Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z Rewatch Season 10, Ep 5
Rewatch! I thought this one had come up in the list of best-of episodes, but apparently not, so it's only this film's second time on MST Club. "Sargassum... WEED of DECEIT!" A deeply odd movie. Also called Zaat, the movie has a fansite that's still online. Come see a man declare his love for a fish. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FUTURE WAR Rewatch Season 10, Ep 4
Rewatch! A guy from the future travels back in time, but is chased by Robert Z'Dar. As Crow says, in the movie, it's not the future, and there's no war. There is a nun! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU Season 13, Ep 9
"She Rules a Palace of Pleasure ...for WOMEN! the most DIABOLICAL... BIZARRE... SADISTIC WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED!" Evil lady woman Su-Muru girlingly tries to take over the world with her nefarious army of maiden damsels. The character was created by Sax Rohmer and the movie produced by Harry Alan Towers, both of whom also responsible for Fu Manchu, so you probably should load up on coffee before attempting this one. If you're casting a Sax Rohmer movie about one of his standard megalomaniac characters, would you pick Frankie Avalon? These people did. Premiered September 2, 2022, on the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Re-rewatch! A kid is bored, so his grandfather tells him tales of wonder to entertain him. But the grandpa is Ernest Borgnine, and he tells the kid about Merlin setting up shop in a strip mall and sourcing dangerous magic items to the suburbian public. Starting to see why King Arthur had problems. This is another classic episode from the last season of the classic series. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS Rewatch Season 10, Ep 2
Re-rewatch! A sleazy slimy movie. Follow Michele along her starry-eyed journey working as a humble waitress at a desert diner called EAT to working as a go-go dancer in a club called The Haunted House. A surprisingly fun episode, but the movie is real icky. Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BATWOMAN Season 13, Ep 8
Originally "La mujer murcielago." A rich socialite lady decides to spend her spare time in a bat mask and cape, wearing a bikini, and fighting crime. She tracks down a mad scientist who is using pineal fluid from wrestlers to make fish people. Oh, she's a wrestler too. All of this takes place in Mexico. Other than being a blatant ripoff of them, has nothing to do with DC Comics characters. It's a fun episode, with a crazy movie and good host segments! Premiered August 19, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SOULTAKER Rewatch Season 10, Ep 1
Re-rewatch! Dumb teens are killed automotively and their souls spend the rest of the movie running from Joe Estevez, last seen in Werewolf. We begin the last season of Era 2 of the show with a fun episode with visits from TV's Frank and Joel! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS Rewatch Season 9, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! In the mystic land of Europe, in a time of swords and sorcery but not sorcery, in a kind of pseudo-medieval time that's also the Renaissance, everyone had a funny name, and roughly 20% of the people were David Warner, who is about the only good thing about this intensely goofy movie. (We miss you David.) Everyone get out your foam boffers, it's time to larp. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SCREAMING SKULL Rewatch Season 9, Ep 12
Rewatch! A guy gaslights his new wife into believing the spirit of his previous wife is haunting her, as part of a scheme to drive her crazy and take her money. Oh joy. There's a great short though, the Gumby cartoon Robot Rumpus! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL FISH Rewatch Season 9, Ep 11
Rewatch! Someone gave the military the money to breed killer deadly mutant fish, and they do! Funny that. A bunch of people eventually kill it, but not before many of their own number are themselves killed. This is one of those movies that suffers from the necessity of editing out scenes of gore and violence, as it removes several important deaths from the film. This is also the movie where, as one male cast member is climbing down a ladder above the camera, a certain globular piece of male anatomy slips out from his shorts, to the horror of our hosts. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE FINAL SACRIFICE Rewatch Season 9, Ep 10
Re-rewatch! Another fan favorite, unlikely hero Zap Rowsdower and dorky teen Troy on on a road trip to upset the diabolical machinations of... uh, a diabolic machinator. He has a name but honestly it's hard to remember much beyond Rowsdower. He had his own song on YouTube which I had linked to in past posts, but apparently the rights owner to the movie is No Fun and had it taken down. Boo, Tjardus Greidanus! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GAMERA VS. JIGER Season 13, Ep 7
