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MST Club presents! While one of the absolute worst movies ever to be featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Creeping Terror isn't nearly as well known as Manos "Everyone Loves Torgo" the Hands of Fate, or Monster "Couldn't Think of An Ending" A Go-Go, or any of the Coleman Francis trilogy. This is a shame though, as The Creeping Terror features absolutely the most ludicrous headline monster of any MST'd movie, essentially a carpet with vacuum cleaner hoses attached to it, that eats victims by apparent dint of them actively crawling into its mouth. MST3K tackled the Terror while both Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu were still at Best Brains, so this is a second trip through this film for both of them. Riffed December 12, 2023, and available either standalone (for about $12) or part of a collection of nine other MST-featured items (70 bucks).
posted by JHarris on Aug 1, 2024 - 1 comment

MST Club presents... a riff of a frankly astonishing movie. You may think you know awful CGI. Well, the computer art in this movie makes Birdemic look like a masterpiece. Buildings made out of a few rectangles! Storefronts with names written out in Comic Sans--which is also what the credits are written in! And the titular Bulk combines all the worst aspects of both Playstation and N64 in-engine cutscenes. Sites say it's meant as a spoof, but, oof. It seems a lot like that's just them trying to justify their terrible decisions. Riff from April 2024, movie from 2012.
posted by JHarris on Apr 25, 2024 - 6 comments

Next up on MST Club's current mostly random sequence of further riffing as we can get it is The Mads' showing of (gulp) Manos The Hands of Fate. Infamously one of the worst movies MST3K ever did, this return to the trough has Trace Bealieu and Frank Conniff tackling it by themselves. Rifftrax also covered Manos, in a live show, but we'll save that for a future date. As for the movie... yeah, its Manos. A family of three on a vacation trip unwisely stay the night at the mysterious Valley Lodge, run by "Torgo," a balking goat-man with intrusive theme music. Turns out Torgo is in league with the forces of darkness, which include The Master and his undead wives out in the desert. Things don't well, either for the family or for the viewer. Good luck, once again, everyone. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Feb 29, 2024 - 7 comments

Re-resuffer! Welcome back to the "Manos" of Season 11: Carnival Magic. Alex the chimp can talk, sorta-kinda, but not about anything interesting. His owner Markov is a cut-rate magician and hypnotist that for some reason everyone seems to deeply respect or despise. Probably the worst movie of Season 11, and one of the worst ever made. But at least Mark Hamill appears in this episode in a host segment! Previously and (ugh) again.
posted by JHarris on Mar 8, 2023 - 4 comments

Rewatch! Ray Dennis Steckler, a.k.a. "Cash Flagg," was one of the more infamous Z-list Hollywood directors, and he was responsible for this film, which is something. A guy gets hypno'd by a carnival fortune teller into becoming an insane killer. The fortune teller's assistant Ortega is a sight, and immediately became the Torgo of the Sci-Fi Channel era of MST3K. Lots of the movie is just time spent watching bad performances on-stage at the carnival, pointless and unabridged. This movie is one of the worst in the show's history. Previously. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 10, 2022 - 2 comments

Rewatch! Flag on the moon. How'd it get there? It's the last of the three Coleman Francis movies, every one of them a vision into the dark heart of humankind, but this one also has Tor Johnson! Francis himself doesn't act in it, but he does narrate the entire movie. Come for the musings on technology ("Push a button. Things happen. A man becomes a monster."), stay to feed soda pop to the hungry pigs. Good freaking luck. A lot of your enjoyment of this episode comes from your investment in the MST3K premise. If you sit in front of the screen with your arms folded and say, "I'm here TV. Entertain me!", you will DIE. But if you want to see just how bad a movie can be, and a person trapped in space make fun of it with his automated mocking machines, this is some fine viewin'.Previously.
posted by JHarris on Sep 16, 2021 - 6 comments

Re-rewatch! Welcome back to Cuba, for the middle section of the movie that takes place there! Our protagonists are criminal at best, murderous at worst. Written, directed and starring Coleman Francis, whose vision of bleak despair and dark ennui practically sloughs off the screen. With great riffing, but a terrible movie, this is one of those episodes that really puts the show's premise, watching a bad movie but having what fun you can with it, to the ever loving test. There is a short beforehand, Platform Posture and Appearance. Previously and again.
posted by JHarris on Sep 2, 2021 - 6 comments

