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Mystery Science Theater 3000: OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK  Rewatch   Season 8, Ep 22

Rewatch! In a corporate-dominated dystopia, poor Aram Fingals gets caught "scrolling up cinemas" and so he's sent for "prophylactic rehab" to a wildlife refuge where his mind is "doppled" into a baboon (thankfully not an anteater!) because that's what is considered restorative recreation in THE FUTURE. The process is overseen by Apollonia Jones and... look, there's so much pointless jargon in this movie it's using up my supply of scare quotes so I'm going to stop the description there. Just scrounge up some creds for a bag of flavo-fibes and join us and the sadly late Raul Julia for OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Oct 17, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 21

Rewatch! And of course we'll be rewatching it again when the Christmas thingy roll back around. There are now three Christmas movie episodes of MST3K; this is the one that's "classically" the worst, appearing on many lists of the worst of all time.I like the idea of it, the willingness to take an absurd premise seriously, and the energy (most of) the actors bring to it. But then there's Dropo.... Previously. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Oct 10, 2019 - 7 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: MASTER NINJA I  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 22

Rewatch! Some doof is traveling across the country, in that way that loners in 70s shows often do, accompanied both by a hamster and a master ninja that is teaching him the ninja-ey arts along the way. The ninja, inexplicably, is played by Lee Van Cleef. The "movie" is actually two episodes of the show "The Master" strung together. The episode, of MST3K, is a good example of the kind of thing that made the show so popular. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Oct 3, 2019 - 3 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: DANGER! DEATH RAY  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 20

A scientist made a death ray, insisting it's for peaceful purposes. He's been kidnapped, you say? Send in secret agent Bart Fargo Bart Fargo Bart Fargo to rescue him. Ba dup ba dup ba da dah? Ba dup ba dup ba da dah. Previously
posted by JHarris on Sep 25, 2019 - 3 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: WEREWOLF  Rewatch   Season 9, Ep 4

Time for snausages! A man gets werewolved by touching old teeth, kills some people, sleeps "nose to anus," and eventually passes his condition to his girlfriend. Remember to inform romantic partner about possible STDs. A popular episode! Contains both a host segment song and the "Tusk!" gag over the closing credits. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Sep 19, 2019 - 7 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE FINAL SACRIFICE  Rewatch   Season 9, Ep 10

Rewatch! Come along with us on a road trip to the lost city of Ziox. Don't mind that pesky cult in our way; we've got Troy the Kid and Zap the Rowsdower coming too! We can do a sing-along! We're getting to the really classic episodes now. Ilana let us know last year that the actor who played Rowsdower, Bruce K. Mitchell, passed away. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Sep 11, 2019 - 6 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: SOULTAKER  Rewatch   Season 10, Ep 1

Rewatch! What awaits us after we die? If this movie is to be believed, we end up inside little rings such as the kind Sonic the Hedgehog collects, ferried back and forth through the afterlife by glorified deliverymen in black suits, overseen by the fearsomely-chinned Robert Z'Dar. A classic Season 10 episode, both for the ridiculous movie and for cameo appearances by both TV's Frank and Joel Hodgson, last seen in 624 and 512 respectively. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Sep 5, 2019 - 9 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS  Rewatch   Season 10, Ep 3

Rewatch! Like some mirror universe version of The Princess Bride, a grandfather tells stories to his grandson, but THIS grandfather is Ernest Borgnine, and THESE stories are horrible tales of soul-draining magic and deadly cursed monkeys, and THIS kid isn't getting any sleep tonight. A highlight of the Sci-Fi Channel run, we're closing in on the most popular episodes now.... Previously.
posted by JHarris on Aug 21, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 2

Rewatch! Up in the arctic, atomic tests run by Major Curley awaken a huge, slumbering giant from the deep... if you thought, "oh it's okay, it's just a big turtle," you might be surprised by the havoc it raises. Meanwhile, a sad sad kid in Japan is obsessed with his pet turtle, so his parents take it away from him, making him even more sad. Oh, how will their stories converge. First of the Gamera series. Other than perhaps Gamera vs. Barugon, the only Gamera without kids in it, this may be the one that plays it the straightest, without goofy enemy monsters, the Gamera theme song or other ridiculous elements. It's not terrible as a monster movie, but that subplot with Kenny pushes it over the edge into ludicrousness. Previously
posted by JHarris on Aug 14, 2019 - 1 comment

