


I think it's so weird that Australia is allowed to compete. I don't care that Australia is a huge fan of Eurovision, it's just wrong.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:07 PM on May 13, 2017


Swedish commentary: One of the two guys says he saw the Croatian singer at breakfast this morning and said "hi" in a high pitched voice to his left, and then "hi" in a low pitched voice to his right. The singer was not amused.
posted by bjrn at 1:07 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Croatia has judged the voting demograph perfectly.
posted by essexjan at 1:07 PM on May 13, 2017


Weird tonal shifts.
posted by PearlRose at 1:07 PM on May 13, 2017


I would follow this Australian anywhere and probably not because of his song.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:08 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


We're agitating for Japan and India next year. Imagine the Kabukiwood
posted by infini at 1:08 PM on May 13, 2017


A seventeen year old "been there too many times"? Hold on, Australia, what are you doing with your children?
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:08 PM on May 13, 2017


He's adorable. Also, I want a close up of his shoes, too. Why are there no shoe close ups? Speaking of wrong!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are we building up to pyro, at least?
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Australian dude's weirdly oversized shoes are really distracting. That I notice that probably means the song isn't working for me, which I can confirm.
posted by Kattullus at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


bad eyebrow makeup
posted by infini at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


I think it's so weird that Australia is allowed to compete. I don't care that Australia is a huge fan of Eurovision, it's just wrong.
posted by Bella Donna at 9:07 PM

As an Australian, I have to agree. And this song is so bland and shit, despite the pyro, that it's obvious they Just Don't Get It.
posted by essexjan at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


Australia participating is not how I remember Eurovision from my childhood... Doesn't help that this is a pretty blah song.
posted by gemmy at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


OH THANK GOD PYRO
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


I like the zoetrope effect.
posted by asperity at 1:09 PM on May 13, 2017


Australia's eyebrows are definitely on fleek.
posted by _Mona_ at 1:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Bless 'im

"Guys. Don't forget to follow me on Patreon"
posted by garius at 1:10 PM on May 13, 2017


Are we building up to pyro, at least?

Yes.

I agree with Bella Donna that we need more close ups on people's shoes. Shoes are my hobby.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Well, Australia was invited to start participating with the 60th anniversary. And the Australian guy absolutely wins for Best Eyebrows.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:11 PM on May 13, 2017


Also, I like that Australia is allowed to compete, because their continued success is such cognitive dissonance for the "geographic voting explains everything" crowd.
posted by Kattullus at 1:11 PM on May 13, 2017


WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW???!! RTE just cut off to commercials. I MUST NOT MISS ANYTHING, can you guys live blog the happenings on stage
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:11 PM on May 13, 2017


Timur is a spectacularly bad host. Which makes him the best in years.
posted by Kattullus at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


When I watch the Swedish lead up to Eurovision it's always fun to see the songwriters assembled because it seems as though most of the songs were written by a committee of 17 professional songwriters--and they usually sound that way, too.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2017


You're not missing anything. The presenters are just doing the rounds in the Imperial senate again.
posted by garius at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Fun Fact: bare feet is not uncommon.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


OH THANK GOODNESS WE'RE BACK
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:12 PM on May 13, 2017


It's one of the presenters in "the green room". The area with the pods the contestants are sitting in. Nothing important.
posted by bjrn at 1:13 PM on May 13, 2017


They are just sort of scream-talking in the green room. I liked the Swedish story about them giving bananas to the Italian group during one of the semis, which did... not go over well.
posted by gemmy at 1:13 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Next!
posted by essexjan at 1:13 PM on May 13, 2017


Transparent frock alert!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:14 PM on May 13, 2017


RTE commentators just said about the Greece entry "you might need sunglasses for when she smiles".
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:14 PM on May 13, 2017


Okay, semi-transparent.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:14 PM on May 13, 2017


You know what Greece could use? Pyro.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:14 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Just because it's faster doesn't mean it's any less bland, Greece.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:15 PM on May 13, 2017


Greece has gone for fake pyro. Mistake... bad, bad mistake.
posted by essexjan at 1:15 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Kiddie pool on stage. Makes sense given so much fire around. Easy to have accidents.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:15 PM on May 13, 2017


Water. Anti-pyro.
posted by bjrn at 1:15 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I <3 Isaiah (Australia) and I don't care who knows it. This is one of my favorite songs.
posted by AFABulous at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017


Yup, that's how I like my male Eurovision dancers, on their knees, barely clad, and splashing in water.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


Greece: your lipstick is winning me over, though I still think your song is dumb, and I still have concerns over your backup dancers wearing battery packs in kiddie pools. This is way better than Tuesday, so I'm glad you brought it.
posted by sldownard at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Boring lady singer alert.

thanks Bella Donna, that takes our count to 2 transparencies till now
posted by infini at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017


Just because you can add a techno beat to anything doesn't mean you should.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017


Greece: Out eurovision-ing Eurovision! Swans and a pond? Hahahah.
posted by gemmy at 1:16 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


oh my, tee hee
posted by infini at 1:18 PM on May 13, 2017


Spain: Hey, lets do an upbeat forgettable thing, like that Austrian guy.
posted by bjrn at 1:18 PM on May 13, 2017


