April 10, 2018 2:36 AM - by Patrick O'Brian - Subscribe
In this third book of the twenty book series, hands are maimed, vampires abjured, sloths debauched, the shit and blood of boobies drunk, albatrosses sighted, cables drawn taut to squirting, Dil's three wishes granted, loins admired, tigers overlapped, satisfaction demanded, mangosteens fetched, turtles discovered, logs run off the reel, wheels disintegrated and hearts literally exposed as Captain Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin take the Surprise to the far flung Indian Ocean ports of the disgusting British Empire.
‘Coat torn in five places – cutlash slash in the forearm which how can I ever darn that? Bullet ’ole all singed, never get the powder-marks out. Breeches all a-hoo, and all this nasty blood everywhere, like you’d been a-wallowing in a lay-stall, sir. What Miss would say, I don’t know, sir. God strike me blind. Epaulette ’acked, fair ’acked to pieces. (Jesus, what a life.)’