Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK Rewatch Season 10, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! An amoral thief's goal in life seems to be to have sex around as many expensive things as possible with his girlfriend, while the world tries to catch him. Previously, and again. This is the last episode of the classic run of the show.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SQUIRM Rewatch Season 10, Ep 12
Rewatch! A power line goes down, supplies continual live current to a bunch of worms, and as a result they go nuts and eat people. Fixing the power line ends the situation. Who would have thought? Also has the short A Case of Spring Fever, featuring Coily the Spring Sprite, may his dark name be praised. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND Rewatch Season 10, Ep 11
Rewatch! A plane crashes onto the titular island carrying a cargo consisting mostly of bikini girls. You can probably guess how the proceedings go from there. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: IT LIVES BY NIGHT Rewatch Season 10, Ep 10
Rewatch! A guy is bitten by a bat and begins to turn into a creature with bat aspects. Batspects. We're nearly at the end of the classic series again, just three more episodes after this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HAMLET Rewatch Season 10, Ep 9
Rewatch! Hamlet (a prince)'s dad (so, the king) is killed by a guy who wants to marry his mom, so he pretends to be crazy to gather evidence of the murder. It's a German production of the famous play, with two of the voices being Ricardo Montalban and John Banner. It's cut down a lot for time and has sparse sets. This is a challenging one. Previously.
"Beyond the earth... beyond the moon... beyond your wildest imagination!" It's the future in space, and there's a plague, and important drugs are being brought from a distant planet, and Jack Palance is trying to take over the universe, and there's a teleporting robot, and some kids in one scene. I couldn't make heads or tails of this one folks. There's a plot synopsis on Wikipedia, read that. It's another movie that tried to cash in on Star Wars' gigantic success. It's not nearly as campy as Starcrash, but that makes it very bland as a film. Even with Jack Palance as the villain, he's simply not in enough scenes to make it memorable. Other than sharing some character names and being set in the future, this movie has almost nothing to do with H.G. Wells' novel. Premiered October 7, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE Rewatch Season 10, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! Joe Don Baker plays a Texas policeman who brings his vaguely-legal brand of justice to Malta. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST Rewatch Season 10, Ep 7
Rewatch! Yet another guy named Paul turns into a monster in this movie; it's the fourth such movie in MST's history! The others are The Crawling Hand, The Projected Man and Werewolf. Note that Cry Wilderness is not included, the Paul in that movie is just friends with a monster. Anyway, the episode is not on many best-of lists, but it's generally fondly remembered. Previously.
Rewatch! Another Bigfoot search movie. Compared to Season 11's Cry Wilderness, this one makes more sense, but is also kind of disjointed. Beware the outhouse scene, which word is was much longer and more awful in the unedited cut. This is also the episode with Old Man Crenshaw. I feel bad about some things I've said about his appearance in the past, but the character is still written as a jerk, and the fact remains that his one-strap overalls, rubber-band-bound beard attire is not a flattering choice of costume. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z Rewatch Season 10, Ep 5
Rewatch! I thought this one had come up in the list of best-of episodes, but apparently not, so it's only this film's second time on MST Club. "Sargassum... WEED of DECEIT!" A deeply odd movie. Also called Zaat, the movie has a fansite that's still online. Come see a man declare his love for a fish. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FUTURE WAR Rewatch Season 10, Ep 4
Rewatch! A guy from the future travels back in time, but is chased by Robert Z'Dar. As Crow says, in the movie, it's not the future, and there's no war. There is a nun! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU Season 13, Ep 9
"She Rules a Palace of Pleasure ...for WOMEN! the most DIABOLICAL... BIZARRE... SADISTIC WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED!" Evil lady woman Su-Muru girlingly tries to take over the world with her nefarious army of maiden damsels. The character was created by Sax Rohmer and the movie produced by Harry Alan Towers, both of whom also responsible for Fu Manchu, so you probably should load up on coffee before attempting this one. If you're casting a Sax Rohmer movie about one of his standard megalomaniac characters, would you pick Frankie Avalon? These people did. Premiered September 2, 2022, on the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Re-rewatch! A kid is bored, so his grandfather tells him tales of wonder to entertain him. But the grandpa is Ernest Borgnine, and he tells the kid about Merlin setting up shop in a strip mall and sourcing dangerous magic items to the suburbian public. Starting to see why King Arthur had problems. This is another classic episode from the last season of the classic series. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS Rewatch Season 10, Ep 2