THE VAN IS A-ROCKIN
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:18 PM on May 13, 2017


This sounds like the whitest, most Spanish reggae I've ever heard.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [5 favorites]


Oh dear, this Spanish Peter Frampton guy is trying hard, but what an awful song.
posted by essexjan at 1:19 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I agree with the Swedish commentators. If you are going to have a rocking van in the background, at least make it synced up to the music! Catchy, tho.
posted by gemmy at 1:19 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh my god. Spain.
posted by PearlRose at 1:19 PM on May 13, 2017


First really spectacularly bum note of the night.
posted by essexjan at 1:20 PM on May 13, 2017


IMAGINARY SURFBOARDS
posted by asperity at 1:20 PM on May 13, 2017


do it!
posted by infini at 1:20 PM on May 13, 2017


Ugh. Getting worse as it goes along, though.
posted by gemmy at 1:20 PM on May 13, 2017


That was off-key. Ow. My ear!
posted by PearlRose at 1:21 PM on May 13, 2017


Nike sponsorship?
posted by infini at 1:21 PM on May 13, 2017


I don't even know what to say. "Let's celebrate that Spain contributes to the diversity of Eurovision entries" is the best I can do here.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:21 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ladies: Remember, if you're being harassed by Spain you can ask the barman to call you a cab.
posted by garius at 1:21 PM on May 13, 2017 [8 favorites]


Somehow I feel that the ambassador of Spain in the US should issue an official apology to California.
posted by Kattullus at 1:22 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Norway looks like a hipster dental hygienist.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:22 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


50 Shades of Norway.
posted by essexjan at 1:22 PM on May 13, 2017


Is that a sequin mask? WTF Norway??
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:22 PM on May 13, 2017


As a Californian, I cosign that, Katullus.
posted by yasaman at 1:22 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oooh, the illuminati Norwegians
posted by infini at 1:23 PM on May 13, 2017


Is that a Dementor on drums back there?
posted by yasaman at 1:23 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


More different music! I like it, little brother!
posted by gemmy at 1:23 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh no, it's worse. It's a LED mask.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:24 PM on May 13, 2017


I like that mask. It's like a welder's party mask.
posted by bjrn at 1:24 PM on May 13, 2017


Norway has a great look. Too bad the song doesn't match.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:24 PM on May 13, 2017


No-Face found the Christmas lights again.
posted by PearlRose at 1:25 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


As an Icelander, I feel an irrational joy when Norway tries to send a cool song to Eurovision and fails completely. Dammit, I know it's stupid national-sibling rivalry, but being musically cooler than them is the only thing we have left.
posted by Kattullus at 1:25 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Definitely an earworm.
posted by infini at 1:25 PM on May 13, 2017


I love how classically terrible the presenters are.

Mans showed up!
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:26 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh dear. We're at the "comedy" segment.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:26 PM on May 13, 2017


I love Måns, though.
posted by gemmy at 1:28 PM on May 13, 2017


Ah, that was cute. Terrible, but cute.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:28 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


But I gotta say, watching Mans kick those clowns' asses was totally great.
posted by JanetLand at 1:29 PM on May 13, 2017


UK!!!

I saw Lucy Jones as Maureen in "Rent" a few months ago and she was absolutely brilliant. Bur I'm not sure this is a winning song.
posted by essexjan at 1:29 PM on May 13, 2017


Måns has really managed to milk his Eurovision win. Somehow he's become the go-to-previous-winner even though his song wasn't any good.
posted by Kattullus at 1:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


4 Måns, hov diwerze
posted by infini at 1:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Woof. I wanted to root for the UK, but this is like Natalie Dormer singing me a Hallmark card.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


He's handsome and looks great in a suit. And he's a decent presenter? Fame justified.
posted by yasaman at 1:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


You'd have thought that the UK could have found native English speakers to write their song.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


UK has FANTASTIC hair and a killer voice.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:30 PM on May 13, 2017


I can forgive the UK for the fake pyro because this is an awesome performance, and is sounding even better after two really bland songs.
posted by essexjan at 1:31 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Another great but boring female singer. What's up with that?
posted by gemmy at 1:31 PM on May 13, 2017


I actually met her once, randomly, at a press function. She's really nice. Shame she's gonna get nil-pointed due to brexit.
posted by garius at 1:31 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I take that back. Real Pyro has arrived.
posted by essexjan at 1:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Beautiful stage show, UK.
posted by gemmy at 1:33 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I was expecting the worst (generally a good attitude to take with UK's Eurovision entry) but that was pretty decent.
posted by Kattullus at 1:33 PM on May 13, 2017


UK has FANTASTIC hair and a killer voice.

Well suited for Andrew Lloyd Webber
posted by infini at 1:33 PM on May 13, 2017


Sack the choreographer, Cyprus.
posted by essexjan at 1:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh, the physics guy from Cyprus

I rather liked this eventually
posted by infini at 1:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


It's nice to see the Cyprus Ministry of Silly Walks can take a night off for the arts.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


TRON reference. Nice.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Maybe Cyprus won't do well in Eurovision, but at least his song will be played in clubs all through the continent all summer...
posted by gemmy at 1:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Water sports or pyro, Cyprus. One or the other.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:36 PM on May 13, 2017


Cyprus's Gravity is one of my favorites musically. Goofy dancing though.
posted by mbrubeck at 1:36 PM on May 13, 2017


Sack the choreographer, Cyprus.

