Mystery Science Theater 3000: HOBGOBLINS Rewatch Season 9, Ep 7
Rewatch! Plush toys with the ability to make people's fantasies a reality encounter some teenagers with severe issues, and the result is supposed to be a comedy. You knew it was coming. Any list of the best MST episodes invariably covers most of the worst movies, meaning we're back here again, at the extremely 80s, extraordinarily tawdry film (in the sense of being an oily coating) known to those unfortunate enough to have experienced it as HOBGOBLINS. To watch it is to feel like your brain is floating in a tub of slime: enjoy! Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRLS TOWN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 1
Rewatch! Silver is a rowdy young lady, committed to home for troubled teens Girls Town for a murder she didn't commit. The real culprit turns out to have done it in self-defense. Various people sing. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CREEPING TERROR Rewatch Season 6, Ep 6
Rewatch! From the depths of OUTER SPACE comes a deadly shed containing two walking dirty carpets each festooned with vacuum cleaner attachments. Featuring the most ridiculous monsters in MST history, and that's saying something. What. A. Movie. This is the platonic ideal of a superbad z-grade monster movie. Terrible effects, horrible acting, a nonsensical script and nearly entirely dubbed dialogue. (muah) Exquisite! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RED ZONE CUBA Rewatch Season 6, Ep 19
Rewatch! We knew it was coming. Here, again, is one of the very worst movies MST ever did, most infamous of the Coleman Francis triad. A trio of criminals get involved in various adventures, go Cuba for a while, make it back to the states, do some nefarious things and die. As John Carradine says: "GRIFFIN. He went all the way to HELL." Between Cherokee Jack, Petey Plane, the "Sick Man" bit, the Dark Spectre of Food, and others, it's a classic episode, but, not for the weak of heart or quick to sleep. At least it's got a speech-and-posture short, unlikely savior it may be. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PRINCE OF SPACE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 16
Rewatch! We're starting to get into the weird ones. Prince of Space is a hilarious episode of our favorite cowtown puppet show, with an inexplicable hero (the invulnerable Prince of Space, who works as a Tokyo bootblack), annoying kids (PoS' child sidekicks) and easily one of the top five most ridiculous villains in MSTdom in the form of the chickenish Phantom of Krankor. HAAA... Haaa... haaa... ha. Just, for the love of decency, don't stare at the Krankorian crotches.... Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. BARUGON Rewatch Season 3, Ep 4
Rewatch! Second of the Gamera kaiju films, in which a spinning, jet-propelled turtle fights monsters and destroys buildings. This one was of the age where Gamera was still mostly feared, and it's the only Gamera movie without any kids in it! The monster he fights, with freezing tongue and rainbow destruction beam, is rather random. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. GAOS Rewatch Season 3, Ep 8
Rewatch! Another movie about Japan's fiery spinning menace who's also the friend to children. This is the third Gamera movie, and the third that MST has done. This is the one where Gamera makes the transition from menace to hero, to protect Japan from space vampire Gaos (or "Gyaos" depending on transliteration). Not nearly as weird as Gamera vs. Guiron, it still generally works as a monster movie, and may be the best of the Gamera films. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. GUIRON Rewatch Season 3, Ep 12
Rewatch! It's the first of three Gamera movies in a row, out of MST's five. This is by far the silliest of the lot. Two kids are abducted by space ladies that want to eat their brains, but are rescued by Gamera after a fight with knife monster Guiron. There's so much in this episode: the Bike Song, "Cornjob," dancing go-go, giant turtle gymnastics, and, of course: The Gamera Song. He is filled with turtle meat! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEATNIKS Rewatch Season 4, Ep 15
Rewatch! No, they're not Beatniks. They're not even Boatniks. A young thug is content with a life of robbery until it turns out he can sing, but his grasping for fortune and respectability is held back by his jilted criminal buddies. It was directed and written by voice actor Paul "Boris Badenov" Frees! There's also a General Hospital soap opera short, which are unfortunately among the most boring shorts MST did, but does have their commercial for The Booze Council.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OPERATION DOUBLE 007 Rewatch Season 5, Ep 8
Rewatch! Sean Connery's brother sure can do a lot. Plastic surgery, hypnosis, martial arts and so on. His brother's taken time off to go to the future to worship a huge flying head, so Secret Agent Central Casting sent him instead. He's up against an evil organization that somehow convinced a flotilla of clothes-averse young women to work for them, in capacities ranging from showgirl distraction brigade to movie screen. M and Moneypenny are involved somehow. In case you couldn't tell, this is an extremely silly movie and fully deserving being thrown against a wall and mocked by joke-making machines.Previously.
