FanFare

A tough cop must pose as a kindergarten teacher in order to locate a dangerous criminal's ex-wife, who may hold the key to putting him behind bars. [more inside]
posted by Carillon on May 7, 2024 - 25 comments

A Witness Protection specialist becomes suspicious of his co-workers when dealing with a case involving high-tech weapons. [more inside]
posted by Carillon on Feb 19, 2024 - 8 comments

After his family is killed by a terrorist act, a firefighter goes in search of the one responsible. [more inside]
posted by Carillon on Feb 13, 2024 - 1 comment

A fearless, globe-trotting, terrorist-battling secret agent has his life turned upside down when he discovers his wife might be having an affair with a used-car salesman while terrorists smuggle nuclear war heads into the United S... [more inside]
posted by Carillon on Feb 11, 2024 - 15 comments

CIA spy Luke Brunner gets called back for one last mission to extract another agent, who also happens to be his daughter. [more inside]
posted by TwoWordReview on Oct 30, 2023 - 4 comments

Workaholic Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) wants to make things up to his son, Jamie (Mannequin Skywalker), and wife, Liz (Rita Wilson). He promises to get Jamie the hottest toy of the season, Turbo-Man -- even though it's Christmas Eve and the toy is practically sold out. As Langston hunts down the elusive gift, he runs into mailman Myron (Sinbad), another father on the same quest. With the clock winding down, Langston's moral code is tested as he starts to learn the real meaning of Christmas. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Dec 14, 2022 - 14 comments

Power-hungry Queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergman) captures the priestesses guarding the Talisman, a mystical orb that created and can destroy the world. But one of the priestesses escapes and seeks out her warrior sister, Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen), to warn her about Gedren's plan for world domination. Lord Kalidor (Arnold Schwarzenegger), the Talisman's keeper, insists on helping Sonja, and though she scorns the assistance of any man, she soon gains respect for Kalidor's fighting prowess. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 22, 2022 - 9 comments

[TRAILER] Orphaned boy Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is enslaved after his village is destroyed by the forces of vicious necromancer Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), and is compelled to push "The Wheel of Pain" for many years. Once he reaches adulthood, Conan sets off across the prehistoric landscape of the Hyborian Age in search of the man who killed his family and stole his father's sword. With beautiful warrior Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) and archer Subotai (Gerry Lopez), he faces a supernatural evil. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Nov 22, 2022 - 22 comments

The Antichrist is a 13-year-old girl; after her powers manifest following her first period, her dad (aka Satan) reappears in her life, much to the dismay of her mother, who has devoted her life to fighting Satan and his minions. It's the first adult animation show from Canada's Atomic Cartoons, and stars Lucy DeVito, Danny DeVito, and Aubrey Plaza voice-acting the above characters. [CW for animal sacrifice, nudity, and buckets of gore, sometimes in actual buckets IIRC.] [more inside]
posted by Halloween Jack on Oct 22, 2022 - 9 comments

The ultimate '80s Schwarzenegger movie, replete with a threadbare plot, outsized action, and endless one-liners. [more inside]
posted by DirtyOldTown on Sep 1, 2022 - 16 comments

A lonely waitress suddenly has two men chasing after her, and one of them really, really doesn't like her name. [more inside]
posted by Halloween Jack on Feb 26, 2022 - 23 comments

Danny is obsessed with a fictional movie character action hero, Jack Slater. When a magical ticket transports him into Jack's latest adventure, Danny finds himself in a world where movie magic and reality collide. Now it's up to Danny to save the life of his hero and new friend. [more inside]
posted by Halloween Jack on Nov 5, 2021 - 13 comments

As part of a fertility research project, a male scientist agrees to carry a pregnancy in his own body. [more inside]
posted by Carillon on Nov 8, 2020 - 8 comments

Hercules is sent to Earth where he finds true love and starts a promising career in the bodybuilder business. [more inside]
posted by Carillon on Oct 25, 2020 - 8 comments

A team of commandos on a mission in a Central American jungle find themselves hunted by an extraterrestrial warrior. [more inside]
posted by MoonOrb on Apr 12, 2018 - 29 comments

A cyborg, identical to the one who failed to kill Sarah Connor, must now protect her ten year old son, John Connor, from a more advanced cyborg. [more inside]
posted by MoonOrb on Feb 25, 2018 - 26 comments