... and the costume designer.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:36 PM on May 13, 2017


The Cyprus dancers must have exceptional core strength.
posted by _Mona_ at 1:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Poor UK.

Cypress is Generic Pop Song by a Dude again. Kinda. Classic Eurovision choreography, though.
posted by PearlRose at 1:37 PM on May 13, 2017


TRON reference. Nice.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:35 PM

It would've been better sung by Tron Guy.
posted by essexjan at 1:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Romania comes in with a song entitled "Yodel it". I am expecting the best.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:37 PM on May 13, 2017


WORK THAT YODEL, ROMANIA.
posted by PearlRose at 1:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE YODEL SONG IT IS EVERYTHING
posted by Kattullus at 1:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Israeli fans seem to pop up everywhere all the time.
posted by infini at 1:38 PM on May 13, 2017


Holy crap this Yodelling song is better than I ever thought possible.
posted by tittergrrl at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Yodel!
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


This is so horrible it has to be seen to be believed.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


R&B with yodel.

This is the new Thing.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


Romania - yodelling, rapping, fuckboi haircut ... just terrible.
posted by essexjan at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


WHY ARE THERE CANNONS ON STAGE OMG
posted by Kattullus at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Best so far. I love you, yodelers.
posted by asperity at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


this song knows what its gimmick is
posted by mbrubeck at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


T-shirt cannons? OR PYRO?
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017


No. Romania. Nooooo. Yodel and rap? I like new music styles being introduced, but... omg. And the cannons are a bad touch in a country at war, despite the glitter...
posted by gemmy at 1:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is...so awful. But it's so Eurovision I'm enjoying it anyway. And oh my god there are cannons now???!!
posted by yasaman at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Now this is Eurovision. It is the most Eurovisiony thing.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Those cannons had better shoot out some glitter or something.
posted by bjrn at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017


OMG, and a cannon on stage. Because why not.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017


DOUBLETIME YODELING I CAN'T DEAL WOW
posted by Kattullus at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017


Fuck yes. Yodelrap. I've been saying for YEARS that the Yodelrap scene was about to get big.
posted by garius at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [8 favorites]


Yodelling and glitter cannons. A clear leader.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:40 PM on May 13, 2017


Wait. Did the cannons shoot out anything? Did I miss it?
posted by bjrn at 1:41 PM on May 13, 2017


YODEL CANNONS OF GREAT JUSTICE.
posted by PearlRose at 1:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


You wanted PYRO, I give you PYROOOOOOoooooOOOOOOO
posted by infini at 1:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I love how the lightshow designer for the yodel song just went: "Fuck it, I'll just mash all the buttons for a few seconds and call it a day."
posted by Kattullus at 1:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I can't tell if that German song is pretty good or if I'm just on a yodel high.
posted by Kattullus at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I will be unhappy if Romania wins with yodeling and not with Cezar, but... yodeling.
posted by asperity at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Germany, you are adorable and enthusiastic, but come back when you can yodel.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I like the rhythm of the German song.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2017


Bare feet. It IS a thing!
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Germany: Have we time-travelled back to 1985?
posted by essexjan at 1:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Germany. Well, maybe you won't beat us after all.

Seriously though, I am not down with this lying on the stage nonsense. You're on a stage. Show up to perform for the people who came to watch you on stage. Yes, there are those of us watching on teevee with the advantage of overhead cameras. SHOW UP FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CAME TO WATCH YOU ON STAGE.
posted by sldownard at 1:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


She goes barefoot because she's like 6 foot 4
posted by infini at 1:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Come on Germany. Give me pyro. You know you want to.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2017


Her skirt is not see-through, but her shirt is missing a back. Also barefeet.
posted by PearlRose at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2017


So how many entries have been barefoot so far? Is that the ever-living legacy of Loreen?
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Germany singer is pretty good on stage, despite being a total newcomer. The Swedes on TV ragged on her pretty hard beforehand, but I like it.
posted by gemmy at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This is totally my style of song--just fun and peppy. I kind of wish people were doing dumb dances to really raise it up to awesome, though.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:45 PM on May 13, 2017


The Austrian commentator complained that "they stole the Yodel from us". The Romanian entry is a beautiful hot mess and it had better get 11 from Austria out of sympathy.
posted by frimble at 1:45 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Eurovision Choir of the year????!!! MUST WATCH
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:45 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Germany is good. But yes, from the 80s
posted by infini at 1:46 PM on May 13, 2017


I know what the low countries are banking on... *cough*
posted by infini at 1:46 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


So how many entries have been barefoot so far? Is that the ever-living legacy of Loreen?
posted by Ender's Friend at 9:44 PM

I think Sandie Shaw started it in 1967.
posted by essexjan at 1:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I'd bet good money that nose-ring is a clip-on.
posted by essexjan at 1:48 PM on May 13, 2017


