Inhumans: Behold... The Inhumans; Those Who Will Destroy Us
September 29, 2017 7:11 PM - Season 1, Episode 1 - Subscribe

A divisive conflict erupts between Black Bolt and Maximus, brothers with different visions for the future of their people in the series premiere of this adventure series about stranded members of the Royal Family trying to reunite and return home.
posted by oh yeah! (25 comments total)
 
Ok, I know this was utter trash, but... like, it was so bad that it became entertainingly bad? I think I will be watching the entire season of this garbage, the writing is Ed Wood level bad.
posted by oh yeah! at 7:25 PM on September 29, 2017 [1 favorite]


All of the Attilan scenes were like Game of Thrones, but if it were filmed in an IKEA and the adjoining parking garage.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:28 PM on September 29, 2017 [14 favorites]


Needs more Lockjaw. A lot more Lockjaw. Just get rid of everyone else and do the adventures of Lockjaw.
posted by homunculus at 10:51 PM on September 29, 2017 [5 favorites]


Extract Lockjaw from this garbage, turn him over to Marvel Studios, give him a higher-quality rendering, and pair him with Ms. Marvel in something worth watching.
posted by Ipsifendus at 4:37 AM on September 30, 2017 [9 favorites]


Mostly could not stay awake but the scene where the bad prince gives the "you're going to die now" look to the red haired queen then with ominous dramatic background music pulls out an electric razor, just comedy gold.
posted by sammyo at 5:57 AM on September 30, 2017 [2 favorites]


We go to the movies a lot. Sometimes you’re down to picking something terrible or a premise that’s just not interesting.

Was paid to see this in IMAX. We’d been to the movies lot this summer.

Despite the terriblenessishage of this pile ‘o fail I would absolutely pay to see the adventures of Lockjaw. Think of the possibilities for a ‘Littlest Hobo’ (ugh) reboot.
posted by mce at 7:32 AM on September 30, 2017


Do Marvel not read the script? Did they not meet the hack directors? Or flip through the head shots of the bog standard network tv also ran faces throughout the cast? Did they not look at test footage or screen dailies?

I mean, how does this happen?

What part of this did they see and think, "Nailed it! Nice addition to our universe"?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:22 PM on September 30, 2017


When Movie Projector Face showed that footage of Triton, it struck me as hilariously Flintstones-esque. Like a stork playing a record.

Are we going to get Inhuman appliance people all season?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:32 PM on September 30, 2017 [2 favorites]


The same Marvel that got us The Inhumans got us Legion. Maybe tighter top-down control would have got us neither?
posted by kandinski at 6:14 PM on September 30, 2017 [3 favorites]


Do Marvel not read the script? Did they not meet the hack directors? Or flip through the head shots of the bog standard network tv also ran faces throughout the cast? Did they not look at test footage or screen dailies?

I mean, how does this happen?


Ike Perlmutter
posted by jason_steakums at 7:24 PM on September 30, 2017 [5 favorites]


So, you guys have already picked on a lot about this, and rightly so: it looks like Attilan was furnished by Ikea, the dialogue is indeed courting Ed Wood levels of bad, etc. It's hot garbage, with the sole exception of Lockjaw.

I want to move on from that to the whole 'Inhumans suck conceptually' part, because I'm not sure there's anything they could've done with this show to make me like it. The way I see this, we have a city with a rigid caste system. The royal family get to live it up on the basis of their personal might, while humans are relegated to cheap and miserable slave labor. They could fix this by going to Earth, but the royals are too comfortable to care about their serfs... and these are the guys I'm supposed to root for. They're a bunch of garbage fires, Karnak in particular - the bit with the serving girl was skeevy as hell.

Maximus has a point, and acts like he cares about the common man, but is also just a power-mad creeper.

So there's literally nobody to root for except the (not even talking) dog.

I'm going to watch this for at least the season because I'm as fascinated by how things fail as how they succeed, but this is a doozy of a failure - I'm presently trying to decide if I hate it more or less than Iron Fist.
posted by mordax at 8:32 PM on September 30, 2017 [5 favorites]


Once again it's a futile mix of super powers and politics. And of course the only politics American studios know are American politics. So it's a mess - fighting a revolutionary/civil war, the army with the bigger guns are the good/bad guys.

There's yer problem, Marvel. Just stop trying to make a political statement. The Brits gave up doing that ages ago.
posted by arzakh at 3:38 AM on October 1, 2017


So, not as bad as Iron Fist, and thank god they got rid of Medusa's god awful wig before it could get under my skin. I'm alternately totally annoyed by a king who cannot speak and amused watching him try to deal with a society that can't handle a mute. The various Royal Entourage are kind of frickin' useless except for Medusa though, huh? "I'm'a just wait here for shit to hit the fan!" "I'm going to climb down this cliff even though I'm shown to have a good grasp on probabilities / can rewind time *thunk*" etc.

But I'm a softie, I never really got entirely fed up with Agents of Shield, even the really annoying Ward Seasons.

