Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN Rewatch Season 11, Ep 5
Re-rewatch! How many movie genres would be improved by a stop-motion dinosaur suddenly attacking in the third act? Film noir? Road movie? Heist? Serious drama? Period romance? Can you guess why I'm asking this question? Previously and again.
A New Yorker down on his luck sells his possessions and hops a train west. Arriving on a ranch, he attempts to work as a cowhand and befriends a lonely cow named Brown Eyes. When the rancher must deliver a herd of cattle to the Los Angeles stockyards, and takes Brown Eyes along with the rest, shenanigans ensue. [more inside]
[TRAILER] A black-clad gunfighter (Alejandro Jodorowsky) embarks on a symbolic quest in an Old West version of Sodom and Gomorrah. [more inside]
[TRAILER] Civil War soldier John Dunbar (Kevin Costner) develops a relationship with a band of Lakota Indians. Attracted by the simplicity of their lifestyle, he chooses to leave his former life behind to be with them. Having observed him, they give the name Dances With Wolves. Soon he is a welcomed member of the tribe and falls in love with a white woman who has been raised in the tribe. Tragedy results when Union soldiers arrive with designs on the land. [more inside]
The English: The English Season 1, Ep 0
Trailer. The Guardian says: The elevator pitch is: (Emily) Blunt’s Cornelia Locke, an English lady newly landed in America and looking for revenge, teams up with Chaske Spencer’s Eli Whipp, a just-retired cavalry scout and member of the Pawnee Nation who just wants to ride up north and claim a few acres of homestead. Obviously, it’s not going to be as easy as that, and, obviously, they’re going to fall in love along the way. But The English is so, so much better than any quick explanation of it is ever going to be. [more inside]
A gunfighting stranger (Clint Eastwood) comes to the small settlement of Lago. After gunning down three gunmen who tried to kill him, the townsfolk decide to hire the Stranger to hold off three outlaws who are on their way. [more inside]
In 1889, adventurous lawyer and newspaper editor Yancey Cravat (Richard Dix) convinces his genteel wife, Sabra (Irene Dunne), to join him in the rush to populate Osage, Oklahoma. After they begin to settle into the community, Yancey leaves to go further west. Alone, Sabra inherits his editorial duties and struggles to bring civilization to the rough frontier town. Over a tumultuous 40 years, the couple are repeatedly separated and reunited as Oklahoma makes its long journey to statehood. [more inside]
In the Southwest during the Civil War, a mysterious stranger, Joe (Clint Eastwood), and a Mexican outlaw, Tuco (Eli Wallach), form an uneasy partnership -- Joe turns in the bandit for the reward money, then rescues him just as he is being hanged. When Joe's shot at the noose goes awry during one escapade, a furious Tuco tries to have him murdered. The men re-team abruptly, however, to beat out a sadistic criminal (Lee Van Cleef) and the Union army and find $20,000 that a soldier has buried in the desert. [more inside]
A young Scottish man travels across America in pursuit of the woman he loves, attracting the attention of an outlaw who is willing to serve as a guide. [more inside]
William Munny (Clint Eastwood) is a retired, once-ruthless killer turned gentle widower and hog farmer. To help support his two motherless children, he accepts one last bounty-hunter mission to find the men who brutalized a prostitute (Anna Thomson). Joined by his former partner (Morgan Freeman) and a cocky greenhorn (Jaimz Woolvett), he takes on corrupt sheriff Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman). [more inside]
In a small Wyoming town, the ranchers, led by the Ryker brothers, try to intimidate homesteaders to force them out of the valley, but the homesteaders are held together by the determination of Joe Starrett (Van Heflin), who wants to build a life on the land for his family. Into this tension rides Shane (Alan Ladd), an enigmatic stranger who is befriended by the Starretts. The laconic Shane hopes for a quiet life, joining the community of homesteaders. As the tension increases, Shane begins to fear that the only hope for his new friends is for him to return to violent ways he meant to leave behind. [more inside]
Ethan Edwards (John Wayne) returns home to Texas after the Civil War. When members of his brother's family are killed or abducted by Comanches, he vows to track down his surviving relatives and bring them home. Eventually, Edwards gets word that his niece Debbie (Natalie Wood) is alive, and, along with her adopted brother, Martin Pawley (Jeffrey Hunter), he embarks on a dangerous mission to find her, journeying deep into Comanche territory. [more inside]
A female gunfighter returns to a frontier town where a dueling tournament is being held, which she enters in an effort to avenge her father's death. [more inside]
A plains-woman faces the harshness and isolation of the untamed land in the Western frontier of the late 1800s. [more inside]
A preacher is accused of adultery and he and his followers are chased out of town and become stranded in an isolated forest which is haunted by the spirits of long dead Native Americans. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 5
Rewatch! Oh this one's rich. Buried in a box somewhere in the old west is an Evil Head. A psychically sensitive young woman finds it and immediately becomes its mind-controlled minion, and about 50% sluttier because we all know Evil Heads yearn to possess young women so that they can get it on by proxy. Eventually it manipulates the other people on the dude ranch (they have about 100 head of dude) to uncover the rest of its body and reunite the two, which seal together making it whole sure why not. Sadly, it then is knocked over and re-croaks, this time permanently, about 20 seconds later. So much for the power of evil. In the words of Paul Chaplin: "Alternate title: The Thing That Died." In the subplot, it's Observer Time. Previously.