Re-rewatch! Soar along at Mach 2 in one of the most notoriously dangerous aircraft ever made! Basically a promotional piece for the US Air Force and the F-104 Starfighter jet, we follow the brain-killing career of a bright young pilot tragically burdened with the fate of being played by Bob Dornan, as he fights his Congressman father's rather reasonable wishes that he be transferred to a job where he doesn't put his life on the line frequently through the act of just flying an airplane. Come for the copious in-flight refueling, stay for the poopie suit party! A difficult movie, but great to watch subjected to the attentions of a spaceborne guy and his automated mocking devices. Previously and again. Also, this movie has an entire post on the blue about it.
posted by JHarris on Jul 14, 2021 - 2 comments

Re-rewatch! Coleman Francis wrote and directed three movies and MST3K did them all. It's telling that he made three films that he poured his sweat and soul into--and that all three are barely watchable, and among the worst of all movies. Bring lots of coffee! Also has the short Why Study Industrial Arts, so also bring along lots of fresh sawdust. Previously and again.
posted by JHarris on Jun 23, 2021 - 3 comments

Re-rewatch! Time to watch a carpet eat half a small town again! The great thing about this movie is nothing. The great thing about this episode is that the movie is so goofy and nonsensical that it's watchable on its own just to try to figure out whatever the hell is coming next. The riffs add onto that. This is unquestionably in the worst-of-the-worst pile, a bona-fide cinematic un-chievement. Previously and again.
posted by JHarris on Jun 3, 2021 - 1 comment

Re-rewatch! It's been only a little more than a year since the last time we hit this, the movie most identified with Mystery Science Theater 3000, as part of the "best of" sequence we did. It's still one of the very worst movies they riffed, although it's a lot better known now than it was when they first aired this episode in 1993. Previously and again
posted by JHarris on Nov 16, 2020 - 3 comments

As the repeated "THE" in the title should warn you, this is an exceptionally bad movie, perhaps one of the worst. The premise is, aliens are attacking and the only ones who know are the local teens, who take it upon themselves to destroy the sinister threat from outer space by turning on their cars' high beams. There's a subplot(?) about a couple of army guys watching things via surveillance, and another concerning a pair of roommates. This is the episode that gave us the line, "You see folks, they just didn't care." Previously. BTW, tonight is MST Club's Halloween show!
posted by JHarris on Oct 29, 2020 - 2 comments

Coming in unexpectedly high among the episodes of Season 11 in the poll is Carnival Magic, a talking ape movie with a very low opinion of both traditional apes and the ones known as men. Particularly hard to watch, but the riffs lessen the pain... somewhat. Could be considered the Manos of the revival. Good luck with this one. Previously - Also Previously
posted by JHarris on Jan 23, 2020 - 0 comments

Resuffer! For Halloween this year, we've moved an episode up an week. Spend All Hallow's Eve with us, Torgo and the gang! Previously. And we've got a whole bunch more Halloween stuff before and after at MST Club this week!
posted by JHarris on Oct 30, 2019 - 13 comments

Rewatch! And...oh hell. We're back in Coleman Francis territory. The least interesting(!) of the three films he made that MST covered, I seem to remember it's about skydiving, marital strife and murder via parachute. Honestly, I have tons of trouble staying awake through this one. I recommend coffee over alcohol. At least one of the show's best shorts, Why Study Industrial Arts?, is also in this episode. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Oct 18, 2018 - 7 comments

"The Legend Too Monstrous To Die...Surfaces Again" "Do they really exist..?" A know-it-all professor on the lookout for bigfeet out in Arkansaw tells stories of said creatures to his grad assistants, then finds way, way, WAY too much. One of the most uniquely horrible movies MST ever did. Not only is it pretty badly made, but the characters are unlikeable, there's an entire section devoted to outhouse shenanigans (thankfully shortened in the riffed version) and then, at the end--Old Man Crenshaw! In host segments, Pearl tries to spread the legend of a creature lurking around Castle Forrester--it's Bobo, of course, but that doesn't stop Hank Brain Guy Jr. from writing a country song about it. Episode 1006 is available for viewing on YouTube. Premiered May 9, 1999. Seven episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 21, 2018 - 12 comments

a.k.a. Zaat. "Is The Monster Man...Fish...Or Devil?" "It Would Take An Atom Bomb To Wipe Out The Walking Catfish!" "WARNING! Positively no one admitted during last 15 minutes!" Sargassum! After a short, nonsensical narration of an aquarium, a scientist charts on his gigantic circular day-planner his revenge on the scientific establishment, and the world that shunned his ideas, by turning himself into a monster that he calls (but isn't) a fish, then sets about making himself a fishy mate, while very southern authorities try to stop him. We've been through some adventures, haven't we? Well here's one more, the last of what I'd call the extreme pain category of episodes. Great host segments in this one! This episode is available to watch on YouTube. Premiered June 27, 1998. Eight episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 14, 2018 - 4 comments

