Mystery Science Theater 3000: TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000 Rewatch Season 8, Ep 7
Rewatch! Scientists invent a time machine. Lady comes from the future, where apparently most people are sterile, in order to take fertile men back with her. If there's anything these movies have taught me, it's that the future causes impotency. But she kills a nurse in order to take her place, because the future causes psychopathy too. In the show's "plot," we're still in Observer world. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 5
Rewatch! Oh this one's rich. Buried in a box somewhere in the old west is an Evil Head. A psychically sensitive young woman finds it and immediately becomes its mind-controlled minion, and about 50% sluttier because we all know Evil Heads yearn to possess young women so that they can get it on by proxy. Eventually it manipulates the other people on the dude ranch (they have about 100 head of dude) to uncover the rest of its body and reunite the two, which seal together making it whole sure why not. Sadly, it then is knocked over and re-croaks, this time permanently, about 20 seconds later. So much for the power of evil. In the words of Paul Chaplin: "Alternate title: The Thing That Died." In the subplot, it's Observer Time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY MANTIS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 4
Rewatch! A big frozen bug from prehistory is thawed out and begins eating people. They swat it with a jet plane. This is the last episode with Deep Ape, and begins the "chase" subplot that lasts most of the rest of the season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MOLE PEOPLE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 3
Rewatch! Albinos oppress humanoid creatures beneath the surface of the Earth, and the situation is remedied by white guys from the surface. Warning: contains The Load. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LEECH WOMAN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 2
Rewatch! A married couple h-a-t-e each other, but the guy's hate diminishes when he discovers he can make his wife young again with special magic neck juice supplied by an African lady. They go to Africa to get more and, well, things deteriorate. Concerning the show's "story arc," the SOL is still in orbit above Deep Ape. There's only four Deep Ape episodes and this is the second one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 1
Rewatch! The creature from the Black Lagoon is put in a marine park for people to gawk at, until he escapes and causes immense danger. Great job, guys! And hey, it's Clint Eastwood's first movie! As for the show, it's been a few months and a different channel in real time, and 500 years in narrative time. The SOL is now orbiting a planet of apes, although Pearl is also there, and she's continuing the experiment for some reason. Also, Crow's different. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PUMAMAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 3
#1 from our internet poll of most beloved Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes! A nebbishy white guy in London turns out to be the secret heir to a fantastic Incan/alien legacy of power. Yes, he, somehow, is THE PUMAMAN, as detected, by the much-more-appropriate Vadinho, by dint of throwing him out of a tall building and him surviving. The Pumaman's powers are needed because of the evil plot of the malevolent Dr. Kobras, played by Donald Pleasence, who, always a professional, does his best with a bad role. Let's all sing the theme song! "When, you want, the flavor of ba-con in a dip...." Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SPACE MUTINY Rewatch Season 8, Ep 20
Rewatch! Commander Santa and aerobics witches! Slab Bulkhead and Back-From-The-Dead Susie! Apple II computer effects and stolen Battlestar Galactica footage! Calgon, take them away! Widely consider one of the best episodes, this South African production is hilariously strange. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TIME CHASERS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 21
Rewatch! Nick is a high-school teacher with a secret--and no, that secret doesn't involve cooking meth. He's the inventor of a time machine! And its workings are an 8-bit microcomputer, who's have thought! It's really a shame that he turned to EvilCo for his first round of funding. I'm kind of surprised this episode placed so highly on the poll, I mean it's pretty good, but better than Manos? Soultaker? SCCTM? Hobgoblins? Time of the Apes? Master Ninja? A couple dozen other episodes? I mean, it tied with Starcrash! I guess it's one of those episodes that's grown in the years since first airing. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK Rewatch Season 8, Ep 22
Rewatch! In a corporate-dominated dystopia, poor Aram Fingals gets caught "scrolling up cinemas" and so he's sent for "prophylactic rehab" to a wildlife refuge where his mind is "doppled" into a baboon (thankfully not an anteater!) because that's what is considered restorative recreation in THE FUTURE. The process is overseen by Apollonia Jones and... look, there's so much pointless jargon in this movie it's using up my supply of scare quotes so I'm going to stop the description there. Just scrounge up some creds for a bag of flavo-fibes and join us and the sadly late Raul Julia for OVERDRAWN AT THE MEMORY BANK. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 9, Ep 4
Time for snausages! A man gets werewolved by touching old teeth, kills some people, sleeps "nose to anus," and eventually passes his condition to his girlfriend. Remember to inform romantic partner about possible STDs. A popular episode! Contains both a host segment song and the "Tusk!" gag over the closing credits. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE FINAL SACRIFICE Rewatch Season 9, Ep 10
Rewatch! Come along with us on a road trip to the lost city of Ziox. Don't mind that pesky cult in our way; we've got Troy the Kid and Zap the Rowsdower coming too! We can do a sing-along! We're getting to the really classic episodes now. Ilana let us know last year that the actor who played Rowsdower, Bruce K. Mitchell, passed away. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SOULTAKER Rewatch Season 10, Ep 1
Rewatch! What awaits us after we die? If this movie is to be believed, we end up inside little rings such as the kind Sonic the Hedgehog collects, ferried back and forth through the afterlife by glorified deliverymen in black suits, overseen by the fearsomely-chinned Robert Z'Dar. A classic Season 10 episode, both for the ridiculous movie and for cameo appearances by both TV's Frank and Joel Hodgson, last seen in 624 and 512 respectively. Previously.
Rewatch! Like some mirror universe version of The Princess Bride, a grandfather tells stories to his grandson, but THIS grandfather is Ernest Borgnine, and THESE stories are horrible tales of soul-draining magic and deadly cursed monkeys, and THIS kid isn't getting any sleep tonight. A highlight of the Sci-Fi Channel run, we're closing in on the most popular episodes now.... Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE Rewatch Season 10, Ep 8
Rewatch! Joe Don Baker is a Texas lawman who is sent to accompany a criminal being extradited to Malta. It's a fish out of water scenario, you see! Watch as our protagonist delivers illegal two-fisted American justice in a land wildly outside his jurisdiction with his belligerent catchphrase, "You think you can take me? Go 'head on." Something makes me think this movie didn't do very good business in overseas markets. Previously.