A farmer and his son takes in an injured gunfighter, and tends to his wounds. A posse claiming to be lawmen come looking for him, and the farmer has to choose who to believe. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LAST OF THE WILD HORSES Rewatch Season 6, Ep 11
Rewatch! A cowboy is framed for murder, although judging by most westerns, everyone is killing everyone else constantly, so why would anyone ever have to be framed for it? This was MST3K's final Robert Lippert-produced movie, and last Albert Glasser-scored one. This is also the episode where mirror-universe Dr. F and Frank riff the film for the first segment. Previously.
Seven gunmen from a variety of backgrounds are brought together by a vengeful young widow to protect her town from the private army of a destructive industrialist. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GUNSLINGER Rewatch Season 5, Ep 11
Rewatch! While the name of Roger Corman is often derided on the show, it seems most of the time he produced rather than directed. Well, he directs this one. It's not a bad story I think, about a women whose husband is gunned down, so she becomes sheriff. Um, is that how it works? Alas, she falls in love with a gun hired to kill her. This is Joel's penultimate episode as host, meaning next week: it's Mitchell time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PAINTED HILLS Rewatch Season 5, Ep 10
Rewatch! Go get your snausages, it's time to watch MST3K's one and only Lassie movie! Although in this one her name is "Shep," and she's more of a menacing presence than the friendly, loyal and English-understanding collie of TV. Her prospector owner is killed by someone trying to steal his claim, and she wants nothing of it. Ask not for whom the dog growls.... Also has Body Care and Grooming, a short, the last short Joel riffed during his tenure as host. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MOON ZERO TWO Rewatch Season 1, Ep 11
Rewatch! On Thursday [4/16]: It's class warfare on the moon! A working-day moon savager is hired by rich-guy "Hundred Percent" Hubbard to help them crash a meteor made of gemstone on the moon. Problem is, the plot on which they crash is already claimed by a miner, Wild West style. Nefarious schemes are afoot up there in no-atmosphere zero-G. An okay movie made ridiculous by things like scantily-clad moon dancers and a board game called (groan) "Moonopoly." It's still Season One, but the riffing has improved a lot by this point. Three more episodes until Season Two! Previously.
In the spring of 1885, seventeen-year-old Jessilyn Harney finds herself orphaned and alone on her family's homestead. Desperate to fend off starvation and predatory neighbors, she cuts off her hair, binds her chest, saddles her beloved mare, and sets off across the mountains to find her outlaw brother Noah and bring him home. A talented sharpshooter herself, Jess's quest lands her in the employ of the territory's violent, capricious Governor, whose militia is also hunting Noah--dead or alive. Wrestling with her brother's outlaw identity, and haunted by questions about her own, Jess must outmaneuver those who underestimate her, ultimately rising to become a hero in her own right. Told in Jess's wholly original and unforgettable voice, Whiskey When We're Dry is a stunning achievement, an epic as expansive as America itself--and a reckoning with the myths that are entwined with our history.
The Texas Rangers chase down a gang of outlaws led by Butch Cavendish, but the gang ambushes the Rangers, seemingly killing them all. One survivor is found, however, by an American Indian named Tonto, who nurses him back to health. The Ranger, donning a mask and riding a white stallion named Silver, teams up with Tonto to bring the unscrupulous gang and others of that ilk to justice.