Re-rewatch! A sleazy slimy movie. Follow Michele along her starry-eyed journey working as a humble waitress at a desert diner called EAT to working as a go-go dancer in a club called The Haunted House. A surprisingly fun episode, but the movie is real icky. Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BATWOMAN Season 13, Ep 8
Originally "La mujer murcielago." A rich socialite lady decides to spend her spare time in a bat mask and cape, wearing a bikini, and fighting crime. She tracks down a mad scientist who is using pineal fluid from wrestlers to make fish people. Oh, she's a wrestler too. All of this takes place in Mexico. Other than being a blatant ripoff of them, has nothing to do with DC Comics characters. It's a fun episode, with a crazy movie and good host segments! Premiered August 19, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SOULTAKER Rewatch Season 10, Ep 1
Re-rewatch! Dumb teens are killed automotively and their souls spend the rest of the movie running from Joe Estevez, last seen in Werewolf. We begin the last season of Era 2 of the show with a fun episode with visits from TV's Frank and Joel! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS Rewatch Season 9, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! In the mystic land of Europe, in a time of swords and sorcery but not sorcery, in a kind of pseudo-medieval time that's also the Renaissance, everyone had a funny name, and roughly 20% of the people were David Warner, who is about the only good thing about this intensely goofy movie. (We miss you David.) Everyone get out your foam boffers, it's time to larp. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SCREAMING SKULL Rewatch Season 9, Ep 12
Rewatch! A guy gaslights his new wife into believing the spirit of his previous wife is haunting her, as part of a scheme to drive her crazy and take her money. Oh joy. There's a great short though, the Gumby cartoon Robot Rumpus! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL FISH Rewatch Season 9, Ep 11
Rewatch! Someone gave the military the money to breed killer deadly mutant fish, and they do! Funny that. A bunch of people eventually kill it, but not before many of their own number are themselves killed. This is one of those movies that suffers from the necessity of editing out scenes of gore and violence, as it removes several important deaths from the film. This is also the movie where, as one male cast member is climbing down a ladder above the camera, a certain globular piece of male anatomy slips out from his shorts, to the horror of our hosts. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE FINAL SACRIFICE Rewatch Season 9, Ep 10
Re-rewatch! Another fan favorite, unlikely hero Zap Rowsdower and dorky teen Troy on on a road trip to upset the diabolical machinations of... uh, a diabolic machinator. He has a name but honestly it's hard to remember much beyond Rowsdower. He had his own song on YouTube which I had linked to in past posts, but apparently the rights owner to the movie is No Fun and had it taken down. Boo, Tjardus Greidanus! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. JIGER Season 13, Ep 7
aka "Gamera tai Daimaju Jaiga," "Gamera vs. Monster X," "Monsters Invade Expo '70." Everyone's favorite humongous turtle and Friend to Children protects Expo 70, being held in Japan, from a monster attack. Did you ever want to know what Gamera looked like from the inside? Stay tuned. It's not a rewatch this time! Jonah and his bots go up against one of the few Showa-era Gamera movies not done back during the Comedy Central era. And furthermore, I hear they were required to show this one uncut, so get ready for the longest episode of MST3K to date, clocking in at over two hours! Premiered July 22, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GORGO Rewatch Season 9, Ep 9
Rewatch! It's Godzilla in the UK! A couple of guys capture a giant sea lizard and show it at a carnival, not realizing it's just a baby, and its mum is pissed. Leonard Maltin shows up in host segments. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TOUCH OF SATAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 8
Rewatch! A bit of a sleeper, it's the story of a young drifter who falls in love with a lady he meets by a lake who tells him, "this is where the fish lives." Being kind of dim, he immediately falls in love with her, and, surprise!, she's a Satan follower. Not in the sense of being a cultist, she just sort of "is" one. The fish does not appear to enter into it. She's over a hundred but looks young; her murderous sister is over a hundred and looks older. There's a couple of people they stay with who I think also have the mangoat on their contact lists, although in an even more vague way than the knower of fish residence. An odd movie. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HOBGOBLINS Rewatch Season 9, Ep 7