Mystery Science Theater 3000: POD PEOPLE  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 3

Rewatch! Deep in the northwestern woods somewhere is a house in which lives a lonely boy with way too many pets. His newest pet, however, is from a species with serious aggression problems. Oh also there are poachers in the woods. Oh and there's some singers in town who are vacationing in those same woods. It stinks! Pod People, shown early in Season 3, is a hugely iconic episode of MST3K, and "It stinks!" quickly became one of the shows many, many catchphrases. And I think we can all agree: the pet alien from this movie would make a better president than our current one. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Aug 7, 2019 - 7 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: ALIEN FROM L.A.  Rewatch   Season 5, Ep 16

Rewatch! A young lady in California learns the oft-taught movie advice that, if she takes off her glasses and musses her hair a bit, men will be more attracted to her, and it only takes a trip to a dystopian underground civilization to learn it. This movie has a certain level of similarity to the Super Mario Bros. movie. This is a fan favorite episode, only the fourth episode P.M. (Post Mitchell), and back when it first aired it was the episode that really proved, after Joel left, that the show was going to be okay. Previously [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Jul 31, 2019 - 8 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: ANGELS REVENGE  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 22

Rewatch! Young women fight drug dealers in a tawdry production. Remember to shine your love! Previously
posted by JHarris on Jul 24, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR  Rewatch   Season 8, Ep 11

Rewatch! Considering the political reality of the USA right now, this movie's almost charming with how the villain is an evil Senator's brother, who runs a farm for stupid 70s people, clones of "important" folk, you know, like senators, to serve as living sources of spare body parts. Especially hilarious is the pseudo-Orwellian culture of the farm, which is like a sinister community college. Previously
posted by JHarris on Jul 18, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: HOBGOBLINS  Rewatch   Season 9, Ep 7

Rewatch! Plush toys with the ability to make people's fantasies a reality encounter some teenagers with severe issues, and the result is supposed to be a comedy. You knew it was coming. Any list of the best MST episodes invariably covers most of the worst movies, meaning we're back here again, at the extremely 80s, extraordinarily tawdry film (in the sense of being an oily coating) known to those unfortunate enough to have experienced it as HOBGOBLINS. To watch it is to feel like your brain is floating in a tub of slime: enjoy! Previously
posted by JHarris on Jul 11, 2019 - 5 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRLS TOWN  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 1

Rewatch! Silver is a rowdy young lady, committed to home for troubled teens Girls Town for a murder she didn't commit. The real culprit turns out to have done it in self-defense. Various people sing. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jul 4, 2019 - 2 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CREEPING TERROR  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 6

Rewatch! From the depths of OUTER SPACE comes a deadly shed containing two walking dirty carpets each festooned with vacuum cleaner attachments. Featuring the most ridiculous monsters in MST history, and that's saying something. What. A. Movie. This is the platonic ideal of a superbad z-grade monster movie. Terrible effects, horrible acting, a nonsensical script and nearly entirely dubbed dialogue. (muah) Exquisite! Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jun 27, 2019 - 6 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: RED ZONE CUBA  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 19

Rewatch! We knew it was coming. Here, again, is one of the very worst movies MST ever did, most infamous of the Coleman Francis triad. A trio of criminals get involved in various adventures, go Cuba for a while, make it back to the states, do some nefarious things and die. As John Carradine says: "GRIFFIN. He went all the way to HELL." Between Cherokee Jack, Petey Plane, the "Sick Man" bit, the Dark Spectre of Food, and others, it's a classic episode, but, not for the weak of heart or quick to sleep. At least it's got a speech-and-posture short, unlikely savior it may be. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jun 19, 2019 - 3 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: PRINCE OF SPACE  Rewatch   Season 8, Ep 16