Perpetual Grace, LTD: A Sheriff in the Era of the Cartel Season 1, Ep 10
Fun facts: there are specific physicalities of a liar, 11 indications, and any one of them is a strong tell that a person is not being honest. And In baseball, you don't have to pitch right away. You can take your time. You can take your time between pitches. In baseball. As much as you like. Sometimes it's tough to get into the rhythm of the world. And find a way to rhyme with it. Also, sometimes you just need a proper name to get back in the rhythm. And/or a noble goal. [Season finale]
Perpetual Grace, LTD: The Elements of an Epiphany Season 1, Ep 9
This week, we hear more of the continued adventures of Luke Steel, who totally outsmarted the Crazy Fucking Old Guy. And got out of that crazy shit. Luke learned his lesson, assisted by the crazy old fuck with lessons of love. Lovely lessons of bird style love. And the fear left Luke Steel ripped and really jacked up physique. Also, there's a race against time and the Department of Health, a town covered in old news, and New Leaf chooses a new name.
A spaceship arrives in Arizona, 1873, to take over the Earth, starting with the Wild West region. A posse of cowboys and natives are all that stand in their way.
Perpetual Grace, LTD: Fiveever Season 1, Ep 8
Pa and Ma face off new obstacles, as James faces his own set of hurdles in Half Acre, namely a ranger, an undertaker, and an orphaned son. Also, more on the magical art of Hunkering Down, and The Little Cabin That is Totally Not Scary But Rather is Oh So Filled with Fun and Safety And You Can Stay Here for Three Whole Days and be So Safe and Very Merry.
Perpetual Grace, LTD: Bull Face Season 1, Ep 7
New Leaf shares life lessons from time spent in the barrel. Scotty Sholes looks forward to new-found freedom. There are long hugs, serious discussions, and a peculiar concentration of activity involving, somehow, Mexico.
Yellowstone: Season One Season 1, Ep 0
The Dutton family, led by John Dutton (Kevin Costner), controls the largest contiguous ranch in the modern day United States. This huge piece of land puts them constantly at odds with those it borders: land developers, an Indian reservation, and the nearby national park. From writer/producer Taylor Sheridan (Sicario, Hell or High Water.) [more inside]
Perpetual Grace, LTD: When Doves Cry Season 1, Ep 6
The episode where Ben Kingsley sings "When Doves Cry," and Ma (Jacki Weaver) tells Scotty Sholes (Hana Mae Lee) some (mis)information about mourning doves. Also, there's a switch-back Mexico double-cross, but it's not time for the yogurt phase yet.
Perpetual Grace, LTD: Wandering Left Season 1, Ep 5
On Father's Day in Mexico, Pa has a classroom monologue ("A little bit about me, personally I own a helicopter, and, yeah, I'm a black belt in karate with red stripes for some secret shit I know"), and James guides Glenn out of the desert ("Left isn't west. Sometimes it is, I mean, but sometimes it isn't. Life taught me that.") We get some backstory from Sheriff Hector Contreras ("I'm gonna call you 'Speedy,' not for Speedy Gonzales 'cause that's not cool").
Warrior: If You're Going to Bow, Bow Low Season 1, Ep 10
Ah Sahm rethinks his place in San Francisco; Big Bill waits for Lee; Zing and the Fung Hai debate positions with Mai Ling; Dylan Leary brings some friends to negotiate with Bryon Mercer, while Penny has a look at his books. [Season Finale] [more inside]
Warrior: Chinese Boxing Season 1, Ep 9
Chinatown gathers to witness a "prize fight" between elite warriors from the Hop Wei and Long Zii. Buckley and Mercer discuss wages, while Bill and Lee question Wang Chao about the recent series of sword killings in San Francisco. "Sometime white people kill white people, no?" [more inside]
Warrior: They Don't Pay Us Enough to Think Season 1, Ep 8
The Hop Wei and Long Zii consider a novel way to end hostilities. Ah Toy and her real-estate business partner, Leonard Patterson, find a new obstacle to their latest land purchase. After promising jobs to Leary's Irish workers, Mercer toasts Crestwood at a fundraiser, while Penny struggles to hold her tongue. Mai Ling warns her brother against waging a battle he may not win. [more inside]
Warrior: The Tiger and the Fox Season 1, Ep 7
Ah Sahm faces a dilemma when Father Jun sends Bolo to hunt down Long Zii and Mai Ling. Ah Toy takes on a business partner for a large deal. Penny is faced with an unsavory choice in order to save her home. Lee's past catches up with him.