I'm sorry, Ukraine, but this is almost as bad as Spain.
posted by gemmy at 1:48 PM on May 13, 2017


I was dating the lead singer look alike investment banker in Chicago just over a decade ago. This is weird.
posted by infini at 1:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


WE BETTER GET PYRO IN THE FIRST METAL SONG OF THE NIGHT OR ELSE!
posted by essexjan at 1:49 PM on May 13, 2017


Is dude playing a left handed guitar upside down?
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:49 PM on May 13, 2017


Haha. The eyes!
posted by bjrn at 1:49 PM on May 13, 2017


But there is a giant head behind him that shoots lasers from its eyes. It kind of makes up for a lot of things.
posted by Ender's Friend at 1:49 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


The Finn is snorting at this attempt at metal
posted by infini at 1:50 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


gemmy: I'm sorry, Ukraine, but this is almost as bad as Spain.

I can't decide if it makes it better or worse that the Ukranian musicians seem to have both ambition and chops. Probably worse.
posted by Kattullus at 1:50 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This doesn't bode well. Belgium, a young woman singer and a song called 'City Lights'. Has all the trappings of Lose.
posted by essexjan at 1:51 PM on May 13, 2017


What did I ever see in him?
posted by infini at 1:51 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Belgium sent a really nice song. Weren't it for Salvador Sobral I'd be voting for them this year.
posted by Kattullus at 1:51 PM on May 13, 2017


Belgium's voice makes up for it
posted by infini at 1:51 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


All the trappings of Bland, you mean.
posted by PearlRose at 1:52 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Go on, vote for Brussels, I dare you ;p
posted by infini at 1:52 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This probably sounds good if it comes on the radio in the car driving at night. But as a live performance it's dreadful.
posted by essexjan at 1:53 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


She's not very expressive, is she? Raising your arms a few times doesn't really convey much emotion.
posted by bjrn at 1:53 PM on May 13, 2017


Danger zone!
posted by bjrn at 1:53 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Outside of the Eurovision context, I'd like this song. As a Eurovision song, eeehhh.
posted by yasaman at 1:54 PM on May 13, 2017


Needs black eyeliner.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:54 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Swedish presenters said that she looked like she was terrified in the early performances, and she looks like it.
Belgium was OK though.
posted by gemmy at 1:54 PM on May 13, 2017


I like the song, but her charisma is ...not there.
posted by PearlRose at 1:54 PM on May 13, 2017


Gee, could this song be about a danger zone? I can't quite tell.
posted by _Mona_ at 1:55 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The hosts sound like the characters on Family Guy who have been in America almost long enough to sound not-foreign.

"Those beers cost six dollars forty!"
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:55 PM on May 13, 2017


"Do you have a superpower, Alex?"
"Yes, I have the power to have the audience download the Eurovision app with my smile."

That is wonderfully terrible banter.
posted by Kattullus at 1:55 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Dirt bike viking. Let's see where this goes.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:55 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Kom igen, Robin!
posted by gemmy at 1:56 PM on May 13, 2017


Is that a hat pin in his lapel?
posted by _Mona_ at 1:56 PM on May 13, 2017


DO NOT LOOK AT HIS PLUM-COLOURED CROTCH.
posted by essexjan at 1:56 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Can't sing for shit, but lordy is he handsome.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:56 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I think we're teetering on the edge of peak Eurovision now. It's beginning to imitate it's own press and satirize it's worst self
posted by infini at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Charisma is not optional, singers!
posted by PearlRose at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017


TREADMILLS, YO
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017


He can get it.
posted by bjrn at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017


Robin sings "fricking" like a four year old who thinks it's a much ruder word than it really is.
posted by Kattullus at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017


EW sweden and their finger signals
posted by infini at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


You can't go on? Could Gunther sub for you?
posted by asperity at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017


OK Go called. They'll see you in court.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


They're wearing way too much for these lyrics.
posted by Margalo Epps at 1:57 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


sounds like an ok go song, looks like an ok go video
posted by mbrubeck at 1:58 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


You know as well as I do that you want pyro. Give it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:58 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


You can't go on? Feel free to not go on.
posted by yasaman at 1:58 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Looks like a Michael Jackson video.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:59 PM on May 13, 2017


I love Sweden's background dancers more than Sweden's singer. (That hair. *swoon*)
posted by PearlRose at 1:59 PM on May 13, 2017


My taste in men seems to widely diverge from y'all... I like a wee bit more cragginess
posted by infini at 1:59 PM on May 13, 2017


This is entertaining as hell. (Don't fall, guys!)
posted by _Mona_ at 1:59 PM on May 13, 2017


They're wearing way too much for these lyrics.