I'm sort of waiting to see if Space Ramsay Bolton frees his people to a glorious new democracy or if he discovers that it's good to be king blah blah etc & so forth.
posted by Kyol at 6:17 PM on October 1, 2017


Whenever Lockjaw's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Lockjaw"?
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 6:36 PM on October 1, 2017 [3 favorites]


I just can't stop seeing Ramsay Bolton. Actors should have to take like a decade off after playing really vile characters. Or at least dye their hair, come on.
posted by ktkt at 9:38 PM on October 1, 2017


Whenever Lockjaw's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Lockjaw"?

"Hiding in the really expensive CGI room. Get used to seeing him as rarely as the direwolves in GoT."
posted by Kyol at 7:22 AM on October 2, 2017


Wait. Wait.

Black Bolt's alter-ego's name is Blackagar Boltagon? So it's that kind of superhero story, huh.
posted by Kyol at 8:10 AM on October 2, 2017


Black Bolt's alter-ego's name is Blackagar Boltagon? So it's that kind of superhero story, huh.

His name being Blackagar Boltagon gives this potential to be the best kind of superhero story, and makes it all the more lame that they squandered it.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:44 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]


I always used to wonder when you saw Black Bolt and Medusa together whether there was some sort of telepathic bond, because he barely ever signs; we just get Medusa providing very detailed "translations" for him. So it leaves us with "nobody else ever bothered to learn how to read sign language" or "Black Bolt likes letting Medusa run the show and is going along with the pretense that she's vocalizing his directives."

Doesn't Maximus have mind control? Is that something that he does not have yet in the TV-verse?
posted by Karmakaze at 2:48 PM on October 2, 2017


The royal family get to live it up on the basis of their personal might, while humans are relegated to cheap and miserable slave labor. They could fix this by going to Earth, but the royals are too comfortable to care about their serfs...

Also, wouldn't the people with physical superpowers be able to do a lot of the work the low-powered serfs are doing slowly by hand? It seemed like one of the things they were doing was digging tunnels to make more living space. Black bolt could casually pulverize miles of tunnels with a few sentences and then the serfs just need to haul out sand instead of digging.
posted by Karmakaze at 2:51 PM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


Also, wouldn't the people with physical superpowers be able to do a lot of the work the low-powered serfs are doing slowly by hand?

Yep. And given that they're using the weird-eye Inhuman for a living, Flintstones projector and another guy as a living portal (despite that apparently hurting him), it's clear this sort of utility-based approach to powers isn't lost on them - they're just unwilling to help out themselves.

(Granted, Medusa's probably not great in a mine, but in addition to Black Bolt? Seems like Gorgon and Karnak could be pretty useful with that sort of work.)

The Inhuman royal family are jerks, and it's a serious narrative risk to offer a story where the audience doesn't really have anybody to root for, because Maximus is clearly just Space Ramsay.

Oh, some other quality complaints I had, but missed in my initial post:
* The music during their 'epic fight montage' attempt was Twilight-levels of intrusive and wrong.

* Crystal's hair looks hella stupid in live action.
posted by mordax at 3:15 PM on October 2, 2017


Why did that space agency (that I didn't bother to learn the name of even though they kept putting it on the screen) have a headquarters consisting of a couple of folding tables and a huge monitor in what looked to be an empty warehouse? They really spared no expense with sets here.

I am glad they got rid of that wig they had on Medusa pretty early on (and also, I assume, didn't bother to make it look good because it wasn't going to be around that long) and while yes, her hair is part of her powers and the whole thing was a violation, that head-shaving scene was hilarious (as was Medusa getting teary-eyed anytime she saw her reflection).

Also I did laugh outloud when Black Bolt exploded his parents. That was supposed to be actually funny, right? Because that was hilarious.

I get they're a royal family, but do they know nothing about earth? Black Bolt's ignorance came across more like stupidity rather than culture shock.

I cared about absolutely no one (which, given the characterization was basically nil, makes sense) and I'm not really sure what happened or why.

Lockjaw's awesome though. Too bad he's in this show.
posted by darksong at 4:18 PM on October 2, 2017


The first moments between Medusa and Black Bolt... his fitbit chimes, she doesn't want him to answer it, so she uses her super-hair to pick it up off the nightstand and move it to the other nightstand... which is exactly as far away as the first nightstand.

I don't... I just... why? What was the character's reason to do something so pointless? What was the director's reason to have a character do something so pointless? WHY?!?!?!

Which pretty much encapsulates the show and my reaction to it.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 9:05 PM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]


They... they do know this is a superhero show, with characters who have super powers, right? I mean, I understand Bolt's reluctance (although he used his powers often enough in the comics), but so far they've Samson'ed Medusa, Gorgon's just chilling on a beach, Karnak's glitching, they've offed Triton apparently (the water guy bites it on an island chain surrounded by ocean? yeah, he'll be back), and Crystal... is doing nothing but playing princess in the tower. Why?
posted by GhostintheMachine at 7:23 PM on October 4, 2017


Someone needs to alert Felicity Smoak that someone from the LRWSSA* is attempting to steal her identity.

*Low-Rent Work-Share Space Agency
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 2:59 PM on October 5, 2017 [1 favorite]


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