A cavalry officer posted on the Rio Grande must deal with murderous raiding Apaches, his son who's a risk-taking recruit and his wife from whom he has been separated for many years. [more inside]
Warrior: Chewed Up, Spit Out, and Stepped On Season 1, Ep 6
An assassination attempt leads to escalating tensions between the Hop Wei and Long Zii tongs.
Warrior: The Blood and the Sh*t Season 1, Ep 5
Transporting precious cargo via stagecoach through the Sierra Nevada, Ah Sahm and Young Jun are forced to spend the night with three strangers at a frontier saloon in the middle of nowhere. The detour turns perilous when a notorious outlaw, Harlan French, shows up with his henchmen, looking for a lucrative payday. [more inside]
Warrior: The White Mountain Season 1, Ep 4
Big Bill finds himself compromised by his gambling excesses, but discovers a possible solution after an opium-den raid. Penny reveals the circumstances that prompted her to marry Mayor Blake, who's determined to show voters he won't tolerate San Francisco's "Yellow Peril." [more inside]
Warrior: John Chinaman Season 1, Ep 3
Accused of assault and perhaps worse, Ah Sahm gets a cold shoulder from the Hop Wei, with his fate in the hands of an unexpected ally. Buckley talks to Mai Ling about straining the relationship between the Long Zii and Hop Wei, while Leary pressures gentleman industrialist Byron Mercer, Penny's father, to hire his men for the cable-car track job.
Warrior: There's No China in the Bible Season 1, Ep 2
Intercepting a shipment of opium at the docks, Young Jun, with Ah Sahm and his Hop Wei lieutenant Bolo in tow, decides to send a message to Long Zii. Big Bill and Lee investigate a grisly murder scene in an alley next to an Irish bar, The Banshee. Penny Blake, the young wife of San Francisco's mayor, finds herself in a bind while visiting the wharf with her Chinese manservant, Jacob. Ah Sahm pays a steep price for playing the hero. The Long Zii clean up a mess, and brace for more bloodshed.
Hermann Kermit Warm is going to die. The enigmatic and powerful man known only as the Commodore has ordered it, and his henchmen, Eli and Charlie Sisters, will make sure of it. Though Eli doesn’t share his brother’s appetite for whiskey and killing, he’s never known anything else. But their prey isn't an easy mark, and on the road from Oregon City to Warm's gold-mining claim outside Sacramento, Eli begins to question what he does for a living - and whom he does it for. [more inside]
Warrior: The Itchy Onion Season 1, Ep 1
Based on an unproduced* pitch by the late Bruce Lee, Warrior is a martial arts/Western/historical fiction series set during the Tong Wars in San Francisco in the late 1800s. Ah Sahm, a martial arts prodigy from China ends up becoming a hatchet man for the most powerful tong in Chinatown. Produced by Shannon Lee (Lee's daughter), Justin Lin (the Fast and the Furious series, Star Trek Beyond), and Jonathan Trooper (Banshee). [more inside]
Set during the Dutch occupation of Indonesia, two brothers, who were raised in exile, return home to seek revenge and justice for the murder of their father.
Legendary marshal Wyatt Earp, now a weary gunfighter, joins his brothers Morgan and Virgil to pursue their collective fortune in the thriving mining town of Tombstone. But Earp is forced to don a badge again and get help from his notorious pal Doc Holliday when a gang of renegade brigands and rustlers begins terrorizing the town.
A stubborn teenager enlists the help of a tough U.S. Marshal to track down her father's murderer. [more inside]
A town Marshal, despite the disagreements of his newlywed bride and the townspeople around him, must face a gang of deadly killers alone at high noon when the gang leader, an outlaw he sent up years ago, arrives on the noon train. [more inside]
Westworld: The Passenger Season 2, Ep 10
Everyone converges at the Valley Beyond.
Wyoming, early 1900s. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid are the leaders of a band of outlaws. After a train robbery goes wrong they find themselves on the run with a posse hard on their heels. Their solution - escape to Bolivia. [more inside]
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