aka "Gamera tai Daimaju Jaiga," "Gamera vs. Monster X," "Monsters Invade Expo '70." Everyone's favorite humongous turtle and Friend to Children protects Expo 70, being held in Japan, from a monster attack. Did you ever want to know what Gamera looked like from the inside? Stay tuned. It's not a rewatch this time! Jonah and his bots go up against one of the few Showa-era Gamera movies not done back during the Comedy Central era. And furthermore, I hear they were required to show this one uncut, so get ready for the longest episode of MST3K to date, clocking in at over two hours! Premiered July 22, 2022, in the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GORGO Rewatch Season 9, Ep 9
Rewatch! It's Godzilla in the UK! A couple of guys capture a giant sea lizard and show it at a carnival, not realizing it's just a baby, and its mum is pissed. Leonard Maltin shows up in host segments. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TOUCH OF SATAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 8
Rewatch! A bit of a sleeper, it's the story of a young drifter who falls in love with a lady he meets by a lake who tells him, "this is where the fish lives." Being kind of dim, he immediately falls in love with her, and, surprise!, she's a Satan follower. Not in the sense of being a cultist, she just sort of "is" one. The fish does not appear to enter into it. She's over a hundred but looks young; her murderous sister is over a hundred and looks older. There's a couple of people they stay with who I think also have the mangoat on their contact lists, although in an even more vague way than the knower of fish residence. An odd movie. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HOBGOBLINS Rewatch Season 9, Ep 7
Re-rewatch! "It's the 80s; do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!" "Meet the Hobgoblins: Frankie, Sniffles, Bounce-Bounce, and The Claw!" "Paint my muscle car prune color, please!" "Wow this is a really well planned-out make-out spot. They must get public funding." "I would not want Pig Liquor." "Watch out, you little doodad!" Really, what can you do with those hobgoblins? Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SPACE CHILDREN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 6
Rewatch! A benevolent blob from outer space gives Earth kids unearthly powers in order to prevent war. It contains Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan! Has the short Century 21 Calling, which is set at the Chicago World's Fair and tries to get us excited about the future of landline phones. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY BEES Rewatch Season 9, Ep 5
Rewatch! Bees are on the rampage in the UK, and a singer in the country for a rest cure tries to figure out why they're killing people, while the British bureaucracy churns away trying to send someone to investigate. An odd movie with a very weird moment right at the end. In subplot news, the other Observers show up and try to get Brain Guy to go off with them to observe things. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 9, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! The desert is home to many mysteries. Like people turning into dog people by the light of the silvery moon, the many mispronunciations of "Werewolf," Joe Estevez, and what's up with that guy in the house with the beard. A time-traveler from the old Klondike? (turns down lights, shines flashlight under my face) Whoooo can saaaay? This episode's a fan favorite, with song "Where oh Werewolf?" and the "Tusk!" bit over the closing credits. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PUMAMAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! A fan favorite (it was first in our informal poll of the best MST3K episodes), The Pumaman is the story of a guy who gets thrown out of a window by an Aztec priest and survives, and so he has to stop Donald Pleasence from taking over the world. He has practically no feline characteristics, but that's okay, because his powers don't seem very pumoid anyway. He can fly, sort of? It's certainly not Superman-level flying. It's more dangling-from-a-baby's-mobile kind of flying. It's nearly a perfect movie for riffing. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PHANTOM PLANET Rewatch Season 9, Ep 2
Rewatch! An astronaut ends up on a distant asteroid and is shrunk down to the size of its inhabitants, joins their society, but then it's all destroyed. So uplifting! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PROJECTED MAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 1
Rewatch! A scientist invents a teleporter and tests it on himself. He doesn't turn into a fly or get stuck halfway out a wall, which I understand are the usual fates for those who tamper in physical law, but instead becomes a mutated monster with a deadly touch. He could have just gotten up to get the remote control like a normal person, but oh well! Lembach is staying! Pearl & henchpeople & the SOL end up in present day Earth, above an ominously familiar castle. Oh no, Lembach is going! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TIME CHASERS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 21