They're to sexy for their suits. So sexy it huits.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:00 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Bulgarian kid is already over-emoting.
posted by essexjan at 2:00 PM on May 13, 2017


It's weird to have heard the original of this, with "fucking" everywhere. I think I liked that version better...
posted by gemmy at 2:00 PM on May 13, 2017


Ah, another seventeen year old looking so cute and singing things way beyond his ken.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:00 PM on May 13, 2017


You're adorable, Bulgaria!
posted by gemmy at 2:00 PM on May 13, 2017


Though this little boy is absolutely adorable. Yes, if I was 35 years younger!
posted by infini at 2:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


He has a voice that you wouldn't expect to come out of that tiny frame.
posted by essexjan at 2:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Bulgaria is disappointingly non-batshit-crazy. Krassimir slew a dragon with his sword for nothing. For nothing!
posted by Kattullus at 2:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Re: backup dancers, I will say that I kind of wanted Armenia's backup dancers to tell me I've been a bad, bad boy.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Somewhere in Japan a harem anime series is missing its lead.
posted by garius at 2:02 PM on May 13, 2017 [7 favorites]


Now it's raining... electronically.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:02 PM on May 13, 2017


Too much screen time
posted by infini at 2:04 PM on May 13, 2017


Well, her dress is nice ...
posted by essexjan at 2:04 PM on May 13, 2017


Coming up: more yodeling!
posted by _Mona_ at 2:04 PM on May 13, 2017


I think France might have misjudged the demograph ...
posted by essexjan at 2:05 PM on May 13, 2017


My HS French isn't up to handling this.
posted by zengargoyle at 2:06 PM on May 13, 2017


That was pretty, but boring again....
posted by gemmy at 2:07 PM on May 13, 2017


How original. ::sigh::
posted by infini at 2:07 PM on May 13, 2017


Huh. Sorry for the false alarm. Michelle Visage said there would be yodeling! (I'm okay with her being wrong though.)
posted by _Mona_ at 2:08 PM on May 13, 2017


*joints creak after two hours sunk on the couch with heavy laptop on lap*
posted by infini at 2:08 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


That French song is pretty nice, and I like the touch of switching between French and English, but in that regard it's no L'amour à la française.
posted by Kattullus at 2:08 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I liked this better when Eugene Levy and John Candy did it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:09 PM on May 13, 2017


I love you, Verka!
posted by gemmy at 2:09 PM on May 13, 2017


I kinda liked the song, and the Death Star imagery was fun.
posted by asperity at 2:09 PM on May 13, 2017


France continues their baffling tradition of entering an act who is competing in a completely different contest.
posted by frimble at 2:09 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Voting: I would go yodelling, and then Epic Sax Guy Part 2.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I keep head bopping along to Moldova as it plays behind me while they're recapping the acts.
posted by PearlRose at 2:12 PM on May 13, 2017


My favorites are Armenia, Moldova, Azerbaijan, and Hungary.
posted by yasaman at 2:13 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Do the Australians get to vote as well?
posted by bjrn at 2:13 PM on May 13, 2017


Hungary, Azerbaijan, Romania, Croatia.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:13 PM on May 13, 2017


and UK in the power ballad category.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:14 PM on May 13, 2017


Moldavia, Romania, Cyprus, Sweden, Azerbaijan, Croatia
posted by gemmy at 2:15 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


With Ukraine and Spain taking the last places.
posted by gemmy at 2:15 PM on May 13, 2017


Just voted for Romania. Now where's my sticker?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:15 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


My girlfriend and I both voted for Portugal. Well, actually it was just me voting twice, but my girlfriend told me to vote for Portugal on her behalf. No, really.
posted by Kattullus at 2:15 PM on May 13, 2017


I really liked Belgium's song, personally, but it ain't eurovision.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:16 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Croatia, Romania, Azerbaijan, Moldova
posted by yuwtze at 2:16 PM on May 13, 2017


I might listen to Belgium's song on the train or something, but I don't like it as a Eurovision winner.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:17 PM on May 13, 2017


I thought Belgium's song was so poorly performed that I still have no idea if I like it or not.
posted by JanetLand at 2:17 PM on May 13, 2017


This is the weirdest production of Macbeth I've ever seen.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Capt. Renault: I really liked Belgium's song, personally, but it ain't eurovision.

True, then again about half of the winning songs aren't Eurovision when they win, but two or three years worth of copycats retcons them into Eurovision.
posted by Kattullus at 2:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Croatia and Portugal.
posted by essexjan at 2:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


I rewound to watch the Swedish song like 5 times bc it ruled, but now i am way behind real time. Why does the french woman look like a snapchat filter?
posted by capnsue at 2:18 PM on May 13, 2017


And much as I like Moldova's song, I thought it had more energy and, I don't know, more BOOM, in the semifinal.
posted by JanetLand at 2:19 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


The Matrix twins are behind Ruslana! Run!
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:20 PM on May 13, 2017


As usual you are all WRONG. Sweden had the best song by far!