Rewatch! We're starting to get into the weird ones. Prince of Space is a hilarious episode of our favorite cowtown puppet show, with an inexplicable hero (the invulnerable Prince of Space, who works as a Tokyo bootblack), annoying kids (PoS' child sidekicks) and easily one of the top five most ridiculous villains in MSTdom in the form of the chickenish Phantom of Krankor. HAAA... Haaa... haaa... ha. Just, for the love of decency, don't stare at the Krankorian crotches.... Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jun 13, 2019 - 9 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. BARUGON  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 4

Rewatch! Second of the Gamera kaiju films, in which a spinning, jet-propelled turtle fights monsters and destroys buildings. This one was of the age where Gamera was still mostly feared, and it's the only Gamera movie without any kids in it! The monster he fights, with freezing tongue and rainbow destruction beam, is rather random. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jun 5, 2019 - 3 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. GAOS  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 8

Rewatch! Another movie about Japan's fiery spinning menace who's also the friend to children. This is the third Gamera movie, and the third that MST has done. This is the one where Gamera makes the transition from menace to hero, to protect Japan from space vampire Gaos (or "Gyaos" depending on transliteration). Not nearly as weird as Gamera vs. Guiron, it still generally works as a monster movie, and may be the best of the Gamera films. Previously.
posted by JHarris on May 29, 2019 - 0 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. GUIRON  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 12

Rewatch! It's the first of three Gamera movies in a row, out of MST's five. This is by far the silliest of the lot. Two kids are abducted by space ladies that want to eat their brains, but are rescued by Gamera after a fight with knife monster Guiron. There's so much in this episode: the Bike Song, "Cornjob," dancing go-go, giant turtle gymnastics, and, of course: The Gamera Song. He is filled with turtle meat! Previously.
posted by JHarris on May 23, 2019 - 6 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEATNIKS  Rewatch   Season 4, Ep 15

Rewatch! No, they're not Beatniks. They're not even Boatniks. A young thug is content with a life of robbery until it turns out he can sing, but his grasping for fortune and respectability is held back by his jilted criminal buddies. It was directed and written by voice actor Paul "Boris Badenov" Frees! There's also a General Hospital soap opera short, which are unfortunately among the most boring shorts MST did, but does have their commercial for The Booze Council.
posted by JHarris on May 16, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: OPERATION DOUBLE 007  Rewatch   Season 5, Ep 8

Rewatch! Sean Connery's brother sure can do a lot. Plastic surgery, hypnosis, martial arts and so on. His brother's taken time off to go to the future to worship a huge flying head, so Secret Agent Central Casting sent him instead. He's up against an evil organization that somehow convinced a flotilla of clothes-averse young women to work for them, in capacities ranging from showgirl distraction brigade to movie screen. M and Moneypenny are involved somehow. In case you couldn't tell, this is an extremely silly movie and fully deserving being thrown against a wall and mocked by joke-making machines.Previously.
posted by JHarris on May 9, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: RIDING WITH DEATH  Rewatch   Season 8, Ep 14

Rewatch! It's another packaging of two TV show episodes (of Gemini Man) into a single "movie," such as with Master Ninja and Fugitive Alien. This one's about a Ben Murphy who can become invisible and is a spy, kind of, and a race driver. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Apr 24, 2019 - 8 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 8

I have some issues with the internet popularity poll I made that decided the "top 50" episodes of MST3K to watch. This is one of the biggest of those issues. I'm not sure how Code Name: Diamond Head (an actual Quinn Martin, made-for-TV production) got as many votes as it did. I guess some people just like it. It's got the short A Day At The Fair, at least. Anyway, enjoy this failed pilot for a kind of spy series. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Apr 17, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: SANTA CLAUS  Rewatch   Season 5, Ep 21

Rewatch! Santa sees, hears, knows all. Up at his workshop in a castle hovering above the north pole he keeps his helpers, children from every nation. There they work on toys, singing all day long. They can do naught else, lest the forces of hell gain the upper hand. Fortunately Santa has the aid of Merlin and his magical inventions. Kind of a spin-off of the (nearly defunct) Santa's Workshop chain of theme parks, and deeply, deeply insane. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Apr 10, 2019 - 8 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS  Rewatch   Season 9, Ep 13