Re-rewatch! A guy invents a time machine using a small airplane and an 8-bit computer, but sells the tech to EvilCo. Good job! It's quaint that the movie believes a person working on his own without vast resources could invent something that a huge corporate behemoth couldn't. The roman times subplot is over on the SOL, this and the next episode are just sort of "in space" before we reach Castle Forrester in Season 9. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SPACE MUTINY Rewatch Season 8, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Slab Bulkhead! Fridge Largemeat! Punt Speedchunk! Butch Deadlift! Bold Bigflank! Splint Chesthair! Flint Ironstag! Bolt Vanderhuge! Thick McRunfast! Blast Hardcheese! Previously and again. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 19
Rewatch! Preposterous robots from space attack the Earth, and only Space Chief and some kids can save us. Uses stock footage of aerial bombardment of Japan to represent the attack. Prince of Space was the light-side of Japanese filmmaking in Season 8. This one is the dark side. It's a difficult film to make it through. I think it should be noted that some people think Mike and the bots' commentary on Japan crosses the line of acceptability in this one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DEVIL DOLL Rewatch Season 8, Ep 18
Rewatch! Dr. Vorelli is a real piece of work. He's a sinister hypnotist who performs on stage in front of audiences, but seems to hate it. He hates puppets but has one in his act. But it turns out the puppet is actually a person who's mind he's put into a ventriloquist dummy somehow. He taunts him mercilessly for some reason, dangling hopes of forbidden ham before him. It's not clear why. I guess evil is its own reward? On and about the SOL, Pearl and company are still in Roman times, looking for Bobo. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 17
Re-rewatch! Monsters created by radiation lumber ashore to attack the population of old teenagers. Their savior? As always, the magic metal: SODIUM. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PRINCE OF SPACE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 16
Re-rewatch! We've come back around again to Prince of Space, constructed out of two episodes of the old Japanese TV show Planet Prince. Our only hope against the birdish-men of planet Krankor, and their dastardly Phantom, is Prince of Space! Who works as a bootblack in a Japanese city! Unlike Underdog, he doesn't need to swallow a Proton Energy Pill, but just put on his costume and exclaim "Your weapons are useless!" It's a fan favorite episode. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: AGENT FOR H.A.R.M. Rewatch Season 8, Ep 15
Rewatch! A spy tries to stop the release of a dangerous flesh-eating bacterium. I don't think this was intended to be a spoof, although the title makes it seem like it must be one. This is the episode where Mike is taken to Space Court for blowing up all those planets. Notably, Patrick Brantseg takes over performing the big purple robot with this episode. It's also the first episode Mike directed! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RIDING WITH DEATH Rewatch Season 8, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! A guy can turn invisible and kind of is a spy, and gets involved in two episodic adventures, as a truck driver and a race pit crewman. Another guy known as "Buffalo Bill" helps both times. This movie is made from two installments of the 70s TV show Gemini Man, which only got a pilot and 11 episodes, and of those only five were aired. The second episode in the movie is among the unaired ones. If someone knows the whereabouts of Robert Denby please inform Ben Murphy's nebulously-defined government agency immediately. BTW, Ben Murphy, the lead in this movie, is still alive as of this writing at the age of 80. Congrats to him! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: JACK FROST Rewatch Season 8, Ep 13
Re-rewatch! In the colder reaches of the north live Russian Cinderella figure Nastinka, complete with cruel godmother and step-sister, and the oafish Ivanushka. They have various folklorical adventures like encountering bandits, being forced to do all the house chores, meeting Father Mushroom, getting turned into a bear and back, meeting Father Frost, outwitting Baba Yaga, being turned into ice and back, and eventually getting married. Fairy tale life is certainly eventful. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR Rewatch Season 8, Ep 11
Re-rewatch! The evil organization of this movie raises dumb clones of important people, like senators, to serve as sources of spare body parts. It was the kind of movie premise that seemed plausible in 1979, I guess. What happens when the senator gets voted out? Costs a lot of money to keep a clone in feed when it might not even be needed. In subplot news, Pearl and minions babysit a trio of god children. Previously, and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION Rewatch Season 8, Ep 10
It's a re-rewatch of savings at Menards! A terrible person finds the egg of a space-spider, and finds out it's full of diamond-like crystals. Also, he's awful to his wife, he's one of the more loatheable characters in MST history. The spider eventually kills the guy and goes on to terrorize the town. Packers win the Super Bowl, whooo! It's a fun episode. In subplot news, it's pod people time. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF Rewatch Season 8, Ep 9