Capnsue and all right thinking Mefites agree.
posted by josher71 at 2:22 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Good lord, does Greece ever have a winsome smile.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:24 PM on May 13, 2017


MOLDOVA, hungary, croatia, cyprus, and germany/belgium
posted by infini at 2:24 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Norway!
posted by infini at 2:24 PM on May 13, 2017


The more they replay Belgium in the recaps, the more I like it, though.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:25 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


sweden, azerbaijan, croatia, germany, moldova
posted by capnsue at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Croatian crew also lit
posted by josher71 at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


uh oh
posted by infini at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Without checking teh wiki -- is Zamfir still alive?
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Stormtrooper on drums in the intermission.
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:26 PM on May 13, 2017


Belgium zzzzz
posted by josher71 at 2:27 PM on May 13, 2017


Does anybody know if there are seats in the arena, or if one goes, does one have to stand the whole time?
posted by JanetLand at 2:27 PM on May 13, 2017


Guys, I am so into the drummer I can't even tell you.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:27 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


(Mrs. Example: "You mean Rihanna the Stormtrooper?")
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:28 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Little in love with the German lady.
posted by josher71 at 2:28 PM on May 13, 2017


There's a nice FPP on the blue on space age costume trends
posted by infini at 2:28 PM on May 13, 2017


Usually the original songs they play during commercial breaks while people are voting are at best comically terrible (at worst just terrible) but I like this weird ethnotechno fronted by women in Star Wars stormtroopers pajamas.
posted by Kattullus at 2:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Whatever the hell this interval act is, I am INTO IT.
posted by yasaman at 2:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Go Croatia go! (Also, I'd like all the power ballads 1000x better if he were the one singing them. In as many voices as he chooses.)
posted by mixedmetaphors at 2:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


When I was at the 2015 Eurovision, they had standing room on the floor and then seats higher up. The seats were, IIRC, significantly cheaper.
posted by frimble at 2:30 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Whatever the hell this interval act is, I am INTO IT.

Louder! LOUDURRRRRRR!!!
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:31 PM on May 13, 2017


ZAMFIR JUNIOR ON THE PANFLUTE STORMTROOPER JOINS IN ON RECORDER THIS IS THE BEST
posted by Kattullus at 2:31 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I wish I were 30 years younger
posted by infini at 2:32 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh god, stormtroopers are like Laurie Anderson concert from another dimension.
posted by zengargoyle at 2:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


This song is a lesson in lesser-known instruments.
posted by _Mona_ at 2:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


That was amazing. Best interlude act I've seen in ages.
posted by gemmy at 2:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


I love it when the host says "Eurowision".
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This interlude act is none more Eurovision.
posted by needled at 2:34 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


More oomph that others double her age
posted by infini at 2:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


This little girl is more authentic than anyone else onstage so far. She'll learn.
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Tiny Georgian girl is embarrassing the actual hosts with her professionalism and competence.
posted by Kattullus at 2:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Unanimous winner of the metafilter award
posted by infini at 2:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


can we just agree that Spain is the worst?
posted by capnsue at 2:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Late to this party, but I've been Tweeting about it. My favorites: Romania, Sweden, Moldova, Belarus, and Greece. I'm liking Belgium and Cyprus more as I hear them on the recaps.
posted by SisterHavana at 2:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


So who's looking likely? I am hoping for Romania. I need their bright cheeriness in my heart.
posted by asperity at 2:42 PM on May 13, 2017


OMG, Aussie guy mooning Europe!
posted by essexjan at 2:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Oh man, my appreciation for Jamala increased considerably by how she kept her poise when the mooner jumped on stage.
posted by Kattullus at 2:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


WOW that was unexpected butt, and also Jamala is a pro for not missing a beat when that guy mooned the crowd and was tackled in front of her.
posted by asperity at 2:42 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


did I just see that? she's a professional ;p
posted by infini at 2:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


The Belgian song is actually pretty good but the performance was just so.....boring......like, has no on in Belgium seen Eurovision before? Don't they know how this works?
posted by capnsue at 2:43 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


...has no on in Belgium seen Eurovision before? Don't they know how this works?
posted by capnsue at 10:43 PM on May 13 [+] [!]

Yes. Yes, they do. You have been to Belgium, right? That was Belgium going full-on Eurovision.
posted by essexjan at 2:45 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Only tuned in late to the party, but Romania (yodeling), Germany (bare feet), and Belgium (that was Goth minus the makeup). On the snippets, the guy from Spain was oddly hot.
posted by zengargoyle at 2:45 PM on May 13, 2017


Damn it, I was in the kitchen getting drinks and missed the flasher.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:46 PM on May 13, 2017


Oooh, don't say "Grand Wizard", host guy.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:47 PM on May 13, 2017


I totally took terrible notes tonight, but I ... I hope Belgium wins! You were so good, girl! I <3'd you. Wat spannend, ik ben zo er trots. Goed gedaan!
posted by sldownard at 2:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


How do they ensure you can't vote for your own country?
posted by infini at 2:48 PM on May 13, 2017


San Marino only gave Italy three points... did not see that coming.
posted by Kattullus at 2:50 PM on May 13, 2017


I know in the UK that calls for UK entries just don't get connected. I'm sure there's some sort of geo-locked routing mechanism in the phone switches.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:50 PM on May 13, 2017


Or, wait. I didn't try this year. They may go through, but then get rejected. In any event, they can tell where your call originates from and refuse to record the vote.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:51 PM on May 13, 2017


I don't understand it. Why Portugal?
posted by Ender's Friend at 2:51 PM on May 13, 2017


I am at the hot chocolate drink stage of the night
posted by infini at 2:52 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Are these just the jury votes? Are they going to repeat the whole sequence for the phone-in results?
posted by rollick at 2:52 PM on May 13, 2017


oh mamma, I hope my friend from Portugal doesn't win
posted by infini at 2:52 PM on May 13, 2017