Re-rewatch! "It's the 80s; do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!" "Meet the Hobgoblins: Frankie, Sniffles, Bounce-Bounce, and The Claw!" "Paint my muscle car prune color, please!" "Wow this is a really well planned-out make-out spot. They must get public funding." "I would not want Pig Liquor." "Watch out, you little doodad!" Really, what can you do with those hobgoblins? Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEMON SQUAD Season 13, Ep 6
aka Night Hunters. "Monsters don't stand a chance." A private investigator specializing in paranormal cases is looking for an artifact, and fights demons in bars, among other things. This episode is notable for featuring the return of Joel Robinson as host for this episode! It also has Dr. Erhardt returning, and for the second half of the movie J. Elvis Weinstein reprising his role as the voice of Tom Servo from the show's first season long, long ago. Premiered Friday 24, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SPACE CHILDREN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 6
Rewatch! A benevolent blob from outer space gives Earth kids unearthly powers in order to prevent war. It contains Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan! Has the short Century 21 Calling, which is set at the Chicago World's Fair and tries to get us excited about the future of landline phones. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY BEES Rewatch Season 9, Ep 5
Rewatch! Bees are on the rampage in the UK, and a singer in the country for a rest cure tries to figure out why they're killing people, while the British bureaucracy churns away trying to send someone to investigate. An odd movie with a very weird moment right at the end. In subplot news, the other Observers show up and try to get Brain Guy to go off with them to observe things. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 9, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! The desert is home to many mysteries. Like people turning into dog people by the light of the silvery moon, the many mispronunciations of "Werewolf," Joe Estevez, and what's up with that guy in the house with the beard. A time-traveler from the old Klondike? (turns down lights, shines flashlight under my face) Whoooo can saaaay? This episode's a fan favorite, with song "Where oh Werewolf?" and the "Tusk!" bit over the closing credits. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DOCTOR MORDRID Season 13, Ep 5
"Jeffery Combs is" Doctor Mordrid! Master of the Unknown! Also, landlord of a building in New York! And yet the movie wants to believe he's a force working for good. He was sent to our world by a pair of blue eyes to save all reality from the eeeeevil Kabal! Sadly it seems his mystical abilities provide him no defense against getting arrested. It's the fifth episode of Season 13, and not such a bad movie. The story goes it was originally written as a Doctor Strange movie but they lost the rights, so they renamed some characters and made it anyway. Emily hosts this one; it looks like Joel will be hosting the next! Premiered in the Gizmoplex on June 10th, 2022. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PUMAMAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! A fan favorite (it was first in our informal poll of the best MST3K episodes), The Pumaman is the story of a guy who gets thrown out of a window by an Aztec priest and survives, and so he has to stop Donald Pleasence from taking over the world. He has practically no feline characteristics, but that's okay, because his powers don't seem very pumoid anyway. He can fly, sort of? It's certainly not Superman-level flying. It's more dangling-from-a-baby's-mobile kind of flying. It's nearly a perfect movie for riffing. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PHANTOM PLANET Rewatch Season 9, Ep 2
Rewatch! An astronaut ends up on a distant asteroid and is shrunk down to the size of its inhabitants, joins their society, but then it's all destroyed. So uplifting! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MUNCHIE Season 13, Ep 4
"Roger Corman presents..." "Munchie just moved in... There goes the neighborhood." "Magical. Mystical. Munchie!" a kid beset by bullies and the school principal (who hates him for some reason) opens a mysterious box and inside is a dead-faced animatronic puppet with the voice of Dom DeLuise. While a sequel to Munchies, there are no horror elements of this movie, other than the stark horror of the puppet's construction. Reputedly this was a very difficult movie for the MST guys to write for. Jonah and his bots riff this one, but he has a conversation with Emily, and Emily and her bots have a couple of segments before and after the movie. Premiered on the Gizmoplex on May 27, 2022. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PROJECTED MAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 1
Rewatch! A scientist invents a teleporter and tests it on himself. He doesn't turn into a fly or get stuck halfway out a wall, which I understand are the usual fates for those who tamper in physical law, but instead becomes a mutated monster with a deadly touch. He could have just gotten up to get the remote control like a normal person, but oh well! Lembach is staying! Pearl & henchpeople & the SOL end up in present day Earth, above an ominously familiar castle. Oh no, Lembach is going! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK Rewatch Season 8, Ep 22