Rewatch! The least porny of the four Deathstalker movies, here he's played with what's supposed to be a roguish glint, but comes across as intolerable smugness. The girl he's supposed to help dies very early, but fortunately she had a twin sister. There's also a sad wizard with problems (sad wizard problems) a mother and daughter who survive due to the existence of that miracle vegetable, the potato, evil sorcerer Troxartes and his evil consort, and a bunch of dead guys who've been brought back to life. The villain keeps their souls in a knickknack. Previously. One of only six movies in Season 7, and thus one of the few episodes with Dr. Forrester and his mother, Pearl Forrester.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEAD TALK BACK Rewatch Season 6, Ep 3
Rewatch! One of the sillier movies in MST's rich history, this film was made in the 60s but unreleased until shortly before the episode aired. Krasker is a self-styled occultist with a hilariously dramatic speaking style. He lives in the basement of a boarding house with a collection of "supernatural" artifacts that are laugh-out-loud funny even without riffing. For some reason the police hang on this cut-rate Sherlock Holmes' every word, and consult with him on murder cases, a premises so ridiculous that it demonstrates just how stupid it is when investigatory seances happen in real life. But mostly the movie stalls until its sub-Scooby Doo twist ending. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL Rewatch Season 6, Ep 14
Rewatch! What would Airplane! be if it weren't played for laughs, like, at ALL? It'd be a lot like San Francisco International, a pilot for a TV series heavily inspired by the movies that inspired Airplane!, like Zero Hour and the various Airports. So come back with us and linger in a place that most people want to pass through as quickly as possible. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN II Rewatch Season 3, Ep 18
The crew of Earth spaceship Bacchus III deals with various problems, culminating with showdowns with Ken's old girlfriend out of a murder vendetta against him, and the kabuki leader of the Star Wolves himself. Two-fisted Japanese pseudo-Star Wars space adventures with surprisingly great music that was edited into near incomprehensibility by Sandy Frank Productions. It's the sequel to Fugitive Alien, which was slightly more lucid. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CATALINA CAPER Rewatch Season 2, Ep 4
Rewatch! What do you get when you cross a beach movie with a heist movie? Nothing good! It does contain a musical number by Little Richard. This movie marks the establishment of the rule that MST3K would avoid comedies, but it's still a fairly well-remembered episode from the show's classic era. With this film, we're back in Joel territory for a while! Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK Rewatch Season 10, Ep 13
Rewatch! Super-thief Diabolik steals stuff in a series of wildly implausible heists, such is his hunger to have sex in, on, or in front of valuable things with his girlfriend Eva Kant (who seems to be misnamed). It's based on an Italian comic book. You know, in that country Donald Duck is a superhero. Italian comics are weird, is what I'm sayin'. Again, this was the last episode of the classic series. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 17
Shocking terror! Hideous and ridiculous monsters crawl out of the sea! "It had ping-pong balls for eyes!" shrieked one overacting eyewitness! Another moaned unconvincingly, "Oh the carnage, the bad costumes, the poor cinematography!" Will no one put a stop to the atrocities committed by this director and his crew? In subplot news, Pearl and Brain Guy are in ancient Rome. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Rewatch Season 8, Ep 10
Rewatch! A small car cosplaying as a big big spider terrorizes a town as we continue through the best classic episodes as selected by poll. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ATOR THE FIGHTING EAGLE Season 12, Ep 6
aka Ator L'Invincible. Every legend has its beginning... even the very bad ones. Long ago barbarian lawyer/surgeon/hangglider enthusiast Ator, from way back in 301 THE CAVE DWELLERS, was born, hidden away from evil guys, and raised to fight the Spider
Puppet God. Along the way he falls in love with his sister (WTF), makes nookie with an evil witch lady, finds a magic mirror shield, and suffers all the personal trauma that a primitive fantasy world can dish out. The conclusion to The Gauntlet sees Dr. Erhardt fulfilling Dr. Forrester's last wish, Jonah and the bots shipped to Earth to go on the "Deep Hurting" tour, and Kinga and Max falling into the trap that Jonah spent the past five episodes building. This is the end of Season 12 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and, unless more episodes are made, the series. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KILLER FISH Season 12, Ep 5