What did the gentleman from Israel say?
posted by _Mona_ at 2:53 PM on May 13, 2017


Yea, these are just the jury votes.
posted by gemmy at 2:53 PM on May 13, 2017


WHOA. I mean what did he say before dropping the info about the station going off the air for good?
posted by _Mona_ at 2:54 PM on May 13, 2017


Portugal is running away with the jury votes so far - but we'll see if the phone votes totally upend things. (Remember last year Australia was the major favorite with the juries but Ukraine ended up winning thanks to the phone votes.)
posted by SisterHavana at 2:59 PM on May 13, 2017


The French points-announcer is wearing a more traditional Eurovision outfit than the French singer. Also, is well on her way through a bottle or two of wine.
posted by Kattullus at 3:00 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


norway and finland vote for sweden wtf
posted by infini at 3:00 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


"Last year we did it the Greek way." Phrasing.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:01 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


infini: norway and finland vote for sweden wtf

colonialism is a hell of a drug
posted by Kattullus at 3:04 PM on May 13, 2017


Eurovision needs better networking, that satellite delay is bonkers.
posted by zengargoyle at 3:04 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


upto 5 mins
posted by infini at 3:05 PM on May 13, 2017


WHY IS EVERYONE VOTING FOR PORTUGAL I DON'T UNDERSTAND
posted by capnsue at 3:08 PM on May 13, 2017


WTF , Portugal? Was that the least controversial thing to vote for?
posted by zengargoyle at 3:10 PM on May 13, 2017


For anyone who missed it, here's a screenshot of the moon. (NSFW)
posted by essexjan at 3:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


I remember reading that they sequence the announcements to maximise drama, so unless Portugal is a total four-quadrant steamroller there might be surprises to come.
posted by rollick at 3:10 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANY MORE
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:10 PM on May 13, 2017


WHAT IS IT WITH THAT ?
posted by infini at 3:11 PM on May 13, 2017


Yep colonialism is a drug.
posted by infini at 3:11 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Portugal song is, as Graham Norton said, very La La Land, and so maybe it's picked up the vibe from the movie amongst the jury voters. And La La Land was a polarising movie, I loved it, as did about 50% of my friends, the other 50% of whom hated it. No-one was indifferent. Same thing here, I suspect.
posted by essexjan at 3:12 PM on May 13, 2017


The Icelandic producers wanted to create a cute moment by having the Icelandic contestant's father announcing points. The only problem was that the song that was chosen was total blandypants and didn't get past the semifinal.
posted by Kattullus at 3:12 PM on May 13, 2017


Portugal has a disgusting lead of about 100 points ...
posted by Faintdreams at 3:13 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


infini: norway and finland vote for sweden wtf

Hey, you're not allowed to vote for your own country. So various countries vote for their neighbours if they like them. Swedes will be voting for Norway and/or Finland and Denmark I imagine. Had to do errands so perhaps Swedes have already voted.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:13 PM on May 13, 2017


Who were the Norwegian twins?
posted by infini at 3:14 PM on May 13, 2017


Oh Ireland.... Why have you abandoned the UK? ::sob::
posted by Faintdreams at 3:15 PM on May 13, 2017


Drunk or stoned?
posted by infini at 3:16 PM on May 13, 2017


They appear to have let the Cyprus announcer wear the fake nose-glasses on the air?
posted by asperity at 3:17 PM on May 13, 2017


Are Logo.tv following Metafilter?
posted by zengargoyle at 3:17 PM on May 13, 2017


The two male hosts are really lechy towards all the female judges and really brusque with all the male judges..

AWKWARD.
posted by Faintdreams at 3:17 PM on May 13, 2017


Yeesh, these votes are all playing politics
posted by infini at 3:17 PM on May 13, 2017


WHY WHY WHY WHY PORTUGAL is there some behind-the-scenes political reason for this?
posted by capnsue at 3:17 PM on May 13, 2017


Spain has no friends.
posted by needled at 3:18 PM on May 13, 2017


infini: Drunk or stoned?

Depends if you meant the Georgian (drunk) or the Cypriot (stoned) points announcer. The Dutch one was just high on dog.
posted by Kattullus at 3:18 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Portugal has apparently hinted that they can afford to host next year and really want to.
posted by yasaman at 3:18 PM on May 13, 2017


Must be all that Chinese money pouring in for real estate driven visas
posted by infini at 3:20 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


georgia, katullus, I thought he was high as a kite rather than drunk
posted by infini at 3:20 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


The Finnish commentator got sooooooo excited when Katrina "and the Waaaaaves" showed up on screen.
posted by Kattullus at 3:21 PM on May 13, 2017


LOL UK
posted by infini at 3:22 PM on May 13, 2017


There are five people on each national jury, so all the points up to now are based on 210 people total.
posted by rollick at 3:25 PM on May 13, 2017


Timur and Jon Ola Sand are the ultimate awkward banter duo. They're like Adam West and Burt Ward, but instead of throwing cartoon punches, they throw uncomfortably long gaps in conversations.
posted by Kattullus at 3:26 PM on May 13, 2017