Re-rewatch! A supremely goofy movie that doesn't make much sense, with an excellent actor (Raul Julia), some sub-Doctor Who special effects, and great riffing combine to make a classic episode! It's the last episode of Season 8. Technically Pearl is still chasing the SOL but that's kind of forgotten to make room for one of the best sequences of host segments the show ever did, where Pearl creates a completely spurious public television telethon. And don't forget: get your monkeys, instantly, at Instant Monkeys Online! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TIME CHASERS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 21
Re-rewatch! A guy invents a time machine using a small airplane and an 8-bit computer, but sells the tech to EvilCo. Good job! It's quaint that the movie believes a person working on his own without vast resources could invent something that a huge corporate behemoth couldn't. The roman times subplot is over on the SOL, this and the next episode are just sort of "in space" before we reach Castle Forrester in Season 9. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BEYOND ATLANTIS Season 13, Ep 3
"Forgotten by nature... invaded by modern man... half human... half fish!" ""Their spawning ground... the ocean depths!" Some people go to an island in search of pearls: Vic, the similar-looking Logan, Kathy and "East Eddie." It's populated by an inbred race of people, supposedly from Atlantis. Only one of them is fertile, the daughter of the chief, Syrene. A lot of movies from around this time were obsessed with fertility for some reason. Ultimately Syrene dies, dooming the island race to extinction. They march into the sea, but one of our "heroes" gets a fortune of pearls from them as they go. But after some intrigue between the group they're lost overboard. Everyone laughs. "Ha ha, those islanders are going to die and for no reason! Easy come easy go!" Not an uplifting movie. This is the first episode with Emily riffing, on the "Simulator of Love," with her own Crow, Tom Servo, GPC, and "GPC2," a smaller and more maneuverable version. Premiered on the Gizmoplex on March 8, 2022 (after a preview some weeks earlier). [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SPACE MUTINY Rewatch Season 8, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Slab Bulkhead! Fridge Largemeat! Punt Speedchunk! Butch Deadlift! Bold Bigflank! Splint Chesthair! Flint Ironstag! Bolt Vanderhuge! Thick McRunfast! Blast Hardcheese! Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 19
Rewatch! Preposterous robots from space attack the Earth, and only Space Chief and some kids can save us. Uses stock footage of aerial bombardment of Japan to represent the attack. Prince of Space was the light-side of Japanese filmmaking in Season 8. This one is the dark side. It's a difficult film to make it through. I think it should be noted that some people think Mike and the bots' commentary on Japan crosses the line of acceptability in this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL DOLL Rewatch Season 8, Ep 18
Rewatch! Dr. Vorelli is a real piece of work. He's a sinister hypnotist who performs on stage in front of audiences, but seems to hate it. He hates puppets but has one in his act. But it turns out the puppet is actually a person who's mind he's put into a ventriloquist dummy somehow. He taunts him mercilessly for some reason, dangling hopes of forbidden ham before him. It's not clear why. I guess evil is its own reward? On and about the SOL, Pearl and company are still in Roman times, looking for Bobo. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 17
Re-rewatch! Monsters created by radiation lumber ashore to attack the population of old teenagers. Their savior? As always, the magic metal: SODIUM. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PRINCE OF SPACE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 16
Re-rewatch! We've come back around again to Prince of Space, constructed out of two episodes of the old Japanese TV show Planet Prince. Our only hope against the birdish-men of planet Krankor, and their dastardly Phantom, is Prince of Space! Who works as a bootblack in a Japanese city! Unlike Underdog, he doesn't need to swallow a Proton Energy Pill, but just put on his costume and exclaim "Your weapons are useless!" It's a fan favorite episode. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ROBOT WARS Season 13, Ep 2
"Crank Up the Carnage." While it looks kind of like the thing The Asylum would make now, this movie in fact was made back in 1993, and has some decent stop motion robot effects. The movie is similar in many ways to Robot Jox, from the same director, but their stories are unconnected. In the future the world has been divided into two factions, the "North Hemi" and the "Eastern Alliance." A war was fought between giant robots, but now only one is left, and it's currently being used as passenger transport and tourism. There follows a plot involving "Centros," perfidious Eastern Alliance military leaders, and of course at the end a giant robot fight. It's a real mess. In MST3K's story, Kinga and Max's damaged Kingadome has been saved by a financier from the future named Dr. Cabal, who tells them, for their venture to be a success, they must find a second host to subject bad movies to.... Premiered Friday early to Kickstarter backers, it is not currently possible to watch officially; its official premiere will be on May 7. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AGENT FOR H.A.R.M. Rewatch Season 8, Ep 15