"The adventure that drags you in, pulls you under and tears you apart!" How pleasant. Movies would have us believe there are two major natural threats to people in the water. This movie focuses on the second one. There is a plot involving stolen jewels, but there's a reason the movie's not called TREACHEROUS THIEVES. It's the next-to-last episode of The Gauntlet, and the subplot, involving a returned Dr. Erhardt's quest to have Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank's ashes scattered while playing Idiot Control Now (Joel and the Bots' song from way back in 303 POD PEOPLE), continues, as it turns out Kinga has all of Dr. F's old experiments backed up. This is about three times as much plot as MST usually has. Add in that Jonah is doing something mysterious to help get him and the Bots out of their situation.... [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DAY TIME ENDED Season 12, Ep 4
"The World Became a Living Hell... When Past, Present and Future Collided...." It certainly did. I'm not even sure what's going on here. Some supernovas happen, and then a family sensibly living in the middle of the desert have crazy encounters with aliens, there's some kind of time-space shenanigans, and by the end you're not sure if they're all in the afterlife or on a journey to an alien city. Solar power may have had something to do with it. Kicking off the second half of (Kinga hand gesture) The Gauntlet, this may be the most challenging film of the sextet. The highlight is a surprise host segment visit from an old friend who, after over 200 episodes, is no longer "missing".... [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LORDS OF THE DEEP Season 12, Ep 3
"The ultimate underwater adventure!" Under de sea... there's scary psychic stingray monsters that control people and turn them into goo! But hey, everything's better where it is wetter, right? Not a film to show to marine biology students. It's episode three of "The Gauntlet," and a weird movie. The SOL has issues with psychic sea monsters and Kinga and Max stage a morning talk show. For fun! Episode 1203 is available on Netflix. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OUTLAW Rewatch Season 5, Ep 19
Rewatch! There's a "counter-Earth" that's on the opposite side of the sun as the normal Earth, the same gimmick from Stranded in Space, but this one's not Authoritarian Dystopia (movie premise #218) so much as Burroughsian Otherworld Barbarian-Style Sword-and-Sorcery Made Possible Through MacGuffin (premise #245). Our many-man hero Cabot (Cabot? Cabot!) travels there through magic crackerjack prize, along with his unmanly-man professorial colleague, and must thwart the machinations of a slumming Jack Palance. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: EEGAH Rewatch Season 5, Ep 6
Rewatch! A ridiculous film where an ageless giant living in the California desert, lured out by a teenage girl, finds her creepy father, her annoying boyfriend, bad rock n roll, and policeman's bullets. Eegah have bad day. We're continuing on the episodes picked out by online poll. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SKYDIVERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 9
Rewatch! And...oh hell. We're back in Coleman Francis territory. The least interesting(!) of the three films he made that MST covered, I seem to remember it's about skydiving, marital strife and murder via parachute. Honestly, I have tons of trouble staying awake through this one. I recommend coffee over alcohol. At least one of the show's best shorts, Why Study Industrial Arts?, is also in this episode. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. ZIGRA Rewatch Season 3, Ep 16
Rewatch! The last of the MST Gamera movies, in which an alien bowl of Trix invades the Earth and hypnotizes folk, but fortunately they can be revived just by getting in their face and shouting "Aaaa!" at them. Another of the films tied for 50th place in our poll. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN Rewatch Season 4, Ep 10
This rewatch is dedicated to Uranus! Hercules (actually Maciste) tries to save the land from space owls. Source of the infamous "DEEP HURTING" and "Saaaandstorm" bits. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST Rewatch Season 3, Ep 19
Rewatch! With short Mr. B Natural. This is a case where the short overwhelms the feature. How can the Mexican stereotype-laden continuation of Glenn Manning's tale of tragic bigness possibly compete with 20 minutes of a shrill psychotic ballerina-elf hawking band equipment to unsuspecting schoolkids? Anyway, this is continuing with our tour of the decided-by-poll favorite episodes of classic MST. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TORMENTED Rewatch Season 4, Ep 14
Our decided-by-poll most-popular showings continue with a rewatch of 414 TORMENTED, part of a big tie for 50th place. God, this supernatural horror story of a lover getting revenge from beyond the grave is depressing. Some good host segments in it though.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE Rewatch Season 4, Ep 4
