"Dad, where's mom?" Dad: (refuses to tell kids she's locked in the basement and is now a vampire) This is the last Cinematic Titanic with the original premise of being locked in a bunker and being forced to watch bad movies. The remaining episodes were all recorded live before an audience.
Frankenstein's trying to set up shop again but it doesn't go too well. The Doctor is a bit hornier here than the typical Frankenstein movie; this episode has the "Breast Blimp," as a way to cover up some in-movie nudity.
a.k.a. Blood Legacy or Will to Die. John Carradine, as shown in a video will, has left a mountain of cash to his descendants, but his servants will get it if they all croak. As you can probably guess, the rest of the movie resembles the sound of a marsh at sunset. Sadly a dog is among the first to go. This is Cinematic Titanic #4; #5, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, we're holding off on until the holiday season.
Roger Corman produced and directed this movie about a woman who's given wasp jelly to make her young, but also turns her into a violent bug person. Movies are products of their times, and this one certainly is so. Third in the series of Cinematic Titanic direct-to-DVD features starring many of the original cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
China's working on a machine to destroy all life on Earth, for some reason. The military gets involved in a space mission to Venus to replace half of its crew with women. It turns out to be because when the machine activates, the probe can preserve human life on Venus. Implying that people will have to boink a lot for noble reasons is a prevailing theme of science fiction from the time. This was the second episode of Cinematic Titanic, released in 2007.
MST Club, or whatever you want to call it now, rolls on, with showings and descriptions of the 12 episodes they made of Cinematic Titanic! A short-lived riffing project with Joel, Frank, Trace, Mary Jo and J. Elvis Weinstein, in his long-awaited return to riffing! Their website has been taken over by scammers and their store no longer functions or exists, but it seems you might be able to watch some of them at certain free streaming channels, like maybe Tubi or PlutoTV? The Oozing Skull, like many Cinematic Titanic riffs, is renamed from the original title, which was Brain of Blood. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CHRISTMAS DRAGON Season 13, Ep 13
"A Magical Journey to Save Christmas." This supposed kids movie opens with a kid's parents getting killed by a dragon. Merry Christmas! But wait, this is a fantasy world, with magic and dragons, do they have their own version of Jesus? In theme it can't decide if it wants to be Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, but whatever it is it went straight to DVD. Joel, Jonah and Emily hatch a daring plan to escape from Kinga's captivity, but they'll need a little help from an unlikely source. We're at the end of Season 13, and with it we're once again at the end of our trip through all of MST3K. Please see inside. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BUBBLE Season 13, Ep 12
"A visual science fiction experience that will boggle your mind." "SPACE VISION a step beyond 3-D" This is one of those movies that makes nonsensical and arbitrary things happen, but tries to excuse it by passing them off as mysterious. Well duh, anything's a mystery if there's no possible explanation for it! A plane with three people (one of the a pregnant woman) is downed by a storm, but ends up inside a huge hollow chamber with invisible walls, in which live zombie-like people who go through the motions of their lives. Like The Mask, this was made for 3D, so there's a bunch of in-your-face effects. Unlike that film though, only the 2D version is riffed on here. Joel riffs this one! The subplot has Jonah, Emily and Joel planning their escape, through the gimmick that the Mads, for some reason, can't hear anything spoken in rhyme. I like the episode, but the movie basically just toys with its characters throughout, until the unexpectedly happy ending. Premiered November 11, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MASK Season 13, Ep 11
"THIS IS THE MASK!" (picture of 3D glasses with an angular look) "YOU WILL BE GIVEN ONE ON ENTERING THE THEATRE. YOU WILL BE TOLD WHEN TO LOOK THROUGH IT. When you do, it will make you part of the desire-fuming brain of a monstrous genius of insanity. You will live with the living dead. You will share what no living person has known before." "The greatest thrill since you first saw a picture move! LOOK THROUGH YOUR MASK... IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT... TAKE IT OFF! The management is not responsible for nervous breakdowns!" Well, huh. That text is from the poster. Evidently, the 'unknown knowledge' and 'greatest thrill' are cheap optical effects... presented in THREE-DEE!! The movie itself has to do with a guy, who is NOT Jim Carrey, driven to suicide by the things his mask shows him, and his psychiatrist, who decides to see what all this insanity is about for himself. This one is NOT a rewatch! Well it is, but I neglected to make posts for the last three episodes in Season 13, so we're going with first-time posts now! It premiered October 22, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Rewatch! In space, things happen. There's a plague and Jack Palance is evil, and at one point his holographic head is gigantic and rotating over the landscape of an alien planet, and there's a really annoying robot that can teleport wherever it wants it seems. H.G. Wells fans, well, won't actually have much to enjoy here, the movie's kind of dull and doesn't really have much to do with his writing. The movie's a mess. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU Rewatch Season 13, Ep 9