Rewatch! It is not rare for stories and movies, from Howard to Tolkien, to use a generalized sort of "times of lore" setting for fantasy, which doesn't do too badly if you don't push it too hard. This movie pushes it too hard. What the hell is a "Mannerjay" supposed to be, anyway? This is the one where Pearl riffs in the theater for the first quarter of the movie. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Apr 3, 2019 - 6 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE  Rewatch   Season 10, Ep 8

Rewatch! Joe Don Baker is a Texas lawman who is sent to accompany a criminal being extradited to Malta. It's a fish out of water scenario, you see! Watch as our protagonist delivers illegal two-fisted American justice in a land wildly outside his jurisdiction with his belligerent catchphrase, "You think you can take me? Go 'head on." Something makes me think this movie didn't do very good business in overseas markets. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Mar 27, 2019 - 5 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE WILD WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN  Rewatch   Season 5, Ep 15

Rewatch! MST3K has had a lot of goofy movies in its time. We watched one of the silliest, The Dead Talk Back, just last week. But in a field containing Robot Holocaust, Gamera vs. Guiron, Catalina Caper, Monster A-Go-Go, The Pumaman, Quest of the Delta Knights, Hobgoblins, Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, Cry Wilderness, Carnival Magic and Mac And Me, this may still, ultimately, be the silliest. A woman in lingerie organizes a bunch of other scantily clad young women to fight crime and play at being "synthetic vampires," while her nemesis, the dastardly Rat Fink, attempt to steal an atomic hearing aid, by using his irresistible dancing drug, created by his mad scientist cohort, and his minion Heathcliff, who... look, it's just too ridiculous. You can see it for yourself when we watch it Thursday night! Previously
posted by JHarris on Mar 13, 2019 - 8 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEAD TALK BACK  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 3

Rewatch! One of the sillier movies in MST's rich history, this film was made in the 60s but unreleased until shortly before the episode aired. Krasker is a self-styled occultist with a hilariously dramatic speaking style. He lives in the basement of a boarding house with a collection of "supernatural" artifacts that are laugh-out-loud funny even without riffing. For some reason the police hang on this cut-rate Sherlock Holmes' every word, and consult with him on murder cases, a premises so ridiculous that it demonstrates just how stupid it is when investigatory seances happen in real life. But mostly the movie stalls until its sub-Scooby Doo twist ending. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Mar 7, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL  Rewatch   Season 6, Ep 14

Rewatch! What would Airplane! be if it weren't played for laughs, like, at ALL? It'd be a lot like San Francisco International, a pilot for a TV series heavily inspired by the movies that inspired Airplane!, like Zero Hour and the various Airports. So come back with us and linger in a place that most people want to pass through as quickly as possible. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Feb 27, 2019 - 5 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN II  Rewatch   Season 3, Ep 18

The crew of Earth spaceship Bacchus III deals with various problems, culminating with showdowns with Ken's old girlfriend out of a murder vendetta against him, and the kabuki leader of the Star Wolves himself. Two-fisted Japanese pseudo-Star Wars space adventures with surprisingly great music that was edited into near incomprehensibility by Sandy Frank Productions. It's the sequel to Fugitive Alien, which was slightly more lucid. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Feb 20, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: CATALINA CAPER  Rewatch   Season 2, Ep 4

Rewatch! What do you get when you cross a beach movie with a heist movie? Nothing good! It does contain a musical number by Little Richard. This movie marks the establishment of the rule that MST3K would avoid comedies, but it's still a fairly well-remembered episode from the show's classic era. With this film, we're back in Joel territory for a while! Previously
posted by JHarris on Feb 13, 2019 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK  Rewatch   Season 10, Ep 13