Rewatch! "When we get back to our home planet the high council may well sentence you to TOR-CHAA!" Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE STARFIGHTERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 12
Former Republican Congressman Bob Dornan stars in this reprehensible promotional piece for both a terrible aircraft and the US Air Force. This is the episode that gave us the "poopy suit," the "song about stock footage," and the United Servo Academy Men's Chorus. This is the beginning of MST Club's encore run of the top 50+, determined by poll, of MST3K episodes. For more information, please click through. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AT THE EARTH'S CORE Rewatch Season 11, Ep 14
Rewatch! Guys go underground and meet dinosaurs. Kinga almost marries Jonah for ratings. At the moment, this is the last episode of the show, but Season 12 has been announced! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T Rewatch Season 11, Ep 13
Rewatch! A cranky old land developer buys the north pole to throw Santa out, but then learns the true meaning of Christmas. It's the next-to-last episode of the season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CARNIVAL MAGIC Rewatch Season 11, Ep 12
Rewatch! Possibly the worst movie of Season 11, and divisive. We're talking near-Manos territory here. A (sort of) talking chimpanzee engages in shenanigans, and people are surprisingly blase about it. Alcohol is suggested. At least Mark Hamill is in a host segment! Singing a song! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM II Rewatch Season 11, Ep 11
Rewatch! Another awful fantasy movie, one that has nothing to do with part one. In Moon 13, Kinga decides to marry Jonah for ratings. Pearl and company also drop by. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM I Rewatch Season 11, Ep 10
Rewatch! Come to see a bunch of cut-rate LARPers roaming the enchanted countryside, stay for Apeula. Because: Apeula. Also, we got the start of the subplot that takes us to the end of the season, Kinga forcing Jonah to marry her for ratings gold, to the dismay of Max.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: YONGARY, MONSTER FROM THE DEEP Rewatch Season 11, Ep 9
Rewatch! Another giant lizard terrorizes an Asian city, although this time it's Seoul, not Tokyo. Along the way we meet a perfectly obnoxious little boy. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LOVES OF HERCULES Rewatch Season 11, Ep 8
Rewatch! We embark on the second half of Season 11 with everyone's favorite ancient Greek lump of flesh as he romances some ladies. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT Rewatch Season 11, Ep 7
Rewatch! "'The Land That Slipped Time's Mind,' or 'The McClure That the Simpsons Forgot,' or 'T-Rex Meets U-Boat but Y?'" What first seems to be a wartime drama about Allied prisoners on a U-Boat trying to take it over changes when they discover a dinosaur-filled lost world. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: STARCRASH Rewatch Season 11, Ep 6
Rewatch! "'The Giving Away the Ending Hall of Fame' or 'Former Evangelist Marjoe Prays for a Better Movie!'" One of the few movies in MST history where the film's badness may, itself, be more entertaining than the riffs. Starcrash is a ludicrous mess, but still lots of fun, with its skimpy space bikini, texas-talking robot, giant mecha-amazon, Marjoe Gortner as a Jedi with the serial numbers filed off, David Hasselhoff as David Hasselhoff, and a seriously slumming Christopher Plummer. I could go on! [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN Rewatch Season 11, Ep 5
Rewatch! "Tyrannosaurus Tex-Mex," or "Mexican Dinosaurs Aren't Just for Tacos!" So much of this movie is just a standard Western, UNTIL.... [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AVALANCHE Rewatch Season 11, Ep 4
Rewatch! "'Ski Faster!' or 'Half a Lanche Is Better Than None,' or 'Rock Hudson Slide!' or 'Not the Last Resort But Close.'" Rock Hudson ignores safety warnings when building his resort, and tragedy ensues. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TIME TRAVELERS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 3
Rewatch! Some scientists find themselves stuck in a future time where the last civilized humans are trying to escape a barren Earth. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CRY WILDERNESS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 2
Rewatch! In the year since it was first shown, Cry Wilderness has shaped up to be one of the best episodes of MST3K's eleventh season. It's an exceedingly ludicrous movie with a magic Bigfoot, one of those noble Native American spirit people, and a jerkass US Marshall who thinks nothing about breaking into someone's home and eating their food. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REPTILICUS Rewatch Season 11, Ep 1