Rewatch! A spy tries to stop the release of a dangerous flesh-eating bacterium. I don't think this was intended to be a spoof, although the title makes it seem like it must be one. This is the episode where Mike is taken to Space Court for blowing up all those planets. Notably, Patrick Brantseg takes over performing the big purple robot with this episode. It's also the first episode Mike directed! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RIDING WITH DEATH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! A guy can turn invisible and kind of is a spy, and gets involved in two episodic adventures, as a truck driver and a race pit crewman. Another guy known as "Buffalo Bill" helps both times. This movie is made from two installments of the 70s TV show Gemini Man, which only got a pilot and 11 episodes, and of those only five were aired. The second episode in the movie is among the unaired ones. If someone knows the whereabouts of Robert Denby please inform Ben Murphy's nebulously-defined government agency immediately. BTW, Ben Murphy, the lead in this movie, is still alive as of this writing at the age of 80. Congrats to him! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: JACK FROST Rewatch Season 8, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! In the colder reaches of the north live Russian Cinderella figure Nastinka, complete with cruel godmother and step-sister, and the oafish Ivanushka. They have various folklorical adventures like encountering bandits, being forced to do all the house chores, meeting Father Mushroom, getting turned into a bear and back, meeting Father Frost, outwitting Baba Yaga, being turned into ice and back, and eventually getting married. Fairy tale life is certainly eventful. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INCREDIBLY STRANGE CREATURES WHO STOPPED LIVING & BECAME MIXEDUP ZOMBIES Rewatch Season 8, Ep 12
Rewatch! Ray Dennis Steckler, a.k.a. "Cash Flagg," was one of the more infamous Z-list Hollywood directors, and he was responsible for this film, which is something. A guy gets hypno'd by a carnival fortune teller into becoming an insane killer. The fortune teller's assistant Ortega is a sight, and immediately became the Torgo of the Sci-Fi Channel era of MST3K. Lots of the movie is just time spent watching bad performances on-stage at the carnival, pointless and unabridged. This movie is one of the worst in the show's history. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA Season 13, Ep 1
a.k.a. Santo en el tesoro de Drácula, Santo and Dracula's Treasure. "A COLORES!" El Santo, the Silver Mask, is a luchador who likes to dabble both in Super Science and the supernatural. He's invented a time machine that sends a young woman back into a past life, which was turned into a vampire by Dracula, while he watches. But never mind the infernal terror, El Santo learns about the great treasure of Dracula's family, and he wants a piece! But so does the mob! There's a lot of movies in this movie. The episode is missing ending credits, and way a bit marred by technical difficulties, but it was shown last night, and was pretty good! Kinga and Max escape the storage room of Moon 13 by exploding it, causing a cave-in. So they're currently set up on Moon 1, on the lunar surface, and opening Kinga's newest venture, the Kingadome. It contains the Gizmoplex, which in the show's lore is a physical place, but it's also the website the episode can be viewed by backers of last year's Kickstarter, here. A more general release will come in May. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR Rewatch Season 8, Ep 11
Re-rewatch! The evil organization of this movie raises dumb clones of important people, like senators, to serve as sources of spare body parts. It was the kind of movie premise that seemed plausible in 1979, I guess. What happens when the senator gets voted out? Costs a lot of money to keep a clone in feed when it might not even be needed. In subplot news, Pearl and minions babysit a trio of god children. Previously, and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Rewatch Season 8, Ep 10
It's a re-rewatch of savings at Menards! A terrible person finds the egg of a space-spider, and finds out it's full of diamond-like crystals. Also, he's awful to his wife, he's one of the more loatheable characters in MST history. The spider eventually kills the guy and goes on to terrorize the town. Packers win the Super Bowl, whooo! It's a fun episode. In subplot news, it's pod people time. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 8, Ep 9
Rewatch! Not as terrible a movie as usually featured on the show, this has Michael Landon as the titular preadult dogboy. Much later, he'd return to the role, in a way, in the Highway to Heaven episode I Was a Middle-Aged Werewolf. In continuity, Pearl, Bobo and new accompanier Brain Guy are on "camping world." Previously.