Rewatch! Not as terrible a movie as usually featured on the show, this has Michael Landon as the titular preadult dogboy. Much later, he'd return to the role, in a way, in the Highway to Heaven episode I Was a Middle-Aged Werewolf. In continuity, Pearl, Bobo and new accompanier Brain Guy are on "camping world." Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SHE-CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 8
Rewatch! Because in the 50s even our creatures had to be obviously gendered. A lady is hypnotized and, as all hypnotized people do, summons a lobster woman. It's the last episode on Observer World before Mike destroys it. Oops! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE UNDEAD Rewatch Season 8, Ep 6
Rewatch! We've seen a lot of silly depictions of hypnosis, but in this one a couple of people use it to go back in time. A lady is regressed to a past life where she was falsely accused of witchcraft. The hypnotist goes back too (he had a past life that knew her?) to try to change events. Getting mixed up in things is a real witch, a gravedigger with a whimsical (if gross) lyrical sense, and Satan himself. In the "story arc," we're on Observer world still. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000 Rewatch Season 8, Ep 7
Rewatch! Scientists invent a time machine. Lady comes from the future, where apparently most people are sterile, in order to take fertile men back with her. If there's anything these movies have taught me, it's that the future causes impotency. But she kills a nurse in order to take her place, because the future causes psychopathy too. In the show's "plot," we're still in Observer world. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 5
Rewatch! Oh this one's rich. Buried in a box somewhere in the old west is an Evil Head. A psychically sensitive young woman finds it and immediately becomes its mind-controlled minion, and about 50% sluttier because we all know Evil Heads yearn to possess young women so that they can get it on by proxy. Eventually it manipulates the other people on the dude ranch (they have about 100 head of dude) to uncover the rest of its body and reunite the two, which seal together making it whole sure why not. Sadly, it then is knocked over and re-croaks, this time permanently, about 20 seconds later. So much for the power of evil. In the words of Paul Chaplin: "Alternate title: The Thing That Died." In the subplot, it's Observer Time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY MANTIS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 4
Rewatch! A big frozen bug from prehistory is thawed out and begins eating people. They swat it with a jet plane. This is the last episode with Deep Ape, and begins the "chase" subplot that lasts most of the rest of the season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LEECH WOMAN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 2
Rewatch! A married couple h-a-t-e each other, but the guy's hate diminishes when he discovers he can make his wife young again with special magic neck juice supplied by an African lady. They go to Africa to get more and, well, things deteriorate. Concerning the show's "story arc," the SOL is still in orbit above Deep Ape. There's only four Deep Ape episodes and this is the second one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 1
Rewatch! The creature from the Black Lagoon is put in a marine park for people to gawk at, until he escapes and causes immense danger. Great job, guys! And hey, it's Clint Eastwood's first movie! As for the show, it's been a few months and a different channel in real time, and 500 years in narrative time. The SOL is now orbiting a planet of apes, although Pearl is also there, and she's continuing the experiment for some reason. Also, Crow's different. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LASERBLAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! A kid living out in the desert gets a ray gun that also turns him green, and he takes out his frustrations in an orgy of laser violence against innocent Star Wars signs, until goofy lizard aliens stop him. It's the last episode of the Comedy Central era of the show. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ESCAPE 2000 Rewatch Season 7, Ep 5
Rewatch! An evil construction company is ruthless in its dealings with people hanging onto their residences. Is actually the sequel to the movie 1990: The Bronx Warriors. There was a time when the premises of movies like this seemed a lot more laughable than they do now. Do we really know Amazon wouldn't resort to measures like this if they really wanted a new warehouse? Anyway, this is the next-to-last Comedy Central episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Next week is Turkey Day! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 4
Rewatch! One of MST3K's Double Adjective Man movies, the others being The Amazing Colossal Man, Teenage Cave Man and Amazing Transparent Man. (There's also Indestructable Man, The Brute Man, The Projected Man and, of course, The Pumaman.) An astronaut returns to Earth and is affected by something that makes him kill people, kind of like a slightly more competent Monster A-Go-Go. In the host segments, Crow shepherds his movie Earth Vs. Soup to completion and through focus groups, a sequence inspired in no small part by Best Brains' experiences in getting MST3K The Movie made. Previously.