Rewatch! Starting in on Season 11, Reptilicus, and the show's new premise and cast. It's been a year since Season 11 debuted, how does it hold up? Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DIABOLIK Season 10, Ep 13
AKA Danger: Diabolik. "Out for all he can take, seduce, or get away with." A master criminal steals all kinds of stuff in a series of capers, killing lots of people along the way. Oh, and he's our protagonist, yay! He's based on an Italian comic character, which might explain things a bit. Pearl plays around with a joystick she got at Radio Shack, but it breaks and sends the Satellite of Love into reentry, and she can't do anything about it. Mike and the 'bots are coming home! And with this, we have reached the end of our tour of Mystery Science Theater 3000; see inside for closing words and odds and ends. But MST Club isn't done yet! Episode 1013 is available on YouTube. Premiered August 8, 1999. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SQUIRM Season 10, Ep 12
"This was the night of the CRAWLING TERROR!" I have one more useful science factoid to teach you: if you run an electrical current through an earthworm, it'll become an aggressive monster and crave human flesh! But only while the current is running. This movie helpfully shows us the lethal consequences of downed power lines, which result in the depopulation of a small town. But it's a Georgia town, so, no worries. With the short A Case of Spring Fever: A film that warns us, for the sake of all mankind, to guard our tongues! Say no careless words in wishing for the absence of any petty thing that annoys you, for there may be an omnipotent spirit listening, and waiting, willing, even eager, to remove all those things from the universe just to spite you personally. To think of all the things our world has lost, all because some schmuck decided to say aloud he was annoyed with, say, immortality this week. One more film about unpleasant people in the South. Notable for containing the phrase, "You gonna be da worm face now!" The episode contains MST3K's last short, and it's one of the best. Episode 1012 is available on YouTube. Premiered August 1, 1999. One episode left. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND Season 10, Ep 11
AKA Ein Toter hing im Netz or "Body in the Web." "HAIR-RAISING! SPINE-CHILLING! One bite from a giant spider turned him into THE WORLD'S MOST HIDEOUS MONSTER with a diabolical lust to KILL!" Our movie starts out with guys hiring exotic dancers to send to Singapore, their natural habitat. The contents of the plane are so sexy that it crashes into the ocean. All passengers survive somehow and wash ashore on an uncharted desert isle. The girls celebrate by taking off all their clothes, except of course for their skin-colored bodysuits because we can't have anything risque. Then: SPIDERS! Maybe the writers were having an off week, or maybe news of the show's impending cancellation had affected them, but fans don't consider this episode a favorite. We shall enjoy it all the same. In host segments, Pearl moves her castle to the suburbs for a couple of hours. Episode 1011 is available on YouTube. Premiered July 25, 1999. Two episodes left. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: IT LIVES BY NIGHT Season 10, Ep 10
a.k.a. The Bat People. "No matter how hard you pray or how loud you scream there is no escape... no escape... no escape... no escape..." A guy on a research honeymoon gets bitten by a bat and starts transforming into some kind of... bat... person as a result, sure that happens. Look out for the special surprise ending where we find out bat-person-osis is also an STD. Pearl has fun mutating the SOL crew, and Tom Servo has way too big of a mustache. An okay episode. Episode 1010 is available on YouTube. Premiered July 18, 1999. Three episodes left. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HAMLET Season 10, Ep 9
Something's rotten in Denmark. Prince Hamlet finds out his dad the king is suddenly dead, and his uncle Claudius has just as suddenly married his mum and taken the throne. Sound suspecious? So thinks Hamlet's dad's ghost, who tells him it was murder and demands revenge. But Hamlet's indecisive, so he pretends to be cray-cray so he can gather clues without alerting Claudius. While so detecting, Hamlet kills a series of people with varying degrees of intent, and holds a skull a bit. He gets revenge, but dies too. I'm going to level with you. This episode is commonly regarded as one of the less accessible ones. It's another case where the movie drags everything down. This is a low budget, black-and-white, 1961 made-for-TV German production of Hamlet, with over half the content cut for time, dubbed into English. It's a bit entertaining that a couple of the dubbers are, it turns out, Ricardo "Khaaaan!" Montalban and John "Sgt. Schultz" Banner themselves, but it's still a dry episode. It's all downhill from here! Episode 1009 is available on YouTube. Premiered June 27, 1999. Four episodes left. [more inside]