As the only fan of the Portuguese song in this thread, I think its pan-European appeal comes from it tapping into the old tradition of European popular song (think French chanson). It's especially effective when there are juries, which are mostly made up of pop-music professionals. The question is now whether another song can overtake the Portuguese song with the general voting public, which often diverges significantly from the juries.
posted by Kattullus at 3:27 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


It's important to remember that this is a song contest, not a performance contest - it's the songwriter who wins, not the performer. So the juries will be judging the song far more than the viewing audience, who are probably swayed more by the performance than the song.
posted by essexjan at 3:27 PM on May 13, 2017


Spain zero points
posted by infini at 3:28 PM on May 13, 2017


I'm hearing 3 separated speakers: The Swedes, the folks actually hosting and someone else. WTF? Anyone else having this problem?
posted by Bella Donna at 3:28 PM on May 13, 2017


Portugal has swept the competition.
posted by Faintdreams at 3:29 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Audience points change everything
posted by infini at 3:30 PM on May 13, 2017


Interesting to see the gap between jury and televote for Moldova -- will that be the biggest?
posted by rollick at 3:32 PM on May 13, 2017


I am contractually obligated to root for Sweden. Not that I was around to hear this year's entry. Just saying.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:32 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Bulgaria? I would love if it was Belgium
posted by Ender's Friend at 3:32 PM on May 13, 2017


come on moldova!
posted by infini at 3:33 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


So happy to see Moldova be so popular!
posted by gemmy at 3:33 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


PORTUGAL?

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [4 favorites]


Awww, Portugal! 48 years!
posted by gemmy at 3:35 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Oh wow! Portugal won both the jury vote and the popular vote! Hurray Amar pelos dois! Hurray Salvador and Luisa Sobral!
posted by Kattullus at 3:36 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Annnnnd the balladier with the topknot from Portugal has won!
posted by Faintdreams at 3:36 PM on May 13, 2017


meh
posted by infini at 3:36 PM on May 13, 2017


western europe hosts again!!
posted by infini at 3:36 PM on May 13, 2017


Ducky got 2nd!
posted by zengargoyle at 3:37 PM on May 13, 2017


A ponytail, not a top knot.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Absolutely delighted. What a lovely song, and all done WITHOUT PYRO!!
posted by essexjan at 3:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


That is not an attractive trophy, IMHO.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Ugh, but that song was so boring. Still, I'm glad the voting public recognized the greatness of Moldova.
posted by yasaman at 3:37 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Sorry if this is explained elsewhere - i've watched every year for like 5 years but i somehow never knew that there were juried votes separate from the audience votes - is there a way to see which votes were from the jury and which were from the audience?
posted by capnsue at 3:38 PM on May 13, 2017


I AM GOING TO GO START MY OWN YODELRAP BAND AND SET SHIT ON FIRE
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [6 favorites]


Oooh, and he is dissing Pyro in his winning speech!!
posted by essexjan at 3:38 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


Well, it was a good show. And Portugal will be hosting next year!
posted by Ender's Friend at 3:39 PM on May 13, 2017


"Music is not fireworks, music is feeling." Take that, pyro fans.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


capnsue, the first set of votes are from the juries, and the second set from the audience.
posted by essexjan at 3:39 PM on May 13, 2017


Parabéns Portugal!
posted by needled at 3:40 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


UNEXPECTED SIBLING DUO YOU GUYS WHY IS IT A BIT DUSTY IN HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN
posted by Kattullus at 3:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Aw duet with his sister so sweet
posted by gemmy at 3:41 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


(I am behind real time and just got to the part that explains it, sorry for my previous comment asking about the jury votes vs audience votes)
posted by capnsue at 3:42 PM on May 13, 2017


This was the first time I've watched live in a while. Thanks for watching with me!
posted by gemmy at 3:46 PM on May 13, 2017


Thanks everyone, it was really fun to watch with you all!
posted by Kattullus at 3:47 PM on May 13, 2017 [1 favorite]


May have to go back and watch what I missed. Not sure snippet replays picked best parts of Mr. Portugal.
posted by zengargoyle at 3:47 PM on May 13, 2017


Congrats, Portugal! A first win is a very nice thing, indeed.
posted by PearlRose at 3:50 PM on May 13, 2017 [2 favorites]


Smashing, thanks everyone.
posted by essexjan at 3:54 PM on May 13, 2017


The encore was really charming. Good song, happy they won (but I still loved the yodelrap.)
posted by asperity at 4:02 PM on May 13, 2017


Lovely finish.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 4:10 PM on May 13, 2017


I was having such a good time watching the voting that I quit peeking in here and then I went out to dinner. But anyway, I'm very pleased with the outcome (Hurrah for Portugal! -- that song makes me want to sit in some dark smoky bar drinking all night), and also glad that some acts that were robbed in the jury vote got some televoter love, in particular Hungary -- that song totally deserved top 10.

Can we do all this again tomorrow?
posted by JanetLand at 5:39 PM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]


Three months out from this years Eurovision Song Contest and another week of sequins, glitter and Fanfare fun. There's a post on the blue as we go through the early weeks of the various national qualifiers.
posted by Wordshore at 5:05 AM on February 9, 2018 [2 favorites]


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