Rewatch! The only person who can save us from Su-Muru's dastardly army of (gasp) WOMEN is Frankie Avalon. From the creator of Fu-Manchu and the producer of many of the Fu movies, so caffeine is a must for this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BATWOMAN Rewatch Season 13, Ep 8
Rewatch! Not The Wild Wild World Of, this is just The Batwoman. In fact, The Mexican The Batwoman. She follows the natural career upgrade path south of the border, from luchador to superhero. Her mission is to stop a mad scientist from creating a race of fish people. Bats and fish: natural enemies. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. JIGER Rewatch Season 13, Ep 7
Rewatch! We return to the life and times of our favorite flying giant turtle monster. Gamera protects Expo '70, held in Japan that year, from a monster attack. This is the longest MST3K episode of all, since they were required by the licensor not to cut it. It's also been less than a year since the first time we saw it. It's one of a small number of the first generation of Gamera films that the original run of the show didn't cover. (Another is Vs. Viras.) Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEMON SQUAD Rewatch Season 13, Ep 6
Rewatch! Joel Robinson returns to the SOL to riff this movie about a private paranormal investigator who works the seedy demonic underworld of Mobile, Alabama. It's a bit like Constantine, and while it's very low budget it's a fun movie! Released in 2019, at the moment this is the most recent movie MST3K has done. Of particular note, a couple of months ago the makers held a Kickstarter to make a sequel and appealed to MSTies to help fund it, and they were successful! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DOCTOR MORDRID Rewatch Season 13, Ep 5
Rewatch! Emily and her bots are handed this Doctor Strange knockoff (word is it was originally written as a Strange movie), where an occult wizard guy, who also owns an apartment building in New York, fights evil by the behest of a pair of giant eyes. Not actually too bad, this is one of a genre of MST movie I like to call a very indie film, although not nearly as indie as something like Manos or Carnival Magic. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MUNCHIE Rewatch Season 13, Ep 4
Rewatch! While a sequel to the horror movie Munchies, Munchie has little to do with it, and isn't even a horror movie, but a fantasy comedy about a kid who gets a magic gremlin-like pal, voiced by Dom DeLuise, who tries to help him out but keeps messing things up. This is a notably bad movie, compounded by terrible special effects for Munchie. Good luck with this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BEYOND ATLANTIS Rewatch Season 13, Ep 3
Rewatch! Some ne'er-do-wells seek to steal a fortune in priceless pearls from a island tribe who are the last remnants of an undersea race. Things don't go well, but at least everyone is laughing in the end! A highlight of the season, the movie starring Sid Haig as archetypal scumbag East Eddie. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ROBOT WARS Rewatch Season 13, Ep 2
Rewatch! One of a dwindling number to go at this point. It's one of those sci-fi movies whose grand vision of the future is largely today but like with multinational consortiums and giant robots. There's even a major location that's just a normal town circa the movie's making, passed off as a preserved ghost town and tourist location. Warning, there's an appallingly misogynistic character who's intended by the movie to be seen as a lovable scamp. Feh, meh, pleh, bleah. Previously. [more inside]
Rewatch! When Dracula threatens to revive and threaten the world of the living, who can stand against him? That's right, El Santo, the famed luchador, and his time machine. Roughly half of the movie is an extended flashback that could almost work as a Hammer-style horror movie, but then we return to the present and a wrestling match plays a pivotal role in the plot, of course. Episode 1301 is the first episode of the Gizmoplex era. It's only been a year since the original Fanfare post on this episode. Previously. We have gotten word that there will be a Season 14, but we have no details at this point.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATOR THE FIGHTING EAGLE Rewatch Season 12, Ep 6
Rewatch! Remember Cave Dwellers? Before Cave Dwellers there was Ator: The Fighting Eagle. This movie. The only character the films have in common is Ator, played by a sizable quantity of O'Keefe. The generic fantasy setting seems to be mostly different too, similar, but modulated differently. Ator's love interest/sister gets newted in a flashback in Cave Dwellers, so don't get too wrapped up in her fate here. Other than that it's standard barbarian-type shlock, a bit more skin and pseudo-Conan lore on display than in Cave Dwellers, and it moves a little faster. It's the last episode of (beat) The Gauntlet, the end of Season 12, and the end of the Netflix era. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KILLER FISH Rewatch Season 12, Ep 5
