The Ultimatum: Queer Love: (Full Season)
June 5, 2023 8:34 PM - Season 1 (Full Season) - Subscribe

Netflix's The Ultimatum is back with a new iteration, The Ultimatum: Queer Love! Five couples participate in the show, and the cast of The Ultimatum: Queer Love is made up exclusively of women and nonbinary people. Each of them identifies as queer and finds themselves at a crossroads in their relationship. One partner is ready to settle down and get married, and the other (for a whole host of different reasons) has their doubts. The Ultimatum: Queer Love follows each unsure couple as they get brutally honest with one another, date other people in an attempt to figure out what they really want and potentially choose another partner altogether.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love will be (/has been) released in three batches: Episodes 1–4 premiere on May 24, Episodes 5–8 premiere on May 31 and Episodes 9 and 10 premiere on June 7.

Front page summary is from the link; for those unfamiliar, in The Ultimatum, one member of a couple has told the other that they need to get married or break up. The couples all come together and each person chooses someone from a different couple to participate in a three-week "trial marriage" with. Then they have a similar trial marriage with their original partner. Then at the end, each person chooses whether they (still) want to marry their original partner, break up ... or try to be with their first trial-marriage partner! It gets ... messy.
posted by solotoro (9 comments total)
I entirely posted this because it has maybe the greatest shade of all time (which I may be slightly paraphrasing). Yoly, speaking about Vanessa:

"Sometimes, when she talks, I almost feel sorry for her, because I know she's trying not to make herself sound bad, and that's a lot to juggle."
posted by solotoro at 8:36 PM on June 5, 2023 [2 favorites]

I am caught up through episode 8. Episodes 7 & 8 felt entirely unnecessary. I am curious to see how things turn out, though - as with the first season of the Ultimatum, I do not believe any of these people are actually ready for marriage with these people or anyone else. But it's still entertaining TV.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:57 AM on June 6, 2023

So much more entertaining than it has any right to be. I hope they do a million of these.
posted by prefpara at 9:17 AM on June 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

I don't usually watch dating shows. Or reality shows that don't involve cooking. But I watched this, and now I want more messy queer drama please and thank you.

I'm going to watch the rest of the episodes tonight and I am prepared for bad choices from all sides.
posted by daikaisho at 8:43 AM on June 7, 2023 [2 favorites]

...okay that last episode REALLY should have had 1. actual moderation, and 2. a content warning.
posted by daikaisho at 10:50 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]

So my wife has been watching this, which means I have watched bits and pieces. I saw one part where there was a discussion about splitting bills after moving in together and the childless one said they should pay 1/3, while the person they were engaged to should pay 2/3 because they also have a child.

I have to admit, at first I was like wtf? But then, never having been in this situation, maybe there is some negotiation warranted? And like at least it is being discussed beforehand?

I haven't been actively watching so am not sure of who the people are, what led up to this, or where it ended up going, but that moment for some reason grabbed me.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:47 AM on June 10, 2023

I saw one part where there was a discussion about splitting bills after moving in together and the childless one said they should pay 1/3, while the person they were engaged to should pay 2/3 because they also have a child.

I believe that was the couple at the reunion that was revealed to be broken up due to domestic violence.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:35 PM on June 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Finally saw the finale, and yes that was the same couple. And the intimate partner violence went otherwise almost entirely unacknowledged after it was revealed.

FWIW, I do think it's reasonable to ASK about splitting rent differently than just 50/50 for a case where one person has a child (and is therefore using more of the space) while the other is not acting as a caregiver to that child. And I say that as a parent. But I can also see how the request itself could be felt as a hurtful and unshared acceptance of the fact that the partner is not and will not act as a caregiver. And just to avoid doing the same as the show, I'll add explicitly that I don't think that hurt in any way justifies violence, and I hope both of them get counseling, especially the parent/perpetrator. Agreed with the comment above that the conversation could generally have benefited from better moderation, and that situation in particular needed it.

Other thoughts after the finale in no particular order: Mal remains far and away the best of the bunch. Vanessa remains ... not, though tbh many of the things she said (though definitely not all of them) in the last two episodes would have seemed really reasonable if the eight previous episodes hadn't entirely destroyed her credibility. The numbers certainly don't support that going on this show is a good way to heal a relationship, but I'm happy for those that are happy about the outcome either way. I'm glad that polyamory was finally more explicitly acknowledged, sad it was then immediately dismissed as a legitimate possibility.
posted by solotoro at 9:40 AM on June 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

wow. This was emotional!

I gotta admit, I did not expect to have so many changes of heart, or for it to feel so complex.

For instance, I started off firmly in team "Vanessa is evil!" But it took seeing how Xander interacted with her when they were back together to realize she was also incredibly vulnerable. Sure, she was a hot mess. And Xander definitely needed to get the f out of that relationship. But she wasn't the conniving calculating temptress the first few episodes set her up to be.

Where as Lexi... Wow. That was some serious emotional blackmail going on there. I mean, you drag your reluctant, shy, giving-off-PTSD-vibes girlfriend onto what is essentially a wife swapping show and make her feel like shit for being attracted to someone you yourself were attracted to a few days ago??

I kind of wish there was more analysis or commentary on these shows sometimes, to process what we just saw. It feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge that abusive occurs in queer couples, for instance, and that it doesn't always look like the stereotypes we expect.

Anyway, I feel like we all need the cross-over version of this show and Couples Therapy now, to process what we just saw and to talk about the couples who were able to navigate the issues successfully! Like dang, look at what Sam and Aussie were able to do!

I've never seen the heterosexual version of this show. But I'm wondering if what feels like drama or authenticity is partly a reflection of the fact that many of these participants have some very heavy trauma histories and we are just watching how trauma plays out in relationships. I felt so much empathy for Aussie and Sam, for Lexi and poor Tiff. It was educational, sure, but also so sad discovering that what initially seems like "drama" or someone being a dick actually comes from some very real and very painful trauma.

posted by EllaEm at 8:06 PM on June 23, 2023

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