Shameless (US): The Sins of My Caretaker
March 13, 2015 5:28 PM - Season 3, Episode 5 - Subscribe

The city plans to do some sewer work in the Gallaghers’ backyard soon, so Frank and his kids need to dig up Aunt Ginger first. Fiona tells Frank his motivation: “You buried a body and you stole from the federal government — you will never get out of prison.” But Fiona also realizes that any of them could them could be charged as accomplices.

Jimmy is having trouble coping with the revelation that his dad is gay. Jimmy assures Ian he’s not thinking about Ian and Jimmy’s dad having oral sex, which gets Carl wondering about how gay male sex works.

Sheila & Jody are trying to switch things up in the bedroom. Sheila takes in a new hospice patient, a nun who’s taken a vow of silence. Sheila realizes there’s “no way you’d ever talk,” so she dishes about how Jody has turned her sexual play into a “gateway” to keep pushing her boundaries — “I’ve never had so many things inserted into so many parts of my body at once!” But it turns out the patient’s vow of silence doesn’t include the internet. She’s revealed everything on her blog, “The Sins of My Caretaker” — hence the title of this episode.

V’s doctor tells her she has “a 99.99% chance of not getting pregnant.” Kev suggests adopting, but V doesn’t like the idea: “I don’t want someone else’s kid. I want a little punk with your pretty eyes and your crooked smile.” Kevin suggests using Fiona as a surrogate, but V doesn’t want her kid to have two white parents, since she wants her kid to look like her. So they try to use V’s mom as a surrogate, using Kev’s sperm in a turkey baster.

Lip is feeling pressure from Mandy to get more serious about their relationship. When Mandy tries to help out at Lip and Kevin’s business, Lip tells her to go back to her house for once.

Lip calls Karen and leaves a voice message to give her “an update,” then tells her what he thinks of her.

Two girls at the pool tease Debbie about not having breasts. She returns to show off her white two-piece swimsuit, so the girls encourage her to go swimming. They tease her about getting her period, after they put ketchup on her chair. Debbie uses her breath-holding skill she developed in the previous episode to get her revenge.

Fiona drops a bombshell on Mandy’s sister, Molly (the one with the “girl penis”): “You’re not a girl, honey. You’re a boy who was raised by a jacked-up meth-head of a mom who made you think you were a girl because she hates men.”

Jimmy and Fiona blow up at each other over how neither seems to care about the other one’s problems. Jimmy: “So, like, whenever you need me, I’m there for you, but the one time I need you, you’re like, screw off?” Fiona: “Yeah, why don’t you go cry to your gay dad about it?!” But instead, Jimmy goes to his wife, Estefania.

Ian recruits Mickey and his cousins to burgle Jimmy’s parents house so Jimmy’s dad, Lloyd, can get some of his stuff back. Mickey wants to know what Ian sees in that “geriatric Viagroid.” “He isn’t afraid to kiss me.” Ian drives them there and waits in the car; after Mickey gets out, he takes a second to go back up to Ian and kiss him — a dramatic change from Mickey’s attitude after their first time. The burglary is aborted when Jimmy’s mom shoots Mickey.

Back at the Gallaghers’ house, Ian and Lloyd are removing a bullet from Mickey’s backside, Fiona is just getting home after digging up Aunt Ginger’s shod tibia from the backyard, Molly is prancing around in a revealing swimsuit, and Debbie is yelling “Don’t F with me!” because she made a “slut” pass out, when Brittney Sturges, a rookie agent from Child Protective Services, announces her presence … hence the title of this episode.
posted by John Cohen (2 comments total)
best line: lip, about to change Liam's diaper:
'Let's go take the browns to the super bowl'
posted by fizzix at 7:08 PM on March 22, 2015

Wow, I totally missed that joke until now.
posted by John Cohen at 4:38 PM on March 23, 2015

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