Rewatch! The penultimate episode of "The Gauntlet," MST3K's abbreviated 12th season, and second Netflix season. It's jewel thieves vs piranhas this time. In the episode's plot (there kind of is one), Dr. Erhardt is back and seeks to scatter the ashes of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in outer space. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DAY TIME ENDED Rewatch Season 12, Ep 4
Rewatch! Some things happen, or do they? One of the most nonsensical movies in Mystery Science Theater 3000's ancient pantheon of nonsense. As oneswellfoop wrote, "It's like all the temporal paradoxes over the entire run of Doctor Who, Quantum Leap, DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Irwin Allen's Time Tunnel, the Back to the Future movies and the episode of Babylon 5 where Babylon 4 reappeared all converged on one isolated location and didn't have clue what to do next so they ordered pizza." The episode has the return of J. Elvis Weinstein as Dr. Erhardt! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LORDS OF THE DEEP Rewatch Season 12, Ep 3
Rewatch! People find a hyperintelligent lifeform in the ocean, and it's turning people into blobs! The opinions from MeFites the last time this one came up ran the gamut. Some were happy that it was a genuinely bad movie instead of a knockoff like 1201 and 2; someone mention that is a knockoff, of The Abyss; some liked it; some found it DULL. There's a fun during-movie song in this one, with a psychedelic tone.Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATLANTIC RIM Rewatch Season 12, Ep 2
Rewatch! The Asylum is an infamous studio I'm a bit conflicted about. It's true, I've seen a lot of their films, despite finding it challenging to make it through a lot of them. Many of them aren't what I'd call good. But they continue to make movie after movie, even after all this time, despite it being a difficult craft, doggedly doing what they want no matter what people tell them. I admire that. And they made Z Nation, which people generally liked. Well, this is more typical of their output: a movie based loosely upon, and named similarly to, a big-budget movie, released straight to disk. This one has pretty unlikable characters. It's the second movie of "The Gauntlet," MST3K's short 12th season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MAC AND ME Rewatch Season 12, Ep 1
Rewatch! A disturbingly malleable, bubble-gum-like alien and their family get stuck on Earth and befriend a wheelchair-riding boy in this notable box-office failure. Chris Pratt seems to like it though! Season 12 ties Season 7 for the shortest season of MST3K. This is the first episode of "The Gauntlet," a series of MST3K episodes designed to be binged, although that'd be over nine hours of riffed film, so good luch surviving that. Unlike the previous episodes, I only posted each MST3K episode from Season 12 once, so less of a retread this time! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AT THE EARTH'S CORE Rewatch Season 11, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! Once again, it's the last episode of Season 11, the first Netflix season. People go to the center of Edgar Rice Burroughs Earth and meet dinos and cavefolk. It's Growler's first episode, and the episode of Kinga's ratings-stunt marriage that never ends up happening. It ends on a kind of cliffhanger, but Jonah's okay, he's outside the SOL in a space suit. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T Rewatch Season 11, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! Santa is gonna be put out on the streets (floes?) by his landlord, a Mr. Prune, unless Mr. Whipple can save him. Don't squeeze the Charmin! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CARNIVAL MAGIC Rewatch Season 11, Ep 12
Re-resuffer! Welcome back to the "Manos" of Season 11: Carnival Magic. Alex the chimp can talk, sorta-kinda, but not about anything interesting. His owner Markov is a cut-rate magician and hypnotist that for some reason everyone seems to deeply respect or despise. Probably the worst movie of Season 11, and one of the worst ever made. But at least Mark Hamill appears in this episode in a host segment! Previously and (ugh) again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM II Rewatch Season 11, Ep 11
Re-rewatch! In contrast to the movie of the previous episode, which was quirky and had interesting characters, this movie is sometimes cited as one of the worst of Season 11. It's a meandering fantasy that reused footage from four other fantasy movies, into a plot that doesn't make much sense. Despite the title and an attempt to tie it in with the previous movie at the start, it really has nothing to do with the first Wizards of the Lost Kingdom except it also had Roger Corman as an executive producer. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM I Rewatch Season 11, Ep 10
Re-rewatch! A wizard apprentice searches for warriors to help him retake the castle from Thom Christopher (he has a habit, he's trying to quit) and his minion Apelua. Ends up finding a walking pile of shag carpeting and Dadbod the Barbarian. Features a moonshining gnome and a cyclops in a wedding dress. One of the best episodes of Season 11!
