Vikings: Full Moon
January 21, 2018 6:38 PM - Season 5, Episode 7 - Subscribe

Bjorn returns to Kattegat to learn that an attack will take place during the next full moon; Ivar must decide if he can place his trust in a former enemy on the battlefield.

* Ivar has a (n ominous) soliloquy

* Bjorn and Halfdan return to Kattegat unsure what to expect, Bjorn confesses to Halfdan that he no longer loves Torvi, Halfdan gives him permission to break up with her
* Kattegat welcomes the returning vikings, well, except the Sami whom Lagertha managed to convince to lend a hand
* King Svase presents his daughter Princess Snaefrid to Bjorn, Torvi's heart shatters as Bjorn lingers a little longer than is strictly necessary
* Lagertha: Tell me, Halfdan, what was the most amazing thing you saw on your travels?"
Halfdan: Nothing.
Lagertha: Nothing?
Halfdan: They call it the desert....
Lagertha: And what was the second most amazing thing you saw?
Halfdan: Everything.
* Halfdan tries to convince Lagertha of his loyalty to Bjorn, receives an endorsement from him
* Ubbe and Bjorn discuss their brothers, Magrethe's ambitions simmer with resentment, Lagertha's wondering if she needs to dig up her tongue-removing apparatus
* Bjorn gifts Guthrun Euphemius' dagger, tells a tale of how Halfdan and him ate Euphemius
* Svase is bored, Snaefrid and Bjorn eye bang
* Torvi tells Bjorn it's ok its over - knew for a long time, Bjorn promises to always take care of her and the children, gifts her foreign treasure
* Lagertha goes WTH?, Bjorn straight up just implies that he wants to bed Snaefrid, Lagertha brokers an encounter between them with Svase
* Ubbe finds Torvi, Torvi tries to regift the treasure to Magrethe through Ubbe, Ubbe sez no, starts kissing her
* Torvi flees, Magrethe witnessed the whole thing
* Ubbe's nipple harden in fight-or-flight as Magrethe confronts him about Torvi, but Magrethe simply drips poison in Ubbe's ear, "...and I would be queen. What an amazing outcome for a slave."
* Lagertha gets drunk with Bjorn, catch up, Lagertha unleashes her doubts, Bjorn tries to chear her up
* Bjorn: "I would like to marry your daughter.", "She is worth far more than you can ever give.", "I know. So I will give far more than I can ever afford.", "Very well. If she wants to."
* Snaefrid leaves, goes to another tent and they compare tattoos
* Snaefrid is an experienced kinky sade top, Bjorn's kinda into it, "I told my father I was going to marry you, the moment I saw you."
* Torvi has a (sad) soliloquy

* Floki's colonists continue to grumble on their way to their destination, Floki gives everyone the silent treatment
* On arrival, the colonists are bewildered at the disparity between Floki's description and what they survey in front of them, are pissed when a geyser erupts
* "This is the land of Loki and the giants. This is the land of evil."
* Aud figures it out - geothermal energy
* There's still a lot of doubt, but not Aud and Kettill who discover hot springs sex
* Floki promotes his version of socialism/communism, literally hippy dip overly optimistic commune-ism
* Eyvind accuses Floki of wanting to be King

* Heahmund and Ivar play chess, discuss the plot of the last few seasons, Ivar tries to win heart and mind
* They and Hvitserk have a college freshman late night/mood-altering-substance-enhanced dorm-room discussion on free will
* Astrid is hanging around the docks, has pregnancy induced emesis, Harald ecstatically assumes that its his
* Ivar, Hvitserk, Astrid, and Harald survey their assault squadron
* Heahmund has a soliloquy, tries to sell Ivar on Virgin Birth, Ivar puts Heahmund on a paddle stool pedestal

* Lagertha's gang strategize
* Bjorn shares his first hand analysis of Ivar's strategizing and tactics, and Ubbe offers his own assessment
* Lagertha and Bjorn await the invasion abathed in the light of the new full moon

* Alfred stuff, Christian stuff, Alfred stuffs the Christians - hard
* "Suggests" that mass be conducted in English from here on
* Alfred goes all in on believing Athelstan's watching him and caring, always
* Athelstan: hey, lets say some prayers together eh? that'll be fun!
posted by porpoise (1 comment total)
Snaefrid is an experienced kinky sade top, Bjorn's kinda into it,

I'm just here for the Viking-era FemDom BDSM pr0n.
posted by dnash at 5:11 AM on January 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

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