Non-threating, clunky robots from space invade Japan, and the country's only defense is a bunch of children and Space Chief. The robots turn into women, but their threat level does not increase measurably. Satellite News identifies this as another of the worst movies MST ever did, where a lot of the humor comes from the suffering of the riffers. There are a lot of little moments to watch for, like Tom Servo's "Song About Stock Footage," him saying "Just when I think I've seen the worst movie ever made, along comes the WORST movie EVER MADE!", Mike and Crow just wandering out of the theater at one point, and a number of excellent host segments including Noh Theater, Roji Panty Complex, the return of Krankor, and Crow's Letter To Japan. Oh, and the sudden and unexplained presence of the Hitler Building. Despite all of that, I'd say this one of tough going. In the subplot, an amnesiac Bobo is revealed to be the "Mad Goth," who gets his memory back just in time to get him, Pearl and Brain Guy captured at the end of the episode. YouTube Premiered October 11, 1997. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Oct 4, 2017 - 9 comments

(Note: title slightly condensed to fit in the form) "MONSTERS COME REAL! CRASH OUT OF SCREEN! INVADE AUDIENCE! ABDUCT GIRLS FROM THEIR SEATS! Not 3-D. Don't Miss It!" "SEE: The world's first monster musical!" Why do supposedly powerful magicians and sorceresses work at carnivals? Estrella tells fortunes, hypnotises people to make them kill her enemies, and keeps a small heard of mixed-up zombies, overseen by her employee Ortega. In between scenes, there are pointless musical numbers. This one's a full 10/10 for pain folks, beware! Some consider it to be one of the worst movies ever made, and it is the first such MST film of the Sci-Fi Channel era. It is extremely weird at the very least. In the subplot, Pearl takes the space children from last week to return them to their parents, and Observer has a very bad experience with Bobo. Promo - YouTube, Official, with Annotations! (1h32m) Premiered June 14, 1997. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Aug 16, 2017 - 9 comments

aka "Night Train to Mundo Fine" Oh god, we're HERE. John Carradine tells us (and sings!) about Griffin, who "ran all the way to hell." Griffin is who we follow, with two accomplices, as they engage of a series of pointless adventures, including participating in the Bay of Pigs (which is only the middle of the movie) and trying to muscle into a lucrative tungsten mine. With short Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance: Think tall! Talk tall! Stand tall! Walk tall! This film, another of the absolute worst MST ever did, offers an almost physical level of pain. It should be watched by diehards only, who will love this episode. But don't introduce newbies to the show with this one, or you might scar them. Good luck everyone. Against my better judgement, here is the episode on YouTube. (1h31m) Premiered December 17, 1994. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 1, 2017 - 13 comments

aka (somehow) "Dangerous Charter" A mobile home crashes to Earth containing two malevolent, ambulatory carpets with vacuum cleaner hoses attached to them. One roams the countryside at about the speed of a common sloth, its hunger for human flesh fortitutiously sated by all the people who willingly crawl inside its tiny maw. We're back into Manos territory! This is unquestionably one of the worst movies MST ever did. Wait until you see the gym scene. How did this ever get made? Wikipedia has the sordid details. There's even a movie made about the making of it, "The Creep Behind The Camera" (2014, reviewed here)! Anyway, it's one of my favorite episodes. YouTube(1h32m) Premiered September 17, 1994. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Nov 13, 2016 - 4 comments

Meet Krasker! He's a lunatic who lives in the basement of a boarding house with his occult toy collection. For some reason the police admire and respect him, and want him help in their murder investigation. They enlist his radio that supposedly can speak with the dead to finger the killer. Even with the TWIST ENDING!!, no judge would allow this evidence. With short The Selling Wizard: Being a few minutes of footage of a pizza dominatrix pretty girl to affix the gaze of a presumably male audience while a narrator tries to sell them Anheuser-Busch grocery freezers. This is a remarkably bad film, maybe even in Manos territory. The movie was made in the 50s but not released until the advent of home video decades later. Krasker's a self-important weirdo who thinks the world revolves around him and his ridiculous collection of occult "artifacts," and in this movie that world is stupidly eager to oblige him. Fans are split about the worth of the episode, but I like it. YouTube (1h32m) Premiered July 30, 1994. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Oct 26, 2016 - 6 comments