Rewatch! Super-thief Diabolik steals stuff in a series of wildly implausible heists, such is his hunger to have sex in, on, or in front of valuable things with his girlfriend Eva Kant (who seems to be misnamed). It's based on an Italian comic book. You know, in that country Donald Duck is a superhero. Italian comics are weird, is what I'm sayin'. Again, this was the last episode of the classic series. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Feb 6, 2019 - 10 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH  Rewatch   Season 8, Ep 17

Shocking terror! Hideous and ridiculous monsters crawl out of the sea! "It had ping-pong balls for eyes!" shrieked one overacting eyewitness! Another moaned unconvincingly, "Oh the carnage, the bad costumes, the poor cinematography!" Will no one put a stop to the atrocities committed by this director and his crew? In subplot news, Pearl and Brain Guy are in ancient Rome. Previously.
posted by JHarris on Jan 31, 2019 - 7 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATOR THE FIGHTING EAGLE  Season 12, Ep 6

aka Ator L'Invincible. Every legend has its beginning... even the very bad ones. Long ago barbarian lawyer/surgeon/hangglider enthusiast Ator, from way back in 301 THE CAVE DWELLERS, was born, hidden away from evil guys, and raised to fight the Spider Puppet God. Along the way he falls in love with his sister (WTF), makes nookie with an evil witch lady, finds a magic mirror shield, and suffers all the personal trauma that a primitive fantasy world can dish out. The conclusion to The Gauntlet sees Dr. Erhardt fulfilling Dr. Forrester's last wish, Jonah and the bots shipped to Earth to go on the "Deep Hurting" tour, and Kinga and Max falling into the trap that Jonah spent the past five episodes building. This is the end of Season 12 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and, unless more episodes are made, the series. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Jan 17, 2019 - 9 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: KILLER FISH  Season 12, Ep 5

"The adventure that drags you in, pulls you under and tears you apart!" How pleasant. Movies would have us believe there are two major natural threats to people in the water. This movie focuses on the second one. There is a plot involving stolen jewels, but there's a reason the movie's not called TREACHEROUS THIEVES. It's the next-to-last episode of The Gauntlet, and the subplot, involving a returned Dr. Erhardt's quest to have Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank's ashes scattered while playing Idiot Control Now (Joel and the Bots' song from way back in 303 POD PEOPLE), continues, as it turns out Kinga has all of Dr. F's old experiments backed up. This is about three times as much plot as MST usually has. Add in that Jonah is doing something mysterious to help get him and the Bots out of their situation.... [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Jan 10, 2019 - 11 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DAY TIME ENDED  Season 12, Ep 4

"The World Became a Living Hell... When Past, Present and Future Collided...." It certainly did. I'm not even sure what's going on here. Some supernovas happen, and then a family sensibly living in the middle of the desert have crazy encounters with aliens, there's some kind of time-space shenanigans, and by the end you're not sure if they're all in the afterlife or on a journey to an alien city. Solar power may have had something to do with it. Kicking off the second half of (Kinga hand gesture) The Gauntlet, this may be the most challenging film of the sextet. The highlight is a surprise host segment visit from an old friend who, after over 200 episodes, is no longer "missing".... [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Jan 2, 2019 - 25 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: LORDS OF THE DEEP  Season 12, Ep 3

"The ultimate underwater adventure!" Under de sea... there's scary psychic stingray monsters that control people and turn them into goo! But hey, everything's better where it is wetter, right? Not a film to show to marine biology students. It's episode three of "The Gauntlet," and a weird movie. The SOL has issues with psychic sea monsters and Kinga and Max stage a morning talk show. For fun! Episode 1203 is available on Netflix. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Dec 12, 2018 - 17 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATLANTIC RIM  Season 12, Ep 2

In a world that we are assured bears no relationship with anything created by Guillermo Del Toro, three pilots of experimental, implausibly humanoid giant robots fight against monsters from the ocean. Where do the monsters come from and why are they attacking now? Who knows! What's more important is that our heroes, Black Guy, Woman and Obnoxious Bro, fight the monsters to both the stern disapproval and enthusiastic approval of General Father Figure. At last the crew of the Satellite of Love come up against the fearsome work of The Asylum, makers of mockbusters extraordure. In subplot news, this is the second of the six movies of "The Gauntlet," Kinga's latest ratings stunt, a sequence of films shown to Jonah and the bots back-to-back. They hold up well, even though the movie is exceptionally tiresome. "Flush them the movie!" Episode 1202 is available on Netflix. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Dec 5, 2018 - 30 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: MAC AND ME  Season 12, Ep 1