Mystery Science Theater 3000: YONGARY, MONSTER FROM THE DEEP Rewatch Season 11, Ep 9
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LOVES OF HERCULES Rewatch Season 11, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! Oh, more super-muscled hijinks with the mythological demi-man. Hercules' wife gets killed (again) and he hooks up with another woman within days (again). He just can't keep his spouse alive! It's wacky! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT Rewatch Season 11, Ep 7
Re-rewatch! A German U-boat sings a passenger vessel, but rescues survivors. The strife between the two groups is set aside when they find a land peopled by prehistoric people and dinosaurs. Previously and again
Mystery Science Theater 3000: STARCRASH Rewatch Season 11, Ep 6
Re-re-rewatch! (what, really?) Stella Star is a star rogue kind of lady, whose second-in-command and guy-pal Akton also seems to have weird space powers. Anyway, they're on the run from the Space Law, until the Emperor of the Universe wants them to track down his lost son amidst the "Haunted Stars." If this seems awfully random, trust me, it's only the beginning. By the end there's amazons with a giant lady robot with metal breasts, a Texan-speaking law robot, the evil Count Zarth Arn, and much much more. A legendary ridiculous movie, and prime fodder for Jonah and a pair of wisecracking robots. Previously, again, and one more time. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN Rewatch Season 11, Ep 5
Re-rewatch! How many movie genres would be improved by a stop-motion dinosaur suddenly attacking in the third act? Film noir? Road movie? Heist? Serious drama? Period romance? Can you guess why I'm asking this question? Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AVALANCHE Rewatch Season 11, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! A real estate developer's hubris results in the deaths of some of the guests to his new hotel. This one is seventies-tastic! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TIME TRAVELERS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! Continuing with the first streaming season, some scientists are trapped in the future because of Danny. Thanks, Danny. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CRY WILDERNESS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 2
Re-rewatch! One of the best episodes of the streaming era of the show, Cry Wilderness is an absolute classic and proved to many that MST3K was back. It's an incredibly strange film combined with brilliant riffing. Parents, please don't get your information on how to raise kids from this bizarre bigfoot movie, please. Bang! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REPTILICUS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 1
Re-rewatch! It's the beginning of the streaming era, and it's Denmark's turn to get attacked by those darn kaiju. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK Rewatch Season 10, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! An amoral thief's goal in life seems to be to have sex around as many expensive things as possible with his girlfriend, while the world tries to catch him. Previously, and again. This is the last episode of the classic run of the show.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SQUIRM Rewatch Season 10, Ep 12
Rewatch! A power line goes down, supplies continual live current to a bunch of worms, and as a result they go nuts and eat people. Fixing the power line ends the situation. Who would have thought? Also has the short A Case of Spring Fever, featuring Coily the Spring Sprite, may his dark name be praised. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND Rewatch Season 10, Ep 11
Rewatch! A plane crashes onto the titular island carrying a cargo consisting mostly of bikini girls. You can probably guess how the proceedings go from there. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: IT LIVES BY NIGHT Rewatch Season 10, Ep 10
Rewatch! A guy is bitten by a bat and begins to turn into a creature with bat aspects. Batspects. We're nearly at the end of the classic series again, just three more episodes after this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HAMLET Rewatch Season 10, Ep 9
Rewatch! Hamlet (a prince)'s dad (so, the king) is killed by a guy who wants to marry his mom, so he pretends to be crazy to gather evidence of the murder. It's a German production of the famous play, with two of the voices being Ricardo Montalban and John Banner. It's cut down a lot for time and has sparse sets. This is a challenging one. Previously.
"Beyond the earth... beyond the moon... beyond your wildest imagination!" It's the future in space, and there's a plague, and important drugs are being brought from a distant planet, and Jack Palance is trying to take over the universe, and there's a teleporting robot, and some kids in one scene. I couldn't make heads or tails of this one folks. There's a plot synopsis on Wikipedia, read that. It's another movie that tried to cash in on Star Wars' gigantic success. It's not nearly as campy as Starcrash, but that makes it very bland as a film. Even with Jack Palance as the villain, he's simply not in enough scenes to make it memorable. Other than sharing some character names and being set in the future, this movie has almost nothing to do with H.G. Wells' novel. Premiered October 7, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE Rewatch Season 10, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! Joe Don Baker plays a Texas policeman who brings his vaguely-legal brand of justice to Malta. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST Rewatch Season 10, Ep 7
Rewatch! Yet another guy named Paul turns into a monster in this movie; it's the fourth such movie in MST's history! The others are The Crawling Hand, The Projected Man and Werewolf. Note that Cry Wilderness is not included, the Paul in that movie is just friends with a monster. Anyway, the episode is not on many best-of lists, but it's generally fondly remembered. Previously.
Rewatch! Another Bigfoot search movie. Compared to Season 11's Cry Wilderness, this one makes more sense, but is also kind of disjointed. Beware the outhouse scene, which word is was much longer and more awful in the unedited cut. This is also the episode with Old Man Crenshaw. I feel bad about some things I've said about his appearance in the past, but the character is still written as a jerk, and the fact remains that his one-strap overalls, rubber-band-bound beard attire is not a flattering choice of costume. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z Rewatch Season 10, Ep 5
Rewatch! I thought this one had come up in the list of best-of episodes, but apparently not, so it's only this film's second time on MST Club. "Sargassum... WEED of DECEIT!" A deeply odd movie. Also called Zaat, the movie has a fansite that's still online. Come see a man declare his love for a fish. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FUTURE WAR Rewatch Season 10, Ep 4
Rewatch! A guy from the future travels back in time, but is chased by Robert Z'Dar. As Crow says, in the movie, it's not the future, and there's no war. There is a nun! Previously.