Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU Season 13, Ep 9
"She Rules a Palace of Pleasure ...for WOMEN! the most DIABOLICAL... BIZARRE... SADISTIC WOMAN WHO EVER LIVED!" Evil lady woman Su-Muru girlingly tries to take over the world with her nefarious army of maiden damsels. The character was created by Sax Rohmer and the movie produced by Harry Alan Towers, both of whom also responsible for Fu Manchu, so you probably should load up on coffee before attempting this one. If you're casting a Sax Rohmer movie about one of his standard megalomaniac characters, would you pick Frankie Avalon? These people did. Premiered September 2, 2022, on the Gizmoplex. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PROJECTED MAN Rewatch Season 9, Ep 1
Rewatch! A scientist invents a teleporter and tests it on himself. He doesn't turn into a fly or get stuck halfway out a wall, which I understand are the usual fates for those who tamper in physical law, but instead becomes a mutated monster with a deadly touch. He could have just gotten up to get the remote control like a normal person, but oh well! Lembach is staying! Pearl & henchpeople & the SOL end up in present day Earth, above an ominously familiar castle. Oh no, Lembach is going! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRUTE MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 2
Rewatch! Rondo Hatton is The Creeper, a deformed killer who wants to do something good, and so steals money to help a blind girl, but ends up killing people anyway. Hatton had acromegaly from chemical warfare suffered in World War I, which he managed to use to establish a career in Hollywood as "The Creeper" in a series of movies, but also killed him shortly after The Brute Man was made. Tragedy surrounds us. But there's also a short promising all the wonder and joy and relief from suffering that the future surely has in store for us: The Chicken of Tomorrow! Oh? Oh. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RED ZONE CUBA Rewatch Season 6, Ep 19
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to Cuba, for the middle section of the movie that takes place there! Our protagonists are criminal at best, murderous at worst. Written, directed and starring Coleman Francis, whose vision of bleak despair and dark ennui practically sloughs off the screen. With great riffing, but a terrible movie, this is one of those episodes that really puts the show's premise, watching a bad movie but having what fun you can with it, to the ever loving test. There is a short beforehand, Platform Posture and Appearance. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT Rewatch Season 6, Ep 18
Rewatch! A smart high school student makes terrible decisions, decides to help crooks steal "a million bucks!" out of a safe, and causes the death of several people. Roger Corman executive produces. This episode also has the short titled Out Of This World, which obviously given the name is about a bread delivery man being tempted to slack off at his job. His work ethic is the subject of a bet between an angel and a devil, as written of in the book of Sara Lee. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KITTEN WITH A WHIP Rewatch Season 6, Ep 15
Rewatch! A straight-laced political candidate gets mixed up with a troubled young lady, who threatens to make him look bad if he doesn't acquiesce to her whims. Oh, won't anyone think of the problems of the rich and powerful? Kevin Murphy dresses as a cat in a host segment, so there is that. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL Rewatch Season 6, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! (wait, really?) A fairly bog-standard pilot for a TV show from 1970, about the people and events at a major airport. This one did make it to series, but with an almost entirely different cast. File this under Seventies-tastic. This is the third time MST Club has done this one, since it somehow made it into the best-of poll we did a few years back. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE STARFIGHTERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 12
Re-rewatch! Soar along at Mach 2 in one of the most notoriously dangerous aircraft ever made! Basically a promotional piece for the US Air Force and the F-104 Starfighter jet, we follow the brain-killing career of a bright young pilot tragically burdened with the fate of being played by Bob Dornan, as he fights his Congressman father's rather reasonable wishes that he be transferred to a job where he doesn't put his life on the line frequently through the act of just flying an airplane. Come for the copious in-flight refueling, stay for the poopie suit party! A difficult movie, but great to watch subjected to the attentions of a spaceborne guy and his automated mocking devices. Previously and again. Also, this movie has an entire post on the blue about it.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LAST OF THE WILD HORSES Rewatch Season 6, Ep 11