A wheelchair-bound kid befriends an alien, and then careens off a cliff, goes to McDonalds, gets shot up by NASA, and witnesses the alien and his family become US citizens. MST is back baby, and off to a great start for the shortened Season 12! The premise is that, while you're free to watch the episodes whenever you want, Jonah and the 'bots are supposed subjected to these six movies back-to-back! The riffing and sketches are great in this one (yes, I started watching it within minutes of it premiering on Netflix). Episode 1201 can be seen on Netflix. First aired today, November 22, 2018. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Nov 22, 2018 - 36 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK  Season 10, Ep 13

AKA Danger: Diabolik. "Out for all he can take, seduce, or get away with." A master criminal steals all kinds of stuff in a series of capers, killing lots of people along the way. Oh, and he's our protagonist, yay! He's based on an Italian comic character, which might explain things a bit. Pearl plays around with a joystick she got at Radio Shack, but it breaks and sends the Satellite of Love into reentry, and she can't do anything about it. Mike and the 'bots are coming home! And with this, we have reached the end of our tour of Mystery Science Theater 3000; see inside for closing words and odds and ends. But MST Club isn't done yet! Episode 1013 is available on YouTube. Premiered August 8, 1999. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on May 5, 2018 - 16 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: SQUIRM  Season 10, Ep 12

"This was the night of the CRAWLING TERROR!" I have one more useful science factoid to teach you: if you run an electrical current through an earthworm, it'll become an aggressive monster and crave human flesh! But only while the current is running. This movie helpfully shows us the lethal consequences of downed power lines, which result in the depopulation of a small town. But it's a Georgia town, so, no worries. With the short A Case of Spring Fever: A film that warns us, for the sake of all mankind, to guard our tongues! Say no careless words in wishing for the absence of any petty thing that annoys you, for there may be an omnipotent spirit listening, and waiting, willing, even eager, to remove all those things from the universe just to spite you personally. To think of all the things our world has lost, all because some schmuck decided to say aloud he was annoyed with, say, immortality this week. One more film about unpleasant people in the South. Notable for containing the phrase, "You gonna be da worm face now!" The episode contains MST3K's last short, and it's one of the best. Episode 1012 is available on YouTube. Premiered August 1, 1999. One episode left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Apr 30, 2018 - 9 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND  Season 10, Ep 11

AKA Ein Toter hing im Netz or "Body in the Web." "HAIR-RAISING! SPINE-CHILLING! One bite from a giant spider turned him into THE WORLD'S MOST HIDEOUS MONSTER with a diabolical lust to KILL!" Our movie starts out with guys hiring exotic dancers to send to Singapore, their natural habitat. The contents of the plane are so sexy that it crashes into the ocean. All passengers survive somehow and wash ashore on an uncharted desert isle. The girls celebrate by taking off all their clothes, except of course for their skin-colored bodysuits because we can't have anything risque. Then: SPIDERS! Maybe the writers were having an off week, or maybe news of the show's impending cancellation had affected them, but fans don't consider this episode a favorite. We shall enjoy it all the same. In host segments, Pearl moves her castle to the suburbs for a couple of hours. Episode 1011 is available on YouTube. Premiered July 25, 1999. Two episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Apr 25, 2018 - 7 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: IT LIVES BY NIGHT  Season 10, Ep 10

a.k.a. The Bat People. "No matter how hard you pray or how loud you scream there is no escape... no escape... no escape... no escape..." A guy on a research honeymoon gets bitten by a bat and starts transforming into some kind of... bat... person as a result, sure that happens. Look out for the special surprise ending where we find out bat-person-osis is also an STD. Pearl has fun mutating the SOL crew, and Tom Servo has way too big of a mustache. An okay episode. Episode 1010 is available on YouTube. Premiered July 18, 1999. Three episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Apr 18, 2018 - 12 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: HAMLET  Season 10, Ep 9

