Last Man on Earth: Screw the Moon
May 3, 2015 10:27 PM - Season 1, Episode 13 - Subscribe

There can no longer be two Phil Millers in Tuscon. Who's going to leave and how fatal might it be? Surprise, the ending's...actually pretty good, you guys.

So as Tandy and Todd hang on bars and watch Phil set up solar panels, Todd wonders if they are really serious about killing someone. Oh, sure, it's easy, Tandy says, we just drive him into the desert and leave him....OH WAIT, LIKE YOU DID ME?! Todd finally clues in and says, "I don't even know who you are any more, man," and walks out. Tandy yells that he never would have gone through with it , but also yells that he hates Phil loudly enough that Phil heard it. More on that later.

Tandy then goes through Carol's garbage to prove that she (a) had sex with Phil, (b) without insisting on marriage first, and (c) recreationally. All Tandy has ever wanted was casual sex! Well, too late for that with Carol, because that train's left the station. Choo choo!

Melissa is worried about Todd and goes to check on him. He's drinking and covered in something, but claims he's fine. She says "whew" and walks off.

Phil is packing up to get his own place after hearing that Tandy hates his guts. Is this about Carol? Of course not! But it should be, Phil says, because she's a real special lady (who he calls "Care Bear", incidentally). Tandy thinks "You're a real special lady" is a comeback. It isn't.

Tandy goes off to the bar with his balls and mopes. He doesn't know who this Carol is any more, being fun and abandoning her rules and looking good and being all radiant... OH SURE, NOW YOU LIKE HER NOW THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE HER. "I friggin' beefed it big time. God, I want her back."

Tandy comes over to Carol's with flowers and a bag of jewelry that he dumps out on the floor. But she doesn't care about stuff any more. He also wrote a song (or did he, since it's Tandy we're talking about), but she tells him to stop, and he only wants what he can't have. Phil comes over to show off, and Tandy picks up the jewelry and leaves.

At the campfire that night, Phil has a surprise for everyone! The solar panels have worked well enough to light up A lamp. Which Tandy promptly knocks over. He of course claims it's an accident (Tandy, you are the king of passive-aggressive), and Phil is all, "Tandy knocked over the lamp and Tandy's gonna pick it up." Even Todd won't back Tandy up. Todd also blabs that Tandy is going to kill Todd like he did to me. OMG! They all believe Todd, absolutely. Phil declares, "You're done here, Tandy. I think it's time for you to leave." This town's not big enough for two Phils. But Tucson's my home, Tandy pleads, it's where my parents are buried! Anyway, Tandy ends up running away and barricading himself in his house, saying he is Tucson and he's not going anywhere.

Three days later, Carol is teaching Phil ("Phil 2" in captioning, incidentally) how to knit and asking Phil to come up with another adorable nickname--so he goes with "Care Package." She's wondering how Tandy's doing with no food and what if he dies up there? Problem solved, says Phil. How can you say that, Carol says. She knocks on Tandy's door and while she can't see this, he's attempting to eat toilet paper and toothpaste and saying nobody wants him. Carol yells that "everyone knows you didn't mean it" and that everyone agreed to call a truce. After she gives up and leaves, Tandy emerges to find everyone at the campfire singing "Leaving On A Jet Plane" while Gail plays accordion. Todd is trying to make a nice face at Tandy when.... Phil knocks him down and tells him this is the last time he'll be seeing any of this.

When Tandy wakes up, he's totally immobilized and in the back of a truck, being driven out of town. Phil dumps him out in the desert with two days worth of supplies. "Don't even think about coming back to Tucson," he says, and drives off.
"He's coming back. I know this game because I INVENTED IT." Uh... so that doesn't happen and Tandy yells that he doesn't need any of you. He can ration that food out for three days... and eats it all in twenty minutes. Even Tandy thinks he's dumber than shit.

Melissa knocks on Todd's door and apologizes--she had no idea the murder attempt happened and she's here for him if he ever wants to tell her anything--you know, like another murder plot. He'll keep that in mind. Todd says that he loves Melissa-- he doesn't expect her to say it back, but he doesn't want to pretend it didn't happen either. She apologizes for not saying it back, but she does love him and feels like one day it will come--But you just said it! Aww! They hug.