Rewatch! A cowboy is framed for murder, although judging by most westerns, everyone is killing everyone else constantly, so why would anyone ever have to be framed for it? This was MST3K's final Robert Lippert-produced movie, and last Albert Glasser-scored one. This is also the episode where mirror-universe Dr. F and Frank riff the film for the first segment. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SKYDIVERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 9
Re-rewatch! Coleman Francis wrote and directed three movies and MST3K did them all. It's telling that he made three films that he poured his sweat and soul into--and that all three are barely watchable, and among the worst of all movies. Bring lots of coffee! Also has the short Why Study Industrial Arts, so also bring along lots of fresh sawdust. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD Rewatch Season 6, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! This episode is more popular than I suspected, partly on the strength, perhaps, of its short, A Day at the Fair. The movie itself is a spy-themed made-for-TV thing, made by Quinn Martin, originally intended as an NBC series pilot. The plot has to do with a couple of people trying to protect a deadly gas that can kill people on contact, which is indeed pretty deadly. It sounds impossible to work with. The host segments spotlight MST3K's least-considered regular character: Magic Voice. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOODLUST! Rewatch Season 6, Ep 7
Rewatch! In which we find out, for a hunter, the most thrilling prey of all is Mike Brady (Robert Reed). Also has the short Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm! Also, the first episode with Pearl Forrester, long before the became an official Mad! And the fiddle player in the square dance scene, off-screen, is reputed to be Maria Bamford! There, I think that's all the interesting points. Riff away. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE REBEL SET Rewatch Season 4, Ep 19
Rewatch! At our accelerated pace we're careening through the history of the show, and already we're nearing the end of Joel's last full (pre-revival) season. This is the one where the Chief from Get Smart (Edward Platt) tries to rob a train. There is a short, Johnny at the Fair, where a kid explores a World's Fair and meets Joe Louis and "the Hellzapoppin' boys," and is narrated by Lorne Greene, apparently! Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEATNIKS Rewatch Season 4, Ep 15
Re-rewatch! Written and directed by Paul Frees (the voice of Boris Badenov), these characters are not really beatniks, they're more young criminals. But one of them can sing, and that gives him the worth to be lifted up out of his life of crime. There's a General Hospital clip before the movie too. A somewhat popular episode, but not many people's favorite? Previously, and again
Mystery Science Theater 3000: WILD REBELS Rewatch Season 2, Ep 7
Rewatch! On Sunday: They were reckless violent killers before it was cool, and they did it for the kicks! Three biker thugs and a lady, calling themselves "Satan's Angels," see what they did there, decide to rob the prestigious Bank of Citrusville, and the only one who can stop them is a former stock car racer who they perhaps unwisely approached to drive the getaway vehicle. One of those movies where no one is likable. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RING OF TERROR Rewatch Season 2, Ep 6
Rewatch! On Thursday: Puma? Puma! An unflappable med student so irks his prospective fraternity brothers that they arrange for an initiation where he must get the ring off the hand of a corpse. John Carradine thinks back on the event and laaaaughs. Most of the episode is just lead up, making for a pretty boring experience. Fortunately we have three wisecracking intermediaries to help make the film watchable. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MITCHELL Rewatch Season 5, Ep 12
Rewatch! Joe Don Baker IS Mitchell, a cop that doesn't play by the rules. For example, the rules about drinking on the job. The rules about sleeping with prostitutes. The rules about interacting with other human beings, especially kids. Certainly the rules about nutrition and hygiene. There is a story here about a drug dealer and his henchman who Mitchell seems like is almost trying to annoy into turning themselves in. In the end the lasting impression caused by this movie can be summed up in two words: BABY OIL. You'll know why when it appears on screen. (shudder) In the show's history this episode is especially notable for being Joel Hodgson's last as host. Previously [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: FINAL JUSTICE Rewatch Season 10, Ep 8