Something's rotten in Denmark. Prince Hamlet finds out his dad the king is suddenly dead, and his uncle Claudius has just as suddenly married his mum and taken the throne. Sound suspecious? So thinks Hamlet's dad's ghost, who tells him it was murder and demands revenge. But Hamlet's indecisive, so he pretends to be cray-cray so he can gather clues without alerting Claudius. While so detecting, Hamlet kills a series of people with varying degrees of intent, and holds a skull a bit. He gets revenge, but dies too. I'm going to level with you. This episode is commonly regarded as one of the less accessible ones. It's another case where the movie drags everything down. This is a low budget, black-and-white, 1961 made-for-TV German production of Hamlet, with over half the content cut for time, dubbed into English. It's a bit entertaining that a couple of the dubbers are, it turns out, Ricardo "Khaaaan!" Montalban and John "Sgt. Schultz" Banner themselves, but it's still a dry episode. It's all downhill from here! Episode 1009 is available on YouTube. Premiered June 27, 1999. Four episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Apr 11, 2018 - 4 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE  Season 10, Ep 8

"His name is Thomas Jefferson Geronimo. His brand of justice doesn't stop at the Texas border." A Texas sheriff played by Joe Don Baker (Mitchell himself) is assigned to escort a mob boss to Italy, but the plane gets sidetracked to Malta, resulting in a series of cartoon episodes where he tries to catch him but keeps getting arrested, darn it! This is the episode where Crow and Servo destroy Goosio, beloved children's character of Malta. Episode 1008 is available on YouTube. Premiered June 20, 1999. Five episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Apr 5, 2018 - 8 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: TRACK OF THE MOON BEAST  Season 10, Ep 7

"The Riding Moon Creates a Monster" From the depths of space comes a meteor, which konks a guy in the head, causing the most logical thing to happen: sometimes he turns into a lizard and kills people. A fun episode, generally enjoyed by the three main fansites we track. The movie, which contains a character named Johnny Longbow, was actually co-written by Batman co-creator Bill Finger. Episode 1007 is available on YouTube. Premiered June 13, 1999. Six episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 29, 2018 - 10 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: BOGGY CREEK II: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES  Season 10, Ep 6

"The Legend Too Monstrous To Die...Surfaces Again" "Do they really exist..?" A know-it-all professor on the lookout for bigfeet out in Arkansaw tells stories of said creatures to his grad assistants, then finds way, way, WAY too much. One of the most uniquely horrible movies MST ever did. Not only is it pretty badly made, but the characters are unlikeable, there's an entire section devoted to outhouse shenanigans (thankfully shortened in the riffed version) and then, at the end--Old Man Crenshaw! In host segments, Pearl tries to spread the legend of a creature lurking around Castle Forrester--it's Bobo, of course, but that doesn't stop Hank Brain Guy Jr. from writing a country song about it. Episode 1006 is available for viewing on YouTube. Premiered May 9, 1999. Seven episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 21, 2018 - 12 comments

Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z  Season 10, Ep 5

a.k.a. Zaat. "Is The Monster Man...Fish...Or Devil?" "It Would Take An Atom Bomb To Wipe Out The Walking Catfish!" "WARNING! Positively no one admitted during last 15 minutes!" Sargassum! After a short, nonsensical narration of an aquarium, a scientist charts on his gigantic circular day-planner his revenge on the scientific establishment, and the world that shunned his ideas, by turning himself into a monster that he calls (but isn't) a fish, then sets about making himself a fishy mate, while very southern authorities try to stop him. We've been through some adventures, haven't we? Well here's one more, the last of what I'd call the extreme pain category of episodes. Great host segments in this one! This episode is available to watch on YouTube. Premiered June 27, 1998. Eight episodes left. [more inside]
posted by JHarris on Mar 14, 2018 - 4 comments

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