Re-rewatch! In a fantasy realm there is this guy called Deathstalker, and he's kind of a hero? Previous movies make him seem a lot more unclothed and morally questionable, whereas here he's just a smug jerk with a sword. Anyway, here he enlists the aid of undead warriors against the villainous sorcerer "Troxartus" or something. Great riffing in this one. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRUTE MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 2
Rewatch! Rondo Hatton is The Creeper, a deformed killer who wants to do something good, and so steals money to help a blind girl, but ends up killing people anyway. Hatton had acromegaly from chemical warfare suffered in World War I, which he managed to use to establish a career in Hollywood as "The Creeper" in a series of movies, but also killed him shortly after The Brute Man was made. Tragedy surrounds us. But there's also a short promising all the wonder and joy and relief from suffering that the future surely has in store for us: The Chicken of Tomorrow! Oh? Oh. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 1
Rewatch! A dead astronaut comes back down to Earth, not-dead but infested by aliens who plan to use his body as a spearhead to invade Earth. Is it just me or is that a weird plan? Also with a short, Once Upon A Honeymoon, which naturally has to do with telephones. We re-enter the series after The Movie, without Frank and now with new regular Pearl Forrester. It's the beginning of Season 7, only six episodes long and the last hurrah of the show on Comedy Central. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAMSON VS THE VAMPIRE WOMEN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 24
Rewatch! One of the most improbable movie crime fighters of all time is Samson, a.k.a. El Santo the luchador, who here tangles with the undead and the forces of evil. It's "TV's" Frank Conniff's last episode until his guest appearance in Season 10, the last episode of Season 6, and the last episode before Pearl Forrester becomes a regular Mad. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 23
Rewatch! A mad MAD I SAY scientist makes a criminal invisible, great idea, and said crook wants to use his new amazing transparentness for crookly purposes. With short The Days Of Our Years, in which the pastor of a church laments that machines keep inflicting grevious harm on his parishioners. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ANGELS REVENGE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 22
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to the seventies, where a bunch of women in sheer garments could single-handedly take on militias and drug dealers and the only casualty they suffer would be their teenage girl member, and who would just be knocked out, not die or anything. A large amount of low-level star power in this one, including the likes of Jim Backus, Alan Hale Jr. and Pat Buttram. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 21
Rewatch! Flag on the moon. How'd it get there? It's the last of the three Coleman Francis movies, every one of them a vision into the dark heart of humankind, but this one also has Tor Johnson! Francis himself doesn't act in it, but he does narrate the entire movie. Come for the musings on technology ("Push a button. Things happen. A man becomes a monster."), stay to feed soda pop to the hungry pigs. Good freaking luck. A lot of your enjoyment of this episode comes from your investment in the MST3K premise. If you sit in front of the screen with your arms folded and say, "I'm here TV. Entertain me!", you will DIE. But if you want to see just how bad a movie can be, and a person trapped in space make fun of it with his automated mocking machines, this is some fine viewin'.Previously.