Rewatch! Joe Don Baker is a Texas lawman who is sent to accompany a criminal being extradited to Malta. It's a fish out of water scenario, you see! Watch as our protagonist delivers illegal two-fisted American justice in a land wildly outside his jurisdiction with his belligerent catchphrase, "You think you can take me? Go 'head on." Something makes me think this movie didn't do very good business in overseas markets. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL Rewatch Season 6, Ep 14
Rewatch! What would Airplane! be if it weren't played for laughs, like, at ALL? It'd be a lot like San Francisco International, a pilot for a TV series heavily inspired by the movies that inspired Airplane!, like Zero Hour and the various Airports. So come back with us and linger in a place that most people want to pass through as quickly as possible. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE TOUCH OF SATAN Season 9, Ep 8
"'The Touch of Satan' makes 'Rosemary's Baby' look like a Sunday school picnic!" - LA Free Press A guy falls in love with a weird gal who enchants him by telling him, of a lake, "This is where the fish lives!" Unfortuately, it turns out she's an actual enchantress, that is to say a witch, in turn to say Of The Devil, aka Gorgo and Mormo, and her gramma's both her sister and a murderer, or, as one character terms them, "fromakidal maniacs." Yet another movie not to expect a happy ending from. This is the episode where "Deadly" Beez McKeever babysits Observer (who she calls "Brian") and Bobo (who she thinks is a dog), in some particularly beloved host segments. YouTube (1h32m) Premiered July 11, 1998. 18 episodes left. Zaa! [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CRY WILDERNESS Season 11, Ep 2
"Sometimes we find friends in the most unlikely places." A kid in a boarding school improbably knows Bigfoot, who appears to him in a magic vision and says his dad's in danger. So he runs home, finds his Dad, a Native American, every wild animal in North America, and a US Marshall with poor regard for the law. The guys are after an escaped circus tiger, but really the Marshall wants to kill Bigfoot, but fortunately a magic Native American and FOB (Friend Of Bigfoot) is around with an eye-gouging eagle. The kid is not traumatized by witnessing this. HAPPY END! I think this one's an early classic of the new season! The movie is just so ridiculous, it doesn't really have a plot, things just sort of happen, and everyone in it does at least one thing that is wildly irresponsible. And hey, a later host segment features a visit from Pearl, Bobo and Brain Guy, who are again tooling around the universe in the Widowmaker, going to space casinos. Pearl's attitude towards family is pretty much the same as it was around Dr. F, too, because some things never change. Episode 1102 is on Netflix. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT Season 6, Ep 18
"The Kid Who Showed the Big Time How!" A supposedly-intelligent high school student makes a series of progressively worse decisions that lead ultimately to the deaths or critical wounding of every major character. With short Out of This World: An angel and a devil each try to convince a bread deliveryman to join the light or dark sides, respectively, of bread delivery, leaving unexamined the incredible theological implications. Fan opinion of this Roger Corman movie varies widely, but I like it. The short is pretty good, one of those ridiculous industrials where supernatural entites take great interest in some poor dope's work-a-day life. This episode is not available on YouTube due to a copyright claim. Apparently the entity "BentPixels" is protective of their rights over either this secondary school film noir or the celestial battle for bread delivery to resort to legal solutions. The episode premiered December 10, 1994. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KITTEN WITH A WHIP Season 6, Ep 15
"She's all out for kicks... and every inch of her spells EXCITEMENT!" A fairly stupid, but not unkind, Senate candidate gets accidentally mixed up with a girl and her thug friends. Most viewers seem to agree this is not a terrific episode, but some humor may be wrung out of the political angle. The movie itself may be one of the better ones to get sent to the S.O.L.: it's rated Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! It's based on a novel by the same name. YouTube (Official, with annotations!) (1h32m) Premiered November 23, 1994 (Turkey Day). [more inside]