Tandy wakes up again to find his volleyball in his face. Followed by Carol, who knew two days worth of supplies weren't going to be enough, so she's dropping off more. Goodbye, Tandy...uh, did you really write a song about me? He did. She wants him to sing it.

Here's the song (thank you, closed captioning):
"They say the moon is to wish on,
make you feel all romantic,
they say it makes the waves,
that serenade our sadness,
it's for hopers and dreamers,
and poets who swoon,
well, screw the moon,
what good's the moon,
if Care Bear is not here with me?"

At this point, Carol says, so where should we go? What? You're staying with me? Well, you need me, Carol says. But what about New Phil? She doesn't want to be with a guy who would leave someone out in the desert to die--she wants someone who doesn't have the heart to go through with it. Also, she still feels like they belong together. Even Tandy thinks she's making a mistake. She knows! She's also packed his other balls in the back of the car.

Let's start over. She introduces herself, he does the same, mentioning that he did have a brother. Tell me everything, we have time...but put your seatbelt on.

The final stinger is another Miller, who's currently up in the space station still hoping Houston reads him and making tally marks on the ceiling. the end we're back to Phillip Tandy Miller and Carol, the original pairing that people were relatively enjoying back in the first few episodes. Who thinks this might improve the show? Will it move to Houston as they dumbassedly attempt to get his brother out of space? (Also, his poor brother, geez.) What does everyone think?

I dunno about next season or not, but at least Phil Tandy might be less noxious by now. I hope.
posted by jenfullmoon (7 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Now that we can consider the show as an entire arc, I find myself liking each component part more. Phil Tandy Miller really did get better, if only under duress and after several bad tries at getting better, and Carol really did get better too, more or less of her own volition.

I'll be back for Season Two, which I guess is as good as I could have hoped for, given how many times I nearly gave up on the show entirely.
posted by Etrigan at 6:38 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well said, Etrigan, I agree. I watched the pilot again sort of by accident, then watched the last episode, and it held together well. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't renewed, just because it ended relatively nicely. Oh wait!
posted by mecran01 at 8:50 AM on May 4, 2015

Needing to have Tandy and Carol move at the end of the season is a nice out for any cast changes in season 2. It might be hard to re-sign Jones or Steenburgen long term for a Fox Sitcom with middling ratings. But Forte/Schaal/Sudekis are a good comedic core for Season 2.
posted by Gary at 5:53 PM on May 4, 2015

So who else thinks Carol was the only one who honestly believed that New Phil and the rest of the cul de sac dwellers had declared a truce? When Phil came out to the couches, Melissa looked triumphant, and Todd looked guilty. The only way I can see Todd looking guilty (instead of hurt-puppy) is if Todd knew that New Phil was planning on dumping Tandy in the desert.

Also: New Phil gave Tandy two days of supplies, BUT nothing to carry them with. Moreover, Tandy had just spent three days in his house with very little food (or water?). I kind of understand why Tandy ate all the food and drank all the water right away... he had been living on toilet paper, and it's not like it was going to be easy to schlep a cardboard box of Pringles and water bottles to Nogales.

So yeah... Tandy is an asshole, but it seems like New Phil straight-up had no reservations about dumping him off to die.

Also, I feel like Carol knew she was going to give Tandy a chance, or at least a ride to the next town. She brought all his ball friends, not just Wilson.
posted by pie ninja at 12:32 PM on May 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

New Phil is bringing his special forces training to bear, pie ninja. Tandy can learn and live or die in the, New Phil was kind of an ass - he would have been better off convincing everyone to pack up and leave for a more survivable city while Tandy was having his pity party.

I was really hoping the final scene was going to be Tandy sitting in the desert with his empty cardboard box while we see Tucson consumed by a giant fireball; and he is again left to wander the earth as the last man.

Surprisingly, I can live with this ending and will likely be back in the fall. I think part of it was stopping myself from trying to view it as a comedy - it's not really a comedy, it's not really a drama, it's kinda a tragical dramedy? There's something almost like the Book of Job going on where I feel like Phil is being tested again and again and failing a lot at the moment.
posted by nubs at 2:41 PM on May 5, 2015

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